Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

How to say no to a drink

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
User avatar
lima2
Posts: 1159
Joined: 11 Jun 2013 13:47
Last Drink Date: 01 Jan 2017
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by lima2 » 03 Mar 2014 21:20

I tell everyone it gives me terrible migraines which is partially true.

Croxx
Posts: 20
Joined: 31 Oct 2015 11:47
Last Drink Date: 02 Mar 2015
Location: not in a English spoken country
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Croxx » 03 Nov 2015 07:56

Just tell the thruth.

User avatar
MissJo
Posts: 2205
Joined: 20 Mar 2015 10:02
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2012
Location: midlands
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by MissJo » 03 Nov 2015 11:19

I've never told the truth. Not even my parents know! Whether they guess, is a different story.

I've always found it easy enough to make up excuses to be honest-

Having a break (DETOX)
On anti-biotics
Broke
Charity abstinence
Lent
Driving
Got work the next day
Get migraines
MissJo

First joined July 31st 2012
#21~ 2016 Drinking Challenge

Nezzynoo
Posts: 317
Joined: 24 Nov 2014 08:22
Last Drink Date: 08 Jan 2017
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Nezzynoo » 03 Nov 2015 11:47

I find myself using the mix of the both depending on how I feel but have to say being honest is helping me realise who is worth hanging onto and also each time I say the reason it is re-confirming things in my mind. I worried for ages of my bad behaviour being a lasting legacy but hoping in time I will be seen as a stronger person for doing something about it. That said my time around drunk people is extremely limited at the moment!!
Staying Positive

AKA Mitch12

User avatar
essay
Posts: 1412
Joined: 10 Jul 2013 17:27
Location: South
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by essay » 03 Nov 2015 16:01

One of the reasons I am here is that I decided to take a good look at my behaviour and take charge of what I do without needing the approval of other people. So now I take pleasure in just saying I will have a non alcoholic drink and if anyone questions it I say it's because that is what I want. It is very empowering to make a statement and not feel the need to explain yourself.

No one has guessed that I am trying to give up completely and I will not tell them until I am ready - which could be some time yet!!

;)?
I am not giving up alcohol - I am gaining a hangover free, guilt free lifestyle

User avatar
MissJo
Posts: 2205
Joined: 20 Mar 2015 10:02
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2012
Location: midlands
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by MissJo » 03 May 2016 23:22

I had a lovely week in Cyprus recently- we ended up getting upgraded to an 'all inclusive' deal, due to the rooms being oversubscribed.
This was great- as we could have lunch and snacks all day, as well as free drinks.

I was a little shocked that when I went to the bar for a drink after breakfast (usually a non alcoholic fruit cocktail, or plain iced water) from 10am- the bar man always seemed totally shocked I requested no alcohol!

On a couple of occasions he even questioned it- saying ' I thought you were on holiday' !!!
I mean- at 10AM!!!? :shock:

I did notice after that most people were drinking beer at that time throughout the day! And at lunch people were glugging huge goblets of wine like there was no tomorrow.

It opened my eyes to how drinking is definitely considered 'the norm' in society- and how non drinkers are outcast as 'weird' in some situations!

It didn't make me feel pressured into drinking- far from it. I was more than happy enjoying the magnificent views and swimming in the sea- plus having trips out to the capital, etc.

Just wanted to share. :-)
MissJo

First joined July 31st 2012
#21~ 2016 Drinking Challenge

User avatar
pickles
Posts: 5504
Joined: 15 Oct 2014 08:06
Last Drink Date: 17 Sep 2012
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by pickles » 04 May 2016 08:15

I know what you mean MissJo about being ,what feels like , questioned about having alcohol or not. On a recent holiday I was sometimes asked if I wanted gin to go with my tonic,or wine if I just asked for water. One evening I was waiting with daughter at a table , for OH, and the waitress asked if I wanted a glass of wine. I did nearly say 'yes' though,I guess it's a holiday thought .

