Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
User avatar
squidger
Posts: 623
Joined: 13 Aug 2010 15:22
Last Drink Date: 14 Jan 2015
Location: Pitlochry
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by squidger » 11 Nov 2010 21:09

Hey momof5girls or lisa if i may call you that,

Not much i can add to Wendys wonderfull post. <:)>

30 days is huge or any amount close to it. (::)
Think back to when you started and how you would have given to even manage a week or a couple of days.

Dont give up, be patient with yourself. If you look hard past the dissapointment you will see so many great things that you have managed to change about your life already.

Look after yourself. <:)>

Bubbysmum

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by Bubbysmum » 11 Nov 2010 21:19

;)?
Last edited by Bubbysmum on 12 Nov 2010 03:51, edited 1 time in total.

healing
Posts: 13
Joined: 15 Nov 2010 00:46
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by healing » 15 Nov 2010 17:21

Hi im new here and I have troubles when I drink I only drank three years but I binge and I start to say and do things that are NOT good. anyone relate the morning after panic??? also some grey-outs where details get fuzzy this stresses me out. I then have a hard time functioning for three days afterward.

The problem with not drinking is that it is a problem socializing. I recentlly had six months sober time. I primarily stayed in and focused on life improvements which was very very helpful. I just dont want to spend all of my time isolating and on self help boards which i did during that time,


a dream of mine has always been to have lots of entertaining at my home, and of course that includes alcohol, we are having our first holiday open house and I need to be very very careful. I think I should make up my mind that Im going to be sober! its just the tradeoff of isolating which I find very miserable!! i can keep busy with hobbies, job training etc but no nightlife and i Feel like a senior citized staying in ALL the time watching television. Im not a bar or club person Im talking about occasional parties or get togethers here. I can go and not drink I guess--it stinks to have this problem because its risky even drinking occasionally unless I were to be extremely careful and aware, which after the drink hits is hard!! YIKES


where is the best place to get advice? I would love a chat buddy who would like to pm me or email me, or anyone who wants to banter on here too!!

User avatar
squidger
Posts: 623
Joined: 13 Aug 2010 15:22
Last Drink Date: 14 Jan 2015
Location: Pitlochry
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by squidger » 15 Nov 2010 21:18

Hey Healing, How are you today? Love your name by the way hope you are doing a lot of it ! <:)>

Glad to see you about. I can sooooo relate to the socialising thing. :( Its that idea of damned if you do damned if you dont thing.
There is so many people on here that seem to just be able to say no when they are out, and have a fantastic time, more than any of 'us' that normally go overboard and make a mess of things.
The most wonderfull thing is, they were 'us' not so long ago, so all is not lost. :D

You will see the EAF being mentioned quite a lot ( Evil Alcohol Fairy) she can be very persuasive, and make us feel like we are missing out on things by not drinking. In our own minds we know all we are missing out on is, dehydration, a big bar bill and all the other traps of a 'big night out'.
You sound, from your posts, like a confident and friendly person, its realising that you dont need the hastles alcohol brings.
Try joining the 7 day challenge, i know you have done a lot longer before, but its a great way to meet new and old peeps, and a great way to sound off thoughts. <:)>

User avatar
AlexT
Posts: 101
Joined: 17 May 2009 15:43
Last Drink Date: 30 Jan 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by AlexT » 16 Jan 2011 11:24

Hey All,

Really interesting reading on this thread. Love it.

Re: Healings last comment. Have you tried reading Allen Carr. I would recommend it, alot of folks on here have and he's really helped give me perspective everytime I've tried to quit. You say that last time you quit for 6 months (superb effort by the way), you locked yourself in. Basically that means you've been trying to quit via the willpower method which no matter how strong one is always crumbles eventually. Avoiding social occasions is if I may be so bold the wrong way around it because you are building up a 'forbidden fruit' in your minds eye. Your brain is conned into thinking its missing a valuable substance that somehow gives it benefits. Alcohol is a poison and does NOTHING for us.

I'd really recommend a good read. Easy for me to sit here and preach but ive been in exactly the same place. Always thinking nights out are going to be as boring as hell without alcohol but when you recondition your brain to understand that its been brainwashed over decades of drinking you'll realize that when you have no cravings what is left is enjoyable dinners with friends or social get togethers in bars (the ones where you can actually here each other). Of course there are those times when the music is far too loud and your friends are getting way to wasted to talk to anymore. I tend to get a bit bored at that point and make my excuses.

