New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

Insomnia is a big reason I have turned to wine, I know I fall asleep straight away but maybe the reality is im just passing out??
Welcome Helsbels! I had the same issue with sleep, and also experienecd anxiety and depression - once I stopped drinking these things markedly improved! You might find in the short term that insomnia is a problem, it can be a side effect of alcohol withdrawal. My sleep did take quite a while to settle down, but I mostly just told myself that at least when I did sleep it was proper sleep! I did also take sleeping aids. These days I sleep really well, and my mental health issues are a shadow of what they were. The best thing about being sober I think (there are so many amazing things it can be hard to pick) is that you start to grow again as a person - I'm so much more resilient these days, and I even quite like myself, not something I thought I'd ever say!

I second Sue's recommendation of Allen Carr/Jason Vale, and I also really liked Catherine Grey's the unexpected joys of being sober.

Well done for getting here! Have a good read around as there's masses of info, support and tips to be found. Do look up the Road to Abstinence thread, which os great for reflection and inspiration.
Last edited by SoberBoots on 11 Apr 2021 14:39, edited 1 time in total.
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SueDenim
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SueDenim »

Hi Helsbels.

I’m another insomniac who relied on wine to knock me out every night. I’m close to four years sober now, and whereas sleep is a lot easier than it was when I stopped drinking, I still have periods when it is elusive. It can be a withdrawal thing, and it can also be caused by strain on the liver. Either (or both) of those things will improve if you stay off the booze, which is another good incentive :mrgreen:.

My advice (not a doctor) is to stay away from any supplements unless you have had a liver checkup and got the all clear (not just reassuring LFTs). Any drugs, chemical or natural, are processed by the liver, and can do as much or more damage than alcohol.

I found it useful to forget about trying to sleep, and concentrate on making the environment a pleasant place to lie awake. I use aromatherapy oils and pillow sprays, play soft music or hypnosis tracks and have a scented bath before bed. Sometimes I nod off quickly, but if not, at least it’s a nice way to while away the time.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Owd Albert »

Hello. I've been on this merry-go-round for many years and have used Bright Eye as a non-member on and off for ages, taking solace and inspiration from the chats and advice. At the moment I have stopped drinking for a week as, once again, the amount was rising to an absurd level and I was not getting the "kick", just a dull somnolence. I recognize this pattern, and already, because I am feeling brighter, the demon voice is urging me to return to, it assures me, a glass of conviviality. I know it is a Siren call so I have come on here to be tied to the mast.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

Consider yourself duly tied, and welcome to BE. If you've browsed over the years, you will know a lot about how the forum works. Like most things, the more you put in, the more you get out, so jump right in, read and post where you will, and enjoy sobriety. There is nothing nicer than waking up sober, after years of muzzy heads. Good luck
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by squirrel »

Welcome aboard Owd Albert. Nice image! Sirens not welcome here - we all know how dangerous they are.

Owd Albert
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Owd Albert »

Thanks for the quick reponse. Reckon I ought to try the relapsing forum just now. See what I can offer. Such a relief to be here after years of devastation. It's never too late to arrive, I suppose.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by smh1 »

Owd Albert wrote:
18 Apr 2021 11:13
Thanks for the quick reponse. Reckon I ought to try the relapsing forum just now. See what I can offer. Such a relief to be here after years of devastation. It's never too late to arrive, I suppose.
Welcome Albert, you may like to go on relapsing forum, but why not try one that will give you some positive vibes as well. The Road to Abstinence for example or the 7 day? If we really want to stop we want to hear success stories to give us a goal, you will get loads of support if you do relapse on these as well, just they will help you to climb back up the mast! Good luck! ;)? Sue
Keep on keeping on. It might be your last chance. :)

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Avocado
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Avocado »

Hi friends,
Some of you may know me as I'm not a stranger to this site.
I've been offered an opportunity to do an inpatient detox/recovery in Birmingham at some point in the next couple of months. I want to grab this chance with both hands but have 2 obsticals in my way - 1 - work - what do I say to tell them I need 2 weeks off? My alcohol worker said I just have to be honest but I'm so scared. I'm going to need a whole lot of courage and not Dutch courage.
2nd obstacle is childcare, im the main caregiver for my 4 and 6 year old. I'm in the process of seperating from my husband though we still live under the same roof at the moment. I have parents but my mum is the caregiver to my dad with altzeimers so she wouldn't be able to take on my 2 kids as she struggles with my dad as it is. I have a sister but she works full time so doubt she can stay woth my kids for 2 weeks. These are the reasons I'm not allowed a home detox as I don't have someone who can be a carer for me. I really need this opportunity. If anyone has any comments or suggestions I'd be so grateful. I cant rely on my husband at all any more sadly. 😒x

