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How to say no to a drink

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Andy
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Andy » 19 Jan 2011 17:12

Turtles that normally works for me :-)
Journey started 22-Feb-10.

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damson
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by damson » 03 Mar 2011 22:15

Bumping this thread up for newcomers

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LoobyLouLou
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by LoobyLouLou » 05 Mar 2011 16:22

If I am out I am just going to say I am driving and I have decided to drink nothing at all, not even a small one when driving.
But I can't say that at home can I?
What do people say at home when OH keeps on offering?

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Andy
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Andy » 05 Mar 2011 16:40

How about F^ck0FF dont you know how F^ck|ng difficult it is for me to not drink ;-)

But I guess as your asking that's not an option!!! dont know your history, so dont know what you've told your OH, but take a look at the history on this thread and I'm sure youll find some stuff thats more useful than my suggestion :-D

Andy
Journey started 22-Feb-10.

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LoobyLouLou
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by LoobyLouLou » 05 Mar 2011 17:05

Ok. Well I have kind of told him in a half hearted sort of a way.
Have said it loads in the past is the trouble!
Have said that I am detoxing for a while and then will say am giving up for Lent.
Cheers Rebecca xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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tee
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by tee » 05 Mar 2011 17:14

Good for you Lou! \:)/ Does your OH not drink then?
Perseverance is not a long race, it is a series of short races one after the other.

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LoobyLouLou
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by LoobyLouLou » 06 Mar 2011 11:58

Tee..you are joking arent you!!!!!!!
He drinks loads!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lel
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Lel » 13 Mar 2011 07:38

Morning all,

I think this is the right thread for this. I am almost at my three month mark without a single drop. Although I made great progress with this battle last year, I still dabbled, with the inevitable results. However, this time really does feel different, not sure why but it does. Maybe I’m just in a better headspace this time round.

One thing that has struck me as I’ve come further than ever before, is why IS it so difficult just for us to say, ‘I’ve stopped’, ‘I just choose not to drink anymore’. Why do we have to go to so much effort to think of ways to say no? I bet it’s because we feel there is a certain amount of shame attached to having a problem with alcohol and I feel that’s so sad. It’s just life and life can give some of us a harder time than others.

I know if I’ve had friends who have been smokers and are working really hard to quit ‘I’d say well, done – good for you!’ So I don’t know why, in the past, I’ve found it so hard to deal with other peoples reactions if I say I don’t want to drink. Perhaps I’ve been ashamed to really admit it to myself, or is it perhaps because it’s actually so abnormal NOT to drink these days?

I had a friend staying with me last week and he’d asked if he could have a whisky chaser and I had to say I was really sorry, I didn’t have any alcohol in the house. He then asked if I’d given up completely and I hummed and hawed and mumbled ‘kind of’. Why couldn’t I have just said ‘yes’.

I think from now on, if people push any further as to why I’m not drinking, I’ll just say ‘I got myself in a bit of a mess with alcohol, so I don’t really want it in my life anymore’ – what’s difficult about that? I’m being honest with them, and myself, no shame, no disgrace involved – any awkward moment passes and I can go on to enjoy a cup of tea!

How much easier would this battle be for us if we didn’t feel we had to muddle our way out of difficult moments, or stress unnecessarily if we’re going somewhere where we know we’ll be faced with questions as to why we’re not drinking. I think, from this point on, we should take the shame out of this battle. Yeh, we all know, no doubt on many occasions, we’ve been complete idiots, but we’re well aware of that, we can’t change it and hell, at least we’re being strong enough to try and do something about it!

So… be loud, be proud… ‘I just don’t want alcohol in my life anymore!’ :)

Good luck everyone, <:)> <:)>

Lel xxx
"If you encounter a problem along your way...change your direction, not your destination."

