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Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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jocan
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Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by jocan » 08 Sep 2008 12:10

Hi fellow posters :)

Firstly, this forum is great.. i only joined yesterday and i have spent a lot of time reading various posts and responses, and it's amazing how much support is given to each other.. i look forward to being a part of it, if you'll have me :oops:

So, my story just briefly. I am 27 years old, and have been a heavy drinker (wine mainly) from the age of 20. At my heaviest point i was drinking 2+ bottles of wine per night. About 6 months ago i realised i had to change as i was messing my life up slowly but surely.. getting into debt, couldn't hold down a job, losing friends through letting them down on arrangements due to being hungover, and causing my family a lot of worry.

I started going to AA but gave up on that as i just felt really anxious about going, being around people who i didn't know.. plus i never felt as though my situation warranted going to the meetings... perhaps i will go back i am not sure yet.

In the last 6 months i have really cut down on my drinking, having 1 or 2 binge nights per week, consuming 2 bottles of wine, at home alone. However, the hangovers are so bad that these 2 sessions still messed up my entire week, and just as i got over one, i would think oh thats ok, i might as well "treat myself" as i feel fine now. The cycle began.

I really want to quit drinking completely as it causes so much damage to myself and my life in general. I am on my second day sober now, but i am really worried as i know myself... i have been here so many times before. By 4-5 days i will be so tempted to drink, and my alcoholic voice will be telling me it's fine, whats the point in staying sober, why not etc...

I am going to try so hard this time, i am just so worried. I can't go back to it again. It's so depressing making plans for my future, telling myself i'll do it this time, and then finding myslef repeating the cycle once again.

I am going to post here every day, and also keep a diary.. i know that will help. But, any words of encouragement will be so appreciated.. maybe some tips on how to overide the times when i forget why i am trying to stay sober in the first place! I know why now, but i have a very selective memory at times :)

Thanks for listening, and i look forard to chatting with some of you in the future.

Jo <:)>

jocan
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by jocan » 08 Sep 2008 12:45

Thanks for your response Jos, a list of reasons not to drink and why i hate it sounds good... wow it's gonna be a long list hehe.

Last night i was doing the cuppa and reading the forum thing.. it really does help too i think, and something i will do regularly especially when i feel myself weakening. I find when i am trying not to drink that i spend every waking moment thinking about drink, and how i don't want to do it anymore.. until a few days have passed. Funny thing is, nothing ever good has come of my drinking sessions, ever. Even times when i have been out drinking with friends rather than drinking at home alone, i always end up making a fool of myself and wake up full of regret... those are the times i can even remember what happened of course :)

Thanks again Jos, i will make a start on my list now :)

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jme
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by jme » 08 Sep 2008 13:55

Hi jo and welcome im new here and im on day 7 thats as far as ive got ever !! thanks to all the support from the kind people on this forum ,and a little hard work on my part ;)

the fact that you recognise you are in the cycle is very good because it shows you are fighting it ! i wonder how long you had concerns but never actually did anything about it ? so taking action is a very big step and well done for that mate ! .

i would say dont expect to much from your self at first ,it took a long time to get to where you are now with your drinking ,so its unreasonable for you to expect to be a total reformed character from day one . so if you do slip dont worry its all part of recovery .

good luck and i hope to seek to you again soon

best wishes

jamie
never give up giving up

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Jan
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Jan » 11 Sep 2008 19:36

Hi Jo,
Nice to meet you. I know all about breaking the cycle - I have months of experience behind me! I think I finally broke it though as I am almost seven weeks sober now. It isn't easy Jo. If it was there wouldn't be any need for this forum, but it is possible, especially with the help of us reprobates.

Jaycee and Jamie have given good advice. My tip for the day is to get into your PJ's when you get home from work. It's almost winter now so treat yourself to a gorgeous warm pair of PJ's that don't embarrass you should someone call round. So, snuggle into your PJ's when you get home because it is a little known fact that no-one, but no-one, can get pissed when wearing pyjamas.

I look forward to hearing more from you!
Auntie Jan

C F
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by C F » 18 Sep 2008 14:54

Hi Jocan, Hi Mygirl

Lovely to see both of you.

Breaking the cycle is tough and its been tough for me. Even when Im not drinking, Im still thinking about it. I think about not having a drink rather than not thinking about drink at all. Im guessing 'normal' people who drink occassionally aren't obsessed with thinking about drink or when they will have one. I would like to get to the stage that if I want a drink I can have ONE and not think about alcohol in between. Im running on but I hope Im making sense!!!!