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Mark.
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Mark. »

Hi Avocado <:)>

I don't have any advice, to be honest. I hope others will have. However, the offer of this detox seems such a great opportunity that I know you will do everything you can to find ways to make it possible.

This is very much easier said than done, but do continue to consider being honest with your employees, won't you? Alcohol problems do still carry a stigma but nothing like as big a one as in the past. People and employers have such a greater understanding of physical and mental health issues that I would sincerely hope that your place of work will have protocols in place and a culture of care that will enable you to take what might well be a totally life-changing opportunity.

Like I say, I really have no experience of this situation myself, so I can't offer any real advice or promise anything.

But I do really and truly wish you all the best with this, Avocado, and I hope others here will be able to suggest more ;)? <:)>
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Topcat
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Topcat »

I'm afraid I cannot offer any useful suggestions Avocado, but I do urge you to take up this wonderful opportunity of a detox/recovery if at all possible. Do hope you can do this <:)>

Edit: crossed with Mark ;)?
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Avocado
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Avocado »

Thank you <:)> I only found this out today after months of trying to get professional help and have a week or 2 to decide how to do this but I can't turn this oppertunity down. This can change my life and I will get the much needed aftercare too. My mind is blown I wanted a home detox but because I don't have anyone reliable to take care of me during the home recovery then it has to be a 2 week inpatient. Maybe I can get my husband to help, it's in the best interest for his children after all and he's called me an alcoholic many times so if thats what he thinks surely he should want this for his children's sake?! I can do the work thing when I feel brave enough but I'm worried that I won't have anyone to take care of my children for 2 weeks as I take care of them every single day with no help.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Trojan »

Avocado,

Hats off for your perseverance in seeking out a detox programme, even though it’s not the home-based one you hoped for. I really hope your husband will take his responsibilities seriously and help with the childcare aspect.

As Mark says, many employers have good policies for supporting staff through difficulties. If you’re friendly with someone in the HR department (if there is one…) then maybe you could sound them out on policies?

Smaller organisations may not have very well-established ways of dealing with this, so while being totally honest would be preferable, you’ll need to consider the likely reception. This needs to be your judgment, as your alcohol worker won’t know the specific details of your workplace.

I’m not sure if alcohol services have referred you for detox or if this was through your GP. In any event, your GP may be able to provide a medical cert to cover your absence from work? I’m not in the UK, and maybe things are different there, but I would think that a cert need not be too specific as to the medical reason for your absence.

For context, I completed three home detoxes over a roughly nine-month period. My GP was happy that I would be capable of taking the prescribed meds myself.

I’d suggest trying to moderate your intake beforehand, and please, please - no “last hurrah”. If you start the programme in reasonably good shape (established by blood tests), then the time needed to physically detox will be shorter, and more of the two week period can be spent working out your recovery and aftercare plan with a clear head ;)?

Detox is a great springboard to getting alcohol safely out of your system, but ongoing aftercare and self-care is crucial to building a lasting recovery. This can be a combination of support from the rehab centre, and from peer support meetings like SMART or AA, or whatever local services are available. BrightEye can also be a part of it :-)

Wishing you well <:)>
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

This is great news Avocado.

I'm thinking you have two choices for each situation:

With the absence from work, a) be honest b) as Trojan suggests ask your GP, who I'm sure will be supportive

With the childcare a) tell your husband what's happening and that he needs to have the children. They're his responsibility as much as yours, and regardless of your relationship breakdown he's still a dad. b) Look closely at your other networks. What about their oither grandparents? Aunts/uncles? Or any friends with similar age children who might be willing to step up if they understood how important this is?

