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Are you drinking now ?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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bumpydog
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by bumpydog » 01 Mar 2013 21:31

MH xxx big hugs

We've all been there mate. You have great courage and determination. You can beat this.

Bumps x


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If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

Hereagain
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Hereagain » 01 Mar 2013 23:09

MH - I can only echo what others have said and you definitely don t come across as someone destined to be a drunk for the rest of your life. Your posts are some of the most thought-provoking, insightful and sensitive reads on here. You mentioned before the 2/3 month period has been a trigger for you. How about jumping straight back on the wagon and be ready for that hurdle next time round? <:)> <:)>
Now that I know better I do better

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jane73
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by jane73 » 01 Mar 2013 23:24

Hope you get some sleep and feel ok in the morning MH. Take a flying leap back onto this waggon - we've all budged up to make room for you because it's good to have you onboard.

Catarina
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Catarina » 01 Mar 2013 23:37

Mountainhare, you have joined BE nearly at the same time I did. I think. And I have the deepest respect and admiration for you. You are strong, honest, sensitive, caring, helpful, insightful... You will be back on the wagon because you want to. Being drunk feels great, yeap, but doesn't last and does some powerful damage to our lives and most of all our souls. Get back here! Like Jen, I love you. Wishing you are well and not feeling guilt. This is how it is. But you are getting stronger and better at this sobriety party. And no matter if you have a 'sod it' couple of days or whatever it takes. The point is that now you know you can keep on af. And eventually you will. So will I. And that is what we all want around here. Take very good care of yourself, you so deserve it.

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DannyD
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by DannyD » 02 Mar 2013 06:01

MH, when you're ready, I think you need to look at why you posted that you were leaving BE for a while. Was this part of giving yourself permission?

Slingy maintains that he'll always be a drinker. His bouts of sobriety get longer and easier each time, but he'll then have a weeklong binge. I don't know how easy he finds it to stop again - I suspect he's usually very ill for a few days while the poison works it's way out.

You don't seem to feel you can have fun while you're sober. Is that right? Could you not have danced and taken off your shirt if you were sober? And that the bouncers didn't want to come near you. Were they frightened of you? Some of your post almost sounded releaved that you were drinking. The strain of not drinking had become insupportable.

Certainly, if you're not enjoying a sober life, it will be more difficult to maintain. How can we help you be happier when sober?

It worries me that this struggle is such a daily battle for you. You have tried so hard, turned so many corners, made self discoveries, but can't find contentment because the golden grail of alcohol still hovers as a reward.

You have been so supportive to so many of us I really want to hold your hand and lead you away from the abyss. Perhaps we'll all need to rope up to stop each other slipping.

<:)> <:)>
be selfish in your sobriety.

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grendeldave
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by grendeldave » 02 Mar 2013 07:26

Here, let me grab hold of that rope and help pull.

MH, if it were just a case of stopping drinking, waiting for the drinking urge to go then 'ta-da!! sobriety all the way' then there wouldn't be anybody here with more than a few weeks AF behind them. Some people, some professional recovery experts, believe lapses and relapses are a necessary part of recovery. Not everybody agrees but there must be something in it: no smoke without fire.

OK, so you drank and then what did you do? You have chosen to let BE be part of your recovery so you got in touch with your support system. That does not sound like somebody who wants to jack it in. Believe me, I know that feeling of despair when, despite giving it your all, you wake up the morning after yet another session. So do so many of us. This site is strewn with posts from people who thought 'just a leetle drink, just a weaker version of the poison' will be OK. Of course it is not, but we have to find out for ourselves, don't we? Then we have to do it again later on. :evil: That message: 'I am one drink away from a relapse' seems so hard to take on board.

MH, I am sure you are not feeling too good this morning and I don't mean just physically. But please do not beat yourself up. Now is not the time for deep thought, searching analysis. You need only make one decision today. STOP right now. Give your mind time to clear so that you are better able to think about what happened. Try not to worry about whether or not you can beat this. In many respects you already have. You do not want to drink and you have already shown that you can pick yourself up and go for it. Really, truly, honestly this slip is something you can learn from. Please do not think for one moment that you are weak. If you read back through the history of the long-time AFers on here you will find many references to the difficulties they had in their earlier days. Slips, trips, stumbles et al. There are people around who have slipped or even fully relapsed after years AF. Their stories should be an inspiration because they tell us that nobody is immune to a slip, we are not a failure if we do slip and, most importantly, the way to beat it is NEVER give up.

