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I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
danaM66
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by danaM66 » 27 Aug 2008 12:58

Hi Queenie, Chrissy and Jem,

Failed again last night -at first I was depressed and disappointed in myself but now I am just plain mad. Mad that I
1. did not try harder
2. Used a frustrating work day as an excuse to drink after work
3. Not taking care of myself
and I could go on and on...

I am going to use this feeling and try again today!
Hope you are are well and thougth I am not the best person to give advice right now I am hear to listen..

Dana

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Housemartin
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Housemartin » 27 Aug 2008 13:29

Me too Dana, I did the same last night and start today Day 1 with new resolve Good luck! :)
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

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Housemartin
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Housemartin » 27 Aug 2008 13:39

HH you are brilliant Thank you for your kindness and encouragement <:)>
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

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Bupster
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Bupster » 27 Aug 2008 13:44

Hey, Dana, HM,

You're doing exactly the right thing, today is day 1 again. If getting through a day seems too hard you could break it down to getting through a dangerous hour, pushing back the drinking to much later than normal, or just getting through ten minutes at a time. Not my idea, read it here somewhere!

Took ages for me to put the regrets together enough to even try to stop so nice one xx

Bupster
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

danaM66
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by danaM66 » 28 Aug 2008 02:22

Hi Housemartin..good to know I am not the only one. We have to keep starting day 1 over otherwise we will give up and we both know we do not want that, otherwise we would not be here. thanks for just saying hi, it means more than you know..

HH and Bupster- thanks for your enouragement. I will keep trying if day 1 has to happen over and over. Sometimes it gets so discourageing and I think I am alone in the world :(
If I keep hearing the words and how better you feel it really gives me the inspiration to keep trying.

I am glad I am here with you <:)>

Dana

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 30 Aug 2008 09:04

HIGH HOPES wrote: For all who wish to stop and think they 'can't stop', think again, you can. Its a matter of time and the right thinking and of course, it has to be something you wish to do.
Hi HH,
what you said there has really really helped me. 'right thinking' takes practice though, doesn't it? But more to the point, i had been telling myself 'I have a problem. I have to stop this.' I think if i focus on the fact that i actually really want to do this, rather than have to, I will make more progress and see the positives of not drinking more clearly.
Thanks again for your wise words and support.
xx Jemma

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Mike
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Mike » 30 Aug 2008 13:06

Hi Jemima

It's Saturday in the UK and in Egypt too I believe. There are AA meetings in Cairo this weekend. The details are on the AA Egypt website which was last updated 26.8.08, 4 days ago. You will find e mail addresses of members if you wish to make contact.

You have found us here at Bright Eye so may not need another source of help. We are here for you as much as possible. A few of us use AA or similar organisations as additional back up. Sometimes you need all the help you can get. Or should I say I have needed all the help I can get ?

I am now sober but I love this website. It gives me a terrific buzz to get on line and read about success stories. But not only success stories. I need to know about the bad times too. Because then BE really comes alive with help and caring advice for the still suffering alcoholic. I know I use that nasty word, but I can't think of a better one.

You are in "the early days" Jemima. There are plenty of hardcore BE elder statesmen/women who went through the early days stage. We all did for goodness sake. And plenty of us have progressed one day at a time, able to say "I haven't had a drink today" and then adding to ourselves, "but tomorrow is another day."

Good luck, Mike x

tk6
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by tk6 » 30 Aug 2008 14:43

Don’t know where else to post this but the ‘I can’t stop’ thread seemed to be appropriate. Unfortunately today I have drunk; I don’t know why I did and as always, it was only going to be one but as I sit and write now there is another drink beside me. The second is cause I argued with a girl I’m dating; she’s rather high maintenance and apparently at the moment I don’t pay her enough attention. I don’t for one-second blame her for the drink; I know it’s my problem, my weakness and was my choice but this was my day 7. Day 7 has been the longest I’ve been sober in a decade however being on a Librium detox I was hardly substance free. On Monday I start taking Antabuse; I know many frown upon this, especially in AA, but for me the fear of adverse reactions should prevent me from relapsing.

At the moment I need to focus on me, be selfish and I think probably single though it’s scary to contemplate being alone having alienated so many friends and relationships. Those that remain are the drinking ones and I can’t go back there.

Last night I found a great AA meeting close to me in central London. I sat sweating and shivering at the back, desperate to drink but was surprised at how happy everyone was. The atmosphere was friendly and jovial, actually very similar to the groups drinking outside in the bars on Great Portland Street except without the drunken morose conversation. They all seemed to be friends and having fun. They were even planning to socialise together (alcohol free) afterwards. My mind was in no state to talk and I ran out after the meeting however I’ll be back again and hopefully I’ve found an environment in which I can exist and perhaps make new friends who’ll understand and support me whilst we don’t drink.