Allen makes a really good point about ALL drugs and brainwashing. He compares alcohol abuse to any drug abuse. It just so happens that we've all been conned by one of the most ancient of 'accepted drugs'. Since birth we've been conditioned (depending naturally on your upbringing of course) to alcohol being revered as some kind of 'exhilirating and beneficial substance that provides a high'. When someone passes their driving test, gets married, dies, is born, completes their degree, goes on a first date, has a birthday, meets for christmas...what do 90% of the population do...celebrate with alcohol. In films the 'hard men' are the tough guys drinking the whisky. Think of role models like the rat pack (martin and ol blue eyes hardened alcoholics!)...None of us should be kicking ourselves about 'losing control' when it comes to alcohol NONE OF US WERE EVER IN CONTROL. Those 'lucky' other drinkers that seem to be able to have a couple of glasses and quit, they arent really in control either, they just have perhaps different upbringings and better control methods but guaranteed in 10 years if they stay with the drink their intake will exponentially increase...its the nature of this sly drug.

Im on day 15 now and really spent time slowly digesting carr's book for the 3rd time and deeply analysing the perceived 'benefits' that I myself bestow on alcohol and why I put it up on a pedestal. It really is all about counter brainwashing. Think of heroin...none of us (god willing) want to inject that into our bodies because we all see it for what it is but we dont see alcohol for what it truly is. We perceive benefits to be gotten from it the same way a heroin user does heroin. But it is a devastating poison. Here's what I've been contemplating on my own drinking:

1. That I really miss my favourite tipples. Real Ales, belgian beers, champagne, guinness and red wine (so half the bar then Alex? :lol: )..Its taking a while but im beginning to see. Basically our favourite drinks still contain the same poison alcohol. But they also contain nice things like hops (in the case of the beers), grapes (in the case of the wines) loads of sugar and flavourings....Like any packaged nasties (monosodium glutamate etc. Its easy to get hooked on the nice things so that you cant even taste the nasties). But the irony is that we can choose to jsut drink some nice soft drink if we really need those nice things. Chucking a poison down our throats..especially 9 pints of it is really really silly when you think about it....remember we've been conned. None of us is at fault here we were never in control...Alcohol has conned us.

2. The perceived 'High' that alcohol gives us. This is the hardest thing for me that I am battling with. I dont quite agree with Carr on this one. He says there is no 'buzz' to be gotten from this drug because what its actually doing as a known suppressant is surpressing all our senses rendering us 'senseless', therefore if we like the perceived high from alcohol we must like being hit over the head with a sledge hammer....I don't honestly feel like that. When I take my first pint, especially first one in a long time. I can feel the drink going around my body, my body getting a little wobbly and it feels like a 'buzz'. That said Carr recommends we continue to drink whilst reading his book and analyze what the drink is doing, so at the end of this month I will be trying a pint...will keep you posted!

3. Another hard thing is your friend networks. Undoubtedly you like me may have family and bestest friends that are massive drinkers and 'enablers'. It can be very hard to hang out with them when you are so used to them being your drinking buddies. I have one of my besties coming over to visit me in sweden at the end of the month..thats going to be a hard one!

4. All Carr's other logic is totally sound. Alcohol doesnt actually give you confidence in social situations, what its actually doing as a debilitating poison is taking away your confidence in the long run. What its actually doing is rendering you senseless which means you dont care what people think. It is this quality that makes us think it gives us 'dutch courage'

Anyway enough of a ramble from me. Wish you all continued luck in your own struggles just try and contemplate alcohol and see it for what it really is. As long as we all hold it up on a magical pedestal as some forbidden fruit with perceived benefits to be had. We'll never rid ourselves of the trap we have been conned into. There really is no benefits to this poison!

Good luck xxxx
reforming weekend alcoholic and music lover
http://www.artizanmusic.co.uk

User avatar
momof5girls
Posts: 113
Joined: 08 Oct 2010 22:10
Last Drink Date: 05 Feb 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by momof5girls » 16 Jan 2011 20:15

Boy.
Thanks for that AWESOME POST.
I was off booze almost 30 days and then really screwed up.
I then quit for 10 days as I was "REALLY" on antibiotics that the DR. said YOU MUST NOT DRINK ON THESE
So-I stopped.
Then December 20...Right back to drinking.
I am super stressed and my story is a long one.
But I will get the book I need a starting place.
What's the name please and looking forward to reading it.
He doesn't want you to stop drinking while you read?)
last drink date July 2, 2011
lisalesa.wordpress.com
lisalesa.com
Canada

User avatar
momof5girls
Posts: 113
Joined: 08 Oct 2010 22:10
Last Drink Date: 05 Feb 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by momof5girls » 16 Jan 2011 20:41

Just ordered the book off e-bay for 9.00 CND.
last drink date July 2, 2011
lisalesa.wordpress.com
lisalesa.com
Canada

User avatar
AlexT
Posts: 101
Joined: 17 May 2009 15:43
Last Drink Date: 30 Jan 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by AlexT » 19 Jan 2011 16:12

