New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

Hi Marigold. Welcome to BE. It's the middle of a UK night, so not many people about, as we're mostly UK based. Some people are in different parts of the world, but there's not a lot of activity at 1/2 in the morning. Except me. I'm up with a cough.

Yes we're very active. And very friendly. Have a read around. There are different threads for different reasons. Jump in and post. Have fun. Tell us your story. A problem shared is a problem halved. Maybe your story isn't a problem?

Good luck
be selfish in your sobriety.

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

Oh, thank you! I’ve just realized that I was seeing the first posts from years ago, and had to click the last page for recent ones! (Yes, it’s been some time since I interacted with this type of forum, and rare even then). Thank you for the reply.

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

I’m in Michigan, USA. I don’t know how to go about this, so forgive my awkwardness please. My story though in a nutshelll...my kids are grown so I have an empty nest. They’re 29 and 24. I didn’t drink while I was raising them. But in hindsight I notice that once my son went into the Army out of high school and my daughter was the only one here and was in late teens, I began having one beer while I made dinner. Once she graduated and moved out, the one beer became 2, then 3, and over a few years, I have devolved to actually having between 6 and 9 beers almost every evening. And now, 95% of the time, although I still prepare dinner for my husband, I don’t eat it. He does, and I just proceed to drink until I fall asleep. I rarely eat anymore. Maybe once a day. I’m feeling tired and unmotivated most of the time, and have gone from a slim and fit 115 lb to about 130 lb and round all over. I’m uncomfortable most of the time. I loathe my work (self employed, owner of a commercial cleaning company 15 years now).

The thoughts I have on the problem are complex and very long winded, as I think about it all the time. That’s why I wanted to talk to people who understand. I don’t know what to do, because I’ve told myself at least a million times that I have to cut down, to stop, but I never follow through. I always just come home and grab a beer, even if I tell myself all day that I won’t. I continue not eating meals, even though I planned the evening before to eat three times the next day, and even thought out what I would eat. I would see a doctor or something, but I have no health insurance since I’m self employed, and cannot afford the premium.

There’s much more. But that’s probably too much for an introduction anyway.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

There's an awful lot of info in there Marigold. When I was drinking, I wouldn't eat either - because that would soak up the alcohol? I guess I was chasing the buzz. These days, I use food as an alcohol suppressant. I had trained my brain to misread appetite signals. So when I was hungry, my brain would yell "drink." Now, if my brain starts screaming for alcohol, the first thing to try to do, is eat. A full tummy doesn't then scream for alcohol as loudly.

How about if you try to stop drinking for a couple of days? Give your brain and body a recovery period? There are threads for different challenges. The first seven days is very busy, lots of people all trying to stop for a week. Lots of support, help and advice. I'll try to post a link. A couple of days would give you a breathing space, a chance to think what you really want to do.

Here's a link (I hope! I'm not very techy). viewtopic.php?f=7&t=368

Edit
I have to say though, that we're not medically qualified, and seeing your GP might be a good idea in case of withdrawal symptoms. Giving up cold turkey, can be very uncomfortable, and might lead to seizures.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

Thank you Danny. I hear ya. Been over the scenario so many times in my head. I’ve said ‘yes, tomorrow, I’ll come home, eat some food...I’ll have it all planned out, because I know that it will cause me to be unable to drink. Sometimes, I succeed, because I’m so hungry I eat, but by dinner time, I’m grabbing that beer (my hours have me home just after lunch time).

I actually would go see a GP if I could, and I realize that here is not the place for medical advice, so no worries on that disclaimer, but I know why you have to say it. Doctor is out of the question though. I run a very small service business and only make enough to make ends meet.

I have gone up to two days without, and haven’t experienced any symptoms. No nausea or seizures or really anything, which is weird considering how much I do consume regularly. My pattern seems to be about 9 days straight, then 1 to 2 days off, basically seemingly as if my body is exhausted and needs to recoup, then right back to 9 days straight. Is that something that’s common?

I don’t know. I just have so many questions, and I don’t seem capable of a solution. I’ve told my husband that I’m pretty sure I have a problem, a dependency. But he says it’s ok, not to worry. I’ve brought up the subject with other close people, but they seem uncomfortable talking about it and have been no help. I always thought I was a strong person, but this is making me feel weak, since I can’t seem to stop it. Or stop myself.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

Anyway, sorry. I’m guessing this is the wrong thread for where I’m going now with this. I’m sorry. I’m just really not sure what to do.

