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Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Bupster
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bupster » 28 Nov 2008 20:08

I think that's an excellent idea, Darcy. Incidentally, I've always found that with fancy dress, the more daft you look, the less awkward you feel. It's only when you feel like you've done half a job that you wish you'd either not come at all or not bothered. When you dress from head to foot as the colour blue or a satanic farmyard everybody else is visibly wishing they'd been as brave, but in a funny way it's like being on stage, and you're wearing a costume, so it's not even really you.

Don't know if that's helpful in the slightest...
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

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Bupster
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bupster » 28 Nov 2008 20:37

Oh, in that case go the whole hog. Definitely wear a habit, I always find that if I've got a hat or a wig or something that immediately makes me feel dressed up. When I say always, it's been a while...

Last year I went to my work summer party dressed as a pirate, from the boots to the parrot. Four of my colleagues went as modern pirates. You try crossing London by public transport with four large men wearing balaclavas and carrying plastic guns :shock: . I think it was only the parrot kept us from being arrested.
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

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Bupster
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bupster » 28 Nov 2008 21:03

And you can't really do priests or monks if you're trying to be non-alcoholic. You could go as a Christmas pudding and say you're scared of booze in case someone sets you alight?
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

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teodora
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by teodora » 06 Dec 2008 10:34

Dear All,

Yesterday, I planned to drink and get really drunk. Today I am ashamed and with a big hangover. I need to get back to my plans and be without drinking for one month.

Thanks

Teodora

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Bela
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 06 Dec 2008 13:52

Teodora, sorry you are feeling bad. But as you say, get back to your plans.
Will be here to support you. Wishing you well this day. Bela
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Stephen_A
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Stephen_A » 06 Dec 2008 14:28

Hi Tedora,
I know how you feel. In spite of all the work and effort we find ourselves 'planning' to drink. It might be a good idea to label this event as not innocuous contemplation but the emergence of the most dangerous and harmful type of thoughts. You can train yourself to identify this is not something harmless, but something about you which you can just say 'I don't do that. I don't do that.' This might throttle the thinking in the early stages. You can learn to control the thinking and not let it progress to the next stage.

All the best for the rest of the month.

Stephen.
teodora wrote:I planned to drink and get really drunk.

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teodora
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by teodora » 06 Dec 2008 15:56

Thank you so much Bela and Stephen.

I am being gentle to myself today and took a note of Stephen's advice of looking at the "planning to drink" as an emergency that needs to be stopped before progressing. Thank you for this.

Teodora

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2XS
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by 2XS » 07 Dec 2008 16:59

Just cooking sunday roast and could murder a glass of wine :o.. so here goes
DIE!... DIE!... JUST DIE! :twisted: (strangle strangle.....choke ....flop)
think that's done it ?
Bombshells- How to survive using the emotional umbrella technique

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2XS
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by 2XS » 07 Dec 2008 17:35

BOO!

:twisted:
Bombshells- How to survive using the emotional umbrella technique

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Paquin
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Paquin » 19 Dec 2008 11:06

Hi Everyone,

I have found this thread very useful. It made me realise that I need to spot potential crisis points coming up and mentally go through all the temptations and mind games that my brain will start playing and neutralise them before I get into the situation.

I am spending a night in a hotel next week and I will be alone- Teodora's experience made me realise that this will be a potential crisis point for me, so I shall make sure that I bring some nice juice with me to sip on and a good book to read and some tasty snacks. For some weird reason I never want to drink alcohol when I eat a MacDonald's meal, so I shall go to MaccyD in the evening and eat there. Not very exciting and not very healthy but very safe for me.

Something that Stephen wrote earlier about saying 'I am a recuperating alcoholic' when put under pressure made me realise that I am making my drinking problem invisible to others by saying, 'I am on a health kick at the moment' (in fact my drinking problem always has been invisible in the sense that I mostly drank alone at home). In a sense I am colluding with the social pressure that demands that we are all 'happy' with our drinking even though so many people patently are not. I don't think I shall be announcing that 'I am trying to sort out my alcohol problem' over Christmas, but I will think about being more open about the fact that I am addressing a problem/addiction/illness in the future. After all it is not socially unacceptable to say that I am giving up smoking or on a diet, but saying 'I am giving up alcohol' seems to upset the social apple cart big time, and there seems to be much more social stigma attached to alcohol dependency.

I think more of us need to challenge this silence when we feel able to - I think this is part of a process, and I hope no one on this forum thinks I am criticising them. Our first priority is to get ourselves sorted out in terms of alcohol and if that means saying 'I am on a diet' and helps keep that process on track then that is definitely number one priority and no one should have to apologise for that. But personally, I plan to be a bit more high-profile about what I am doing because I think it is important to challenge the way that the enormity of the problem with alcohol is kept out of public view.

Sorry, if I have hijacked the thread.

