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Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 29 Nov 2019 19:11

Yep, totally believe in planning ahead and being aware.

Soooooo. The girl who stated she is very happy being single has got a date tomorrow with a nice chap :? The subject of drinking has come up and he was a initially bit surprised that i won't be bringing the new year in with champagne or anything else alcoholic. I just said that alcohol doesn't agree with me and that i don't drink it anymore. At this stage i would hate to confess to the horrors of my past to 'drive the message home' to him. I need to find another way to get it through. He was good about it but i am worried he may ask further questions and i will end up being too honest ( a fault of mine) and giving him too much information. I don't mind being frank on this forum because we all 'get it' but i don't want him to ever know i was a fall down drunk in the past. Has anyone else had this worry on dates ? xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 30 Nov 2019 00:54

Shadowlad wrote:
29 Nov 2019 19:11
Yep, totally believe in planning ahead and being aware.

Soooooo. The girl who stated she is very happy being single has got a date tomorrow with a nice chap :? The subject of drinking has come up and he was a initially bit surprised that i won't be bringing the new year in with champagne or anything else alcoholic. I just said that alcohol doesn't agree with me and that i don't drink it anymore. At this stage i would hate to confess to the horrors of my past to 'drive the message home' to him. I need to find another way to get it through. He was good about it but i am worried he may ask further questions and i will end up being too honest ( a fault of mine) and giving him too much information. I don't mind being frank on this forum because we all 'get it' but i don't want him to ever know i was a fall down drunk in the past. Has anyone else had this worry on dates ? xx
Congratulations Shadowlad, hope you have a lovely time. I think it's really brave going on a sober date, so well done, I don't think I could do it. (::) I wouldn't say anything about the drinking in your past until you got to know him better, he may be the man of your dreams or he might turn out to be a limp squid. :mrgreen: I think anybody that judges you probably isn't worth having. Good luck and keep us posted.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

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SoberBoots
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by SoberBoots » 30 Nov 2019 09:51

Shadowlad wrote:
29 Nov 2019 19:11
Yep, totally believe in planning ahead and being aware.

Soooooo. The girl who stated she is very happy being single has got a date tomorrow with a nice chap :? The subject of drinking has come up and he was a initially bit surprised that i won't be bringing the new year in with champagne or anything else alcoholic. I just said that alcohol doesn't agree with me and that i don't drink it anymore. At this stage i would hate to confess to the horrors of my past to 'drive the message home' to him. I need to find another way to get it through. He was good about it but i am worried he may ask further questions and i will end up being too honest ( a fault of mine) and giving him too much information. I don't mind being frank on this forum because we all 'get it' but i don't want him to ever know i was a fall down drunk in the past. Has anyone else had this worry on dates ? xx
Awesome Nicky, have a fab time! I wouldn't go into any depth myself, I'd just say I don't drink and leave it at that. If he's pushy that's a) rude and b) a bit alarming, mostly this only happens if people are looking for an enabler. Just keep it cool (you don't have to explain yourself, to him or anyone else, unless you want to) and enjoy it. I have been on a couple of sober dates, and they weren't difficult - sober is who I am now. No business resulted sadly!
Last edited by SoberBoots on 30 Nov 2019 12:40, edited 1 time in total.
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Trojan
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Trojan » 30 Nov 2019 10:10

Nicky, I’d agree that this is a private matter. No good can come of opening that can of worms, and, as Sally puts it, sober is who you are now. We are allowed to change and move on :-)

I hope you have a lovely time :-)
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Topcat
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Topcat » 30 Nov 2019 12:43

Nicky - I so agree with all the above. It is your business and it is up to you what you choose to reveal. Enjoy yourself <:)>
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Leslans » 30 Nov 2019 17:30

I think at this dating stage of a friendship you don’t have to say anything about your past or reasons why you don’t drink. It is quite simple you don’t drink, it doesn’t agree with you and you took a decision a long time ago to not bother. Someone I know decided she wasn’t going to continue dating someone who drank. She felt it might be awkward on occasion. I think that is due to the fact that she likes to overindulge. Anyone who can take it or leave it won’t be bothered about your drinking situation......or that’s how I see it.

Enjoy yourself. Absolutely hold your head high, it’s “cool” not to drink <:)>
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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 30 Nov 2019 19:30

Hello friends <:)>

Thank you so much for your lovely helpful words Ruby, Sally, Trojan, TC and Leslans, i really appreciate it :)

The date was a complete success we have had a lovely afternoon together and are going to carry on seeing each other :D \:)/

I realise now that i completely blew this up into a problem that was not even there. He never even mentioned alcohol today and did not ask any intrusive questions at all. He ordered coffee at the bar for himself and i had lime and soda. It was so cold it was hot chocolate for the rest of the day.

Last year i did a bit of dating and none of it went anywhere, much like sally said. So i didn't bother for a year, and then this lovely man has come along and.....well.....sought my attention. Just when i resigned myself to a life of singledom too lol. (w)

I managed to read your posts before the meeting, and it all makes perfect sense. I'm not the person i was 7 years ago, and with the help of this forum i feel sure i will never try drinking ever again. He doesn't need to know the ins and outs of my past, it will achieve nothing and Its all gone now. Thank you friends xxx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Trojan
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Trojan » 30 Nov 2019 19:36

Shadowlad wrote:
30 Nov 2019 19:30
...
The date was a complete success we have had a lovely afternoon together and are going to carry on seeing each other :D \:)/
...
That's lovely to hear, and the man clearly has his head screwed on :D
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by martha » 30 Nov 2019 19:52

Fantastic news, Shadow! Keep us updated :mrgreen:
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SoberBoots
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by SoberBoots » 30 Nov 2019 20:28

Awesome news Shadow \:)/
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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 30 Nov 2019 21:28

Sounds fab shadow, so happy for you, do we need to buy hats, virtual of course. ;)

Ruby xx
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Winkler
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Winkler » 30 Nov 2019 21:37

Are u a bit of a looker shadow? ;) :D
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SoberBoots
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by SoberBoots » 30 Nov 2019 21:39

Ruby&Tilly wrote:
30 Nov 2019 21:28
Sounds fab shadow, so happy for you, do we need to buy hats, virtual of course. ;)

Ruby xx
Or just what my friend once referred to as a fornicator. She meant fascinator... but the context was unfortunate :lol2:
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 30 Nov 2019 21:41

SoberBoots wrote:
30 Nov 2019 21:39
Ruby&Tilly wrote:
30 Nov 2019 21:28
Sounds fab shadow, so happy for you, do we need to buy hats, virtual of course. ;)

Ruby xx
Or just what my friend once referred to as a fornicator. She meant fascinator... but the context was unfortunate :lol2:
I know a few fornicators I could sell you, what the hell, you can have them for free. :lol2:
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 01 Dec 2019 16:13

:D :D :lol2:

You guys are the best. Thanks for the good wishes and humour <:)> <:)>

....and the good advice !
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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