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Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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tee
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by tee » 16 Oct 2010 15:18

Right. I'm away me hols. To an all inclusive resort (woo get me). Now, I'm happy to report it is at least two months since any vodka has passed these vennisony lips (do deer have lips? :? ) but before you get the flags out allow me to confess I have been quaffing the cava :oops: Which was working quite well until I ended up just as pissed as I had been on the vodka (who knew? :o ) So back to square one. With an imminent holiday looming. Yeah yeah yeah total abstinence is the only way, I hear ya. But I'll no have you lot only a click away will I? If I cannae do it with your help I'm no likely to succeed without it am I? Sh*t.

Just read that back. Poor me I'm going on holiday :oops: I'll get me coat. Sorry peeps :oops:
Perseverance is not a long race, it is a series of short races one after the other.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Sheila » 16 Oct 2010 15:42

Have a great time Tee...ditto Digga and Jo's words <:)>
#4 on the 2019 Challenge
I will not drink again no matter what.

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tee
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by tee » 16 Oct 2010 15:49

Aw thanks kind peeps, will try to keep pants off head and avoid wham songs at all costs <:)> I may just shock you all and come back with a shiny new halo in me suitcase. How grand would that be? ;)?
Perseverance is not a long race, it is a series of short races one after the other.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by linda.c » 16 Oct 2010 16:12

Have a brill time Tee - send us all a postcard won't ya :) <:)> x x

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by fairycake » 18 Oct 2010 09:22

have a great time tee and make a plan :)
'I can't' is dead. He is survived by his brother and sister 'I can' and 'I will'.

'Success is the ability to go from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm' Winston Churchill

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maddie » 25 Apr 2011 09:25

Looks like nobody's posted here for a while, so I'll get the ball rolling. ;)?

I've an old friend coming to visit on Wednesday evening - he's a good friend of the family and I used to work for him almost 20 years ago. Anyway, I've not seen him in a while and he's calling in for a 'drink'. Now, that in itself doesn't cause too many alarm bells, but what has worried me now is he's sent me a message and asked how many bottles of wine should be enjoy together, and you see that's the bit that worries me.

I have no problem having a glass of wine, I'm able to do this and not have the feeling I'm out of control and feel I need to keep on drinking. But I do have alarm bells that he's planning on us getting drunk, which I have no intention of doing particularly as I'll be working at 7.30 the following morning.

So I've messaged my friend to say I don't want a lot to drink because it's mid week and I'll be working the following day. Hmmm, I've had no response.......but I think I'll make sure I've some flavoured water in and I won't buy a bottle of wine in because I suspect he's going to arrive with at least 2 bottles of the stuff.

I also think that had we arranged this at the weekend, I wouldn't be as worried either because I wouldn't be working the following morning. It's just I've trained myself so well not to drink during the week, because I like the clear headedness and all the other benefits that not drinking too much brings.

So, I'm going to have to stick to my guns and kick him out when enough is enough. I'm glad I'm aware that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by zarajenkin » 25 Apr 2011 12:04

Hi Maddie,

Sounds like you are really clear about your plan and I have no doubt that you will succeed! <:)>

I think being aware is really, really important.

Sending you lots of support.

Zara x

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Beebee » 25 Apr 2011 16:31

Hi Maddie,

Good Luck with tonight, stick to your guns!! I''m sure all will go well

Beebee <:)>

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maddie » 25 Apr 2011 17:42

Thanks Zara and Beebee, it just helps to post about it really as it helps to project the worry rather than it staying inside me and drive me insane. I'm sure it'll all work out well, and hopefully I'm worrying about nothing. I'll post after the event and let you know how it goes. ;)?

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maddie » 29 Apr 2011 08:57

Thanks Zoe and Rebecca for your comments, I really appreciate your feedback. The evening went really well on Wednesday, and to be honest I was so glad I'd planned it out in my head and was prepared for just in case things got a bit tricky with regards any pressure to drink.

I had in my mind that my friend was bringing more than 1 bottle of wine. Well thank God I was wrong - he arrived with one bottle, and we shared that together. So in my book, an acceptable amount was consumed and I went to bed feeling that I'd enjoyed the evening without the worry or guilt that I'd had a drink mid-week or had too much to drink.

