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New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

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Spats
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Spats » 16 Nov 2019 22:42

Blue elephant welcome :\: Take a look around the threads and read how others are dealing with their situation. The seven day challenge is a good starting point. Many of us have been on that countless times but eventually moved on. That’s the busiest one. Or there’s the regrouping thread which isn’t quite so busy but may be of help. Whichever way you choose you will always be sure of support even when you don’t get past the hurdle. Good luck ;)?

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Walnut81 » 17 Nov 2019 19:29

Hi,
My names is Dan. From 18-37 i was a heavy binge drinker. Normally weekends but as years went on, started to drink pretty heavily during the week. Often to push feelings aside and deal with emotions.
I started drinking heavily as a teenager as I didn't like feeling shy and awkward around people. Alcohol gave me confidence to be a 'someone.' I found a role in my friendship group and then various other friendship groups I have been with over the years. Always the most drunk. Always the only one back in the pub at 9am the following morning. I knew for a few years it wasn't right, but just carried on.

Last year, for a variety of reasons i decided to quit. And on the whole, it was pretty successful. I have had a couple of moments where i was weak, but largely i don't drink anymore. I found life socially very difficult now, all my friends social lives are still based around alcohol, which is fine, but i struggle at times in this situation.
Giving up the booze without any supporthas now appeared to highlight other issues. Whereas before when i was uncomfortable, i would drink. Now i get stressed beause i can't. Work is currently really difficult (I am a teacher) and i am not coping with it, which is causing me to be emotionally absent from the house i share with my girlfriend and her children.
My girlfriend has told me that i need to get help for the issues that were there which caused me to drink. Giving up drinking has been one part, but now i need to address the psychological bit i guess.

Hoping to find some support on here.

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Trojan
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Trojan » 17 Nov 2019 19:47

Hello Dan, welcome to the forum, and well done on your sober run :-)

Alcohol seems to help alleviate anxiety, but many of us found that it cranks up the anxiety, and it rebounds worse than ever.

With a clear head and a long sober spell under your belt, you have a chance to make changes that will get to the root of your concerns. You will find some topics dealing with worry, stress and anxiety on the Physical and Mental Health sub-forum here…

viewforum.php?f=4

Have a good read around, and post wherever feels right for you ;)?
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 18 Nov 2019 09:03

Welcome Dan :\:

I totally relate to what you're saying. It was a shock to me to realise how lacking or poor were my coping skills and resilience. I'd either never developed them or they'd been eroded in decades of drinking. It is possible to learn them though - look around for emotional resilience and distress tolerance, and you'll find lots of help in real life and online.

It's great that you've joined here - you might find the Road to Abstinence thread helpful, as most long-term soberites have struggled with exactly the same issues at points on their journey.
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by yorkshirelad » 20 Nov 2019 10:06

Hi I'm yorkshirelad. I'm in my mid 40's and so sick of drinking.
My problem lies with binge drinking. I only really drink on weekend evenings. I start by sipping and enjoying a nice beer, and generally end the night hiding in the garage guzzling a sneaky bottle of wine or downing some spirits.-basically anything i can get my hands on. Drink can have different effects on me depending on my mood, and have been know to get paranoid, moody, aggressive (never physically) etc when drunk

My hangovers are awful. Sick, splitting head, anxiety, stomach upset..................

I've given up in the past for up to 6 months, then decided to moderate my drinking, but this never works.

Two weeks ago(last time i drank), I went out with wife and friends and got drunk. The next day I felt dreadful. I said to myself this has to stop. I told my wife I needed to stop. She just laughed and said "yeah whatever"! - My wife loves social gatherings and likes a drink. I get the impression she thinks im just being awkward when I say i no longer want to drink?
I enjoy going to the gym and trying to keep fit, and feel the booze is just pulling me back. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and am on antidepressants to help me.

I feel like I'm stuck in a self destructive circle and need to get out. And feel quitting drink will help my journey.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 20 Nov 2019 11:27

Welcome Yorkshire Lad.

In the nicest possible way, you need to ignore your wife. Getting sober is an individual journey - it's very clear from what you say that it's one you need to make. There's a saying about needing to be selfish in your sobriety - you really do need to make it your priority. If you are happier and healthier in the long run that has to be beneficial for your relationships.

I don't know how you felt after your 6 months sober, but I've noticed that since I got sober my mental health has improved massively. It's not that I don't get down or anxious, or that things don't go wrong in my life - it's that I cope better, I understand that feelings pass like the weather without me trying to fix them, and that trying to use alcohol is much like trying to put out a fire with petrol.