I remember also drinking before 10am , . Really a waste of my day.
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

User avatar
Shadowlad
Posts: 8030
Joined: 18 Apr 2014 16:01
Last Drink Date: 28 Dec 2012
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Shadowlad » 20 Sep 2019 17:27

Soooo. Just had a sociable few weeks on holiday. Did quite a bit of eating out with some friends of my daughter. The wine was flowing coupled with some Creten raki plonked on the table after every meal. Several years ago this would have been torture but thankfully not now.

A sunset cruise also involved some red wine (homemade by the charming sailor himself). It did not occur to me that wine would be provided, until we climbed back on the boat after a bit of swimming and snorkling. There on the deck was glasses of red wine in pretty glasses and a huge plate of various fruits. I never actually liked the taste of wine anyway, and i politely declined, feeling a little sad that i couldn't toast the sunset with the small group on board. The sailor was proud of his wine and encouraged me to try it :? As usual i offered my complimentary drink to daughter, which was actually stronger than the average wine, therefore making her quite wobbly on leaving the boat ! She doesn't drink often lol. I would be lying if i said i wasn't slightly jealous, only slightly :? :oops:

On this trip i found it quite easy just to be authentic and say that 'i don't drink' with reasonable confidence, though i admit to feeling the 'odd one out' in group situations. The feeling was only brief though, because there is so much to enjoy when away it is really quite insignificant that i don't consume the alcohol. Plenty of great food was had, and i still enjoyed the odd cold 0 % Heineken beer, ;)?

I hope others are doing ok on their respective hols/trips . It can be a bit of a challenge in early sobriety for some of us, i remember one all inclusive holiday where the mocktails sneakily changed to cocktails one night and this unsettled my family greatly (they quickly spotted my covert behaviour). What i remember most was being indignant/defensive/resentful towards them (outwardly) and feeling guilty/despondent/tainted (inwardly) once the alcohol wore off. Any 'pleasure' was very short lived because i just wanted to 'let go' away from judging eyes and have a complete binge. I didn't do the latter because of the family constraints, but that would come after the holiday of course.

<:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

User avatar
Tai
Posts: 1045
Joined: 16 Aug 2009 17:10
Last Drink Date: 30 Oct 2010
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Tai » 21 Sep 2019 07:39

Lovely to read your post Nicky and so much of what you wrote resonates with me, especially that sneaky reversion from mocktails to the “real thing”, done that myself and thought I was so smart and at the same time just so ashamed and guilt ridden which robbed me of all the pleasure I thought I’d get from drinking. What a muddle we get ourselves in eh? And how much simpler to say “no thanks I don’t drink”. Being our authentic selves is definitely the right choice every time. Sounds like you had a great time <:)> .
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
Khalil Gibran

User avatar
Winkler
Posts: 839
Joined: 03 Apr 2018 07:29
Last Drink Date: 06 Apr 2019
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Winkler » 21 Sep 2019 08:04

Yes I identify with a lot of what you say too, shadow, not the specific details but the general gist of how it is to be on holiday AF, having just come back from being away with the girls and away with the fam in the summer

I guess there will always be ‘awkward’ situations where it’s ‘normal’ or the done thing to drink and you feel the odd one out. Having said that, I got a lot of practice being the only one at the table not drinking wine. I went from covering the glass with my hand and saying no thanks, having waited in trepidation for it to be my turn, to just waving it away with a flick of the wrist and not (appearing to) give it a second thought - man, that felt good! None of the waiters batted an eyelid, there must be others like us out there 😆

I refuse to feel ashamed and apologetic about not drinking ever again ;)?

Drinking at 10am normal? Never :evil:
It’s great to not have to think about it and enjoy hangover free days. So little headspace needed for it these days. Love it. Getting on for 6 months later on the hmmmm 92nd? attempt :D
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see - Winston Churchill

User avatar
Shadowlad
Posts: 8030
Joined: 18 Apr 2014 16:01
Last Drink Date: 28 Dec 2012
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Shadowlad » 22 Sep 2019 14:30