I’ll read around the threads, and thank you for the link too :)
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

Sorry Marigold - fell asleep.

If you think you have a problem, then there's a problem. Don't worry about what other people think. You are the person you have to live with, and it sounds as though you're unhappy?
be selfish in your sobriety.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

MarigoldFezziwig wrote:
04 Feb 2020 01:38
Hi. Here in hopes of some people to talk to that understand my situation. I’m 45. Is this forum active? If not, does anyone seeing this know of one that is active and helpful?
Morning (where I am, anyway!) Marigold, and welcome to the forum. Good for you for seeking some help - and you've found a great place for it! Although this forum was founded by a Brit, there's a fair few Americans on here, and others too - it seems to meet a real need.

Despite what your husband says (I guess he means to be supportive?) it definitely sounds like you've developed alcohol dependency. Please don't feel ashamed or that you're weak. Many, many problems start the same way - alcohol os marketed at as as pleasurable, as stress relief, with little warning about the dangers - and when the dangers are mentioned it's all about liver damamge. Serious as that is, the worst part of drinking for me was the psychological side - drinking took away all the joy in my life and made me hate myself. Alcohol is the second most addictive drug (after heroin) and it's not at all surprising that some of us find ourselves out of control with it. More people are dependent then are willing to admit it. Lab rats quickly get addicted, and I even once knew an alcoholic cat!

In an ideal world you'd see a Dr for advice. As you can't, you'll have to DIY it, either by tapering (drinking a little less each day until you stop) or by going cold turkey. I was in bad withdrawal when I signed up here, but choose to drink a reduced amount for my first day (to help with the shakes and vomiting, ugh) then go cold turkey. If you do this tell your husband what you're doing and ask him to support you. As you've stopped before and not had physical symptoms you may well be OK again.

Your pattern of having 9 days drinking and a couple sober is incredibly familiar! I used to manage about three days sober regularly and then relapse. I didn't understand then that I was going through psychological withdrawal. There's a great blog about it here http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot. ... ourse.html.

For advice about how to start, have a read of this thread viewtopic.php?f=4&t=787.

Please don't worry about asking questions or just getting your thoughts out on here. It's what the forum's for! I'm now well into my third year sober (after decades of drinking to excess) and I'm always really keen to hear from others starting out. And there's many many other supportive folks like myself and Danny around. Something that really helped me get free was reading Allen Carr's Easy Way books - it's a self help programme that you work through. It helped but didn't stick for long the first time around then I relapsed again, but a second and more thorough go through, plus finding this forum, sees me on my longest rum of sobriety ever, and I truly hope a permanent one.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Hopetostaysober
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Hopetostaysober »

Hello everyone. I am on day one after a binge for a week and feeling very ill. I really need help and I don’t know what to.
I actually thought I would die this morning. I am a lady who is 61 years old and have been drinking since I was 16 years old.
I have had counselling and it works for a few months then I think I can have one drink which then leads to a binge.
I don’t drink when I am at my daughters as she knows I have a big drinking problem. I live alone so it’s very hard. I have let her down so many times and I have a son who doesn’t speak to me. My close friends know of my problem. I used to lie to them but
now I am honest. I certainly can’t have any alcohol, I drink white wine and can 3 easily drink bottles. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
You can't change the past but you can try to change the future. ;)?

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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD »

Hi hopetostaysober. Coming down after a binge often left me with huge feelings of guilt - which is a bit of a useless emotion at the moment. Instead, let's be positive. This can be the last time you feel like this. Hang onto this emotion. Remember how you felt, and move forward. Living on your own can be your best friend as well as your worst enemy. From now on, every time you want a drink, have a meal. Lots of food. Scrambled egg on toast, tin of baked beans, fast food if you're out. But have a big meal. And drink lots of water. A full tummy doesn't want alcohol. And remember that you'll never achieve that alcohol buzz again, because you've drunk your way past it before it's kicked in, so no more chasing that dream.

Good luck
be selfish in your sobriety.