Would you feel like signing up for the 100 day challenge? It's a busy and supportive thread. I'd also recommend reading a) back through this thread, for tips and ideas b) the Road to Abstinence thread, for inspiration and reflection. A book that helped me shift my mindset was Allen Carr's the Easy Way, so I always suggest this - it's a self-help programme. There's lots of others of course, there's even a thread about quitlit.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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yorkshirelad
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by yorkshirelad » 20 Nov 2019 12:03

Thanks Soberboots!
I guess its convenient for my wife to encourage my drinking so its not awkward around our social circle. I'm back in the mindset I need to get on with this. When I stopped drinking before, I felt great in myself, so much so that I thought I could eventually drink moderately. My moderate drinking started on a new years eve with one whisky, to toast my newly deceased grandmother. 3/4 bottle later i was wrecked!

I want to give this a good shot, but with Christmas looming, it makes me anxious. Family (wifes side) are big drinkers and don't really understand why someone would not want to drink. before, i ended up explaining myself as to why i wasnt drinking,lots of eye rolling later, I thought to myself why should I have to explain myself, its my body!

I'm currently reading the Allen Carr book. seems great!

100 day challenge sounds interesting.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 20 Nov 2019 13:53

People are often uncomfortable with your choice to be sober if they know something is wrong with their own drinking. I'm always clear that it's my choice and doesn't imply criticism of anyone else's lifestyle. I choose not to use the word alcoholic, but I do say that I have stopped drinking permanently. I don't feel the need to go into much detail at the social level but I sometimes say that I found I had a broken off switch or just that I took a break, noticed how much happier and healthier I am and decided to go for it long term. If people were to push me to drink I'd just react as if they were being very rude, but in practice I'm clear about without making a fuss, and I don;t get any hassle. All this said, you soon discover just how boring and unfunny drunk people are to be around - part of getting sober is developing a new sober lifestyle.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

nutti
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by nutti » 21 Nov 2019 18:48

Hello, I am new. I have been drinking for many years. 16 years old to now 45) only time I had stopped was when i was pregnant. I would not say I am a heavy drinker but struggle to not drink. If i go out i can not stop and not remember what I have done. So I guess I need help and I really don't want my kids to have a drunk mother or drink themselves. So i need to set a good example.

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Topcat
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Topcat » 21 Nov 2019 19:05

Hi Nutti and welcome to BE. Very well done on recognising that you have a problem and seeking to do something about it ;)?

We're a very friendly lot on here and I'm sure you will find your own way around. Shout out if you need any help.

Might be a good idea to check out the First 7 Days Challenge with a view to stopping for a while to see how things go with a decent spell of sobriety behind you.

There are plenty of threads available though, so have a good look round and post wherever you wish. Good luck. TC xx
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 21 Nov 2019 19:06

nutti wrote:
21 Nov 2019 18:48
Hello, I am new. I have been drinking for many years. 16 years old to now 45) only time I had stopped was when i was pregnant. I would not say I am a heavy drinker but struggle to not drink. If i go out i can not stop and not remember what I have done. So I guess I need help and I really don't want my kids to have a drunk mother or drink themselves. So i need to set a good example.
Welcome nutti! There's some powerful motivators you've got there. This a great, informative, supportive site, so do have a good read around.
Another site you might like is this one http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/
Many people on here start with a challenge, often the 7 day one. It can be tough stopping - personally, having tried every way to cut back, controk or moderate my drinking it was a huge relief to finally decide that it was permanently and completely out of my life. This sin't always an easy road either, but it's very much easier than moderation because it's simpler and because you get your headspace, and therefore your priorities, back.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 24 Nov 2019 23:39

Cmon all you lurkers, time to start posting, we don't bite, hard anyway. Silly season is almost upon us time to kick the booze to the kerb.

Ruby xx
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352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

Whisper
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper » 25 Nov 2019 17:46

Hello all,

Feels odd to be on a forum like this. Avoidance for me has been key. I guess I am getting sick of not dealing with my problem which is my inability to stop drinking. I don’t drink everyday and save it for non school nights but when I do I struggle to stop. I come from a family of drinkers who all equally have a problem. I was drinking heavily from 13 with my parents who happily gave me drink. Not in an abusive way but that’s just what we did. We drink as a family. I now have a little girl and don’t want drink to be the norm! I am struggling to cut down and just thought maybe a forum like this could help. Looking forward to reading some of your stories and hopefully saying success stories even more.

X

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Winkler
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler » 25 Nov 2019 18:00

Hi whisper and welcome. Brave post :\:
I wasn’t an every day drinker either and have really struggled getting my head around why I couldn’t just cut down and be moderate with an occasional blow out .....

So it’s really not that simple is it?

Several years later :oops: I hope I am finally tired of being sick and tired and having alcohol in my thoughts all the time. The answer for me has been to quit, yep, not even now and again, it just always ends up at the same boring place! Over 6 months this time round and I’m mostly free of the should I shouldn’t I dilemma at last.