Am going to another meeting in a couple of hours so hopefully that’ll help.

At this stage, and for what my advice is worth, Jemima AA is really worth a go. I’m sceptical about a lot of it however going, listening to people tell painfully moving, uplifting and inspirational stories has certainly given me hope and inspiration too. I don’t know if you’re an ex-pat however I know how ingrained in that culture alcohol is. Whilst I still had a career to speak of I accepted a job in Dubai thinking that in the ME I would probably drink less; obviously it didn’t quite work out like that.

Anyway whatever you do I hope for the best.
James

at the bottom of my gin cup i found tea - http://gincup.com

Rosie Lee
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Rosie Lee » 30 Aug 2008 16:17

Jamie,

This is your day 7. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. (I'm singing for you!)
The best bit is... you know that you can do this. 7 days is great, you start to feel the benefit don't you!?
You are not back at square one, you've had a blip. Thats all. I am in exactly the same boat as you today.
As i said earlier on another thread.. No point crying over spilt chardonay... What done is done.
Am rooting for you..
Love Rosie.x :D

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Redexplosion
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Redexplosion » 30 Aug 2008 18:01

In total agreement guys. Today was my day 5 and I started it by getting up and getting down to the shop for a bottle of red wine. Two glasses later I was snoring under the duvet like a good un. Anyway. I'm starting again. If AA helps then go. It's not for everyone though same as all other kinds of self help. Because that's all it is. If it works it works and use it. Whatever 'it' may be.

Keep smiling and stay strong - Red x x x <:)>
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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Jemima
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jemima » 31 Aug 2008 15:25

Hi Jamie,
thanks for your advice - i am planning to find the meeting next weekend, and stay sober till then. You are right about the expat lifestyle - that's what caused my demise last week - but at least i am aware of it now and have taken myself out of that situation. It's good you are aware of your drinking too and well done for going to the meeting.

Hi Mike,
will do my best to get in touch with people from AA here this week. i think if i go i'd like to 'know' someone there first. Anyway for the moment i'm doing ok - just home from work, looking forward to another dry evening.

all the best,
Jemma

Claudia
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Claudia » 21 Oct 2008 02:37

I am back after an absence of some months. I was working on the "cutting down" and it worked for a week or two. then gradually back up to over one bottle of wine per night and another night blacked out when I can't remember making love with my husband. He says it was good! How sad not to remember. So October 1 was my first day without a drink. That is 20 days now and every day I think, I'm not going to make it. But so far I have. My goal for this moment is 40 days sober before any change in my decision. I'm hoping I will make new habits in those 40 days and have started baby steps on that. Mostly I'm just hoping I can make it 40 days. And the funny thing is, drinking does not actually make me feel that good - not until about 3rd drink anyway, and then the brakes are off. I'm starting to see benefits - better energy, clearer, calmer, losing a bit of weight. Why would I give that up for another drink? And it's more expensive here in Canada too. Any words of support will be deeply appreciated.

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Stephen_A
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Stephen_A » 21 Oct 2008 04:06

Hi Claudia,
You said:
Claudia wrote:And the funny thing is, drinking does not actually make me feel that good - not until about 3rd drink anyway, and then the brakes are off. I'm starting to see benefits - better energy, clearer, calmer, losing a bit of weight. Why would I give that up for another drink? And it's more expensive here in Canada too.
Yeah, I can relate to that. Indeed I used to sometimes force the first two or three down even though I didn't feel like them so that that the 'escalating drunkenness' would kick in, take over, and whooof, I'd be on the way.

From what you write about your cutting down, that is it worked for a week or two and then you drank gradually more, I'd say that the 'cutting down' method perhaps is not for you. Please don't think I'm being arbitrary here. Many people do indeed find success with the cutting down method and naturally I'd root for them. Sometimes however we have to look at this in the cold light of day and decide whether it works for us or not.

Now you're on twenty days sober. That is a considerable achievement. We have to take this one day at a time and you mentioned '40 days sober before any change in direction.' For what it's worth, I'd personally not seek to change any direction at 40 days. I'd look back over the past 40 days and note all the improvements in your life and then consolidate the work you've put in. If you've done forty days, go for two months. Then perhaps sail through a drink-free Christmas,and use the inertia from that to cruise into your third month. This will put you in a very strong position as you survey your new life as a non drinker.

All the best,
Stephen.

