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Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Topcat
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Topcat » 16 May 2013 07:25

I think it was meant to be "clearly" Bumps, but I prefer "celery" preferably with a serving of poppadoms.
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Sheila
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Sheila » 16 May 2013 07:40

If I move that spam, you lot are going to look as though you've really lost the plot ... It's gonna disappear very soon ...... ;)
Get your orders in before its too late (::)
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Topcat
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Topcat » 16 May 2013 07:43

Lost the plot? Nothing new there then.

Bye bye SPAM \:)/ \:)/
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Sheila
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Sheila » 16 May 2013 07:48

It's so funny I really want to leave it, but I can't :lol:
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by bumpydog » 16 May 2013 07:55

Aw! I'm off to work to question my celery. I knew the stuff was evil! It's clearly responsible for the worlds diseases!
If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Jake. » 16 May 2013 07:59

Sounds tasty
Let me take a selfie

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soready
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by soready » 12 Jul 2014 11:32

Hi everyone, I'm new to this thred but was looking for one that I could come on when I'm tempted to drink. I truly need encouragement when I hit those days.


Well at day 1 once again after 6 days of doing absolutely terrific... I woke up yesterday and knew from the get go I was going to give myself permission to drink, I could tell by the thought process I was in and I knew calling a friend or coming on here would help and I did consider it but not with sincerity because I drank 3 glasses of wine....
I realize that checking in here daily is a MUST for me.

soooo here I am once again at DAY 1 :( :oops: :cry: :?

(my screen name is soready but my real name is Kim)
To look at oneself in the mirror and respect the reflection is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 05 Mar 2015 00:04

Hi Sunny <:)>

Do you need a bit of a rant ? If so go ahead, ranting is allowed and sometimes helpful :)
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Topcat
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Topcat » 05 Mar 2015 05:16

Sunny <:)> It's great that you realised what was happening and posted about it. We usually plan our drinking bouts/relapses and start preparing for them about 3 days in advance. Clear the decks and mentally/physically prepare ourselves. i used to find that I would (sort of) close my mind to anything that might "talk me out of it". I didn't want to listen to reason, I just wanted to drink.

Well done Sunny on recognising what could be a difficult situation. Do as Nicky (Shadow) says and rant away, swear, PM me or anyone else on BE - just don't let it build up and don't disappear Sunny. Stick with us <:)> <:)>
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by macchiatto » 08 Mar 2015 05:18

That's such good information Topcat/Rags, thank you. Glad you got through it Sunny, like Shadow suggested an occasional rant does wonders for clearing the air. <:)>

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by AmyJean » 14 Mar 2015 10:48

Exactly a year ago this weekend I went to Barcelona for 3 nights with a friend (someone I didn't know very well and who didn't know my past). Up until then I had 13 months of sobriety under my belt (because of my horrendous past) - I thought I would allow myself a beer in the sun and a glass of wine with a meal. When I came home I started to have a bottle now and again which just escalated (recognise the pattern anyone?) So - one year later I have finally managed to break the habit again. I haven't had a drink since 25 January. Only a few weeks I know but I definitely feel I have broken the habit and I'm not even contemplating buying a bottle for Friday/Saturday evenings in.
I've got a reunion lunch today with old school friends. Obviously they all knew me in my non-drinking days since I met them in Primary School! But I haven't seen one for about 30 years and the obvious thing is to have a glass of fizz together. But I'm not going to do it. I'll say I have to drive later (I've actually lost my driving license).
In September I'm going to a wedding in Venice. Already I'm thinking I'll allow myself a Bellini in Harry's Bar and a fizz on the wedding day. But I cannot face sinking into the ghastly on-off drinking/controlling/bingeing. I cannot FACE it!! But it will be a very dangerous situation for me.
Today is slightly dangerous but I feel strong enough to resist. I hope. I'll be checking into BE later.
Happy weekend everyone and stay strong. Amyx

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Jaded » 14 Mar 2015 12:45

Hi AmyJean
AmyJean wrote: ....I definitely feel I have broken the habit and I'm not even contemplating buying a bottle for Friday/Saturday evenings in.
That is spectacular, I sure hope I can get there one day! I'm definitely not an expert, just wanted to share my thoughts with you...

The wedding in Venice sounds lovely, and I wouldn't worry about drinking/not drinking at that time yet...I bet you will feel even stronger by the time it comes around!

As for your friends today, I think the line about having to drive is perfect. Nobody is going to argue that, right? Nobody will say, oh come on, you can drive with just having one...eeek! So you will be "safe" ;)?

I am meeting up with some friends, too, and the more I think about it, the more I think that it's ME who puts the importance on having a drink. I don't think anyone else gives a hoot if I drink or not! :lol:

Anyway, just wanted to give some support and <:)> 's. I will be thinking of you this evening when I'm having dinner with my friends and will try to be as strong as you are! 13 months in the bank! I can't even imagine that these days!!!

