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I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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CFM
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by CFM » 20 Nov 2008 16:42

Hi Amber, good to see you though obviously I am sorry you feel so sh*t. I hope as the day goes on you start to feel a bit better. Sounds positive about going to a meeting and getting a sponsor. The first step (I don't mean Step 1!) is realising that we need help, isn't it? Let us know how you get on tomorrow.
Thinking of you, <:)>
CFM xxx

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bumpydog
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by bumpydog » 20 Nov 2008 16:46

Hi Amber,

Sorry to hear you're feeling the way you are. We've all been there. (I was there a few weeks ago) It's horrible. It will pass and you will get there. Small steps. One day at a time. <:)>

Thinking of you

Bumpydog x
If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

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Gracie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Gracie » 20 Nov 2008 17:02

Hi again Amber,

I know you feel awful. The fear part is probably part of the anxiety from the hangover, so if you can hold on it should get better. Sometimes it takes something really big to happen to scare us enough to get the help we need. If this is it for you, maybe the last few days were a positive thing, if they push you into seeking help. Please try not to be so down on yourself, you have an illness we all share. Only a few weeks ago i found myself on the phone to the samaritans at 5am, thinking my family and the world would be a happier place without me. Now i've been sober a few days i realise what a scary thought that was.

I don't know your situation but i'm sure you have loads of people who care very much about you, and even if you think you don't, I for one and the everybody on here does, because we honestly understand.

Get through today, be kind to your self, tomorrow will feel a little better <:)>

Love Gracie x

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Stephen_A
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Stephen_A » 27 Nov 2008 01:11

Hi Amber,
Sorry to hear that you're feeling delicate. All is not lost. The important thing is that you gathered the motivation and initiative to post here and tell us about it. This shows a lot of very important things are going on under the surface.

The self-loathing and vulnerable feelings will get further and further away the longer you keep away from the drink. It's fine idea to post here and chat instead of drink. You are not 'completely alone.' None of us are because that's what this community is for. We believe you can stop.

Stephen.

Amber
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Amber » 27 Nov 2008 11:04

Hi Stephen A , thankyou for your kind post. It was actually 7 days ago that I was feeling that bad and it did me some good, because I havent had a drink since! I am a week sober again and I am loving it. I have no desire right now to drink. I know there will be a day when those cravings hit again, but I am hoping that this will be the time I fight it. Over the past few days I have been to the pub twice with friends, they were drinking and I stuck to OJ an water and did not even have a single urge to drink. I am done with it. I have had enough of drink robbing me of my life and my health. I feel so much better sober and feel as though I am once again living and not merely existing. I have been here before , so cant say never say never, but what I can say is that I am 100 % committed to never picking up a drink again right now. Even during my stint of 36 days sobriety a few months back, I did not feel this conviction. Watch this space.... love and hugs xxx <:)>
The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget his weaknesses.
- Danish Proverb

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patty
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by patty » 27 Nov 2008 18:24

Hi amber,

Good for you, I am so pleased youve got your head round everything again and well done on 7 days you must be feeling so much better. Its hard I know but well done :)

Love patty xx <:)> <:)>

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qwerty
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by qwerty » 27 Nov 2008 18:32

Amber, your post was so inspirational. It seems to me that if you really want to do it, you will. Never, Ever say die. Good on you. <:)>
Liz. xxx.
Oh would some power the gift he gi us...to see ourselves as others see us

Amber
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Amber » 27 Nov 2008 22:08

Hi Patty and Liz, thanks for your encouraging posts <:)> How are you both doing? I havent had time to read through many posts of late, I am keeping very busy with work related stuff and xmas shopping. Really hope you are both doing well xx <:)>
Digger, hello ! If you really want to stop, you CAN. When I first recognised I had a problem, I didnt think I could stop, but I did and so can you.Even if its for 24 hrs to begin with, you can gradually build on that. All the best and good luck xxx <:)>
The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget his weaknesses.
- Danish Proverb

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bumpydog
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by bumpydog » 28 Nov 2008 21:33

Digger! You sound just like me!

Over the last few weeks I've managed to cut down. And feel better for it! I'm not there yet but I think I'm on the right track now. Hang in there and small steps really do make a big difference! Just take one day at a time. Even 10 mins at a time if you need to. Thats what I've done today! It's not easy, but to be honest it needs doing and Its going to be worth it in the end (that's what i'm telling myself anyway!)

