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Are you drinking now ?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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free flow
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by free flow » 27 Feb 2019 05:08

This is a tough post for me. I have done very well in the past few years, 3 and a half at one point,a year or more again and then a few months, but it seems I have not done well enough or at least not done well enough to try to quit. I have downgraded my self in the past 4 months to the extent that I am back at drinking whiskey which I have been off for several years.
Tonight is different. I am drinking but in my present state, I know I must stop.
Ironically the reason I know I must stop is that I feel the way I felt when I was younger and drinking...I am more open in my feelings without being overbearing if that makes sense. I am not totally sure if I can express what I mean but when I started drinking a very long time ago, it was because I thought myself very shy, when in reality I think I was just introverted but at that time, in the 60's, there was no such thing ass introversion, or at least not in the real world:)

Now I am going into my 7th decade this summer and I am really pissed off that in so many ways I have missed so much in life and mainly because I have used alcohol to do what I should be able to do by myself. I am not so sure that I could not have done it by myself as I have over the years done many things that I would have thought impossible when I was young and without alcohol. I have never considered myself a salesman,yet I have spent my whole life selling myself as a person to trust and yes, I have always taken my clients best interests to heart when I make arrangements for them. I have talked to many people in my industry who do not think about the money they can make off their clients. Sigh, I cannot think like that, it is not in my genes.

I am at a point in my life where I am not sure what I want nor where I am going to go from here.

I neither look forward to nor do I fear death, I am going to be 70 this summer and I think I want to live as long as i can but I also want to change mythinki9ng. I want go forward without alcohol.

I have this tendency to just go and get a bottle of wine or something else and think that it will be alright, but it isn't. For me it is shifting into reverse and going back to the beginning. I cannot drink without excess! period

My Canadian buddy Cowboy just may have found the secret. Topcat certainly has, and so many others (please forgive me for all those I miss- hey I am 69-senilety is not :oops: far off).

I have been on BE for a few years as Free Flow and before that as Jayelm, and what impresses me the most is the help and the friendship and the empathy that emanates from this site. it is so great to have such a place to go when things don't seem to be going the right way.

Just needed to get this out.

Have a great AF day and year to all ;)?
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Tai
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Tai » 27 Feb 2019 06:48

Hello there FF <:)> . Firstly well done for posting, it’s never easy being honest when things aren’t going as well as we hope. Alcohol is a depressant sapping positivity out of us as quickly as we pour the drink into us. We start to believe our own bad press you know?

Thing is what we do or don’t believe can make a huge difference in how we act so it’s worth questioning the basis of what we believe to be true about ourselves. When we stop drinking we discover things about ourselves and those things are true. We can do things we never thought we’d be able to without a drink. I remember shaking in my boots going to my first big social event sober ... did I get through it? Of course I did.

I didn’t think I would though, I was full of fear and self doubt. Why? Because of all the stuff I’d told myself over the years. Very little of it turned out to be true.

The great thing about sobriety is we can regain it if we really want to. It’s not easy but it is doable. It’s worth holding on for FF. <:)>
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
Khalil Gibran

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Cowboy
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Cowboy » 27 Feb 2019 12:34

Hello Free Flow. That post took guts my friend. I'm not sure that I can add anything more than what Tai has said. I don't have a clue why I relied on alcohol throughout my life. I guess it was just easier - for me. I look back at old photos with me and my kids and I can actually remember being half in the bag or pissed in the photos. What I was drinking and how much. If I think too hard on it it really brings me down. So I don't think on it. I put it away in a drawer in my head and just think what I am going to do today - and tomorrow. I am free from alcohol at the moment but I also know how thin the line between drinking and not drinking is. You came here and have been honest with our little cyber group and your self around your drinking. That is in my opinion and very good sign that you are not throwing in the towel. Sobriety, as you know, is the gift that keeps on giving. Like Tai says it can be regained.

I wish you well on your journey. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Topcat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Topcat » 27 Feb 2019 14:00

Cowboy wrote:
27 Feb 2019 12:34
Hello Free Flow. That post took guts my friend.
I echo CB's words FF - well done for posting <:)> Wise words from Tai and CB.
free flow wrote:
27 Feb 2019 05:08
Now I am going into my 7th decade this summer and I am really pissed off that in so many ways I have missed so much in life and mainly because I have used alcohol to do what I should be able to do by myself.
I so get that FF. I got to the stage with my own drinking where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Decades had been wasted in the pursuit of....well what? My life was a mess and my health was heading the same way and it was all down to the stuff I kept insisting on pouring down my throat. The solution is simple isn't it? It's never too late to do something about it FF. If you really want to quit then it can be done.
free flow wrote:
27 Feb 2019 05:08
My Canadian buddy Cowboy just may have found the secret. Topcat certainly has, and so many others (please forgive me for all those I miss-


Thanks for that FF. Don't know about finding the secret though. Getting and staying sober can be done by any of us. If there is a secret at all, then it is never give up on giving up. It is doable FF. You have to stick at it NO MATTER WHAT though or you will just keep right on going round and round in that revolving door of drinking. Good luck TC <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

Bearedie
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Bearedie » 27 Feb 2019 20:13

Free flow,
So many times I have tried and failed.
It’s so hard as one glass in my experience leads to more and more which is a bad thing for me.
You have found an amazing forum where you will only ever receive support.
I hope you find strength, you can change things my friend :\:
You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending.