But you must find out for yourself, you’re on the path now!

Research has shown the earlier alcohol is introduced, the more likely it is you will develop a problem and those problems are not always accepted as problems by other people in our alcohol centric society. Everybody minimises their problem. At least you will be able to protect your daughter and not allow people to start her off young ;)?
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper » 25 Nov 2019 20:15

Thanks. I feel better already posting on here although I am aware it’s Monday and not a Friday so I tend to do better when i haven’t got the ‘weekend vibe.’

I got to say I have fear over given up completely. But your right I don’t tend to be a person who can just cut it down and be moderate with it. I am hoping as I learn to cut down and change my thought process of I must have another drink to feel good that I can eventually cut it out for good!

Water for the win :lol2:

How did you give up/attempt to cut it out? X

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Winkler
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler » 25 Nov 2019 21:23

It wasn’t really on my mind on the days I didn’t drink but would be there from the morning on a Thursday, before my days off! And yes, I was scared too. It’s too hard to think like that. Just for today is enough and all we need to do.

I think on my more successful attempts I would give it a lot of thought, plan what I would do to entertain myself and what I would do if the urge seemed overwhelming. I learned to urge surf, where you allow yourself to feel the craving wherever it is in your body and sit it out as an observer rather than running with it.

Another truck is to keep delaying, another 10 minutes and another 10 minutes. And recognise the triggers - HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Put those right rather than drinking

I had a lot of quit lit and tried to improve my lifestyle with exercise and healthy eating. I’m still a work in progress there 😆

I’ve had to learn to manage stress better, currently I’m practicing a little meditation each day and I do feel so much better and usually sleep pretty well too. Those terrible days of feeling ill and anxious, waking at 3am and so angry with myself and hopeless 😢 well they’re gone, now I think about it

The first 7 days thread is usually the most busy on here. A lot of people agree the first 7 days is the hardest. Closely followed by staying stopped :D
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=368&sid=b53e2548635 ... tart=81120

It’s so easy to think you’ve cracked it and minimise your problem after some time under your belt, but the wine witch/alcohol demon leaps back in before you can turn around it seems, not helped by other people’s attitudes. You start to realise how much alcohol is completely normalised and being different and not drinking, well, it’s hard. You wonder if you were making a mountain out of a molehill (you weren’t ;) ). Remember to not trust your thinking around drinking ;)?

Lots of support here though, and there are other good websites too. Every so often you come across someone else who doesn’t worship drinking and that’s always a boost too.

Good luck, I certainly don’t have all the answers and find myself being really strong one minute and then questioning everything again within hours. Nobody ever regrets not drinking in the morning though - some people advocate winding the tape forward to the likely outcome if you’re feeling particularly tempted. I also hated restraining myself from having a 3rd drink and feeling grumpy and irritable- so not worth it for 2 drinks. What I really wanted to do was what I always did - drink to get drunk

I avoided occasions where I knew there would be heavy drinking and still do if I can. I can handle people drinking moderately, and was quite surprised how little most people do drink, I used to think everyone drank like me but they don’t, it’s just that we tend to hang with people whose habits are like ours. It is strange at first but does become normal after a while. Friendships and relationships do change, thinking about it, but probably become more honest and about enjoying the company rather than the alcohol you drink together!

I don’t tolerate drunk people anymore - you know that point where people start repeating themselves, slurring and looking glazed. Way too boring! That’s probably the point when you’re feeling full of insight and having fun when you’re drinking- looks very different from the other side :lol2: It’s great being able to just drive yourself home though and have a lovely relax and sleep, waking up, rested, with energy to seize the day. I do love that, thinking about it. I never used to remember going to bed when I was on the wine :oops: and would always feel depressed exhausted and regretful in the morning, only to argue with myself all day then repeat. Awful and no way to spend your weekends and your life.
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Rendall » 26 Nov 2019 17:30

Hi - I’m new here. Love my wine a bit too much and I’m struggling to cut down. I drink for every emotion - happy, sad, stressed, angry, calm... I need to sort it out before it becomes a real problem and I start drinking from morning to evening (not there yet, but I can see it coming). Any advice? I’m hoping talking to others (you) will help get on the right path x

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Leslans » 26 Nov 2019 18:12

Hi Rendall, welcome to BE. A wonderful forum for those of us who don’t have an “off” switch, are normal people who for some reason alcohol affects differently to others. Have a good look around, there is so much useful information. We are all at different stages of addiction, I prefer that to alcoholism. Some just overindulging at the weekend others 24/7. What you will find is non-judgemental individuals who totally understand you. This is a journey to sobriety, start on the 7 day thread, The Road Abstinence is a great thread have a good look around.

