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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 15 Sep 2018 16:00
by Topcat
Action wrote:
15 Sep 2018 10:05
TC - could you give me an example of how the 3 day thing works? In the past I have overcome really bad cravings one day just to fold the next. When your councillor advised you to stop it at the outset did they mean at the start of the preparation period or the day you drank?

It's all about being aware of what your drink head is trying to do behind your back in a way Action. It's a sneaky thing that wants to keep you hooked. The 3 day thing is a way of knowing (before it's too late) that a lapse is brewing. Relapses very rarely just happen, they brew up like a pot of tea until they spill over due to loss of control. The idea is to spot the relapse while it's still just a little thought at the back of your mind. A thought used to creep into my mind (usually fancying a certain piece of music or thinking of an event coming up and how "one drink won't hurt that much will it")? It was enough to warn me that I needed to be on my guard that little bit more than usual and to avoid tricky situations until it blew over. Basically, it's tackling a relapse while you are still capable of doing so. As soon as you sense weakness creeping in, start to plan activities and ways of distracting away from the bottle and back onto the straight and narrow.

It's only while you get yourself some strong sober muscles built up Action. This isn't something that you have to be on guard about forever more. Drinking thoughts/triggers grow fainter as sober time builds up <:)>

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 19 Sep 2018 22:29
by Action
Topcat wrote:
15 Sep 2018 16:00
Action wrote:
15 Sep 2018 10:05
TC - could you give me an example of how the 3 day thing works? In the past I have overcome really bad cravings one day just to fold the next. When your councillor advised you to stop it at the outset did they mean at the start of the preparation period or the day you drank?

It's all about being aware of what your drink head is trying to do behind your back in a way Action. It's a sneaky thing that wants to keep you hooked. The 3 day thing is a way of knowing (before it's too late) that a lapse is brewing. Relapses very rarely just happen, they brew up like a pot of tea until they spill over due to loss of control. The idea is to spot the relapse while it's still just a little thought at the back of your mind. A thought used to creep into my mind (usually fancying a certain piece of music or thinking of an event coming up and how "one drink won't hurt that much will it")? It was enough to warn me that I needed to be on my guard that little bit more than usual and to avoid tricky situations until it blew over. Basically, it's tackling a relapse while you are still capable of doing so. As soon as you sense weakness creeping in, start to plan activities and ways of distracting away from the bottle and back onto the straight and narrow.

It's only while you get yourself some strong sober muscles built up Action. This isn't something that you have to be on guard about forever more. Drinking thoughts/triggers grow fainter as sober time builds up <:)>
Thank you TC. I will have to work out what little tricks my mind plays on me.
Just thought. I said little tricks but they're not are they. They’re pretty big, nasty tricks.
Sorry to have not responded sooner.

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 13 Apr 2019 08:46
by Winkler
Hi, wanting to pull on you guys experience as I’m a bit anxious about an upcoming event
Hen night for an old friend, 2nd time around, we live in different parts of the country.
I’ll be going with another old friend but other than that I don’t know anyone.

So my old friends are used to me not drinking, off and on, even though when I made plans I was in the ‘yes I can keep it social’ mindset.

Its just what to tell other people. Im fairly open but can’t be bothered getting into any kind of discussion about it with people I’ll probably only ever see once more, don’t really want to draw attention to it but it’s unlikely to not be noticed in that situation, I’m thinking. A flat ‘I don’t drink’ will seem a bit weird too.

What to say?

I did feel like a proper party pooper at an Xmas get together round someone’s house once when somebody said I hope you’re all drinking and pulled out some bottle of something or other. It felt awful and I wished I hadn’t gone. Don’t want this to be the same

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 13 Apr 2019 10:37
by SoberBoots
It's good that the people you're going to be mixing with are used to you not drinking, that should really help. I don't make a big deal of it - to me it's my normal now and I just want others to regard it in the same way. Tone is everything - if the subject came up I'd say something like "well, you know I was cutting down, and these days I just find I'm much better off without it so I don't drink at all". If someone produced a bottle like in your previous history I'd be firm but lighthearted - I'd just say "lovely idea, but actually I don't drink. Where's the fizzy water, I can do a great toast with that!" or something along those lines. Generally alcohol and whether we drink or not is a much bigger deal to us than it is to others. It is difficult if others feel uncomfortable because we're not drinking, but really I think that I'm not preachy about it, I'm just quietly doing what I need to do for me, I don't try to influence others, so usually if they feel awkward it's because they've got an issue themselves. But in practice it doesn't happen much, especially in a large group; the people who want to get drunk do so, and there's usually someone else drinking lightly or not at all.

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 13 Apr 2019 18:21
by Winkler
Thanks SB, I think I’m just a bit anxious as I’m not sure exactly what I’m facing. To be perfectly honest I prob wud have made an excuse had I been invited today but don’t want to let people down now as I’m travelling down with an old friend
I’ll take a bottle of nosecco with me and play it by ear, heck I’m too long in the tooth to be very worried about what anyone else might think. I know for sure I’ll be better sober than drunk and embarrassing ;)
It’s not meant to be all about me anyway

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 13 Apr 2019 18:43
by SoberBoots
Good thinking, and good luck.

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 14 Apr 2019 02:31
by Ruby&Tilly
Hi Winkler, if you know where you're going I would phone ahead and check they sell the AF drinks that you like, I did that really early on in my sobriety and persuaded them to get AF cider in, they did charge me £5.50 a bottle for the privilege but it was worth it. If you're having a kitty offer to go to the bar or say you're skint and would rather just buy your own, no-one will notice after the first round.