It may actually be a good thing that it's an in-patient detox, as you'll really be able to focus. I do hope you can find a way to make this happen as it's the opportunity to take a big step forward.
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Avocado
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Avocado »

Thank you trojan, I was up late last night so worried but spoke to my husband this morning he has agreed he will ask his manager if he can work from home to take care of the children for 2 weeks.
My work is a small workplace with no HR but I get on with people I work with. I could just book 2 weeks holiday amd not tell them why. Though they will probably ask 'going anywhere nice?!' So what do I say?! It's tough when alcohol addiction has such a stigma.
It's through the alcohol services so I don't know if I can get a medical certificate for work but that's a good question to ask my alcohol worker.
Thank you so much for all the advice.
In hindsight although home detox is more convenient inpatient detox is longer and I will get the therapies and group work that I so desperately need as I know my problem is mostly mental and only partly physical.
I'll keep you all updated, I might not even have to wait too long my worker said either May or June. 😊🙏

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Avocado
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Avocado »

Hi soberboots,
Lovely to see you <:)>
Crossed posts with you, it's very difficult the childcare situation was what I was most worried about as the husband really is the only option I have so I just hope and pray he does what it takes to make this happen. 🤞 He said he will so all I can do is trust that he won't let me down. At least I still have some time to get everything sorted. I dont have an actual date yet I need to let my alcohol worker know yes or no and of course I want to shout YES!!
You are right about the inpatient detox which is maybe why the specialists chose that option for me as I'm always looking after someone else and my worker told me it's ok to be selfish about sobriety. Focus and work on myself without any distractions.
I hope you're doing well 😊

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

So what do I say?!
Something that doesn't invite too much interest:

Spending time with your parents to support your Mum?

Redecorating/decluttering?

Sorting stuff out re divorce?
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SueDenim »

I wouldn’t have been honest with my employer. While I’m sure there are some who would be understanding, I would have found the risk too great, and I worked in a large organisation with HR and Occupational Health.

In your position I would ask my GP for advice - I’m sure they come across this a lot - and go for a non-specific sick note, or whatever the GP suggests. If that doesn’t work, or you don’t feel that you can do it that way, then using annual leave is another option. Nobody is likely to visit you because of lockdown, so I agree with Soberboots - mutter something about the divorce and ‘sorting things out’.

Good luck with it - I agree that you shouldn’t miss the opportunity.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

Just suggest it's a medical thing and be vague? Invasive surgery and recovery time? And no, you don't really want to think about it, so you're not going to talk about it.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Smithster »

Good to see you back Avacado and good news you have the opportunity to get a place on a detox.

I'd echo what Danny/sue has said above and be cautious about telling your employer why you need to attend. Whilst things have moved on in recent years about mental health issues that can lead to addiction. There is still a great deal of stigma surrounding it and the consequential unconscious bias you may face in the future.

Nothing wrong with telling them nothing at this point, taking the time off either as unpaid due to a personal issue, or as a Holiday where it is none of their business how you spend it. Currently most people are just sat around at home anyway!

Hope everything goes okay as I'm sure it will 👌

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Avocado »

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your extremely helpful amd kind posts and advice to me. I really appreciate it. I seem to have my husbsnd on board for the childcare aspect as im hoping I've managed to get it through his thick skull (sorry, he just makes me mad) it will benefit his children, its not just me going off on a holiday this is so important and I really need this to turn my life around especially with becoming a single mother I cannot continue the downward spiral, my children need me more than ever now. I'm still trying to decide what to do about work. I've text my alcohol advisor re perhaps a non specific sick note as 2 weeks annual leave is a lot when I'm going to need that for the school holidays but I dont know, I'll just have to do whatever it takes.
I officially applied and paid for the divorce today so feeling quite anxious about how he will react when he receives the papers even though I've told him I'm doing it I don't think he believes me for some reason I think he's in denial. But he's treated me badly for so long I can't keep feeling sorry for him. He never felt sorry for me when I needed him the most, he just turned his back and abandoned me.
Anyway, I'll keep posing on the general thread as don't want to keep clogging up this thread for the new members.
. 🙏I finally have hope, there's some big changes ahead but maybe it was all meant to happen this way all at once.
Than you all for your continued support over the months and years, this is it now I'm being given the chance to break free as I've proved time and time again I can't do it by myself I a problem and need help and support and i am so thankful I have the opportunity to get sober. I know it won't be easy but also know I can do this if I give it my all which I will.

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