Good luck with your goals. I can promise you will find plenty of advice and support on this forum. Its been a godsend to me, I can tell you <:)>
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Lush
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Lush » 25 Sep 2008 00:37

Just read this thread and I know exactly what you mean CF about constantly thinking about NOT drinking. I'm wondering if this gets any less as time goes on? I mean, when I first quit smoking I used to think about cigarettes all the time, now 2 years later I rarely think about them at all. I'm not convinced that I'll ever be like that about alcohol though, in some ways this is way harder than giving up smoking. What's working for me right now is what's already been said - a cuppa and a good read of the forum. I can't do the PJ thing cos a) I don't own any and b) I can't take my dog for his late night walk in PJs :lol:

Susie
xx
"I love the English language, it has a certain je ne sais qoi".

kittykat
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by kittykat » 27 Sep 2008 12:29

The longest I have had off the drink was 9 days, about 3 years ago. Then I had a large bottle of wine on day 10 to congratulate myself. And the cycle returned and has stayed with me, so now I am on a bottle a day and two on Fri and Sat.
MG when you wrote that it really pulled me up sharp. I've 13 days today - the longest with nothing for over 20 years - and have been saying to myself this morning (yes in the morning) 'I could have a can of (whatever) that'd be nice. Wouldn't do any harm.'
You reminded me exactly what it will do and where it will take me. Thank you so much for that. I love Auntie Jan's advice about snuggly pj's but fear I might have to live in them for some time to come. I'll just have to wear them under my clothes during the day!

kat

newyor7
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by newyor7 » 03 Oct 2008 19:46

Hi My girl,

Being reading your post and could just described me so if I can share something with you hope it will help. Today I went to see my cancellor and she opened my eyes to something that was so true. We put pressure on ourseleves it took us a while to get were we are today so why except the opposite when we are triying to get better. Like you one day I had enough and said I want to stop once and for all I did for a week and went back only it was worts this time. That's when I realised today that she was right one day at a time so that when something happen the opposite of what we are triying to achieve wont happen and even if it does we are sort of prepared.
So hang in there I agree the PJ are a great idea specificaly now it is so cold I have the heater to the max in the house and I am supposed to go out out for diner with friends but love my new PJ got them on sale with a pair of in house cool boots so feel really warm but will have to get change, as one importante thing is also not to stay alone so we are all here for you.

yetserday I was at my worts and found the help here in this post and realised like everybody told me tomorrow is another day and today it was remember one day at a time.

NY


mygirl wrote:Just read what I wrote back on day one. That's given me a big kick up my fat bum as I have been letting the wine back into my life this week. Not to the Olympic standards as before. But I fully realise that I will be back there in no time at all if I continue.
So I am going to begin again today on day 1.
KittyKat- glad it helped you! By reading your reply you have helped me too. Cheers!
Snuggly PJs sound good so will be buying myself a new pair this week as a treat from keeping the EAF at bay.
mg x

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Lush
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Lush » 07 Oct 2008 13:10

Awwwww mg, I'm sorry you're feeling so upset and down. You have definitely gone some way towards breaking the cycle already, perhaps even more so now that you've told your husband. Remember he's 3 weeks behind you though so he needs a chance to take all of this in. Get him to read some of the posts on the forum in his own time so he can see what a supportive place this is. With the best will in the world, if you both have a problem you can't do anything much without external support. Forget about getting pissed last night, just start again. <:)>

Susie
xx
"I love the English language, it has a certain je ne sais qoi".

CFM
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by CFM » 07 Oct 2008 13:12

Hi mygirl. Just read your post - sorry you are feeling so down. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I'm sure I couldn't have managed to make any impact on my drinking if I had someone encouraging / helping me to drink, so I think you should be proud of what you have already acheived. Anyway, it sounds positive that your hubby has agreed to stop drinking too. And does he now see that this forum is not a cause for suspicion and is in fact really helpful and supportive? I hope so. I can't really say anything useful, just want you to know I am thinking of you and hoping that things will start to get better for you.

Love CFM xxx

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Gracie
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Gracie » 07 Oct 2008 14:34

Hi Mygirl,

I think it's great that you've shown the site to your husband, maybe he will start to want to post too! I've told my husband that i post on an alcohol support website, but so far he hasn't asked to see it. Having said that he's a 'couple of bottles of beer every so often man,' and i think he finds it quite difficult to understand/ accept that his wife has an alcohol problem. ( god knows he's seen the evidence enough times!)

Getting pissed last night isn't the end of the world, you've lived to tell the tale. Good luck to you both, i understand what it's like to be poured a drink, when you are trying not to drink, my husband does the same, but then expects me to stop at one like him!