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damson
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by damson » 13 Mar 2011 17:52

fab post Lel, thanks for sharing that and many congratulations on your progress
(::) (::)

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Ladysnoops » 13 Mar 2011 18:20

Yes in deed, great post Lel \:)/ (::) \:)/ (::) Really struck a cord with me. So very true that we congratulate people who have given up smoking or lost weight, but I feel that if I tell people that I no longer drink, they will look at me like I must have had a horrible time with booze (which I did) and talk behind my back :? Need to get over that and your post helped :D

<:)>

Linda
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Suzy77
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Suzy77 » 31 Mar 2011 05:42

Hi Lel,

love your post <:)>

I did three weeks sober and had a drink at some work events last week and this week. Not too much, but I felt better sober. Why is it that at home I can manage it now, but not out in public? I actually enjoy the tea and juices. But at Afterwork Events I just need that glas of wine in my hand... Why do we care so much what others say?

The smoking example is really good. I used to smoke and quit. And everyone applauded. But even my family thinks its weird when I dont drink......the whole world should be cheering for anyone who decided to live a sober life \:)/

All, have a nice day,
Suzy

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Lel » 02 Apr 2011 07:29

Hi Guys

Just wanted to add this as a wee follow on from my last post...it may repeat a bit but proves a point me thinks :-)

I was out last night with a couple of my friends - we were meeting at six for some tea. One of them is one of my former drinking buddies who I think I have written about before. She is a dear friend but is drinking more than ever (despite bad liver test results), shows absolutely no desire to stop and actually tries to encourage me to keep drinking. I totally appreciate friendships change when one person stops drinking, but I want to work hard at preserving our friendship as the dynamic changes.

She'd arrived first and had a G&T then my second friend arrived. When the next drinks order was given, my friend that was drinking ordered a large wine. My other friend made some comment about her still being 'on the hard stuff' and I just said I'd managed three months without. My drinker friend didn't even acknowledge my achievement and my non drinking friend said 'have you got a problem or something?!' It was so weird. I felt that if I'd said I'd lost three stone, or not smoked for 3 months there would have been big congratulations all round. I really wanted to reply 'well actually yes, I've had a real hard struggle with drink and I'm really proud of the fact that I've gone 3 months without' but I felt I had to bite my tongue. Perhaps through feelings of shame or fear of being judged? It was just a very weird moment. I felt there should have been hoots and cheers and huge celebrations at my achievement (the way I feel anyway!) but it just all fell very flat and went unnoticed.

I remember watching a couple of films lately - I think one was set in America and one Australia. In one, someone was offered a drink and they quite happily said 'no thanks, I'm a recovering alcoholic' - it was accepted without question or judgement. And in the other someone was asked how much they drink and they replied that they didn't drink. They were then asked if they had a drink problem, and they replied 'I stopped because I didn't want to develop a problem' - again perfectly accepted with no judgement.

Is it just in this country that acknowledging a drink problem and doing something about it is so hard?

The only people I feel I can talk really openly and honestly about drinking with are you guys and you're the only people that ever acknowledge what a hard battle this is and what an achievement even one day sober is. Drinking just seems to be an addiction that gets a very different reaction from people that other addictions do. So just for the record CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU, WHATEVER STAGE YOU ARE ON YOUR JOURNEY - YOU ARE DOING JUST BRILLIANTLY - BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES!!! \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ (::) (::) (::)

Just needed to get that off my chest - thanks for listening!!

Lel xx
"If you encounter a problem along your way...change your direction, not your destination."

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Suzy77
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Suzy77 » 03 Apr 2011 17:31

Hi Lel,

your story happens all the time.... I guess people think you want them to stop if you stop and feel judged .....

So, good for you! \:)/

I haven't been able to say no so much lately :-( but at least I have completely stopped drinking at home. I did 3 weeks completely sober beginning of march and now I only need to figure out how to deal with social events and especially work events.......