Hopetostaysober
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Hopetostaysober »

Thanking you Danny for the reply and advice. I will try to follow what you have said. I'm Such a mess with everthing
You can't change the past but you can try to change the future. ;)?

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

Hi Hopetostaysober. Good for you, reaching out for help and support! Alcohol's a horrible addiction - one of the worst things is that it isolates you and makes you blame yourself - then you feel weak and trapped. But you're not - you can get free, many here have. Like you I drank for decades - it became a lifestyle and my identity, so only part of the battle has been about stopping drinking, the rest has been about reinventing myself as a sober person.

There's some great tips to get you started here viewtopic.php?f=4&t=787.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

Thank you both Danny and Sober. I read the inspiring blog link. It is really beautiful and captures the cycle I’ve been on, although my day 1 journey never goes beyond day 2. I hope I can find the thing, the epiphany that will make me charge through.

Danny, you’re right, I am unhappy, though I don’t know why. I have a home (with a mortgage still, but well, that’s living the dream, right?) a loving husband, a stable income, enough to make it and pay things on time, which should be huge to me because I’ve been on the opposite side of that equation up until a few years ago. I’ve filled my empty nest with wonderful loyal dogs that should make me happy. Yet each day I find myself not caring if I wake up the next day or not.

Been trying to logically explore this conundrum for a couple years now, researching the interwebs on it from every angle, not coming up with anything useful. Maybe this is it, connecting with words with others who understand them. I’m an extreme introvert by design, with social anxiety to boot, so it’s new.

Thank you for the warm welcome.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

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MarigoldFezziwig
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by MarigoldFezziwig »

Hopetostaysober wrote:
04 Feb 2020 16:50
Hello everyone. I am on day one after a binge for a week and feeling very ill. I really need help and I don’t know what to.
I actually thought I would die this morning. I am a lady who is 61 years old and have been drinking since I was 16 years old.
I have had counselling and it works for a few months then I think I can have one drink which then leads to a binge.
I don’t drink when I am at my daughters as she knows I have a big drinking problem. I live alone so it’s very hard. I have let her down so many times and I have a son who doesn’t speak to me. My close friends know of my problem. I used to lie to them but
now I am honest. I certainly can’t have any alcohol, I drink white wine and can 3 easily drink bottles. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
Hi hopetostaysober: I am just new here too, and I want to let you know that I understand what you’re saying completely. About a month before the holidays (the Thanksgiving one here in the US) my kids were both here for a Saturday night and we played a board game. No one else was drinking much, but I pounded them back, as usual. Everyone else ate, but I didn’t. I managed to exceed my usual threshold and became drunk, and I remember my son’s fiancé saying that she didn’t want to make a certain move in the game, because she didn’t want to ‘take advantage of drunk people’. I didn’t make it through the end of the game, as it was a long strategy one, and woke up on the couch later when they let me know they were leaving. I was beside myself with shame the next morning, and when the Thanksgiving holiday dinner that I am responsible for hosting was approaching, I even group texted my kids to ask if they were coming, adding that I promise not to drink until after dinner. They all know I have a problem, and that’s clear to me. I know the feelings you’re going through. You’re not alone.

I also understand the struggle of being alone a lot. I own my company along with my husband. He does the lions share of the physical, in the field work with the employees, and I’m responsible for the accounting and such. I spend most days at home with the dogs. Isolation is another hurdle that I think is extra hard when alcohol is a factor. Perhaps these fine people here who have battled these same obstacles can really be the key to break cycles? I hope so, and I’m going to give it a try :)

I’m sorry I don’t have inspirational insights to offer, but I wanted you to know that there’s someone (and I know there are many others) that is in that deep crevice you may feel you’re in right now. I’m there too, today.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Hopetostaysober
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Hopetostaysober »

Thank-you Sober boots for the reply. I really appreciate it am hoping I can be sober forever.
Today is only day 2 so there’s a long challenge ahead but I am adamant this time, I will read the link you sent.
I know I can’t go on like this any longer. Alcohol is just poison and destroys you.
You can't change the past but you can try to change the future. ;)?

Hopetostaysober
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Hopetostaysober »

Thank you also Marigold, I know the massive challenge we both have ahead as it’s only day 2.
I must do it this time and I wish you well in your days ahead.
We can do this, positive thoughts. Still feeling very rough today but slightly better thank goodness.
Good luck ;)? X
You can't change the past but you can try to change the future. ;)?