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

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George
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by George » 22 May 2011 17:15

Dangerous situation ahead folks. My friend, whom I've known for about thirty-five years, is arriving on Wednesday. Don't get me wrong, we've always been pals and it will be great to see him but - the big but - it will be difficult to stay off the drink when he's here. We have always drunk together and always heavily, neither of us with a half pint of shandy I'm afraid. And it went on for decades.

He gets here in three days time, I'm on day two and it won't be easy. He knows all about me and my problems and is good about it all and I want him to enjoy his visit, the hotel is 200 yards down the road and if he wants to go for a pint then......

I'll go and have a cuppa and think about it :?
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Jjjj of Old » 22 May 2011 18:26

I'll second Unicorn's advice, George! Best of luck with everything, but I agree that the fact you are posting about it proves that you are wise enough to be planning/preparing ahead for this visit.

I have a similar kind of friend - Gareth. We were kind of the 'terrible twins' as teenagers. It was all innocent fun, but my parents would always blame him - and his parents would always blame me - for all the drunken scrapes we got into. And so it continued into our 20s and beyond...

I don't see him too often nowadays, but we keep in regular contact. I was trying to imagine how it would be if he visited me. I can't say for certain how I'd handle it. But it reminded me that another of our old "gang", Tim, got drunk twice when we were teenagers, didn't like it (and, maybe more importantly, didn't trust the way it made him feel), and has been teetotal ever since.

Gareth and I have stayed with Tim countless times over the years. Sometimes we're both there together, and sometimes not. Either way, Gareth and I would always get drunk, and Tim would always stay sober. I guess the thing is, both we and Tim always had a great time - Tim is confident in his sobriety, he doesn't feel he's missing out on anything by not getting drunk; and we never felt awkward about his sobriety - he's a smashing bloke and his company is what mattered, not what he was drinking.

What I'm cack-handedly trying to say is that you're a smashing bloke - and I'm sure your friend thinks that, or he wouldn't be visiting and he wouldn't understand the problems you've had. So, personally, I think you should have confidence in your sobriety and try and be like Tim. Your friend can be like Gareth, if he likes; but, regardless, you'll both have a great time - because, ultimately, it's each other's company you'll enjoy. It would be an odd kind of friendship if it relied on you both getting blotto every time you saw one another!

Think I'm rambling again, so I'll shut up!

You know you have all our support, whatever you decide, George <:)>

Mark
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by George » 22 May 2011 19:32

Thanks Unicorn, thanks Mark

I am looking forward to seeing my mate and the worry is not about his behaviour, it is solely about mine. We have always been mates - and always been pissed. Now, if he wants to have a drink then fine, that's his business but as I see it just now, it is possibly one more thing to trip over.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him, I just don't want to screw it up so I have to be in the right mindset. That's for me to sort out - I've got my fingers crossed ;)
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Sandy » 22 May 2011 20:17

Hi George
Definetly a tricky one.
You could put on that very very determined head of yours and just say No I aint gonna do that drinkin thing, but agree it can take nerves of steel and you will have to keep it up throughout his visit (as opposed to just a few hours). It's definetly all about gettin into the right head space for this George, can only advise you to think about it all, what will drinking with your mate really achieve?, will it make his visit better if you ar both p@@@@@d every day? What else are you going to be doing while he is there (coz if you drink too much your plans may be a little thwarted) Will it really make his visit a pleasure for you?
My other thought is this George, I know you have managed over a year without booze before, therefore you can manage this friends visit without booze too, of course you can..... it's just getting your head around it all and deciding what you want to do before he arrives (obviously why you posted) Would he consider not drinking at all during his visit?
Sandy

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by hamster2 » 23 May 2011 05:56

Hi George

Can you talk to him before he arrives? Does he know your problems with alcohol? Its a tough one. I rememeber going up to see my family in the North. They didnt know about my problem and they all drank heavily and would expect me to be part of it.

I remember wanting to go and not drink but also wanting to go and have a 'week end off'. If I told them then I would be burning my bridges and no longer would it be my drinking refuge. I really grieved over it. It was a tough call. In the end I did tell them (not that it stopped them offering or me accepting on occasions). But it did lay down the foundation and opened a door for me to talk about it more as time went by and my problem refused to go away.