I wish you well and hope you are able to gain an insight into this dreadful debilitating condition. Take care <:)>
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 26 Nov 2019 18:33

Rendall wrote:
26 Nov 2019 17:30
Hi - I’m new here. Love my wine a bit too much and I’m struggling to cut down. I drink for every emotion - happy, sad, stressed, angry, calm... I need to sort it out before it becomes a real problem and I start drinking from morning to evening (not there yet, but I can see it coming). Any advice? I’m hoping talking to others (you) will help get on the right path x
Hi Rendall, well it'd certainly help to have a booze free period. Like you I'd got in the habit of relying on booze to a shocking extent, and had to rebuild coping skills and resilience in order to be fully myself.
My advice is that although quitting can be tough it's the most amazing journey - sobriety is the best gift I ever gave myself!
It sounds to as if although you're probably "functioning" now, you know you're on the edge of a serious problem. I think it's brilliant thet you're here, and great timing - after all, if you know a train's going to crash, why not get off it while you still can?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

Whisper
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper » 26 Nov 2019 20:14

Winkler wrote:
25 Nov 2019 21:23
It wasn’t really on my mind on the days I didn’t drink but would be there from the morning on a Thursday, before my days off! And yes, I was scared too. It’s too hard to think like that. Just for today is enough and all we need to do.

I think on my more successful attempts I would give it a lot of thought, plan what I would do to entertain myself and what I would do if the urge seemed overwhelming. I learned to urge surf, where you allow yourself to feel the craving wherever it is in your body and sit it out as an observer rather than running with it.

Another truck is to keep delaying, another 10 minutes and another 10 minutes. And recognise the triggers - HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Put those right rather than drinking

I had a lot of quit lit and tried to improve my lifestyle with exercise and healthy eating. I’m still a work in progress there 😆

I’ve had to learn to manage stress better, currently I’m practicing a little meditation each day and I do feel so much better and usually sleep pretty well too. Those terrible days of feeling ill and anxious, waking at 3am and so angry with myself and hopeless 😢 well they’re gone, now I think about it

The first 7 days thread is usually the most busy on here. A lot of people agree the first 7 days is the hardest. Closely followed by staying stopped :D
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=368&sid=b53e2548635 ... tart=81120

It’s so easy to think you’ve cracked it and minimise your problem after some time under your belt, but the wine witch/alcohol demon leaps back in before you can turn around it seems, not helped by other people’s attitudes. You start to realise how much alcohol is completely normalised and being different and not drinking, well, it’s hard. You wonder if you were making a mountain out of a molehill (you weren’t ;) ). Remember to not trust your thinking around drinking ;)?

Lots of support here though, and there are other good websites too. Every so often you come across someone else who doesn’t worship drinking and that’s always a boost too.

Good luck, I certainly don’t have all the answers and find myself being really strong one minute and then questioning everything again within hours. Nobody ever regrets not drinking in the morning though - some people advocate winding the tape forward to the likely outcome if you’re feeling particularly tempted. I also hated restraining myself from having a 3rd drink and feeling grumpy and irritable- so not worth it for 2 drinks. What I really wanted to do was what I always did - drink to get drunk

I avoided occasions where I knew there would be heavy drinking and still do if I can. I can handle people drinking moderately, and was quite surprised how little most people do drink, I used to think everyone drank like me but they don’t, it’s just that we tend to hang with people whose habits are like ours. It is strange at first but does become normal after a while. Friendships and relationships do change, thinking about it, but probably become more honest and about enjoying the company rather than the alcohol you drink together!

I don’t tolerate drunk people anymore - you know that point where people start repeating themselves, slurring and looking glazed. Way too boring! That’s probably the point when you’re feeling full of insight and having fun when you’re drinking- looks very different from the other side :lol2: It’s great being able to just drive yourself home though and have a lovely relax and sleep, waking up, rested, with energy to seize the day. I do love that, thinking about it. I never used to remember going to bed when I was on the wine :oops: and would always feel depressed exhausted and regretful in the morning, only to argue with myself all day then repeat. Awful and no way to spend your weekends and your life.
Thank you for this! Yes I keep saying when you wake up another day with no hungover you will feel so proud. I’m dreading Friday but got a plan of action to go to my friends house who just had a baby and therefore is not drinking.

My worry is I would normally go oh I didn’t drink Friday better drink more Saturday! I am thinking of stopping drinking completely for a bit and than learn to reduce. I have my work Xmas do on 13th. So will drink that evening but try and limit myself. Probably end up very drunk if I haven’t drunk for a while mind but I just want to try to cut it for now. I do like the whole distraction technique idea for when I do fancy a drink! Like now I really want a drink and am writing this. Going to drink lots of water as well.

How you feeling with Xmas coming up? Got any ideas on what you will do with drink ? Xx

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