Hey Momoofgirls,

Yes its Allen Carr 'Easyway to control drinking'

Good luck with it. Very powerful words in there. Has become somewhat of a bible for me during quits. The irony is why i continue to creep back to bingeing even after being blessed with the words therein. I put it down to 1. stupidity 2. a massive network of close friends still being drinkers 3. not really getting the information to sink in. If one doesnt contemplate properly whats being revealed in that book it doesnt work. Its the 3rd time im reading it and really re-reading quite a few chapters over and over. Every point he makes is valid. You have to address your own relationship with alcohol and question why you like a foul-tasting poison that systematically debilitates, annihilates, destroys confidence, families and has held many good folks back in their lives.

Best of luck! My real challenge comes end of this month when my friend comes to visit from London.

x
reforming weekend alcoholic and music lover
http://www.artizanmusic.co.uk

User avatar
momof5girls
Posts: 113
Joined: 08 Oct 2010 22:10
Last Drink Date: 05 Feb 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by momof5girls » 05 Feb 2011 18:16

My Doctor has given me a prescription for Valium
Has anyone used it to help with withdraw...
I am very shaky and and feel really whacked.
Does it help with all this?
How long is in needed?
Any advice greatly appreciated
last drink date July 2, 2011
lisalesa.wordpress.com
lisalesa.com
Canada

farthing
Posts: 274
Joined: 04 Jun 2011 18:36
Last Drink Date: 02 Jul 2013
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by farthing » 04 Jun 2011 21:25

I haven't been able to break the cycle for the past year. I drink about 10-14 units. Spend the next day feeling awful and knowing I must give up. I have a couple of really positive days, then get grumpy and flat. Then want to break out of feeling flat and feel like the teetotalling is going nowhere. So I drink again - almost out of relief. But that's because it's an addiction! :roll:
Oh it's hard. A hard journey. It's hard because we have choice. As a child you're not allowed to eat all the sweets in the shop and when you're older and have money and could buy all the sweets in the shop you don't because you know it's bad for you and stupid. But with addictions - food, drink, shopping, whatever, you're constantly trying to buy up all the sweets in the shop, and scoff them down until you're sick. Sigh. Madness!!
Miss F

User avatar
Ladysnoops
Posts: 8101
Joined: 26 Nov 2010 20:05
Last Drink Date: 08 Apr 2012
Location: US
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by Ladysnoops » 13 Dec 2011 14:14

Great post as always Zoe! ;)? I especially like this part...
Regaining traction is a useful phrase in that it conveys something of the difficulty involved. It also contains that vital word ... action. It is in learning to act rather than merely wanting, wishing, hoping and dreaming that we become our own best advocate in this hardship.
For so long I have wanted, wished, hoped and dreamed that I would no longer have the desire for a drink. I finally learned that it rarely works that way. We truly must take ACTION to beat this addiction.

Great food for thought today Zoe...thanks! (::)

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

Tookie
Posts: 65
Joined: 07 Dec 2011 20:20
Last Drink Date: 03 Dec 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by Tookie » 13 Dec 2011 16:58

This thread is the best one on here I've read so far. The original post could have been written by me, word for word, and the replies are great.
Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.

User avatar
pajero
Posts: 350
Joined: 25 Sep 2010 05:37
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by pajero » 19 Dec 2011 09:11

zoe wrote:I think back to the many times I slunk away to lick my wounds in private instead of using the support here. My pride played no small part in this but also to be honest it's hard to know what to say. It feels so ... I don't know ... desperately dispiriting perhaps is the best way to describe it.
Thanks for your post Zoe, it's given me a lot of food for thought today, and yes I agree, its hard to know what to say.
I'm feeling dreadful today, but will dust myself off and start again. There's nothing else to do really, is there?

drinktoomuch
Posts: 150
Joined: 02 Sep 2011 17:48
Last Drink Date: 29 Oct 2016
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by drinktoomuch » 09 Feb 2012 13:29

What a great post Zoe! I always think to
myself that maybe i don't want to get sober
and that my problem isn't too bad ( function well
every day, hold down a high stress job, great
home life etc.... But the regaining traction, really
has hit home! Thanks:)

Will13
Posts: 1
Joined: 13 Feb 2012 15:27
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by Will13 » 13 Feb 2012 15:35

Hi my name is Will, I am 28 years old and have been trapped in a pretty awful relapse cycle for almost 3 months. Prior to relapsing I had been sober for over a year. I have relapsed so many times in the past 3 months I don't even want to look at a calendar to figure it out. My drinking has been worse now that it ever has been. One drinking spree will end, and I'll be sober for about a week, totally convinced I'm back on track, and then I drink again. I'm getting more and more hopeless in recovery. I have been to AA, I have a sponsor, but I just can't seem to get it right anymore. I don't know how to break this cycle. It is pretty obvious that my best thinking isn't getting me anywhere, and I'm just feeling totally broken at this point.

