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I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 24 Aug 2008 13:29

hey jan - that sounds brilliant! people have said i look better when i cut down so the effect from completely stopping must be even more noticeable. well done you! and thank you for the encouragement too. <:)>
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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MDS1
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by MDS1 » 24 Aug 2008 13:29

Queenie, you are beautiful, you know that, <:)>

We all hate what we see in the mirror... I see a young good looking man warped by age and abuse, I just look at my sons- and see what once was me.

Drink or no drink (preferable) age and what life brings, good or bad, takes it's toll. Youth is wasted on the young.

Duane xxx

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byron
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by byron » 24 Aug 2008 13:59

Hi Jan

What beautiful, inspirational posts. A happy experience to read and I am so blimmin happy for you I could bust a gut.

Such is life that what seems the most dreadful experience can be the csatalyst for beautiful experineces which would never have happened otherwise. How fate / Karma - works - how wonderful life is.

You are so right about this site. It has been and remains my life line - my window onto the souls of the most amazing people who I am so lucky to know and would never have got to know had it not been for my drinking problem. I am richer with knowing the people here. I am richer for the lovely friendships I have made through BE - real life and cyber.

By conecting together and sharing we can do anything because we are shared strength.

Queenie - You have dodgy eyes and next time you see that mirror you tell yourself you are beautiful please because you are every cell of you. When you internalise that, accept and love yourself, then the mirror will send back to you what we and you know is true -your profound beauty - your eyes will start working again. <:)> <:)> <:)> None of us are models we are all past that stage of life but all of us are true beauties I reckon.

Julie
xxx
Action is the antidote to despair.

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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 24 Aug 2008 14:40

thank you people. what you wrote made me cry. no-one ever says i am beautiful any more. my husband is too tired and ill to notice what i look like most of the time, my son is too wrapped up in his own world of computer games. i am floundering a bit at the moment. i try so hard at everything but i am worn out with it all.

sorry to be such a gloom monster. i'll perk up a bit soon. i'm making apple and peach crumble with one of the apples from our apple tree. the tree was blossoming when we moved in and we have been watching the apples growing all summer.
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 24 Aug 2008 16:45

hh

thanks so much. i'm always saying to people that they should post when they feel low but i am not very good at taking my own advice! i feel a bit perkier now after taking the big dog for a walk - the pup can't go out yet. tomorrow i have a good friend visiting who always cheers me up so i hope that will make me turn the corner.
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 25 Aug 2008 16:22

Hi Jan and HH,
I loved your story Jan - I've heard alot of now sober people say that: i think it just shows when you start to love yourself again, it makes others love you too.

But more than that, I notice that if i am getting ready to go out (and haven't had a drink that day) I am more willing to look in the mirror - look myself in the eye and care about what I put on.
But if it's the morning after a boozy night before, or if i've been drinking, i really couldn't care less - and moreover don't even want to look at myself - just want to disappear.

All this time i have been working on abstaining, it might have been easier, or happened sooner, if i knew the good things that happen when you are sober.
So keep the 'good' stories coming :lol:
xx Jemima

Rachel35
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Rachel35 » 25 Aug 2008 17:02

Hi all,

The thing that has always worried me is whether I smell the morning after despite showering and extensive brushing of teeth + mouthwash. Not having to worry about that is one of the pros of abstaining

Rachel ;)

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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 25 Aug 2008 17:36

hi peeps

my friend came with her partner today and took us out to lunch. in the past that would have been the excuse for me to have a load of wine but i stuck to fizzy water and feel so much better for it. i am going to try to have a dry evening tonight too. i just wanted to say thanks for all your encouragement - yesterday i felt really low but i feel much better today. <:)>
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 25 Aug 2008 18:09

Hi Rachel,
Well done for joining BE.
Let's keep holding on to those moments of clarity. I am having a dry evening. It took alot to break my daily habit of going to bottle shop straight after work, cracking one open as soon as i got in the door, and not stopping till i collapse into bed. Last week i was even hanging out washing with a beer in my hand.
And where I live, you can order over the phone and it gets delivered to your door.
I am really proud of myself for facing my fear of walking into my house alone knowing there is no alcohol in it. I am lucky i can now share that with people who know what a big deal it is.
Have a good evening everyone, J

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Mike
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Mike » 25 Aug 2008 19:19

Hi Jemima

Or should I say Miss Pollard ? Nice avatar.

