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New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
smh1
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by smh1 » 19 Sep 2019 17:24

You sound a very caring and loving grandmother. Others are right in speaking of the safeguarding issue, but before going down the social service road is it possible for your son to move out for a while and look after the child himself? I know you said he had a demanding job but maybe some compassionate leave to enable his partner to see that she will drive him away and lose her child.

She can only seek help and receive it when she is ready, but your grandchild cannot wait for that. Do you live near enough to help him with the childcare? This might just be the wake up call she needs. Your son must be strong and make a decision for them all, only if he refuses to, and colludes with her drinking (even the most loving and sensible family members can do this - whether consciously or unconsciously), would I personally involve social services. If the child was then kept in an unsafe environment then you would have to act on her behalf. Heart goes out to you, your compassion is very commendable. Sue <:)>
Keep on keeping on. It might be your last chance. :)

Muchtoomuch
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Muchtoomuch » 22 Sep 2019 02:16

Hi, I'm new here, I've been drinking too much for many years. I've read some of the posts and think this is a really good forum. Looking forward to getting and giving support.

Thanks for listening.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 22 Sep 2019 09:12

Muchtoomuch wrote:
22 Sep 2019 02:16
Hi, I'm new here, I've been drinking too much for many years. I've read some of the posts and think this is a really good forum. Looking forward to getting and giving support.

Thanks for listening.
Welcome M2M :\: There's loads of support and information on here, and no judgement. I've found it brilliant, hope you do too.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Muchtoomuch
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Muchtoomuch » 22 Sep 2019 18:57

Thanks for the welcome Soberboots, I'm really looking forward to 'meeting' you all and hopefully turning my life around. Unfortunately I didn't manage to stay AF today. :oops: But I've stopped at 4 units, which is good for me. Will try for the 7 day challenge tomorrow.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 22 Sep 2019 19:47

Muchtoomuch wrote:
22 Sep 2019 18:57
Thanks for the welcome Soberboots, I'm really looking forward to 'meeting' you all and hopefully turning my life around. Unfortunately I didn't manage to stay AF today. :oops: But I've stopped at 4 units, which is good for me. Will try for the 7 day challenge tomorrow.
Well done for stopping (::) Monday tomorrow, new start. I'm usually on the sober month challenge (so Sober September at the moment) and the Road to Abstinence, when I first joined I worked through the challenges and found it really helpful.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

soempty
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by soempty » 24 Sep 2019 11:34

hi, i have signed up to this group, as i am a wife to a binge drinker, and after yet another awful weekend, im not sure what to do anymore. i love this man , when he is sober, everything is great, but i cant take the constant being let down by his drinking problem. im just looking for someone who can relate to me and what im feeling

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Cowboy
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Cowboy » 24 Sep 2019 12:02

Hello soempty and welcome. I am certain that many people will answer your post later but as a former binge drinker and ... well ... jerk to my sweet wife I can say that there is hope. Big time hope. It's important for you to tell your husband how you feel when he is sober. If he is anything like me he feels remorse and guilt after his binges. If he doesn't well that's another story.

Think about what you are going to say, write it down even, and have a real heart to heart about how much you love him but how his drinking is putting a strain on your relationship. Tell him you are there for him if he makes a decision to quit drinking - even if it a couple of weeks. If very difficult to stop once you start to drink. Maybe ask him to do something other than drinking - a movie, a walk, an ice cream cone ... whatever. I wish you well.

Take care. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

smh1
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by smh1 » 24 Sep 2019 13:36

Welcome soempty ad much2much. I am sure you will get the help you need from folk on here. Good luck on your journeys. \:)/
Keep on keeping on. It might be your last chance. :)

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Shadowlad
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Sep 2019 14:38

Hello soempty and welcome <:)>

I'm sorry to read of your situation. I can relate to some of what you must be feeling having talked with a lady recently who described being the wife of an alcoholic, and how despairing it was. She explained that he would start drinking again out of the blue, and this caused great anxiety because she did not know how long it would last, or what would happen. I used to drink also, but stopped over 6 1/2 years ago. My daughter gave me an ultimatum in the end because she simply could not cope with the worry and stress any more.

I wish i could offer a solution for you but i'm sure you know that only you can decide the way forward for yourself and your marriage. Alcoholism (and binge drinking comes under this umberella) is very difficult to overcome (but very doable with support, motivation and commitment). Alcoholism is also very difficult for the drinker's loved one's to cope with. From my own experience, it was a combination of tough love from my daughter, coupled with lots of support that helped me see that alcohol was no good for me. In the case of the lady mentioned, her husband did not recover and tough love did not help him. She had to leave as she was becoming ill herself with the chronic stress.

Please take good care of yourself and remember that no matter how much you love your husband, you could be waiting a long time for him to stop drinking completely, if at all. On the other hand, he may be already be wanting support for his alcohol problems. Do you think he may be interested in joining this site ? People here understand drink problems and only want to offer help and support to other members.