You're very brave, keep posting,

Love Gracie x

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Anna
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Anna » 07 Oct 2008 15:47

Hello Mygirl,

I've found all your posts really touching and honest and really wish you all the best with this.
It is very hard as you say:
mygirl wrote:I don't have a life. My life is in this house, running around after 5 children and hubby.
and I certainly know how you feel. It's pretty difficult to put yourself first when this kind of situation is very isolating . You can end up feeling like you don't know who you are any more.
But you've taken the first steps now and I do hope you can keep posting.
The thing about addressing a drink problem is that it tends to make you more aware of everything else in life at the same time. It can be pretty hard to do but I think its a process of starting to live properly again and its all about giving yourself a chance.
Anyway, big <:)> 's
Take care,
Anna.xx

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patty
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by patty » 07 Oct 2008 23:35

Hello mygirl, funny thats what I call my daughter!.

Read your posts and have to say that I had a similar thing with my husband and he seemed quite OFF about it at first, and to be honest I didnt like him reading what Id posted at first because Id never spoke to anyone about my problem and resented the fact that he looked over my shoulder whenever I was posting and was always interested to know if there were any men on the forum ect, in the end I bought a lap top and now sit next to him at night on the sofa when I am posting so the curiosity has died off a bit. Ive explained alittle about how BE works and have sat with him while hes skimmed a few posts. Now if I dont get my laptop at least once in the evening hes asking why not!!! He knows its my time and how much stronger I am after reading or posting, and also respects that its my choice.

My advise would be to be open with your OH and include him if he wants, but its my guess once he gets his head round it all , he will either be into it as you are or will be happy for you to get the help you are looking for. good luck anyway, I hope that made a bit of sense!!!

Love patty xx <:)>

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becstarr
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by becstarr » 08 Oct 2008 09:08

Hi MG and everyone else

MG - I can totally sympathise with you. My husband will bring home wine for me and although he doesn't twist my arm to drink it I find it hard to say no. I keep telling him if I ask him to get it just say no and that he has to help me through it. That worked until last Thursday when he came home and i was in a foul mood (kids on school hols doing my head in) that he actually poured me a wine and said come on just one... (yeah one bottle)

I haven't stopped since and now I'm on day 5 of drinking a bottle every night. i"m struggling to stop again.

I have only just told him about this site too and he was ok with it - laughed at me for a while but I didn't care.

Anyway I'm aiming not to drink tonight. There is no alcohol left in the house but all i need to do is phone him and he'll get some on the way home.

Hope everyone else is ok

bec

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chrissie
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by chrissie » 08 Oct 2008 09:20

Hi Bec

Just replied to you on the confession thread.

Can you talk to your husband about your desire to stop? Do you think you could get him to join you for a few days so that he doesn't bring temptation home with him? I got my husband a bottle of whisky, which I don't drink, so he could have that instead of wine and then I didn't feel tempted.

You can do this, you have already proven you can. Hop back up on the wagon with us.

Chrissie xx
one day at a time

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Anna
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Anna » 09 Oct 2008 07:55

hi Mygirl,
I'm so glad you're feeling better and that it seems OH understands and will support you, or even join you in stopping.
Anna.xx

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S-J
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by S-J » 16 Dec 2008 21:08

Image
"The beauty of life is finding the balance between peace and passion."

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chemicalchris
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by chemicalchris » 23 Dec 2008 11:32

A little story for you about 'breaking the cycle' ....

I'm on my 5th day now, and was beginning to get a bit tetchy yesterday, so I decided I'd keep myself occupied by sorting out a big pile of paperwork that has accumulated in my house. I was going through this when I found a notebook, and written in here was a list of life goals, and how I would acheive them. High up on the list was cutting down on the booze - 'don't drink more thn 2 pints per day' etc etc. I even used the phrase 'I just need to break the cycle'. It could have been written last week. It wasn't. It was written in 2004.

I can almost laugh at it now, but there are lessons in this:
1. You can end up stuck in the cycle for years if you don't take action.
2. I clearly hadn't sorted out my paperwork, bills etc. for 4 years. That shows how out of control life was. But I only needed a few days dry to start pulling things together again. This is a good thing ..
3. This time really feels different. Why? Because I've admitted in public that I have a problem this time. Reading my old note, I was blaming things on my stressful lifestyle, work issues, anything but me, rather than taking responsibility for my own actions. I wouldn't have admitted my problem without BE.
4. I'm really wary of 'the cycle' again. This quit is going well, because I've had a big kick up the backside. But I am aware this will wear off, and I may be left facing the 'oh, well, 1 won't hurt' voices again. I'm ready.

Good luck to all,
Chris
xxx

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Lush
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by Lush » 23 Dec 2008 11:41

Well done Chris, that's a really positive post. :D

Susie
xx
"I love the English language, it has a certain je ne sais qoi".

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chemicalchris
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Re: Breaking the cycle

Post by chemicalchris » 23 Dec 2008 19:33

Glad you think so, Susie! It just depresses me to think how long I've been trying to sort my life out and failing, because I wasn't prepared to take the big, completely life changing steps necessary.

That last sentence reads better if you swap the word 'prepared' for 'ready'. Which seems like detail but is actually really important.

Chris
xxx

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