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Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 02 Nov 2008 06:51
by Owejackroo
HH.

I am a f...... nightmare. I know the right things to do but am stuck here. I know I am strong enough to get through this one so it is my choice. However I want to be where you are my dear.


I have been posting all over the place which has helped immensley and this site is wonderful.

My OH thimks I am OK. I have spoken to him 2 mins ok from Middle East.

I am going to sleep now. Thanks my friend.


Jacks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 02 Nov 2008 07:43
by chrissie
Hi Jacks

You can beat it. Just by posting on here you are showing your desire to do that. Just take it one day at a time and stop beating yourself up about it. What's done is done, let it go. Make a fresh start right now, you can do that. And go to the doctors to get the lump checked out!

I am rooting for you. I have been there and it is not easy but it is worth the struggle. Keep posting, there are lots of people here for you

love
Chrissie xx

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 03 Nov 2008 01:48
by Owejackroo
Hi good folks,

I appear to have lost a day and will be not fit for work today. Already looking at my appoimtments and cancelling. Love to you all.


Jacks

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 03 Nov 2008 01:50
by Owejackroo
Chrisse,

Will get lump checked soon but I need my job- too many debts.

Thanks my friend

Jacks

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 08 Nov 2008 17:42
by rose_again
Hey all
I fear that I'm in the midst of quite a bender right now...over the last week I had to 'cancel' going to a few classes, cause spent the night before drinking and not reading :( It started last Saturday, trying to cure a hangover with A drink, but of course (shocker) it pretty much led to laying around in my sweats, eating crappy food, and consuming bottles of wine throughout the day saturday and sunday. Ugh.
My longest stint of sobriety - lately - was the eleven days I spent in the beginning of September right after I started posting on here...so I know I can do it - but this last week, every morning I've woken up feeling guilty and unhealthy, and, turn to the liquor store to make myself feel better. Like every single day. And now my body (Satuday morning) feels like absolute and total crap - and - shockingly enough - I'm wondering if it's too early to get some liqueur for my coffee!! I KNOW it's ridiculous, and that I have responsibilities to take care of this weekend...but I feel so sad and bored and ashamed...what a funk I'm in!!
Feel like if I can just get through one day, I'll straighten myself out. But right now, "I can't stop?!"

Thanks for listening

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 08 Nov 2008 17:59
by Bupster
Hi, Rose,

Try to remember that in part it's the alcohol making you feel bad and sad and bored and ashamed. The longer you can go without alcohol, the better you'll start to feel about yourself. And you know you need to break out of this cycle, as you know where it's going to lead.

It's the booze that leads to the hangover. If you drink today, you are guaranteeing that you will feel like this tomorrow. Feeling like this is a direct result of the bad decisions you made yesterday. If you can make better decisions today, tomorrow will be a better day.

Could you start perhaps by just putting off getting that booze for an hour? And if you can make it through an hour, putting it off for another one? Maybe by the time you get to the evening, the hangover will have lifted a bit - they generally do. That's the thing; if you drink, you'll always feel rough the next morning, but if you can stick it out, and understand that feeling rough will pass, then you can start afresh. If you refuse to stick it out, and insist on feeling better Now, you're guaranteeing that you will get stuck in this awful cycle. Put it off, just for a little while - an hour, two hours - then see how you feel then. Post every hour if you need to. We'll be here for you. <:)>

All the best,
Bupster

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 08 Nov 2008 18:08
by queenie
hi rose

i remember reading your earlier posts. i'm a lawyer too if your remember.

i think the missing classes thing could be a bit of a worry from the point of view of your concerns about when you sign up for your professional body - do your tutors have to write a reference about you? i think i wrote to you before about how many lawyers over here that run into problems with drink and drugs - it really does seem to go with the territory.

i suppose what you have to do is think hard about which way you want life to go - it may be that you need to take time out of college to get yourself straight (although i know some people on bright eye have taken time off work to sort out their drinking and that has actually made things worse for them in the short term). by the time you are having to drink to get to classes you are probably pretty dependent on the stuff. once you qualify you won't be able to hide that easily within a law firm.

are there services local to you where you could get face to face help with this? you sound as though you might need a really good support network both on here and face to face to fight this.

good luck with it all and keep posting - you sure are not alone.

queenie

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 08 Nov 2008 18:24
by hamster
Hello Rose <:)>

I so understand the cycle you feel trapped in at the moment. I used to do that with drink.

. Bupster gave some good advice there. Something else I would advise is that you book a hair appointment - or a manicure or massage - Anything that is going to make you feel good. Feeling good about yourself makes looking after yourself by not drinking a great deal easier. Excersise is another one - go swimming, for a long walk. Or clean the house from top to bottom. All work to help improve how we feel. And ofcourse getting on with the course work. Not doing that is making you feel worse which in turn will trigger to drink.

For tonight - try the delaying as bupster suggested. Hot bath and pj's usually works and pop straight back on the November Hop. Set your goal for one day and go for it. Set a goal of two hours on study and go for that to.

hammy
x

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 11 Nov 2008 21:17
by rose_again
Hammy, queenie, bupster - thank you.

Today is the first day of my sobriety. Can't say why exactly
I woke up this morning and said ENOUGH (but really made
choices to make it "enough"...like not even thinking about the
liquor store, or convincing myself that "'ll just keep drinking for
one more day"') My first thought this morning was to get on the
boards as soon as possible and post Day 1!