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free flow
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by free flow » 28 Feb 2019 19:00

Thanks for the replies folks, and Bearedie yes, this is a great forum for support.
I think I had to get let that out as much as anything, I was feeling full of pent up something or other, like a pressure cooker that's left unattended.
Methinks I will go back to the basics I used when I had my run of more than 3 years, take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time, and when the urge arises, put it off, like maybe tomorrow or next week, and when that time comes, put it off again.
I have procrastinated enough in my life that I should be able to procrastinate on this (w)
TC the sick and tired of being sick and tired is where I am at now, and with a bit of reminiscing on how badly I feel the day after, maybe there is a good chance of no repeating.
Cowboy, you're doing great, keep it up.
Tai, I always look forward to your posts, and as ever, applicable to the situation.

Have a great AF day everyone.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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LuckyCat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by LuckyCat » 16 Mar 2019 20:39

Yep. 8:40 and just pouring. Held off for hours which I guess is something but the effort has exhausted me. Feel like I'm letting people down as well as being a massive hypocrite, I'm sorry :( Tomorrow let's face it will be drinking more but Monday will be back on it.
AF 17 days: 26/2/19 - 15/3/19
AF 34 days 4/6/19 - 7/7/19
AF 13/7/19 - ???

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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 16 Mar 2019 21:08

You're not letting us down Lola and you're certainly not a hypocrite, you're human like the rest of us, besides it's just a blip and we've all done it, often in most cases! Try and be kind to yourself, have that hot bath and pamper yourself. Could you start again tomorrow? Feel free to pm me if you wanna talk, you've certainly helped me out tonight and I thank you from the bottom on my heart.

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

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Topcat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Topcat » 17 Mar 2019 07:12

LolaCat wrote:
16 Mar 2019 20:39
Feel like I'm letting people down as well as being a massive hypocrite,
I echo Ruby's words. You've let nobody down Lola <:)> Sometimes it just gets too much and we give in. It's a learning curve. Might feel like a massive fail at the moment, but we learn by our blips and slips.....getting stronger and stronger. Addiction has a massive hold over us and it is not easy to overcome that persistent voice in our head that is urging us on to "go on, go on". Don't beat yourself up. Get back up instead <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

Sleepyb
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Sleepyb » 17 Mar 2019 08:33

Lola, how are you today <:)>

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SoberBoots
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Mar 2019 10:10

It's early days in your sober journey Lola. You've learned lots, and been sober for longer than you thought possible - which opens up a world of possibility. You only let yourself down if you give up and stop trying to do what you know is the right thing.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

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LuckyCat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by LuckyCat » 17 Mar 2019 12:10

Thank you so much everyone <:)>

I actually feel surprisingly positive and chirpy this morning - think the gallons of AF liquid and tons of food I poured down my throat in an attempt to placate the cravings before opening the wine really helped! And I stopped when the bottle was empty, didn't go out and get more as I would have in the past...also was aware the whole time how little it was doing for me, with every sip it was like 'what's the point of this??' Of course this didn't make me stop and pour the rest away but it has kind of proved to myself how futile it is to continue chasing the good feelings alcohol once gave me because that time is well and truly over.

Thank you again lovely people.
AF 17 days: 26/2/19 - 15/3/19
AF 34 days 4/6/19 - 7/7/19
AF 13/7/19 - ???

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 29 Mar 2019 17:42

Yeah I am having three beers.
It’s been 491 days without. I’m thirsty.
I’d be lying if I said this London pride does not taste nice. It’s lovely.
Thanks to all on the site.
I don’t intend to drink to excess or all the time.
I may also stop again after my holiday.
I will certainly stop if I lose control.
Thanks again.
Peace ✌️
Pig

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Topcat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Topcat » 29 Mar 2019 17:59

All the best to you Piggy <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by SoberBoots » 29 Mar 2019 18:00

Keep posting Pork. Better for you, drinking or not, and we'd really miss you if you didn't!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 29 Mar 2019 18:14

Not really in recovery if I’m drinking so don’t really think I should.
I think I’ll do more challenges.
Really enjoyed myself. Tbh. Grown a little. 😎

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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by TrueState » 29 Mar 2019 18:44

Keep an eye on the ol anxiety levels Pork always a good indicator that its time to reign things in.
Be well and enjoy your holiday

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 29 Mar 2019 18:49

Very true. I’m being very strict so don’t think I will suffer anxiety anymore ;)?

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LuckyCat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by LuckyCat » 29 Mar 2019 19:25

Piggy, it sounds like you intend to keep it well under control which is great, don't you think this site could be helpful in that aim though? I don't think it's all about abstinence although I get that that's a fairly strong message...still most people aren't there or even necessarily planning to get there. You have a lot of friends here who would like to hear from you whatever you're doing, I for one would miss your porcine humour ;) Anyway, very impressed you managed so long AF, and seems like you got a lot out of it ;)?
AF 17 days: 26/2/19 - 15/3/19
AF 34 days 4/6/19 - 7/7/19
AF 13/7/19 - ???

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 29 Mar 2019 19:44

Thanks lucky.
This ain’t the end of me recovering.
Going to be back real soon. In fact I’ll do a couple of weeks from tomorrow 👍😎
As in no beer for 14 days after this one here.
Very strict 👍😎

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