Winkler wrote:
21 Sep 2019 08:04
I went from covering the glass with my hand and saying no thanks, having waited in trepidation for it to be my turn, to just waving it away with a flick of the wrist and not (appearing to) give it a second thought - man, that felt good! None of the waiters batted an eyelid, there must be others like us out there
Winkler wrote:
21 Sep 2019 08:04
I refuse to feel ashamed and apologetic about not drinking ever again ;)?
Brilliant Winkler ! Its pretty empowering isn't it ? \:)/
Tai wrote:
21 Sep 2019 07:39
And how much simpler to say “no thanks I don’t drink”. Being our authentic selves is definitely the right choice every time.
Hi Jos, you are right it is so much simpler to be real. And as winkler says, we don't need to be apologetic about it either. Yes i had a great time thank you. How did you get on at the wedding you recently went to ? Hope it went well xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

User avatar
SueDenim
Posts: 990
Joined: 01 Apr 2017 16:33
Last Drink Date: 28 Aug 2017
First Sober Date: 29 Aug 2017
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by SueDenim » 23 Sep 2019 01:38

I am going to a drinks reception tomorrow :|

I can’t not go - it is kicking off something I want to do, and will lead into the main event. There is another one at the end of it in a few days, and I will have to go to that one, too.

These days, there are usually soft drinks on offer at events, but I think I will be the odd one out (there will be no drivers). I don’t want a drink - if I had one, it would lead to many - but I would like to join in, if that makes sense. I wish I could take one and nurse it all night, but that would be impossible.

User avatar
Winkler
Posts: 839
Joined: 03 Apr 2018 07:29
Last Drink Date: 06 Apr 2019
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Winkler » 23 Sep 2019 03:54

Go and hold your head up Sue!
‘Drinks reception’ is code for just having to talk to people for an hour or two isn’t it, at heart?
Bit of a bore but if it’s leading to something you want to do I guess you’ll have to grit your teeth! :)
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see - Winston Churchill

User avatar
Shadowlad
Posts: 8030
Joined: 18 Apr 2014 16:01
Last Drink Date: 28 Dec 2012
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Shadowlad » 23 Sep 2019 20:13

I know what you mean Sue, its a bit hard nursing a soft drink all evening and does make us feel the odd one out. A soft drink is not consumed in quite the same way an alcoholic drink is sipped and nursed throughout the socialising. The habit can still be replicated with a soft drink if need be, to have something to hold and 'savour'. I once did this with a glass of coke, it was warm and flat by the end of the evening, but i somehow felt better to be holding a glass whilst chatting, like everyone else. At least there is a means to an end with this event, you are attending for something you will enjoy for the main part.The before and after may not feel quite as comfortable but it will soon pass. I hope it goes well for you xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

User avatar
SueDenim
Posts: 990
Joined: 01 Apr 2017 16:33
Last Drink Date: 28 Aug 2017
First Sober Date: 29 Aug 2017
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by SueDenim » 23 Sep 2019 23:00

Thanks, both.

I did it, and it was fine. I had apple juice, and sat next to a trio of millennials who were all on the juice, too :D

The other person on my table had a very large glass of white wine, which did look delicious, if I'm honest; but the good thing is, I can go back tomorrow knowing I didn't make a fool of myself ()o

User avatar
Avocado
Posts: 238
Joined: 31 Jul 2018 09:32
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2019
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Avocado » 03 Mar 2020 19:53

I seem to have friends that have only one solution to personal problems... they always say 'you're having a hard time of it lately, we NEED to have a drinking night together, let your hair down, blah blah blah' 
I've already told them before I've fell out of love with booze and dont want to do it any more, why won't they listen?! Actually deep down I know its because it's not for me they want me to do it, it's for their own benefit. 
I've realised I'm a real introvert, love my own company and hate going out socialising though I still do socialise purely just to please others. Always regret it when it involves a night out - I spend money I cant afford and waste a whole precious day the next day feeling ill.
I'm a people pleaser, I just cant seem to say no. I want to have friends and like to hang out for not too lengthy amounts of time in the daytime, maybe with our kids but I dont want to booze with them any more, the social anxiety makes me drink after drink out of nervousness until I'm completely wrecked. 
Any ideas how to say no and compromise without losing the few friends I have left?