Paquin

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by vlad » 30 Mar 2009 08:46

Hey all - hmmm, yes I remember when I had a part-full bottle of vodka in the freezer, the torment got so bad, I just tipped it - it took a good few days mulling it over but once done it brought a great sense of freedom.

Anyway today is a toughie for me - hubby (yes, I'm female) has gone away for a few days. I don't want it to be a case of 'while the cats away the mice will play'. There are 6 bottles of wine, a bottle of rum and half a bottle of whiskey in the house. This time, it's not mine to tip. I don't think hubby would be too happy. The thoughts about drinking have been swirling round in my head these last few days. I really don't want to drink, especially as it would mean drinking alone. I have plans for this evening, busy with church for one thing but then afterwards, well that's the thing. I have things to do, but they could quite easily be done whilst drinking!!! Frustrating as it is, will probably come on here... thought about getting my fav non-al drink but in the shop it's opposite the vodka. How dumb is that???

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Stephen_A » 30 Mar 2009 10:07

Hi Vlad,
You've touched upon a very real problem when we cut out the pop. We can't assume that everyone around us will suddenly go teetotal or thoroughly appreciate the difficulties we face. It was heroic of you to chuck that vodka away.
Everyone will fully understand how tough it will be for you to live with your husband's stash. Focus on that great sense of freedom you got when you dumped the booze. You tipped it away. You are welcome to walk us through the evening by constantly posting here. You're bound to get some good responses and plenty of encouragement. You can do it.

Stephen.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by vlad » 30 Mar 2009 10:48

Thanks Steve, I plan to come on here later this evening after church.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maggie » 31 Mar 2009 18:50

Hi Vlad,
I hope you got through yesterday and today <:)> .

I hadn't see this thread before, you must have bumped it up. As it happens, the title jumped out at me cos I'm negotiating choppy waters myself. I read through from the beginning - some good stuff here.

take care,
Maggie

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maggie » 31 Mar 2009 19:33

Dangerous situation :( I got a stinker of a letter from the bank today about mortgage arrears. I know my own anxious feelings, knot of the stomach stuff - I know I'll have it for some time while I try to sort things out. Me and thousands of others, hundreds of thousands I guess. 23 days dry today, and the temptation is there to blot this out tonight so I don't have to think about it. Of course, situation will have to be faced tomorrow anyway, so what's the point - rationally I know there's no point, but temporary escape is a dangerous lure.

I won't do it. I'm going to log off here now and make dinner. My housemate drinks red wine, thankfully I don't like red, nothing I drink is in the house. I'm not going to get into the car and get bottles after dinner. I'm going to enjoy the meal (steak pie, mmmm), watch tv, maybe get into a few CSI episodes. Will log back on here later if I feel bad.

Have to use that shield Tony's been distributing,
Maggie

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by sue » 31 Mar 2009 22:10

Maggie, I really feel for you and the temptation to blot this out must seem so inviting. But as you said, it will still be there tomorrow. Wonder how many others are temporarily numbing themselves at these times! Your resolve sounds really strong and well done on that. You'll wake up tomorrow and handle this without the dreaded hangover and added anxiety. Stay strong sweet.
Sue xx

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Maggie » 31 Mar 2009 23:53

Thanks, Sue <:)> . Past the time I could go out and get bottles so danger over for tonight.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by prufrock » 01 Apr 2009 10:51

I've just taken a look at this thread because I've got another social situation looming on Sunday...one that I would most definately indulge myself at and reading earlier posts (esp Pacquin) I agree that planning to not drink and thinking about it in advance helps prepare you.

I find that if I haven't been drinking for a while about where I'm at now I can get to the point where I let my guard down and suddenly a drink appears in front of you bought by some well meaning friend and it's too hard / rude not to drink it. After all it's only this one time etc . Then you think well might as well have another and start tomorrow and then tomorrow you feel bad so you have a hair of the dog and before you know it you are back where you started.

I'm going to try the three month challenge so I'm planning my strategy for Sunday now!
<:)> to everyone

sylv
I can do it - I will do it

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Bela
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 01 Apr 2009 12:29

Sylv, perhaps you can rehearse some scenarios where you successfully decline drinks. You can share them here. There is a thread here somewhere about saying no to a drink. You might find some ideas there, too.
I've gotton better at just saying no, but during my first challenges I said things like "maybe later." I also said once that "I had wine earlier, maybe later". That was a little fib, but it worked and made me appear (yeah, sure) like a take it or leave it sort. <:)> Bela
Last edited by Bela on 02 Apr 2009 01:15, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen_A
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Stephen_A » 01 Apr 2009 12:47

Hi Sylv,
Yes planning is everything. If you look on the 'Relapsing' thread there is the topic 'How to say no to a drink.' It's here:
http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/a ... ?f=3&t=284
There is lots of helpful discussion there about this. Refusing drinks is an art. I can send you a link to some useful information. If you go to this event properly prepared, and as Bela said, having rehearsed all the possible scenarios, you'll be well equipped.

I'll send you that information.

All the best,
Stephen.

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