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bettyboop
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by bettyboop » 26 Oct 2008 14:55

I think it is always going to be a toughie, and I did write in my blog it is very difficult to find a way to stop totally (if desired) if you cannot access all the available options. As we know I have handed myself a magnificent free fall from grace, and have even managed to find an even stronger wine (14.5%) that is within my means, and also I have found, that the stronger the drink is, the more I like it. I used to go to a lot of real ale events, and knew before I started to go for the biggie abv, and my palate told me it tasted good. I was planning to go without tonight, but Tesco had no home delivery slots, so I waivered near the wine aisle prevaricating, then hastily shoved 3 bottles, but the 13.5% not 14.5% in my trolley, and paid, and hastily fled in case anyone spotted them in my trolley. Quite why anyone would care is beyond me, I don't know anyone, but there you go.

I really really want antabuse, it seems a sensible option for someone who can't abdicate domestic stuff to go to rehab, even if I could afford it, there is no-one else to mind the kids. I am wondering whether you can buy it online. I would pay whatever it costs to get my hands on some. I have until next Tuesday to get back on track as my bf returns and the only thing he's asked of me is that I don't get hammered on wine every night - which I was managing up until recently, but once the OCD kicked back in I found it hard not to return to type. And because I am alone again, while he is away, my anchor has disappeared, and I feel it too.

I fully expect I will buckle tonight and hope that my intention to get going again tomorrow materialises, as I can't go on like this, and I don't want to lose what I have.

Either way, I think that using BE helps to focus one's intentions, and it is good to share with everyone, even when you feel like you aren't contributing much of value to everyone. Ultimately everyone will stop excessive drinking, either by abstaining, controlling it or dying. Don't see many other options really. Aren't I the cheery one?? :shock:
'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars - Oscar Wilde

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Jan
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Jan » 30 Oct 2008 13:55

Hi Liz,
It's hard for me to see you so sad. When you are drinking you become so blue - and when you are sober you really come ALIVE and all the GOOD STUFF comes your way! I have watched you go from one extreme to the other and you are so much happier when you are not drinking. Please give it another bash. Slow down.

"Slow down the cobble stones and look at the fun in feeling groovy". Someone should write that into a song.

Get groovy again Lis. <:)>

Owejackroo
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Owejackroo » 01 Nov 2008 19:17

Hello everyone,

Well I dont think I can. I have tried and I am full of good intentions. I know this stuff is possibly killing me. I have several worries - I have a lump in my neck and I do not want to go to my doctor because I will ahve an abnormal liver test which proves I am still drinking and my employer knows about this. So I am stalling on getting the necessary blood tests. I know - this is bloody stupid.

Anyway I am into my second bottle of wine although I have made sure I have had a good dinner - good beef stew and lots of broccoli,brussles and cauliflower.

Feels better to post.

Jacks

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Lush
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Lush » 01 Nov 2008 20:14

Jacks you must go to your doctor to get this lump checked out. Your doctor knows as well as anyone how difficult it is to stop drinking, s/he will have seen hundreds of patients just like you, and you shouldn't be afraid to admit you've lapsed. Not sure what your employer has to do with it, but please - get it checked out as soon as possible, not knowing what it is clearly is making you even more anxious and possibly making the need to drink even stronger.

Susie
xx
"I love the English language, it has a certain je ne sais qoi".

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hamster
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by hamster » 01 Nov 2008 22:57

Hello Jacks

Your GP has to keep your confidence. Your employer has no right to access your medical notes without agreement from you. Not getting this seen to is just going to make the worry worse and that is a trigger to drink.

As far as not being able to do this. Yes you can, you may be struggling now but you wont forever. the only way to do this is by taking small bites at a time - just try the odd day without and dont set your goals to high.
there are many of us on this forum for whom it has taken months of being here and trying before managing to stop.

I was trying for five months - and I mean really trying before I managed to stop. Others here have similar stories. Rome really wasnt built in a day and if stopping drinking were easy we wouldnt need this forum.

Just dont give up Jack and you will get there.

Hammy
x
AF2011 number 10

Owejackroo
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Owejackroo » 02 Nov 2008 02:57

Hi Hoping ,

Thanks for support. Unfortunately the wine is still flowing. But I know I will get back on track. I have to admit I am still here with glass of wine but will win. Or will I?????????

Speak to you tmrw.

Jacks

Owejackroo
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Re: I can't stop.

Post by Owejackroo » 02 Nov 2008 03:27

Hi,


Well I can not beat this bloody thing - hence the reason I am here with glass of wine still typing. I must say I value my good wholesome 7-8 hours sleep which I have been allowed even with my prolonged drinking however it will be affected big time with this binge.

I hope I will not drink tmrw - I love it when I dont - but I can identify my trigger last week and it is all down to ego and reputation - some one has a saying on this site - Until I lost my reputation I did not know what a burden it was?????????????? Is that me or what?????????????

Anyway Good Nite.


Jacks xxxxxxxxxxx

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