User avatar
Winkler
Posts: 839
Joined: 03 Apr 2018 07:29
Last Drink Date: 06 Apr 2019
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Winkler » 03 Mar 2020 23:01

This sounds familiar to me avocado
I like to know I can leave and get home by myself if/when I need to, although actually that doesn’t happen very often
As time has gone on, I feel less apologetic about not drinking and can’t tolerate being around people under the influence. I think I inhibit others drinking as I don’t mind telling people the positives, if they ask, and my negativity towards alcohol probably comes across. I actually don’t really care about that much any more, it’s totally up to them if and how much they drink and it’s not even of much interest to me anymore whether they do or don’t, as long as they’re comfortable with their choice.
People trying to rein it in and being a bit miserable as a result aren’t a lot of fun to be with either :D
I did used to agonise about it though, how it might look and what people might think, that I wasn’t drinking
Real friends aren’t really bothered about you drinking or not anyway, just accept that you aren’t
It’s probably only because we’ve spent so long getting a habit it seems so important
I usually always arrange to eat or maybe go to a performance, film etc if I‘m going out. If it was purely going out for ‘a drink’ I think I’d have to make it clear it’s literally for 1 or 2 before I leave, there’s no joy for me in tolerating other people’s drunkenness, it gets boring very quickly.
I do actually prefer meeting up in the day. Like you, I’m not a natural party animal and I think it’s fine to be that way. We probably both spent too long trying to enjoy being ‘sociable’ when it doesn’t come naturally. I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason I developed a drink problem in the first place. Life’s too short to try to fit in and do things you don’t really enjoy. I definitely enjoy people’s company more being sober and that’s had a positive benefit on all relationships, including work. People are far more interesting when you’re not preoccupied with drinking or planning to drink. It’s like the ulterior motives have gone and I don’t just gravitate towards the heavy drinkers anymore who also have that preoccupation.
I think that actually I might end up with more friends eventually, as a result of doing things other than drinking. They just won’t be friends you spend hours getting drunk with (yuk!)
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see - Winston Churchill

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23191
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by Mark. » 04 Mar 2020 16:06

I can't really add anything to Winkler's excellent reply, Avocado. I think you also put it well when you say this:
Avocado wrote:
03 Mar 2020 19:53
why won't they listen?! Actually deep down I know its because it's not for me they want me to do it, it's for their own benefit.
This is, sadly, very true of 'friends' who don't want to see you unless you're going to join them in (and enable their own) drinking. I think Winkler sums it up well:
Winkler wrote:
03 Mar 2020 23:01
Real friends aren’t really bothered about you drinking or not anyway, just accept that you aren’t
Winkler wrote:
03 Mar 2020 23:01
I think that actually I might end up with more friends eventually, as a result of doing things other than drinking. They just won’t be friends you spend hours getting drunk with (yuk!)
I think that the latter point is really crucial. I think a lot of friends spend time drinking in one another's company, but it's not actually time spent together - it is just time spent using one another as an excuse to get another round in. It's not quality time shared in as meaningful and memorable way as a true friendship could and should be shared.

However, it can be difficult to avoid drinkers altogether. I like your idea of meeting in the day, if possible, and at less 'drinky' venues, if that's possible. If you drive, would you be prepared to offer lifts? That would stop you from drinking - and that way, you wouldn't even have to explain why you're not drinking. And your friends will surely be grateful for this, if you're able to offer it? It might be a good compromise - you'll agree to go out, but not drink; but they'll get a ride home.

It is difficult, though, and I hope you'll find a way of reaching a compromise with your friends that leaves you all happy <:)>
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

User avatar
pickles
Posts: 5504
Joined: 15 Oct 2014 08:06
Last Drink Date: 17 Sep 2012
Contact:

Re: How to say no to a drink

Post by pickles » 06 Mar 2020 08:45

5CF43712-CB4D-4D6E-9879-0CF49FC1CE41.jpeg
5CF43712-CB4D-4D6E-9879-0CF49FC1CE41.jpeg (145.94 KiB) Viewed 572 times
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

Post Reply