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

each day I find myself not caring if I wake up the next day or not.
You're on the right track with stopping drinking. Alcohol is a system depressant which directly causes both anxiety and depression. I sort of knew that it did that in the short term, but what I hadn't appreciated was that regular use had painted my whole world drab and uninteresting. Quite quickly after I stopped drinking bits of colour started to come back - it was almost painful, because I hadn't noticed they'd faded away. I'd say my mental health improved by around 80%, with no other changes than just stopping drinking. I do take anti-depressants, these days a much smaller dose - and of course now they can actually work, because they're not counter-acted by the alcohol. Of course getting sober doesn't solve all your problems - it can shine floodlights on things you've been avoiding! And issues which have built up over time, such as loneliness, take time and effort to begin to solve. There's great rewards of self-esteem in making these changes though, and through getting sober we learn new skills. I can't strees that enough - before it happened I thought being sober was something I had to just be, when actually it was a set of skills I had to learn and apply, rather like riding a bike.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Iroquois »

Welcome Hope and Marigold!

Keep on posting and coming back and posting some more! Once you have admitted that you have a problem the rest of the journey can be very rewarding and hopeful! Get on the 7 Day Challenge and then graduate up the threads of time periods sober! It really works because you have fellow friends in the same stage of recovery and once you have started chalking up days you won't want to let yourself or your mates down! For that first 7 days, stay on BE and post all your problems and how you are feeling!

Hope, I was in my sixties before I quit for good, too! You can do it! I started drinking around 17, and had periods of heavy drinking but also moderate drinking and then in the end binge drinking! I was a sorrowful mess, but I have been AF almost five years now and my depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation have stabilized to a normal way of thinking about life!

Get help from your GP or consider a rehab of a few days if you find it terribly difficult. Everyone always seems to think telling their doctor about their drinking is bad, but your GP will likely be more than happy to help you get better!

I really recommend getting some new distractions going! When you feel well enough, take up a new hobby, start reading again, improve your mind and body and that will make getting sober so much more rewarding!

Best wishes, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Wonky 1 »

Evening people. Nice to be here.

I've read around a few threads to get the mood, etc. Looks like a great resource.
Can't say I'm much different to anyone here: We all have something in common, share some common experiences, yet we're also
all different in our own way.

I won't bother with my history in any detail but basically been a drinker for getting on 40 years. Two or three single whole years off but
all in different circumstances to today.
I've had a couple of stays in hospital in recent months; not due to drinking but it may have contributed or made things worse.
Not been in denial at all really for a few years; just beaten back by this monster. Happily resigned myself to the fact that, for me, stopping completely is the only way.
A bit risky given other health conditions but I decided to give it a bash.

A couple of weeks ago in hospital, for something else, I talked about it and was over the moon at the positive response. Unlike GP etc., rather than just refer me on I got some real help! Once they recognised I was serious I got a serious response: Various medications both orally and intravenously, visits from the alcohol advisory nurse and rather than just referrals to local recovery service providers they actually did it for me - with my participation.
That encouragement and medical staff actually believing in me, spurred me on further and I promised myself I wouldn't have a drink when discharged. I wasn't going to let myself, or them down.
But you know how it is -- I failed first day of course and quickly escalated back to near the level I'd been.

Sorry, my first post and I've already wittered on a bit.
But here's the good news! I snapped out of it because that inspiration they gave me still stuck with me.
Dry now and it will be six days in an hour's time. The withdrawal hasn't been easy, with all the typical symptoms I've read about. Some early days not knowing if it was day or night as sleep was disrupted so bad.
Apart from all the things to look forward to, that you all already know about, I've now got another reason not to have a drink >>

I'm not doing this twice!

Thanks for reading. XX

Hopetostaysober
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Hopetostaysober »

Thank you Deanna for your support and kind words. Congratulations on your five years. I am absolutely desperate for sobriety.
Will definitely see GP and been advised to see a psychologist. Just starting to feel a bit better tonight. Lots of support and good reading material on here. Fingers crossed that I will make it this time, have tried so many times and can go months without any alcohol then it all goes wrong again! Thank you again :\:
You can't change the past but you can try to change the future. ;)?

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