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Mostly Sober

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Flobie
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Flobie » 29 Jan 2019 07:51

Morning all. It’s blinking freezing here on the edge of Dartmoor. We’re supposed to have snow later, I’ve got to go out for lunch but will get home early. I hate driving in the snow... I become fixated on the snow landing on my windscreen which isn’t the safest!! I’ve also made leek and potato soup so that should warm us up. No plans to drink alcohol today. Funny but since I’ve mentally come to terms with the acceptance that I’m not ready to do the Never drink again thing the pressures off. Have a good day everyone. X

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DannyD
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by DannyD » 29 Jan 2019 12:39

Yeah. Drinking when you've said 'never again' leads into guilt and flaggelation (well, not literally).

Didn't drink yesterday, and won't today. Face tomorrow on Wednesday.

Dartmoor - beautiful, but very bleak at this time of year I should imagine. It's not easy driving in falling snow - and even worse in falling snow in the dark.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Hedgehog
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Hedgehog » 29 Jan 2019 16:09

Afternoon Danny, Caroline, Amy, Sue, Ruby, JJJJJJJ, Flobie, Sleepy, Slingy, anyone else

Days go slow when you get up early. Today has flown as I didn't leave the pit of joy until 10am. :o This meant not much work got done (which I can make up for tomorrow) and I'm all discombobulated. Just had a lovely big bowl of spaghetti so there are no drinking thoughts for today.

Hope your lunch was lovely and not too snowy Flobie. Dartmoor is somewhat bleak (but not as bleak as mashed potatoes :lol2: ). I bet it's great when you want to get away from humanity.

It's quite freeing being a mostly, isn't it? The daily drinking-thinking seems to disappear (perhaps not totally, but it's certainly lessened). I'm a convert. I'll probably be eating (or drinking) my words at some point. :lol:

Later Taters :mrgreen:
Breaking on through to the other side. \:)/

Clarity7
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Clarity7 » 29 Jan 2019 16:28

Today is day 80 without a drink and the first time I've posted on here since I've been sober. I have no idea why but felt compelled to do so. This is my biggest number of non-drinking days in the last 20 years (14 was the previous record from years ago). The difference for me this time is that I was at breaking point in every way. Drinking 180 units a week, occasionally in the mornings and totally dependent. My world revolved around my next drink. I was on the brink of losing my health, job, family and life from suicide - 80 days ago I was stood at a motorway bridge with a bottle of wine in my hand at 1pm on a Saturday.

In the last 80 days I have lost 2 stone in weight and removed every negative impact that alcohol's had on my life, other than in the memories my wife and children have of me drunk. I've also realised that I was heavily depressed due to my drinking, where previously I'd always blamed drinking on the depression (my medicine). The most important thing I have learned in the last eighty days is not to do with all the life changing improvements - I knew that bit would happen if I could stop. The bit I have really learned, that I wouldn't have believed and couldn't comprehend, is that life can be good without alcohol! Genuinely good, stable and content. To a point where you don't miss it. It's a gradual process but sober slowly becomes the new normal. The relaxation and comfort I would achieve from drinking has become my default setting. I don't need anything to feel ok. It's good to be free!

You cannot imagine these things in the throes of addiction or continual relapse. In that moment all you know is that you will feel fine once you have a drink (assuming there's enough in the house to go all night or until you pass out).

I promised myself that I would not drink for a minimum of 6 months and if I go back it will be on the 'mostly sober' basis of occasional, planned drinking in social settings once my relationship with alcohol had been totally realigned.

That is still my plan but if things start to go wrong then I will be totally abstinent for the rest of life and I'm fine with that. At least I can go down that road knowing that 1) I definitely cannot moderate. 2) It's not worth it. 3) There is a good life to be had without alcohol.

No matter what happens from here I'm really going to hold on to that 3rd one!

Good Luck
“Nothing has happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now.”
― Eckhart Tolle

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DannyD
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by DannyD » 30 Jan 2019 07:27

Morning

That's an amazing post clarity. Well done.

I've been mostly sober since Sunday. Last week I stayed with my daughter and didn't drink. Got home for the weekend and got totally ill from drinking too much. This week I've been staying with my sister and haven't had a drop. Obviously I need to stay with someone. I'm going home today though, and would like to keep the sober momentum going.

How's it going with everyone else? Hedgehog eat roast tattles instead. Caroline hope it's not too cold where you are. Sue the mantra is 'staying sober for today.'
be selfish in your sobriety.