You now have what I call a sober head. You prefer to be sober. You want to be sober. You don't want to be a pisshead and you are not. You are somebody who has a problem with alcohol and you are fighting it. You do not have to win every battle to win the war. You do not have to win every match to win the league title. What you do have to do is get stuck in to the next battle, turn up for the next match and set out to win it.

Please keep posting and get that chin up!

Dave
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

#88 - 2013 Challenge

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Topcat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Topcat » 02 Mar 2013 07:31

MH <:)> <:)>

Ditto what Dave said ;)?
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Today is our most precious possession.

Loki
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Loki » 02 Mar 2013 08:48

MH. <:)> <:)> As Jane says, we've budged up to have you back on board. You have been so kind and supportive - let us support you now?

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koalaBear
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by koalaBear » 02 Mar 2013 09:34

Mountainhare wrote:I'm going to start the 7 day challenge again and I am also going to attend an AA meeting tomorrow
;)? Well done MH - your one very tenacious bloke and I have huge respect for you. Cant' really add anything to the wonderful advice posted above, but thinking of you and sending <:)>
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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CJ
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by CJ » 02 Mar 2013 10:19

DD wrote:MH, when you're ready, I think you need to look at why you posted that you were leaving BE for a while. Was this part of giving yourself permission?
Mountainhare I think a lot of what DD wrote in her post is spot on. Do you remember our discussion many months ago- when you had decided to leave BE. The outcome was the same in the end. I think you perhaps even subconsciously were giving yourself permission to drink again.
I felt the same for so long- that I'd given myself a life sentence. And to be honest if I drank again I would feel exactly as you did when you posted yesterday. I know I would look back on my sobriety with derision and think Hell I'm having fun! But then I would wake up with a hangover, and another one the next day and another....
I know because I did it. Becasue I missed drink so much after a few months and couldn't really see past that.
All I an say is that that feeling of missing drink, of missing out on the fun, while being very real and painful, it does fade. With time it stops hurting and you start to feel differently about it, but it really takes a lot of time. I would say it took me over a year to really feel comfortable and to start to have fun, genuine fun and to accept life, sober. Not all of the year was hard, I don't want to put you off here ( !) but you have to have a bit of blind faith/trust to believe me that your mindset will change.
At first I was terrified and quite frankly didn't believe I could have a life without alcohol. Now I'm genuinely scared of starting again.
Anyway after all that gabble, what I am trying to say is, chin up and get back on the road.
<:)>
Cj
xx
"My urge is never to have just a glass even if the EAF pretends it is, my urge is to get wasted. When I am getting urges like that it is impossible for me to kid myself that I no longer have a problem." Pineapple

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SunriseTime
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by SunriseTime » 02 Mar 2013 15:57

MH, only just caught up with latest news. Lots of sound posts. My thoughts were simular to DD and CJ. I think we all had weak moments just before 3 months, I think you were at that point where PAWs is showing through.

The permission thing is important, were actually do make an active sober decision. We won't let you go and leave again, even if you appear fine ;)?

CharlesJack
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by CharlesJack » 02 Mar 2013 17:03

Lot's of good posts here.
Mountainhare wrote:I started to wobble as soon as I left BE! It was as if I had no-one to answer to, so yes I suppose I did give myself permission.

I have learnt from this already. I cannot drink ever....end of


Thanks again for the support. It means more than you could ever know.
MH I sympathise - it's the exact situation I find myself in. No matter how your brain tries to trick you, to allow/qualify/convince you, no matter what the peer pressure... such notions need to be stomped on early and with confidence!

No, I do not drink. (Quickly find something else to do that occasion).

I'm with you to stick to it!

rosieblue29
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by rosieblue29 » 02 Mar 2013 20:14

Hi,

i have just joined here today about an hour ago. want people to talk to, as all my friends and family are big drinkers so it makes it difficult to admit to them i have a problem. im not currently drinking now, but want to. my partner is our at a house party, and i decided not to go as we had an argument about my drinking today. i have lost a few jobs in the last year cause of it. taking too much time off, super hangovers, and have blackouts every time i drink. and i want to open the bottle in the kitchen, i just want and angle on my shoulder to say to me no dont. my partner doesnt drink much, so it does help t times, but sometimes i just think she is nagging at me. but its ruining my life and i need to stop. i just dont know where to start.