Ruby XX

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 03 Nov 2019 21:45
by Shadowlad
Hi all,

Ok so i'm trying to plan ahead. Its the time of year that i dread, though not because of the worry of drinking. The festive period just highlights the complications of a scattered and complicated family. My own little home unit operates very well, but i worry about christmas coming now that my mother is back in my life after 7 years absence. We are getting on much better and managing to have some quality time but i have got used to having a quiet, low key Christmas and am worried about inviting her and her partner to stay over Christmas and it either going wrong, or by doing this once it will set the pattern for future Christmas's. Am i being unkind or selfish to not want my mother with me on Christmas day ? One worry i have is that she is religious and will be full on with it being Christmas. Also we have a friend staying with us in a time of need so space is a bit more limited for lots of people having a meal together etc etc. Even though i don't drink anymore i really do have to plan carefully and keep stress to a minimum. Have been turning this over for a while and wondering how to navigate Christmas with these big changes since last year. x

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 03 Nov 2019 23:19
by Ruby&Tilly
Hi Nicky, I don't think you should have any qualms about not inviting them, especially as she has a partner so won't be on her own. I don't know how far away they are but can you just invite them for boxing day dinner?

I think it's a shame that Christmas and New year is such a trauma for many people, that's why I volunteer for Crisis, I loved it last year, hope this year goes well too.

Ruby xx

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 04 Nov 2019 09:17
by Tai
It’s difficult isn’t it, this business of families and expectations and wanting to please others ... sometimes at the expense of our own well being. At the same time there’s nothing wrong in wanting to consolidate on the repair work done to mend broken down relationships and sometimes that’s best done by spending time together. Christmas comes with its own baggage in terms of raised expectations so maybe take a different tack and invite family for Boxing Day or Christmas Eve ... or for one of the weekend days between Christmas and New Year? Putting our needs first can feel selfish but going too far the other way can be equally damaging ... so like everything it comes down to balance. Do what’s right for you Nicky <:)> not what you think others want or expect of you. It’s your festive holiday too!

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 04 Nov 2019 10:53
by Shadowlad
Thank you Moira and Jos <:)>

The biggest thing about xmas period is the expectations from others and i think that is what i'm grappling with. We had lovely Christmas's through the children's childhood, i was never drinking then and have always been family oriented, making it special for them (mum was rarely present due to regular rifts). I think i'm nervous about Christmas because the last few years have been tinged with illness or family trauma or both. I know we should look forward, the past has gone and it has been good year this year, so much to be grateful for. Mum and her partner live about 40 miles away and don't have transport and we will be going to visit before Christmas to deliver presents and go out for a festive meal.Thing is they have stayed at our house and love coming here. And i love to please. Hmmm. At least i haven't been impulsive this time and just invited them without thinking it through. Planning it is making me feel a bit better and more in control of the situation. Perhaps i will think it through some more and talk it over with daughter too. If they came we would have to pic them up and they would need to stay at least one night. Also i have committed to more voluntary work in Dec, which like Moira i am quite looking forward to.

Anyway, thanks for listening, it helps to think out loud here <:)>

PS sorry for mentioning Christmas in November lol :mrgreen:

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 11:50
by Shadowlad
So have talked things over with daughter and she wants a quiet Christmas day too, just us and our friend who is staying with us. No people pleasing, i am not cooking but if anyone else wants to they can ;) . Going to have a nice walk in the park the three of us with doggy. Daughter and i will take mum and her partner out for a nice Christmas dinner and deliver presents the week before. Will visit my dad and step mum with gifts too beforehand. I'm feeling much better about this, the plan is coming together bit by bit.

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 14:31
by Topcat
That sounds just perfect Nicky ;)? <:)>

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 16:53
by Ruby&Tilly
Sounds great Nicky, enjoy. ;)?

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 18:35
by martha
Sounds ideal, Nicky. glad you've come to conclusions you're happy with. Merry Christmas! :mrgreen: \:)/

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 20:27
by Shadowlad
Thank you lovely ladies :) <:)>

Yes Merry Christmas lol :mrgreen:

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 21:09
by martha
Shadowlad wrote:
08 Nov 2019 20:27
Yes Merry Christmas lol :mrgreen:
I've just put the sprouts on for a slow simmer. We're good to go :P

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 08 Nov 2019 21:13
by Shadowlad
:lol2: ;)?

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 09 Nov 2019 11:01
by Dxb
Apologies if not posting in the correct place..

Last week I did a 1/2 marathon and was happy with myself, but since half fu**ed up big style & drank the whole week. Why do we do this??

xx

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Posted: 09 Nov 2019 12:23
by Shadowlad
Hi Dxb :)

Well done on your half marathon ! ;)?

Yes why do we do this to ourselves ? I think the first thing we have to absorb is that our alcohol problem is a serious condition that needs serious intervention. Its great if we can function inbetween the binges but once we are back in that awful cycle it can be very difficult to stop again. Its catch 22 because ist so tempting to have another drink in the mornings to sooth the ill feeling and shakiness. It never end well though and just gets worse and worse. We've all been there so do understand <:)>

Perhaps keep reading around, posting and stick around for as long as possible Dxb ? This is much easier with like minded people supporting us, and there is so much good information here across the forum :) <:)>

Love nicky xx