Flobie
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Flobie » 30 Jan 2019 07:47

Morning al Mostlys. Clarity, that was a thought provoking post. Well done on your 80 days and 2 stone.
Until I read through other people’s experiences on here I never realised how much alcohol Alcohol effects our mental health. When I used to drink a lot and every day my anxiety and stress levels rocketed. I had no ability to rationalise any situation so every problem no matter how small or large became insurmountable. I drank last Saturday and didn’t suffer any anxiety which makes me think that I will be able to cope with The Mostly idea. We’ll see. Hope you’re all doing okay. Dartmoor can be challenge in the snow but does look amazing. We’ve only had a light layer so far but the ice is lethal. The gritters have been out on the main roads but we are in a small village and although I can see a main road in the distance getting there is another thing. Thankfully I’ve no need to go out today so I will enjoy the view. X
Danny, just read your post. Hope you keep the momentum going. I know what you mean about being better when you stay with someone. I guess we hand over the control to someone else when we’re visitors.. it’s not so easy to just help yourself in someone else’s home. Have a good journey home and hope that if you have snow where you are it doesn’t disrupt your journey. X

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AmyJean
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by AmyJean » 30 Jan 2019 08:00

Well done Clarity! Sounds like you've seen the light. Life can be good and fun without alcohol. Think of all the things you can now do that were impossible when drinking. Just simple things like reading a book. That is true freedom. Alcohol dulls us.
I've slipped up a bit recently. Not sure what happened. It is best to just stick to abstinence for peace of mind. It's easier in fact. And cheaper and healthier.......win win!! 👍

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caroline95
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by caroline95 » 30 Jan 2019 11:34

Welcome to the thread Flobie and Clarity, nice to see you.

The post-drinking anxiety is getting worse for me, it lasts for so much longer than the couple of days it used to, and that was bad enough.I was reading an article about alcohol and anxiety recently and though I already knew a lot of what it describes, somehow the way David Nutt spells it out has stuck in my mind.The brain plays tricks, so just as I forget how crap hangovers are when I'm drinking, so I also forget how much better I feel after a long spell of not drinking.The article is here if anyone's interested -
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... nd-anxiety.

I drank a bottle of wine and a large bottle of beer on Sunday, so that's twice this month.I still feel really low and tired after Sunday, so I think I really need to aim for a longer period off the drink.I remember it being around the three month mark that I noticed a real change for the better last time I did a long stint, so I'm making that the goal.I can't say I feel particularly confident at the moment, but that's undoubtedly down to the aftermath of Sunday.

Danny, Amy, I hope you feel a bit better at least we're all here trying to make changes and have each other to swap our struggles with.It does help, I think.

A cheery wave to Hedgie and Slingy, onwards and upwards and so on :\:

Spats
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Spats » 30 Jan 2019 15:01

I’ve been mostly sober this month, probably 26 days but last night I drank 2 bottles of wine and there’s a third bottle left -unopened thank goodness! Today I feel like cr.. of course so no sympathy from me. And definitely not feeling sorry for myself. I’ve not been on a downer, far from it, life is pretty good and I suppose that’s why I drank last night, rewarding myself. Although I have been a bit bored lately, not working and no volunteer work yet but tomorrow I have a volunteer meeting so I’ll be sober tonight. The third bottle of wine I’ll pass on to a friend (I did think about opening it earlier but sense prevailed). Hope everyone else is doing well, and I think I’ll have to get back on here and start posting again - you’re all such a great help and we all need that. Thanks folks for being there <:)>

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DannyD
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by DannyD » 31 Jan 2019 00:10

Evening

Home safe and sound. The sun melted the snow and shine on the constantly dirty windscreen, but it was mostly quite straight forward. I picked up a work shift this evening, so ran round lighting the fire (aga),laundry and getting ready. It was uneventful, but we hit the football traffic coming home.

And another sober day. Win win.

Good night
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Sue C
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Sue C » 31 Jan 2019 07:11

Morning Mostlys!
Total snow chaos in the north west. Yesterday was terrible and all roads were gridlocked. There’s no additional snow but a layer of ice on top it all now. So I’m heading off out to face it shortly.

The anxiety is terrible Caroline. I have several days of hand wringing, feeling like I’ve done something really bad (ie worse than getting drunk).
Lovely to hear from you Spats and well done for ignoring that 3rd bottle.
Danny I’m quite good at controlling it now when I’m with people cos I’m so terrified of becoming a complete idiot and being talked about afterwards. But then that kind of ‘justifies’ the having-a-few at home at a later point because I didn’t get drunk when out with friends!

There’s an answer somewhere and I’m sure it’s ‘Don’t Drink’. But I’m still staying a Mostly for now!