User avatar
frozensprouts
Posts: 233
Joined: 20 Dec 2011 00:29
Last Drink Date: 17 Dec 2011
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by frozensprouts » 13 Feb 2012 22:40

Hi Will

I'm not sure if you've had a look around the other threads on the forum yet. If you do, you will soon see that there are lots of us here who understand the place you are in at the moment.
You've managed a whole year sober and you're only 28. That's pretty amazing for a start. I'm 40 and I've just managed 2 months. I haven't done that since I was 30, and only then because I was pregnant.

I don't know how much or how often you drink right now, but I can relate to the thought process you talk about. You say you feel more and more hopeless and you feel broken. I could have written the same thing around last October. What I did was go to my doctor (actually I got dragged there), and told them how I was feeling, and got help from there. It was the push I needed in order to start the process of feeling better which included stopping drinking.

There are other threads that are busier such as the 7 day challenge thread and new members which you can read and post on. You will be amazed at the amount of support and help you get here, so please keep reading and posting <:)> <:)>
Do you think that you aren’t free? You are free, but you do not know that you are free—and it is your not knowing that you are free that is your limitation and your imprisonment. Realize your freedom, and you are free.

sallyann
Posts: 297
Joined: 03 Dec 2009 01:16
Location: South Wales
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by sallyann » 18 Feb 2012 11:46

Will

Hope you are still out there, I read your post when I came to this thread to see how others are dealing with a relapse phase, as I am in that place too right now. But I do know that I get so much hope and support on here from others who have been there, who understand the struggle we have, who are bemused and confused by the irrational thinking that gets us here. I know it can feel hopeless when we seem to trash a sober spell by getting back in the same old cycle but you can start again, just a little wiser from the experience. I am aiming to do the same and last for longer...and you have already lasted far longer than I have and so you should feel proud of that.

So don't give up, check out the threads, post when you need to and just know you have friends on here who care, however bad you feel about yourself. Will be looking out for you,

Sallyann

sallyann
Posts: 297
Joined: 03 Dec 2009 01:16
Location: South Wales
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by sallyann » 19 Feb 2012 13:43

Jos/Zoe

Thanks so much for taking the time to tune in to where I am and to share so much of your story - so many of your experiences really resonate. That really helps to know these feelings and thoughts that bring me down in a relapse have been felt by others too. I've been dropping in and out of BE for over 2 years now, finding that the positive intent that brought me here, the hope that this was THE change happening was just the start of a challenging journey and it still feels like the very beginning at times. The stories of others who come through are both inspiring but also dispiriting at times when I seem to make no real progress without slipping and sliding. It all feels so disheartening sometimes - but I am still here and keeping going. I draw hope from your experience of stringing longer spells together and I have reached the realisation that I should be aiming to never drink, rather that stay dry and them aim for occasional or moderate drinking. It's making that happen which feels daunting but I am still here and still up for finding a way through.

For me, like Will, coming to the relapsers thread is my current way in. Thanks for thoughts and hugs, with plenty of those I may do better on the challenges. I'll reread your post a lot to keep me grounded.

Love & hugs back
Sallyann

sallyann
Posts: 297
Joined: 03 Dec 2009 01:16
Location: South Wales
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by sallyann » 19 Feb 2012 17:17

Jos,

You hit a chord with that relapse mentality, and the cycle of feeling useless, trying again, slipping and feeling even more useless. I guess when I set out I was in denial about how big a problem I have and over-optimistic about how easy it would be to urn it around - I thought I'd just be able to make a choice, focus and get through. But I am staying with that choice, and as you say, need to focus on each day rather than looking further ahead and hoping I'll have made it by then. That much I think I am finally learning.

Good to have you and all the others on side <:)> xxSallyann

User avatar
Ed
Posts: 1870
Joined: 23 Apr 2008 23:43
Last Drink Date: 11 Nov 2018
Location: 63rd paralell North
Contact:

Re: Breaking the cycle/gaining traction

Post by Ed » 04 Mar 2012 07:59

such wise words jos. I think its a very long process in most cases. ive seen many on here who have been here for years just getting the hang of it. I myself stopped for a year and thought i had cracked it but slipped back, then another 3 months and thought i had cracked it and then controlled drinking and wondered why i had slipped back into depression and regret and dysfunction. Its a mammoth task but i know that its one worth doing because we are only here once and owe it to ourselves not to waste it in this way. Im into my fourth week sober now. Ever vigilant, hopefully wiser.
Enough time wasted on this.

Post Reply