I think you will very soon be able to face walking into your house knowing there is no alcohol there. It's a matter of habit. I see you live in Egypt. You presumably have tea and coffee making facilities at your establishment. And Diet Coke is everywhere, although it gets a very bad press on BE. You will need to concentrate on getting a new routine underway.

Some of us have needed meds to help us stop the booze. Benzodiazepines should be available through your doctor in Egypt, although they were at one time not available in Saudi. All the Middle Eastern counties have their own rules and regulations.

All the best, Mike.

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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 25 Aug 2008 21:42

i too have had a dry evening which has not been easy lately. but it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. also went out for lunch and had fizzy water which made a change.

mike - congrats on a year! :D
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 25 Aug 2008 21:47

Hey Mike,
Yes must say I was thrilled to find my sis Vicky is famous enough to have an avatar - we women need icons to aspire to these days, don't you think?

Becoming more and more aware of the habitual triggers. I guess as it has never entered my head to 'just say no' when drink was around, and not stop unless there was none left - there was never really a decision to be made. But that is how this insidious bast**d of a thing creeps up on you - none of us ever decided to be alcoholics.
Am nervous about returning to work on Wednesday. Been off all summer and will now go back into a lot of the old routines + stress + seeing my drinking buddies. My goal is to not drink on wednesday after work. I can't face beyond that yet. I'm still getting used to sitting still and actually having to hear my own thoughts. :o

queenie - i think it's the accumulation of all those little decisions that will get us there in the end. <:)> Thanks for sharing this dry evening with me. Am happy to go to bed feeling 'light', guilt free.
xx Jem

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Mike
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Mike » 26 Aug 2008 00:37

Jemima,

No, none of us decided to become alcoholics. Is it an illness ? Or is it purely self inflicted ? They talk about this very question interminably at AA meetings. The official line is that it is an illness, but who knows ?

Most of us slipped gradually into alcohol dependence (the polite euphemism for alcoholism). We got there from social drinking which got out of hand. You will understand completely if I inform you that I was never an alcoholic, merely a heavy drinker. Someone who lost his driving licence and nearly his job through his heavy drinking. Let's get this in proportion. But my general health suffered too, both physical and psychological. And I wasn't even an alcoholic. Honestly.

Are there two groups of people? Those who go home after one or two drinks, and those who go round syphoning up all the left over booze ? Those who drink slowly, and those who drink so fast their glass is always empty ? Yes I truly believe those distinct groupings exist, because I ended up in one of them and it wasn't my choice either.

So I agree Jemima. We got there somehow and it's a bugger. First we have to stop, then stay stopped, and understand we can never start again. And that is a pretty tall order.

Love, Mike x

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 26 Aug 2008 11:41

Hi HH,
Thanks so much for your kind, thoughtful reply. I was a bit too shy i think to write a proper introduction when i joined, and it's really taken me quite a while to get my head 'round how to use the forum. But after a few weeks I have realised how much this forum and BE has really helped me so I wanted to be more active and share more.
Glad i come off chirpy- believe me not the case at all this time last month! Guess i'm just excited because with each day and each little decision not to drink i start to get excited about my life again and think that i might just be able to do this and kick this nonsense that has stalled my life for the past 3 years.
I'm finding it really important at the moment to read the forum and post alot - meaning stay connected with myself and to reality - if i let myself drift away, on my own, you know who will start tapping me on the shoulder :twisted:
Anyway my main problem is drinking alone at home - at any time day or night. So it's so helpful for me to have this forum and you guys on hand 24\7.
Day 3 - sounds silly, but i really can't believe it!
xx Jem

danaM66
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by danaM66 » 26 Aug 2008 12:45

Hi Jem-

three days is great! I a have not suceeded on one yet so to hear you made three is a great accomplishment. I am so tired of myself saying I cant or I will try and cut down tomorrow. It is always tomorrow and it never comes. I am thinking of that this morning-how tired I am of the false promises to myself. What it really comes down to is I am not trying hard enough- I think I need to change this and that but maybe if I cut down on the alcohol all the other things that bother me in life may not seem so important. I guess I will never know unless try. today I do not want to drink..I am off to work, I feel good and hopefully can keep my confidence and mood in the right place.

thanks for listening..