Thinking of you and your husband, very best wishes to you both,

Nicky xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Shadowlad
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Sep 2019 14:39

Hello Muchtomuch :)

Hope you are doing ok and finding your way around the site ok <:)>

xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

soempty
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by soempty » 24 Sep 2019 15:08

Thank you all so much for the kind welcome, I am hoping that being a member on here can help me face the "bad days". just by having people around to speak to, who have some understanding of what its really like trying to live with a drinker. I have found it interesting reading post from the "drinker" too. i find it very difficult to understand why when you know its going to end in disaster you would still lift that glass to your lips, but i guess thats all part of the addiction. I would like to think that maybe hubby would come on here as its not so formal as going to a meeting, so hopefully with your help, this time really will be the last time

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 24 Sep 2019 17:33

soempty wrote:
24 Sep 2019 15:08
Thank you all so much for the kind welcome, I am hoping that being a member on here can help me face the "bad days". just by having people around to speak to, who have some understanding of what its really like trying to live with a drinker. I have found it interesting reading post from the "drinker" too. i find it very difficult to understand why when you know its going to end in disaster you would still lift that glass to your lips, but i guess thats all part of the addiction. I would like to think that maybe hubby would come on here as its not so formal as going to a meeting, so hopefully with your help, this time really will be the last time
Hi soempty, I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties. I've been an addict myself, now in recovery, and you'll find that's generally the perspectives on here. You could suggest that your man had a look at the forum and see if it appeals to him? Other than that the important thing is that you look after yourself, lots of self-care and have you thought of perhaps looking at Al-anon, the support organisiation for family and froends of addicts?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Luckychap
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Luckychap » 24 Sep 2019 21:45

It was hard for me soempty to listen to my wife. I didn't want to stop. I have and I am much happier but I have had resentment and some blame going on. I am a bit ashamed about that. I bought an old cheap car to tinker with for distraction. This has helped but we are all different. I don't have much money but used my drink money to save up and enjoyed the search for an old morris. Some men like me need an incentive to help. It's hard for you so please make sure you take time to look after yourself too <:)> <:)>

Julian77
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Julian77 » 25 Sep 2019 12:57

Hi I am Julian and have been drinking heavily all my adult life, I have been so unhappy for so long and embarrassed myself and my family. This is day three of no drinking and I have had a really bad time. Your posts on here are so helpful, I must do this and any help would be much appreciated.

smh1
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by smh1 » 25 Sep 2019 13:27

Hello Julian and a very big welcome to BE. You have definitely come to the right place, we are all in the same boat so there is no judgement. We all have to reach that point where our embarrassment and shame overwhelms us enough to act. Sometimes it is the realisation that we have yet again hurt those nearest and dearest to us; shown ourselves up at work; fallen over at a social event; some have ended up in a police cell for drink driving, many in hospital being detoxed, but whatever our individual story the root cause is always the same - Booze.

Well done on the three days, that is a great achievement so keep on keeping on. Try the 7 day challenge, you will get loads of support ad advice and you are at the same stage so can really help one another. There are sites that talk about PAWS not something I know much about but many say it helps to understand the stages of sobriety and why you feel as you do at different stages. Many like the road to abstinence because there are people on there at different stages. But whichever you choose do have a good look around and read as much as possible and if you feel comfortable do contribute, everyone's story is valid and will help someone. Anyway best of luck on your journey, and look forward to seeing you around! :\: Sue
Keep on keeping on. It might be your last chance. :)

Julian77
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Julian77 » 25 Sep 2019 13:42

Hi,

Thank you so much for your warm welcome and encouraging words. It is of real comfort to know that I am not alone in this struggle. Thanks also for suggesting areas of this site I will check them out. I am feeling more confident already.

Thanks again.

Londoner1977
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Londoner1977 » 25 Sep 2019 21:54

Hi, i just want to introduce myself, im jess(42 year old male) from east london.

Im fed up with upsetting my girlfriend by drinking too much , so i have joined up with this forum, as i dont like having arguments over the same thing, and thats re my drinking.

My issue is, that i drink spirits (whisky) and i binge drink, when i play my PlayStation, which is annoying me as i cant stop at a certain point, i do get carried away, as i tend to go through a bottle.
Minus the Times when i dont drink, our relationship is good, i need to sort this out before its too late.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by martha » 25 Sep 2019 22:54

Hello Jess, nice to meet you :\: It's good you've recognised where your probkems are. Have a good look around BE and keep posting :\:
Waiting for bunnies to appear in the fields.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 25 Sep 2019 23:24

Well done for taking action Jess (::)
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Evan
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Evan » 26 Sep 2019 15:25

Hi all,

I'm finally taking steps to address what has been a problem for a very long time and I am grateful to have found this forum. It's taken me long enough to wake up, but I have and I know now, after all the denials and trampling over the ones who love me, I need help.

I think I've always been a drinker. It was easy enough for me to sneak one or two of Dad's beers away and secret them in my room for later. As I got older, I knew which pubs would serve me and which wouldn't and my friends and I would go there on the weekends. In the world of work, drinking was the norm and I remember going to the pub with colleagues at lunch to watch a bit of football and roll back to the office half cut.

My late wife knew I liked a beer but didn't know the addiction that'd grown inside me and it only grew more after we were married. She was diagnosed with the cancer that would eventually claim her only a couple of months after our wedding day and, as she weakened and become more and more frail, my drinking increased as I saw our futures slipping away. I took up AA for a few months, but my heart was not in it as I felt I would have nothing to live for after she left. Minutes after she passed away at 36, I cradled her head in the crook of my arm and swigged from a bottle with the other. From then on, my drinking went truly out of control as I tried to deaden the pain and find something to fill the gaping hole torn in my world.

But there was no hiding from it and soon there was never enough alcohol to to blot out the horror of watching her die slowly in front of me. I've lied. I've cheated. I've hurt those who love me. I have been a despicable person all to get my next drink. And, yet, somehow I still have others who believe in me.

I've always been a drinker and hiding behind her passing like a coward clutching for any excuse to get sympathy and a pint is a low, revolting act. It stops now. I'm doing it this time. Not because others want me to, but because I want to. I have to. I want to be the decent person I know I can be and to do that, I have to stop drinking.

I was recommended this forum by a counsellor whose support I sought. I need help and I hope to find inspiration and guidance from others here. I hope, one day, to help others here.

Thank you.

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