They have now accepted my problem and I can refuse drink without being pressed. I dont feel under pressure to drink.

Hope all goes well.
Julie
x

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Day » 21 Jul 2011 21:31

Got a wedding party this weekend. Old Uni friends who know me as quite wild and rarely sober or straight. I think I can handle it as we have to drive there. I know I'm very good at staying off alcohol when the car is outside. And a cab home is not an option as it's 80 miles or so.

Gawd I hope it will be ok.
Keeping on keeping off

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by silvergirl » 09 Aug 2011 15:39

i am feeling a bit odd.

i'm alone this week, which is nice in a way, and also strange. but strange in a nice way i suppose. nah it's good - i decided what i needed was a bit of time off from being a parent, and then i organised things so that that is what happened. i am enjoying it, but also missing the spawn. i know she'll be back though, so i'm just chilling out and enjoying it. earlier on in the week i had thoughts about drinking, but i'm not going to. all good.

what i'm thinking about though, is a family wedding in a few weeks, and i am wondering about having a glass of champagne to toast the bride and groom. and only one. i am not sure why i think this is likely to be okay - but i suspect it might be (ha!), i have been in situations before when i have mentally allowed myself a set amount of alcohol on a particular occasion and it has been fine. i'm not sure about down the line though, it might be fine on the saturday of the wedding but i suspect it would also give me a taste for it again and then the whole cycle of chaos would start again. i guess i should spell it sham-pain. (cheers big ears. <:)> )

on balance, i'm probably not going to have the one glass. i guess i would maybe feel a bit silly toasting them with orange juice or whatever the non alcoholic alternative is. also, a lot of my family will be there and whilst i didn't drink when i saw them at new year, i suppose that by not drinking at a wedding, there will be questions asked about "does she have a problem..." well, yes, i do, several, but my problems are lessened if i don't drink.

oh, it has just this very minute occurred to me that a solution would be to explain to the family member who is getting married that i no longer drink alcohol but would like to toast them with something other than orange juice and is it okay to bring along a couple of bottles of fizzy 0% bubbly from sainsbury's for them to chill and me to drink. yay! but again that's a tacit admission of alcoholism. do i care? i suppose what i'm thinking of is that if i have one and say "no more, that's plenty for me thanks" i will look like a responsible drinker? ha! i'm not a responsible drinker, i know that, so why am i trying to fool myself?

gah.

right, going to get out of my pyjamas and out to the shop. i had potatoes and onion for my tea last night because that's about all there was in the house! i mixed them up with mayonnaise and it was surprisingly good, a warm potato salad. but i'd quite like something different tonight.

sgx
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Libelula » 10 Aug 2011 01:30

Hi sg,

A short and sweet late night post but just wanted to say hello. I think the 0% sparkling AF wine is a great idea - one that you can put into practice in future situations too, if you feel it works well as a tactic. You are thinking well ahead, so have time to think about it.

I actually saw your post on my phone this afternoon - my smartphone shows up the latest threads to be posted on and your post flashed up. I was at work though so couldn't really compose a reply. Recently I've developed a habit of slightly compulsively sneaking peeks into Brighteye at work. This is not really constructive behaviour: someone eventually will see which site I'm surfing; I could get into trouble for non work-related internet (I don't think a local authority would dare discipline someone using the internet to seek help with an alcohol problem... but not a case I want to have to make!); and finally, it strikes me as an addictive behaviour.

I am trying hard not to be addicted to Brighteye, as I want it to remain a positive force in my life!

Anyway, my other compulsive tendency to drone on is beginning to kick in. Just wanted also to say warm potato salad sounds *delicious*...! I hope you had a tasty tea tonight too.

A week without your daughter is probably quite a change to your normal routine, so stay strong there. <:)>

Lib x
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by marie-claire » 10 Aug 2011 17:54

Hi sg
I completely understand your dilemma. I've had a few like that myself over the past months and worrying about them is always worse than the actual event. If this were me, I know - and have known from day 1 - that if I gave myself permission to drink AT ALL, whatever the circumstances, then I would be back up to my old tricks before you know it. I could kid myself that just one glass would be fine but c'mon, when did I ever EVER want just one glass? Actually, I never much liked going to functions because it meant I couldn't drink as much as I would have liked to. One reason it took me decades to stop was precisely because I was convinced it would mean social death, embarassment and discomfort. Well actually, there's nothing more embarrassing than being the most obviously pissed person at someone's wedding.