Em

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caroline95
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by caroline95 » 02 Mar 2013 20:41

Hi Rosie, welcome to BE - you've already made a start by recognising you have a problem with drinking and looking for help, so be proud of yourself for that.

There's lots of advice, information and support here, so take a good look around the articles and threads, and post wherever you feel comfy.This article on How to stop drinking alcohol is well worth reading.

Lots of people post on the 7 day sobriety challenge when they join, support from other people who are at the same stage can really help you through the first week.

It doesn't help to have wine in the house if you're wanting to get some sober time under your belt, do you think you can get rid of it?

Good luck, you've come to the right place x

rosieblue29
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by rosieblue29 » 02 Mar 2013 20:56

Hi Caroline,

yeah i have gone on the 7 day page. ive posted a few things around already. yeah i could happily get rid of it. but this point in time, i would have to smash it on the floor, as if i opened it i would be tempted to have a glass. im 30 this year and hate the person i have become and really want to change to save my replantionship and save myself most of all.

Thanks for the reply.

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caroline95
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by caroline95 » 02 Mar 2013 21:19

rosieblue29 wrote: im 30 this year and hate the person i have become and really want to change to save my replantionship and save myself most of all.
I think most of us felt like that when we joined here Rosie, drink is terrible for self-esteem, anxiety, depression...but those things are massively reduced when the alcohol has left your system and the benefits of not drinking start to kick in.If you stick with it, you'll be amazed at how different you feel, and that's what helps you to keep going.

I truly wish I'd had the sense you have, and done something about my drinking when I was 30.I knew I had a problem by then, but I wasted another twenty-odd years ignoring what was staring me in the face.

Try and keep yourself distracted to-night - dvd/bath/post here, and you'll be so glad you did when you wake up in the morning without a hangover <:)>

rosieblue29
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by rosieblue29 » 02 Mar 2013 21:28

Hi Caroline,

Well im currently on my 2nd film of the night. im gonna try my best and not give in. i hope i can be strong enough and sort my problem out, as i dont want to loose myself and my partner.

Its hard to talk to my family as there are big drinkers, and my mum would say oh dont worry your young. i have had 2 family members who where alcoholics,my nan, and my dad who both died because of it. so ive always been very aware of it, just never thought it would happen to me. ive always liked a drink at the wk ends, but you no its slowly becomes any occasion, stressful day, nice and sunny outside, etc.... im sure ive used oh its raining to.

well im gonna take ur advice and run a bath also now. will make myself a cup of tea.

x

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grendeldave
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by grendeldave » 02 Mar 2013 21:50

Rosie blue, good on you. Please do NOT listen to your family or anybody else who says you do not have a problem. If you truly believe you do not then good for you and I wish you well, but of course you think you have a problem and that is why you are here and yours is the only opinion which matters. It is your life and your decision to make, nobody elses, not your family's and not mine or anybody elses. We are here to help each other follow up on our individual decisions, not try to make those decisions for each other. I happen to think you have made a good decision, but that is just my opinion. Your opinion is the one that counts. Please read around and post as much as you need to. There is plenty of good advice and bundles of understanding. It is yours to take or leave. How empowering is that?! Like airline pilots say when they hand over to their colleagues: 'You have control.'

Dave

Oh, Amarok posted while I typed. See, we are not making this up! I just take longer to say the same thing :roll:
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

#88 - 2013 Challenge

rosieblue29
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by rosieblue29 » 02 Mar 2013 21:58

:lol: yeah i do have control.

just hope i have enough, when my partner tells me im getting drunk now, take it easy. i dont want to listen, its like my mind just rebels and says sod off im gonna carry on, and i end up having my partner help me home, which now my partner dont like going out with me, which is understandable.

its nice to hear what other people have gone through.
x

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grendeldave
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by grendeldave » 03 Mar 2013 00:31

Rosie, I can't be sure because I am not you but what you describe sounds awfully like the problem so many of us have and the problem I have for sure. I do not have an off switch. Sure, a glass of wine, a pint of beer. Many people can do that no sweat. They do not have a drinking problem. I have a glass of wine or a pint of beer and then I want another. I may well be able to resist it for a night or two or six or twenty six but I have to resist it consciously. Eventually I succumb and one glass/pint becomes two, six twenty six and no amount of pleading by anybody else will affect the outcome. That is why I do not drink.
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

#88 - 2013 Challenge

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