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Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Tink
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Tink » 18 Nov 2009 22:41

xxkellbellxx wrote:Hi everyone... I have not been drinking for nearlly two weeks now, which has been great! not a hangover or guilt ridden morning in sight.. I have my office christmas party comming up and I don't know how I am going to make it through without drinking.
My problem is i think i will have one and then go on a bender for three days! so no me and alcohol are through, but this situation is worrying me, am I strong enough? its christmas, not the greatest time to stop.. but then is there ever a right time?
There will be dancing, which I love but only when i have had a drink... mm not sure i can handle the feet that wont move!!
Any ideas would be much appreciated!!

Kell x

Hi Kell,

My suggestion would be to make sure to eat before going. Then maybe to drink the non alcoholic stuff there. If they do not have any and you think they won't bring your own. Say when they ask that you are driving or that you are going to another part after and really don't want to have that much to early. That works for me. I went last year to a Christmas party at work and OH went with me. He drank so I didn't. I will not drink and drive and will not drive with anyone who is. I went through a windshield of a car once with my boyfriend in high school driving drunk and it is no fun. Anyhow, it was easy for me to just get soda and I said I was driving and no one even questioned it. It all went good. It really depends on planning and sticking to the plan. You could do it if you really stuck to it and made a plan. You will most likely want to leave a bit early. It was funny watching them all drunk and when I went to work that Monday they all felt like idiots and I didn't. HaHaHa. :lol: :lol:

Tink
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by xxkellbellxx » 18 Nov 2009 22:51

hi everyone

Thank you for all your replies! i am the new girl at work so I think i will have to go. one of my collegues ( an older lady) doesn't drink and I have confided in her that I don't want to drink. We will be having a meal also so atleast that should take some of the temptation away.. well atleast I hope. i dont drink everyday, I just don't know when to stop!
I think I will probably leave early and arrange to meet my boyfriend, he is very supportive of me not drinking! Im very easily lead when it comes to having the just one! the one that never is just one! I am going to try and see how strong I am feeling and see how it goes... the main aim is to not drink or embarass myself! thanks again everyone, this forum is really great!! I think I found it at the right time xx <:)>

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Tink » 18 Nov 2009 23:58

That is great Kell, <:)>

Like me then it is not the 12th beer that gets you it is the first aye? :lol: Just can't do the first then the last never happens my friend. :roll: Be strong and make that plan. You will be fine. <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Sez » 19 Nov 2009 13:52

Hello lovely people! And thank you for all those great supportive comments the other day. Made me feel so much better.

Here's my difficult situation coming up. I'm meeting up with someone I haven't seen for donkey's years. Very excited, also a bit nervous. I think she's almost bound to want to drink, and I'd decided I just would, especially as I haven't really been abstaining in a committed way (although I want to abstain in a committed way). So I was thinking of saying 'I'm trying not to drink at the moment....' then realised that was hopeless. I need to say 'I'm not drinking at the moment,' simple and straightforward.

After all it's up to me isn't it, what I drink?! The situation should not dictate it.

Or maybe it's easier to say 'I can't drink at the moment' and hint at some kind of medical imperative (which it is anyway, when you think about it.)

What's difficult is that it feels and seems so mean not to be celebratory. I am ridiculously chuffed to be seeing her again after all these years. Advice anyone? Normally I'd go and get a bottle of champagne, and to hell with the expense. And I've only just begun (again) quitting.

love Sez

I've been quitting and starting and quitting and starting again for months. I'm really struggling this time.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Tink » 19 Nov 2009 14:25

I love this one Sez,

You know the jingle"Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down." :lol: :lol: <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>
weeble.jpg
You will do it Sez, Hang in there and you will get there darlin. <:)>


Your pal, Tink[/color]
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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by sue » 19 Nov 2009 14:48

Sez, you're in a difficult situation there especially as your determination is a little lacking at the moment. When I eventually came to the decision to stop drinking (and really meaning it) I sort of gave myself 'me' time for at least 3 months. Made sure I didn't have any invitations, dates etc. until I felt stronger and more confident with my sobriety. I needed that because I couldn't in those early days trust myself to be strong. I honestly admire people who can stop drinking, go out to pubs, parties etc almost immediately and drink soft drinks but I knew I'd faffed around so much in the past I wasn't going to put temptation in my way. After 3 months I went to a barbecue and not drinking alcohol didn't really bother me, in fact it seem to bother others moreso. I've since had meals out etc. where others were drinking and I've been OK thankfully.

Its difficult this time of year because there is always so much socialising going on. Best wishes on whatever decision you make <:)> <:)>
Sue xx

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by tog » 22 Nov 2009 08:26

Hi Everyone

One of the most puzzling things for me about alcoholism is how quickly I can forget the self-loathing, guilt, embarrassment and sickness after an unpleasant session. When my body is abused by alcohol why isn't it able to guard against future abuse? We learn at an early age to avoid things which can harm us (fire, electricity etc) so why not with alcohol? I wish I could bottle up all the bad things and unleash them every time I get the urge.

In the past when attempting sobriety I've given myself a target date in the hope that when I reach it I'll not want to touch a drop. Unfortunately I always end up 'congratulating' myself by having a drink. Always moderately at first, but within a month I'm back to where I started.

It's hard to accept I have a weakness which the majority of people can control and have a good time partaking in. On the occasions I've been out sober with friends who have been drinking I feel like a social leper. By refusing a drink it's like admitting to everyone that I have a drink problem, which is almost as embarrassing as getting drunk!