I haven't been to a wedding yet since I stopped but I've been to several birthday parties where everyone was toasting in champagne. Where possible I took something vaguely similar (sparkling elderflower is lovely) but otherwise, I just raised my glass with whatever was in it. I doubt anyone noticed, or, if they did, was bothered or interested. Much less noticeable than falling over, spilling wine, talking nonsense etc etc anyway.

I've "come out" to most people (that matter) by now and you know what? It really hasn't been the problem I'd imagined. In fact people who care about you are generally supportive. I've usually just said I was worried about my health so I stopped drinking and start exercising and feel the better for it. Actually, my husband usually tells them before I can! He's that proud of me, bless him. Once you've done this family wedding AF you'll be so much stronger for the next time - that's what I've found anyway.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your me-time week.
MC x
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The most massive characters are seared with scars.
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by silvergirl » 11 Aug 2011 13:03

thanks both for your responses. <:)> <:)> i think i needed to think aloud, although i already know the answer.

marie-clare, really nice to see you, and it's good to see that you're still chugging away. <:)> i kind of lost my way for a while, and looking back on my own experience of the last few months, really does make me think that i'm trying to pull a huge number on myself. en route to the shop yesterday for eggs and other delights, part of me was saying "a day off today would be fine" but it was easy to quash that part of my brain and say nah, don't be so silly. but, i know that when i'm caught up in the midst of drinking, it's a compulsion, that part of my brain just gets to click into the driving seat and wins, (oops - typed wines there... :oops: ) hands down. i just can't help myself so what kind of dumbass would i be to willingly let alcohol into my life again?! it's an insidious evil drug, if i had quit smoking for over a month i wouldn't be saying "oh i'll just have one, i'd feel left out without it" i would understand that i couldn't. gah. perhaps i need a partial lobotomy! most of my side of the family who will be there have already seen me not drinking at new year. they all live quite far away, so i rarely see them, but at new year there were four or five days on the trot where i just said no thanks, not today, and that was accepted. half of my family are drunks, and the sober half know that the other half are drunks so me making a good choice and deciding not to go down that route should only be a good thing! (except for the half who are drunks of course, because they no longer get to feel on a level with me and want me to join in....) anyway. thanks.

in addition to the wedding in a few weeks, i've got about five weekends coming up where i will be busy and socialising, which is actually quite rare for me. i keep a drinking diary at drinkingdiary.com and i've clicked forward for each day and tried to visualise it, where i will be, what i will be doing, and that i will be sober. (plugging in sober days when i haven't actually had them is a bit sad, i know! :lol: i'm not really trying to wish my life away) but, plugging in sober days, and occasionally thinking what would happen if i did drink on any of them, (i'd be binging daily within three days...) was a useful exercise, it helped me narrow down what are going to be the tricky days and i suppose forewarned is forearmed. i think that possibly i haven't categorically said "no thanks, not now, not ever" because that doesn't give me an "out" in future, so that i am possibly still sneakily planning a relapse at some point. "oh, i wasn't drinking, but it's all fine now, so i will"... instead i always say something like "i'm not drinking tonight" or "i just don't fancy it today" which implies it may be a short term thing, which isn't really what i'm after. i'm not being very congruent. :?

libby, hugs to you. <:)> sorry it's taken me a couple of days to get back to you, and thanks muchly for your lovely late night post. i completely agree that swopping an addiction to alcohol for an addiction to bright eye is not a good route, it's something i have thought about myself too. i don't work at the moment, but i think that keeping work and bright eye completely separate is a good idea. my tottie salad *was* delicious, and i have been subsisting on hot chicken sandwiches and salads ever since. i feel good! \:)/ the week off has been just the ticket, today's the last day of freedom, so i'm gonna (try to) put the forum down today and do sommat vaguely constructive.

love,
sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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