Bumpydog xxx
If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

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2XS
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by 2XS » 28 Nov 2008 21:51

Hi Digger,
digger wrote: IM BORED...
Yep that's the feeling I've got, bored of the routine, bored of the expectation that it will escape me out of my circumstances. I feel for you as I was close to daily evening drinking and am a 'potential daily anytime' waiting to happen. Good thing is we recognise our situations, and with those good intentions we are adressing them.
Keep posting the people here are so helpful.... thoughts are with you
2XS
Bombshells- How to survive using the emotional umbrella technique

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qwerty
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by qwerty » 28 Nov 2008 22:10

digger wrote:thanks bumpy,
the thing is when it comes to cutting down i fail, this is because as soon as i have a couple it just leads me into oblivion, i need to just stop, although i have been drunk for years i dont think that to just stop will cause me to have a fit and die. im fairly fit really, its the metal stuff which scares me, booze has been my best friend for a long while. i have had lots of interests in the past and have let alcohol slowly wean me away from them. i would love to get back into some of the hobbies and interests ive had, like ive already mentioned - im BORED, alcohol has made ME boring...!!
Hi digger, you took the words right out of my mouth! I used to be interested in all kinds of things and had hobbies! Now I can't even concentrate on reading a newspaper headline. I hope that will change as I progress on this 'journey back'. You've got a lot going for you in the realisation dept'! I know life gets better, much better when you stop drinking becuase I've been there, only to feel so much better that I decided I could just have a few and it wouldn't do me any harm. Well it didn't stay at a few and it didn't harm me physically, but, pshchologocally (soz can't spell) and emotionaly it caused great pain. Keep at it digger. You'll get there :)
Liz. xxx.
Oh would some power the gift he gi us...to see ourselves as others see us

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2XS
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by 2XS » 28 Nov 2008 22:22

Digger,
I saw your tag of the 'the train is coming' and can relate to that in 'stop the ride i want to get off'. Reality gets blurred but clarity can be even more scary. I hoped to be on the abstinance thread, yesterday!
It's a good thing to be here and all power to you in your endeavour..
regards
2XS
Bombshells- How to survive using the emotional umbrella technique

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patty
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by patty » 28 Nov 2008 23:14

Hi digger,

you seem to have thought this thing through and have a lot of determination which is brill. I personally cannot stop at one and I think thats the case for alot of people on here, its frustrating but a fact :( Oh how we wish we could just have a couple of drinks socially, but WE cant, and I think that will probably be a big issue you will have to deal with because if you dont it will get you every time. The secret I think is little steps, lots of support, lots of posting and if you do have a wobble not to let it get to you but to brush yourself down and start again, eventually you WILL get there. Weve all been there at one time or another :( :oops: but anyway good luck with your journey and keep us posted.

Love patty xx <:)>

icarus
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by icarus » 29 Nov 2008 01:03

Hey Digger,

I can relate...Drank every single day for 3 years and now sober for 10 months. It can be done...PM me if you want some details on how!

Best of luck to you and your renovating!

Icarus

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hamster
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by hamster » 29 Nov 2008 06:55

Hello Icarus :D

Good to see you. Im flyng just behind you and will be nine months sober next week (end of ). Are you still gardening? What have you been up to?

Julie nee Byron

x

Hello Digger.

I once thought it impossible to stop. You wrote a post I read recently about all the times you tried to cut down and failed. It reminded me of me. But - you and I didnt fail because we couldnt cut down. We learned a very important lesson. We need to stop. It was a very important lesson for me because abstinence was never going to work unless I fully understood and believed with every shred of my being that asbtinence was the only way. The only way I would believe it is if I tried to cut down for myself. I did also try to stop many times but slipped. That wasnt failure either. On reflection of those times, I was learning more about myself and my addiction.

I wanted to stop but thought I couldnt and I definately couldnt with my own will power - no way. I honestly thought I had mental health problems so the first thing I did was get my GP to refer me to a phsyciatrist. The phsyciatrist told me there was little wrong with me apart from the fact that I was drinking. My depression, anxiety, feelings of low self esteem were all because I was drinking.

OK - so now I really had to face the truth. I went to an alcohol outreach center . terrifying at first because it was full of people with drug an alcohol problems. I even recognised the odd patient. Not a pleasant environment but I had to go because I had already tried AA and it didnt work fo rme. Maybe I didnt want to stop badly enough then?

I got an alcohol key worker and a counseller (last october). I didnt suddenlyu stop drinking though. The advice was to cut down initially before stopping. I kept a drinking diary. Reflected on each time I drank and wrote downt he triggers and what I could do to avoid.