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 22 Nov 2009 14:26

Sez, I would like to encourage you to get off the fence and commit to stopping.
Your friend is an excuse and you know that.
My feeling is that there is always an excuse around the corner.
Sorry for the tough love this morining, but your message sounds so conflicted.
Only you can give yourself permission to drink, and it sounds like that is what you are doing, but it is not to late to reconsider. <:)> Bela
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 22 Nov 2009 14:35

Tog, good questions but I'd encourage you just to accept the situation. This is the way of an alcohol addiction.
Lots of folks here ask why why why but ultimately you need to accept that that is the way you are wired. Or the way god made you. You are also in the company of many who know the siren call of another drink (thinking ourselves cured or fixed). We call it the EAF or the addictive voice. Your challenge is to recognize this voice and give it no heed. It will soon go elsewhere if you give it no credence.

I want you to reread your last paragraph, for in it are the seeds of you getting past this.

It's hard to accept I have a weakness which the majority of people can control and have a good time partaking in. On the occasions I've been out sober with friends who have been drinking I feel like a social leper. By refusing a drink it's like admitting to everyone that I have a drink problem, which is almost as embarrassing as getting drunk!

First you need to accept that you do have this weakness. You DO have a drink problem; why else are you here?
You may also need to acknowledge that getting drunk is a LOT more embarrassing (and dangerous) than admitting you have a drink problem.

I've got my tough love hat on this morning, but that's my read. <:)> Bela
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by tog » 22 Nov 2009 17:17

Nothing wrong with some tough love, Bella!

You're right, of course. No good moping around looking for the reasons why, just move on and concentrate on making life a positive and sober one.

Thanks! <:)>

PS. What's the acronym of EAF?

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by P31 » 22 Nov 2009 17:26

Tog
EAF = Evil Alcohol Fairy

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 26 Dec 2009 17:30

Anyone needing to do some planning for New Year's Eve?
My plan is to spend an uneventful evening at home, that's always what I chose to do, but for the more sociable amongst us, what strategies are developing?
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by wendyb » 28 Dec 2009 11:25

Hi there Bela and thank you for your welcome a few days ago. 31st Dec for me is going to be my first day without alcohol (I can't remember my last AF day). I'll probably have a hangover from the 30th, but my goal is to wake on 1/1/10 clear headed and bright eyed! I had an invitation to a NYE party on 31/12 and originally accepted, but then later declined cos I decided I couldn't go and be comfortable not drinking.I'
My plan in general is to get home and head out straight away for a walk, but as I've got oncall for work (nursing) over the long weekend that's not going to be possible. Instead I'll plan ahead for a healthy dinner and then shower and get into jarmies (less likely to feel like changing again into street clothes to go to the bottle shop).
I'm pretty sure I'll be logged on here at some point during the evening.. if you're around it'd be really great to chat but I know the time difference for us is quite large!
The simple truth is: Love heals. So as you journey on your path of recovery spend every conscious moment learning to love yourself, at all costs. It will make you free. Not just free from alcohol, but free from fear and shame and feelings of inadequacy.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by George » 28 Dec 2009 12:08

Hi Bela

I've got it all planned out :D , a really risky New Year :D :D , you know me :D :D :D , party animal of the year, I'll be fast asleep in bed, can't come to any harm there ;)

George <:)>
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 28 Dec 2009 12:28

Wendy, what time zone are you? Maybe we can synchronize.
I am thinking of party in the late lounge (for Momma Kitty) so that's a place to drop in, too.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by wendyb » 28 Dec 2009 12:57

Bela, hi.. I'm +8hr GMT.. W. Aust... Where are you?
The simple truth is: Love heals. So as you journey on your path of recovery spend every conscious moment learning to love yourself, at all costs. It will make you free. Not just free from alcohol, but free from fear and shame and feelings of inadequacy.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Bela » 28 Dec 2009 13:05

U.S. Central Time.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Gemima » 29 Dec 2009 00:22

think we may need a really long day, lol. Party sounds great fun, do many of you have MSN xxx

zelda

Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by zelda » 30 Dec 2009 09:05

Hi there G,
yes lots of us do, and we can exchange mail addresses on pms with people we fancy chatting to :D

I just want to post here, as yesterday I had a real crisis, panicing about the fact that I felt I really wanted to get hammered for my birthday.. I felt down at the idea of doing it sober.
I am really shocked to say that a sleep has completely got rid of this stupid idea... which has made me realise that future dangerous situations really do need to be planned, in psychological terms... Today I cannot believe that i was even considering trashing all my hard earned challenge day points!! I imagine the hangover, and just know I dont want to do that... it was just a craving, an old habit getting in the way of logic... Today I feel strong again...
The moral of the story? Always sleep on it before making a decision concerning drinking.. it all looks so different the next day
Zelda

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Re: Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

Post by Gemima » 30 Dec 2009 10:01

Well done Zelda a big lesson to learn, we all admitted at the AA meeting that if we tried very hard we could have a great occassion every day to have a drink. Most of the excuses I think we have all used from a Y in the day to damp outside. The AA meeting was quite a tonic as this forum is.

Have a great day, we can compare presents at the end of the month :roll: , my fiance has not worked from mid November and starts a new job next week, mum really poorly. I can always rely on sis to cheer me up, over the last few years we have managed to buy each other a really useless present for fun, usually following on from one naff Christmas pressie we may of got. Sis got two terrible handbags for Christmas, where I was very lucky, so I am on the look out for some crazy granny slippers for her, just to complete her luck.

Despite a tough day yesterday and being quite emotional I still feel strong, so much as to say if I could learn to fall asleep easier, I would be feeling fine about not drinking (Well for now)

Take care everyone, good luck for a sober day, whether it is day one or 10 years.

<:)> xxx

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