Have a great week & keep it up (::) (::) (::)

suzy

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by puppy1978 » 10 Feb 2012 20:54

Just found this and HAD to bump it up because this was totally what i was going through today. I'd love to have the balls just to say "no thanks, i'm a recovering alcoholic". But i'm really loving the "i've stopped drinking because my life is better without it", i'd definately use that one ;)?
It doesn't matter what you look at, it's what you see.

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Oldenough2knowbetter » 21 Feb 2012 13:43

RagnarTheDry wrote:I find saying what I want rather than what I don't want works well so, to a general "will you have a drink?" "Oh yes, have you got tea/coffee...(insert your own choice?" To "are you having a beer?" Again, stating what I want instead works for me.
I've used this "tactic" too Ragnar. People generally persist less if they don't feel we're denying ourselves:

"Glass of wine, oe?"

"Thanks but [insert reason/excuse]" generally gets "Oh go on, one won't hurt"

whereas

"Thanks but what I really fancy is a coke" generally gets me a coke and no hard sell:D

xx
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." [Christopher Robin to Pooh]

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George
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by George » 21 Feb 2012 17:23

I'm still using the line that I started with. When I'm offered a drink and ask for a coke or a coffee, whatever and there is a reply that is often rude and insulting, I say to them "I don't take alcohol, I'm an alcoholic like you." The problem doesn't occur again from the same person.

The best bit is the fact that I have more friends now, which I think is great. I look back and from what memory I have of the years spent with drink, I can certainly understand why.
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Gnasher » 07 Mar 2012 15:01

Hi,I'm a new member,just thought I'd say hi and I do need help/advice?! xXx

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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by 40percentproof » 25 Mar 2012 18:15

That's a broad question.

Have a read round on here and then maybe come back to it.

Most people I know are aware of my problems, I just bloody well told them, look I can't do this any more, I have this addiction and I am an alcoholic, one drink causes problems, I can't stop.

I am not advocating that for everyone, just sharing what I did.

Health reasons usually works well as a reason to say no.
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by 40percentproof » 25 Mar 2012 23:05

Or "you wouldn't like me when i'm drunk" has never elicited anyone asking why.

I found opening up to people worked tho what I do find is that people ask me if I mind them drinking or does it bother me or saying "I will just have a coke if that makes you feel better"

For now I just stay away from drinking environments as the temptation could still lure me back in
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Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by bonny-kat » 12 Apr 2012 04:06

Winker wrote:I had a bit of an awkward situation just recently visiting some rellys on hubby's side I'd only met once before.
I'd had a cup of tea then turned down another drink offer (feeling a bit awkward) then was asked (kind of sympathetically :? ) 'Don't you drink?'

Well that was my cue but I felt quite embarrassed mumbling 'er no I don't really - I know it's really boring......' and wished I could have felt comfortable saying no thanks I don't drink right at the outset. But then why should I have felt I needed to? It's quite normal to not want a drink isn't it without having to make an excuse? Or is it?

It's just that sometimes you don't want to have to come out and say it do you- feels a bit kind of making a statement when I just wanted to sidestep that. I just wanted to say no thanks and leave it at that.

They were gagging of course, which is maybe why they were pressing me.

Winker,

I would go with "Nah, makes me sleepy" or something like that. Just an "I'm not interested" response. You don't have to explain - and interesting they needed to explain they didn't drink that much now.... Kudos to you for staying AF during that event. \:)/

They were perfect hosts and didn't ask any more, and I didn't volunteer, but yeh- still feels a bit awkward refusing even though it didn't bother me they were drinking and I wasn't.

Funny- they did take pains to tell me how they drink much less than they used to but I didn't want to go there. Perhaps I will one day. Its not something I'd want to discuss with people I don't know well at the moment and makes me feel a bit resentful our society makes you feel conspicuous for not drinking when it should be the other way round shouldn't it? Or should it? Why do we feel we have to make an excuse or feel defensive for not drinking? It's our custom and society at fault really isn't it?

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