The counseller helped me understand why I was drinking and gave me tools to c ope with alll the feelings and emotions that were coming up for me. With counselling i learned so much about myself and my habit.

I bought books about alcohol and how to stop drinking - Allan Carrs was one but there were a few. I read about alcohol abuse on the internet. I read tons.

I did cut down over five months - lots of lapses along the way - I put more and more days without alcohol in between the ones with alcohol. I was actually trying to stop not cut down but it took five months for me to get the hang of it.

In March this year - I joined the'Hop' thread. I set a goal of one week - then two - then three - Im still going.

Very few people can stop drinking and stay stopped with will power alone. Your will power is not weak - that is not true and if you beleive that you will delay the time you get around to stopping because you will believe that you cant stop.

YOU CAN STOP - but - you will probably need external support to do it.

At one time I could never ever visualise a life without alcohol - it terrified me. How on earth would I cope?
Now I think. How the hell did I cope with life while drinking? Life without alcohol is so much less scary than life with. Life without alcohol is bloody fantastic . When I think back to what my life was!
I feel like I was glued to train tracks with an express coming at me full speed - I managed to pull free and jump to one side just in time. Im lucky - I worked hard for that luck.

Julie
xx
AF2011 number 10

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chrissie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by chrissie » 29 Nov 2008 07:02

Hi Digger

What you said about hobbies - I used to write plays, quite successfully, but had let that go and not written anything creative for years. In July I turned my drinking around. Shortly after that I rejoined a writing group I used to belong to (trying to fill the evenings without drink!). Now I've written and had a short play accepted which is going to be on at a theatre in Jan. I also started writing a journal again, something which I haven't done in years. And I have rediscovered doing jigsaws in the evenings, something to keep my hands busy without a drink.

I realise these won't be your hobbies, just wanted to say that it does help to return to things you love doing, and gives you a new sense of purpose. Good on you for recognising the boredom and the fact you need to change things. You can do this, pick one of your old hobbies to focus on restarting, so it's not all about GIVING UP (the booze) but also about GAINING (something to replace it).

Best of luck
Chrissie xx
one day at a time

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Stephen_A
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Stephen_A » 29 Nov 2008 08:10

Hi Digger,
If you don’t mind can I pick up on something you said? You said ‘I love the shit.’ Please excuse me if I’m wrong, but it might be an idea to calibrate that idea somewhat. If you ask anyone here if they still loved any aspect of drink they’d probably say ‘yes’ because they’d be reflecting on the part of it that made them drink until it developed into a habit.

People might contemplate the bits of drinking they liked. The taste, the glow, the sound of ice cubes tinkling into a glass. For me it was toasting the sun going down and the hiss of the first frosty day popping open at the end of the day. Others might reflect on the passages of loneliness and boredom it insulated them from, or the confidence it filled them with at social functions.

Stop. Whoah. When we disengage from a toxic friendship or relationship we have to coolly assess the whole picture. We can think about the few good things that there might have been in a poisonous, exploitative or manipulative friendship, but finally conclude that it was harming us, and that we’d be better off without it. This is the correct way of thinking about drink’s status as a ‘friend.’

Bumpy Dog,

Well done for cutting down. Great job.

2XS,

You referred to the ‘boredom’ of drink as Digger did. Many of us drink because of boredom. When we find the effect and feelings of drink boring, that is a clear sign as any that drink has far outlived its usefulness for us, and that giving it up is long overdue. This is a major insight. Seize on this and reconstruct the parts of your life that you’ve neglected because of boozing.


All the best,
Stephen.

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2XS
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by 2XS » 29 Nov 2008 09:17

WoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if that isn't inspiring then I don't know what is!! In fact all the support here is amazing and for me now it's impossible to resist the temptation......... to actually up give up too.
An adventure awaits...
LoL
2XS
Bombshells- How to survive using the emotional umbrella technique

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franqui
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by franqui » 29 Nov 2008 09:24

digger wrote:2xs,
so i think im kidding myself with "cutting down", i think i just need to stop. BLOODY HELL. im not really looking forward to it. what i do want is a proper nights sleep. mad dreams and hobbies.
I drank all my life, (with only a couple of stretches off a while back) and I always kidded myself about cutting down. It just does NOT happen! Now I'm just over 3 months sober...and having proper nights sleep with calm dreams! Go for it Digger!

Franqui

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patty
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by patty » 29 Nov 2008 16:10

Good for you digger, you go for it, I will try and support you in any way that I can,

Love patty xx <:)>

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