Man it feels great. My body, on the other hand, feels horrible
...and I'm actually feeling a bit worse as the day goes by.
But it's 1pm, and I'm going to take a looong
bath, visit the local library and get some good books/videos, and
maybe take a walk. Luckily today is my day off from school, so I can use it to really
heal. (Deep breath rose....)

But again, your support makes me feel like one day of sobriety is
actually possible...followed by the next day, and the next. And
I sure do need reminding that this crappy feeling WILL pass, and
that my happiness will return. To just try to instantly gratify
myself by turning to drink now - only to inevitabley feel like hell
the next day...just can't fix anything - like you've all been saying -

thank you so much
<:)> <:)> <:)>

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 11 Nov 2008 21:21
by queenie
rose

you deserve this. you will make a great lawyer. you know what i mean by that.

hugs.

Q

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 11 Nov 2008 22:03
by patty
Oh rose,

what a heartfelt post, I wish you all the best, you can do this, good luck,

Love patty xx <:)>

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 13 Nov 2008 10:51
by CFM
Hi Rose, good to read your post and I hope that now a couple of days have passed you are feeling better ...
I am not very far into sobriety (six weeks) but the crappy feelings *definitely* do pass, and as HH and others have said elsewhere, life just gets better and better.
For me BE was hugely instrumental in getting to where I am now - much more useful than the counselling I have been having - so hang in there, keep posting, and I'm sure you can do it!
Love CFM xxx

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 14 Nov 2008 00:43
by Stephen_A
Hi Rose,
Way to go. I only add to the comments that the rough feelings are something you have to tough out. When you said you woke up this morning, you made it sound like a spontaneous decision. But of course it wasn't; the necessary thinking in the background had been going on for a time, and at last it came to fruition.

You said it was a mixture of 'great' and 'horrible.' As I write this, the worst of the horribles should be passing and that's when you start to enjoy the benefits. Be careful though. Don't get complacent. Keep your mental guards up. You can note down all the positive things you have without the alcohol, including of course how much better you are as a parent you are without it - this was one of the things that kept me going. You can post here to keep everyone informed of your progress, keep a journal either yourself or on our journal thread. This way you keep yourself excited and motivated about things, and the days just start falling away, and soon you're measuring in weeks and months.

Every day without drink is a thank-you note to yourself.

All the best,
Stephen.

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 16 Nov 2008 11:59
by teodora
Dear All,

I have been reading your posts for more than one month and just now I gathered some courage to write my own. I have been binge drinking for a decade now. Last Friday, I went for a session again and yesterday I found myself crying like a baby and telling my fiancee that I can not stop. My biggest fear these days is that to be really drunk in my wedding celebration and regret it for the rest of my life. Yesterday, I said to Jamie (fiancee) that I could not stop drinking and today I just found this wonderful thread here in BE. I would like to say that your advices, especially Mike's, Steven's and High Hopes have made me cry, laugh and believe that I will be able to stop.

Thank you

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 16 Nov 2008 12:35
by hamster
Hello teodora

Good to meet you and well done for getting around to posting <:)> Reading the posts really helped me before I got the courage to post myself.

You are right - you can do this - you will stop. I know you may feel you cant - have in the past and may well feel like that again in the future - but you can.

I never thought I would be able to stop. But with lots of trying, not giving up, and some almighty falls of the wagon - I did. Eventually I found the glue needed to keep my bum on the seat.

I will say thought that external support is a real must - most of us abstieners stopped with outside help. Mike and HH used AA. I used alcohol outreach center which gave alcohol counselling. And this great site ofcourse.

You need to think about how you are going to tackle this. Why not start by joining the November Hop? - Just set a small goal and see how you feel.

I stopped eight months ago and its a much much brighter place being free.

Hammy
x

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 16 Nov 2008 13:10
by Lush
Hi teodora, welcome to Bright Eye <:)>

Well done for making your first post, I remember only too well how difficult it can be to finally admit you've got a problem with alcohol. Having belief in your ability to stop is going to play a massive role in your recovery too, so never underestimate yourself. How about introducing yourself in the New Members thread (this thread gets a bit overlooked) then as Hammy says, post some short term goals in the November Hop? You will be made very welcome here by everyone, we are all here to support each other in a friendly and non-judgemental way. Remember also that nothing will shock us, we have all been there, done that and worn the t-shirt. Good luck with your goals :D

Susie
xx

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 16 Nov 2008 21:27
by teodora
Dear Hamster, Lush and HH,

Thank you for your kind words. I introduced myself in the right thread. The wedding will be on the 27th June 2009 in England and I am very excited about it.

Best wishes,

Teodora

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 16 Nov 2008 22:47
by patty
another great post HH,

Love patty xx <:)>

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 17 Nov 2008 12:55
by CFM
Hi Teodora and welcome to BE. I just want to share something with you about my wedding day (many years ago now and many years before I realised I had to deal with my alcohol problem.)
It was a great day and I do remember most of it. However: I was so pissed that I threw up in our honeymoon suite (charming) and forgot to put on the new pale blue silk item I had bought specially ...
Next morning the hotel sent champagne up to the room and you can imagine, I was in no fit state to enjoy it. This all seems quite funny now but it isn't really.
You don't want anything like this to happen on your big day!!

Love CFM xx

Re: I can't stop.

Posted: 17 Nov 2008 20:15
by teodora
Dear Darcy,

Many happy birthdays to you.

Dear CFM,

Thank you so much for sharing your wedding and honey money's events. That is exactly what I would really want to avoid. But knowing myself, I would throw up before cake is served. You actually did not do too badly (Oh, not really, if I put myself in your new husband's shoes!) <:)>

Thank you again.

Teodora