Jaded
.

p.s. Rags, this is beyond helpful for me today. Thank you.
Rags wrote:
....Don't let what might happen in the future spoil the here and now. tomorrow... ...you might begin to break down the enormous and impossible to smaller, more manageable parts <:)>


.
“Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can do it better" -- Zig Ziglar

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by AmyJean » 14 Mar 2015 18:32

Thanks for the support and encouragement Jaded. You will get there.
All went fine at the lunch. 2 people WERE driving and the others only had a couple of glasses. I could see one person wanted to drink more - that would have been me in the past. I felt much more relaxed not drinking - and, you're right, nobody even noticed. You don't need to give any reason not to drink.
I am safe in my home now. Will settle down with the TV and more food and will enjoy tomorrow with my mum knowing I didn't give in to the demon drink! I'm away to get a herbal tea.
X

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Topcat » 27 May 2015 06:33

Excellent article Sunny and well done on not drinking for over 8 months ;)?

When I was seeing a counsellor and had just relayed to her (yet again) that "I couldn't stop myself picking up that bottle - it just happened" she replied that it had not JUST happened at all, but had been brewing for probably 3 days.

She went on to explain the 3 Day Preparation Period (3DPP). As the Gorski Article explains so well, we plan our relapses in advance (although they sometimes feel like they are spur of the moment). I poo pooed the idea, but found that, over time, she was spot on. Keeping a journal, I could read back and notice how my moods etc., changed over time.

Sure enough, my writing was the first thing to show signs of a relapse brewing. It would start to get spidery - very slight at first and gradually changing to almost illegible by the 3rd day (when I was en route to the off licence). Little things would niggle and I would turn them into big events (by deliberately starting arguments/criticising or whatever in order to justify my approaching binge). I would also clear the decks as it were of appointments and anything else that would get in the way of my drinking.

By day 2 I was getting more and more tetchy and by day 3? Well by then I was well past the point of no return and heading for the shops as fast as my little legs would carry me.

My counsellor explained that the time to stop this binge setting in was right at the very outset. That little niggling thought of having a drink to "ease the stress of the day" was when you needed to act. It was quite easy to spot too, once you realised it for what it was.

It can be done and is done on a regular basis in the first months/year of sobriety. Those little niggling 'drink thinks' will kick in and the worst thing we can do is just try and brush them away as irritating. We need to stop/think/listen to what is going on inside us and nip it in the bud. Do not let it fester or it will take over (usually 3 days later).

Thanks for listening.
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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 27 May 2015 12:08

Excellent two posts, thank you <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by mangotree » 01 Sep 2015 16:28

Hello There,

What happens now that your partners appears to be one of the triggers?

I drank over the weekend for the first time in 3 months, yes I have been beating myself up but thinking also that it is actually "easier" for my partner if I drink.

I am in a long distance relationship and we spent 6 months getting to know each other on the bottle. She moved away to another City, we were arguing and things were getting nasty.

I finally decided to give the booze up 3 months ago. I would never have expected her (or anyone) not to drink in front of me and never expected her to change her habits. After 3 months sober I am seeing alot clearer. Comments like oh I wish we could go down the pub and have a drink (this comment being the final one on Saturday and I relapsed) now I am not passing blame on her for this.

The last 3 months with my partner have been difficult where I have remained sober and she has got quite nasty when she is drunk.

Is it possible to maintain a relationship when one is determined to be sober and the other is not? She has said she will look at her drinking and I do know she has to do it for herself and when she is ready.

We have been together for under a year but I do love here. The more sober and confident I am feeling in myself, the worse things seem to become between us.

Saturday shouldn't have happened for me but it did and I will move on and continue my abstinence. Is it then a question of extracting my partner from my life?

Thank you

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by pickles » 06 Sep 2015 12:19

Hello mangotree, welcome to BE , and I do hope you are looking in still. I,m not sure whether you have seen this thread or this , if they might help at all. Maybe some other link may help https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the- ... ur-partner or sometimes going on Google , and just asking a question that is on your mind you may find an answer or helpful advice by looking around.

I hope you will log on again and if you have any more questions, that I do hope someone will be on here to help also.
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by pickles » 06 Nov 2015 18:56

Bump for newcomers .
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by serend » 22 Jan 2016 13:50

Quick question - are there certain people that if you meet you feel you have to drink?

Its not them 'making' me drink, but they're going out to drink, you're meeting them, and you feel you have to?

Of course I know in my head its me THINKING I have to, not their fault - but I'm confused, I only get this with a few select friends and Im not blaming them - do I meet them and drink and hope I don't carry on to a binge for days/weeks, or do I avoid them, or do I try to explain?

Worrying about this has actually partly caused me to drink again a few weeks in advance of a couple of planned days out (after 3 months off alcohol during which I managed plenty of socialising, just not with these friends).

Anything obvious I'm not seeing, please help!
It's not inevitable whether we drink or not...we make the decision

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Shadowlad
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Shadowlad » 22 Jan 2016 14:38

Hi Serend,
Serend wrote:Of course I know in my head its me THINKING I have to, not their fault - but I'm confused, I only get this with a few select friends and Im not blaming them - do I meet them and drink and hope I don't carry on to a binge for days/weeks, or do I avoid them, or do I try to explain?
I think here it is important to put yourself first and think carefully about what it is you want for yourself. If you are wanting to stay AF then maybe it would be best to reassess whether you want to meet these friends under this social setting. You could meet them for a different social engagement where the sole purpose is not going out for a drink. If on the other hand you still want to drink sometimes then you may still want to go with them. You just need to be clear in your mind what you actually want for yourself, not for others, at this time in your life. It will be less confusing, and easier to stick to <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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