Have a good day all. X

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essay
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by essay » 31 Jan 2019 09:10

Good morning Mostlies :\:
May I join you? I have totally abstained for nearly 3 weeks, without too much of a problem, but drank last night. I don't feel particularly guilty about it, which is probably why I think that Mostly is my natural home, rather than never again ...
I totally get the not drinking while you're staying with other people - I am the same, and if we have company I find it easy to stay away from the wine ... Maybe it's boredom that sends me to the bottle?
Staying away from it for a while now though, and looking forward to getting back on track with you guys.
Keep warm all
xx
I am not giving up alcohol - I am gaining a hangover free, guilt free lifestyle

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DannyD
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by DannyD » 31 Jan 2019 09:41

Sue good luck in the snow and ice. If I didn't have to go out in those conditions, I'd hunker down.

Hello essay, nice to see you.

I'm wondering if the drinking when home alone is not only self preservation (don't drink when with others because you make an idjet of yourself), but slight guilt - don't want others to see our problem?

Coldest night of the year. Of course. We're still in January. I refilled my hot water bottle in the middle of the night.

I'm reading gardening mags and being enthused for warmer days.

Off to work later for a 2 shift day.

Have a good one y'all
be selfish in your sobriety.

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caroline95
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by caroline95 » 31 Jan 2019 10:28

Icy here too, lots of snow on the mountains, looks like a picture postcard.Cold though.

I was always careful not to drink much in the company of normal drinkers for fear of making a show of myself, but usually made up for it when I got home.Now that I'm a hermit the situation rarely arises.

I'm on my phone with it's tiny keyboard, so just a quick post to say hi to you all and welcome to Essay.Stay warm if you're out and about and don't forget your thermals.

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AmyJean
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by AmyJean » 31 Jan 2019 11:27

Hi all. Also on phone so will keep it short. I definitely prefer drinking on my own so I can drink at my own pace - usually fast! I did drink with my friend recently. In her house. I don't really drink when I'm out. Unless I'm abroad. Maybe too scared someone I know will see me I have had so many problems with alcohol, I'm ashamed I drink now and again. I had 2 beers last night. Couldn't risk getting wine because I would have drunk the whole bottle. And I had dentist this morning. I've been v sniffly and sneezy but not too bad. Cold but bright here. It's lovely. X

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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Flobie » 31 Jan 2019 19:36

Evening everyone. Hi Essay nice to see you posting here. Hope everyone is keeping warm. Thank goodness for central heating. It’s been a bit up and down for me. Had a drink a couple of nights ago but none today. Not worrying too much about it just taking it day by day and today is AF. and a good day. Managing to keep my anxiety and stress levels under control so that’s good. Hope everyone on here is doing okay. X

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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Spats » 31 Jan 2019 22:01

That third bottle of wine is still here, I’ll be passing it on to my friend tomorrow. (I did think again about opening it today but I have promised it to someone else). So another two days sober this month. Tomorrow is the start of free February, I can only try can’t I?

Hope you’re all staying with your plans <:)>

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DannyD
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by DannyD » 31 Jan 2019 23:38

Spats I'm in the same place. I was given a couple of bottles of red, for Christmas. This evening I had the fleeting thought of opening one. But I've zipped past the moment.

Going to bed (and cheering !!) sober
be selfish in your sobriety.

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essay
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by essay » 01 Feb 2019 00:20

Yay I dodged the wine bullet tonight \:)/ . I always find it a bit of a struggle to stay dry after a night on the vino (along the lines of 'I've messed up my sobriety run, so what does it matter?), but didn't really want any tonight.
It's been snowing hard here in Cornwall, so no plans to go out tomorrow - must find plenty to do though, as boredom is my downfall.
Still, I'll think about that when it happens - in the meantime -
Night night Mostlies
xx
I am not giving up alcohol - I am gaining a hangover free, guilt free lifestyle

Flobie
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Re: Mostly Sober

Post by Flobie » 01 Feb 2019 08:19

Morning Mostleys from a snowy and cold Dartmoor. Essay, it looks like Cornwall May even be worse than here so keep safe and warm. Boredom is a problem trigger when you’re stuck in. Luckily I think my OH has pretty much drank most of our alcohol! I get really fidgety when I can’t get out. I need to make a real effort to not let anxiety build up. I keep trying to tell myself to put my mind and energy into to things I can change and let go of what I can’t but it’s hard. I have that as a quote on my wall, but it doesn’t always work.fingers crossed it does today. I watch the local children enjoying the snow and it reminds me of days gone by when my sons would be so excited at the first flakes of snow, happy days. Keep warm everyone. X

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