Dana

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chrissie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by chrissie » 26 Aug 2008 15:36

Hi Jem

Nice to meet you. I am usually on and off here all the time, but am on holiday in France at the moment with limited access to the internet. I have been reading this thread, and completely relate to something you said about learning to sit still with my thoughts. That is something I am trying to learn too, not very good at relaxing without a drink in my hand. Won't bore you with my story (have just put some of it on the new members thread if you want to read it there), have been on BE for 6 weeks and it's been a lifeline. I too am an 'alone at home' drinker, my OH goes abroad a lot and it had got to the point I was waiting for him to go so I could drink what I liked without him or anyone else knowing.

Anyway, well done on day 3.

Chrissie xx
one day at a time

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chrissie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by chrissie » 26 Aug 2008 15:40

Hi Dana

It is great that you don't want to drink today. What can you do to make that easier for you? maybe you can plan something nice to do this evening - soak in the bath with a good book, go for a walk, start writing a journal - you could start with all the reasons you don't want to drink. I started a journal just after I stopped drinking and found it really helpful to write down my feelings.

Anyway, good luck today, just take it one hour at a time, or ten minutes at a time if you find it getting harder as the evening wears on. Come on here and post if you are finding it hard, post on the SOS thread if you think you are in danger of giving in.

We will all help you.
Chrissie xx
one day at a time

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queenie
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by queenie » 26 Aug 2008 19:05

hi dana

i think chrissie is right - plan things to do. i find there is a danger period just as i get in from work and try to unwind, so i try and plan things to do that are inconsistent with drinking - eg going somewhere by car, going for a walk (without my purse or i might pull round via the off licence!). today i went for a run and then had a shower. then i had a load of water as being thirsty is a huge trigger. i think you might find if you can get through one evening your confidence will grow.

i managed last night, although i felt it a bit, and tonight i plan the same. in the long run my aim is to only drink when socialising and at weekends (usually the same thing) which will mean holidays and so on won't be too big an issue. like hh says, not everyone can cut down - i'm giving it a try but if i can't manage it long term i will have to think again. i still find if i have a stressy time i go back to bad habits but i feel i'm making overall progress compared to how things were so i focus on that.

anyway - good luck! <:)>
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 26 Aug 2008 23:10

Hi Dana and Chrissie,
hope you are both well and going ok - france sounds nice!
Dana I was just like you - it all just seemed so out of reach, i cruised this site and forum without registering for months and read and read, glass in hand every night.
I just started to break it down to smaller decisions/events to stop, not a big mountain to climb - I just didn't/don't have the energy/confidence/(mental health!?) to look at it like that. Hold on to that feeling of not wanting/needing to drink tonight.
I really disliked that saying 'one day at a time' it used to freak me out - I didn't want to live like that!! But now I am looking at it differently - i just keep saying to myself that all i have to do is not drink today.
Anyway i have to go hope to chat again soon.
Night all, take care xxxxx Jem

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Stephen_A
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Stephen_A » 27 Aug 2008 01:27

Hi Jemima,
Welcome. I know what you mean about cringing at that 'one day at a time' slogan. It's a fundamental truth however, that you can use quite well, along with your insight of the 'accumulated decisions' that build up and slowly construct a strength against using alcohol. This way you'll find yourself becoming stronger than the problem.

With this kind of thinking the notion soon comes that it is not unsurmountable, that it is treatable by whatever means you are most comfortable with, that drinking every day does not have to happen. Small steps. You'll soon find yourself looking back and admiring the distance you've covered.

Stephen.

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