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Are you drinking now ?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Lush4life
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Lush4life » 30 Mar 2019 07:25

Pork wrote:
29 Mar 2019 17:42
Yeah I am having three beers.
It’s been 491 days without. I’m thirsty.
I’d be lying if I said this London pride does not taste nice. It’s lovely.
Thanks to all on the site.
I don’t intend to drink to excess or all the time.
I may also stop again after my holiday.
I will certainly stop if I lose control.
Thanks again.
Peace ✌️
Pig
Wishing you well my friend, some people need to try the occasional drink just to see if they can or can't handle it once more;
I truly hope you are in the former category.
Take Care <:)>
Sobriety is never owned ; it's rented
And rent is due Every day.

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 30 Mar 2019 07:41

I don’t intend to be back drinking full time.
In fact I’m going at least 14 days without \:)/
Keep on lushie

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Topcat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Topcat » 30 Mar 2019 07:44

Pork wrote:
30 Mar 2019 07:41
I don’t intend to be back drinking full time.
In fact I’m going at least 14 days without
Good plan Piggy ;)?
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

Bluebottle
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Bluebottle » 30 Mar 2019 10:28

Good luck with it pork, you know we'll always be here.

Ruby XX
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)
307/59 days - 2019/2020

Spats
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Spats » 31 Mar 2019 15:37

Well done to you all for simply posting ;)? I wasn’t going to bother actually but seeing you all posting decided me.

I’ve been mostly sober this month. During my last session with my counsellor we decided to set a target date of 8 April (2019) to stop drinking and smoking. On the whole I’ve been in a pretty good place - looking at various volunteering work to establish some structure in my life and have made contact with a few. Relationships with family and friends are good too. I don’t feel so lonely as I did although I am alone apart from my cat <:)> Yesterday was a good day but I went to do some shopping and (as intended) came back with a pack of cigarettes ()o and two boxes of wine (= 8 bottles?) (w) The cigarettes will be gone tonight and I will stop smoking, lozenges at the ready. The wine will last until a week today - anything left will be thrown away. I will not be drinking today.

My SF time will start tomorrow and my AF time on Monday 8/4 ;)?

Bluebottle
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Bluebottle » 31 Mar 2019 23:51

Spats wrote:
31 Mar 2019 15:37
I’ve been mostly sober this month. During my last session with my counsellor we decided to set a target date of 8 April (2019) to stop drinking and smoking. On the whole I’ve been in a pretty good place - looking at various volunteering work to establish some structure in my life and have made contact with a few. Relationships with family and friends are good too. I don’t feel so lonely as I did although I am alone apart from my cat <:)> Yesterday was a good day but I went to do some shopping and (as intended) came back with a pack of cigarettes ()o and two boxes of wine (= 8 bottles?) (w) The cigarettes will be gone tonight and I will stop smoking, lozenges at the ready. The wine will last until a week today - anything left will be thrown away. I will not be drinking today.

My SF time will start tomorrow and my AF time on Monday 8/4 ;)?
Good luck with it Spats, picking a date sounds like a good plan, hope doing both works out ok, ;)? I know from my point of view, if I had been drinking, I would probably have smoked too. Keep us posted on the volunteering, it's what keeps me out of trouble too. (::)

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)
307/59 days - 2019/2020

Spats
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Spats » 01 Apr 2019 00:13

Thanks Ruby, smoked last cigarette so no more for me. Going to have a lozenge first thing in the morning before I have my morning cuppa ;)?

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LuckyCat
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by LuckyCat » 21 Apr 2019 12:44

Not sure where to post this...have been umming and ahhing for days now about coming back on here. I know how lovely, supportive and non-judgemental this place is but I haven't felt like I deserve any support. It feels very selfish to post here asking for help when I've been so whole-heartedly indulging in booze - this is my second relapse since joining BE and both times I honestly thought I would get back on it the very next day, and both times it's turned into days and days of drinking. Half(!) a bottle of wine on the 10th rapidly became a bottle a night, then afternoon drinking, then morning drinking, then middle of the night drinking and of course secret drinking. I don't know how to stop again. I mean, I do, of course I do, just don't buy and drink alcohol!!!! But I feel trapped. There's a lot going on in my life that I can't deal with and the therapy group I was told would be starting in February (18 months after referral) I still have no news of. Excuses, excuses I know. What do you do when you WANT to want to stop, but you don't feel it?! Should I accept that it's just not the right time for me, motivation wise, or should I give myself a massive slap/kick up the arse and stop being such an effing failure? The place I'm in is horrible, dark enough that I'm scared of not drinking. I know it only makes my mental health worse but I literally can't get through each day without it. Sorry for such a self-indulgent ramble, I just feel very lost and would really appreciate any input from you lovely people xx

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Cowboy
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Cowboy » 21 Apr 2019 12:52

Hi Lucky Cat. Post anywhere that you like. Read your own words. They sound pretty convincing to me. You have proven to yourself that you can do this - so do it again. I wish you well on your journey. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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free flow
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by free flow » 21 Apr 2019 12:57

Hi LuckyCat, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. I spent a lot of time AF and then going back to square one after thinking I could handle just one, or maybe thinking just one will relieve the stress of what ever I was stressed out about.

I found that when I had the most success, I used the 10 minute system, just thinking I could have one but not now, maybe in 10 minutes or an hour, and just postponing it. It didn't always work, but more often that not,it would give me a bit of breathing space to settle down a bit, and realize that I didn't need that drink.

When we try to stop drinking, it seems that everything speeds up, particularly the anxiety of must do this right NOW, can't stop, can't take any time for me, can't, can't can't. I found my mind would race, and then the thoughts that a drink would slow me down would start. Not a chance that it was the right move, but that's where my mind was.

I hope you can give yourself some time, if ever so brief, to forgive yourself for the past little while, and realize that this is a tough journey to sobriety, and a rocky road. You will slip, but it will get better if you really want it.

And don't worry about ranting or raving about it here, that's what BE is all about, doing whatever it takes to reach your goal.

<:)> <:)> J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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free flow
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by free flow » 21 Apr 2019 12:58

Crossed posts, Cowboy. LC what he says makes a lot of sense.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Pork
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Pork » 21 Apr 2019 13:33

I know how you feel lucky.
People don’t judge.
If your drinking it’s okay.
You understand you want to stop otherwise you know. You wouldn’t have joined here.
I am drinking also. But not ashamed as so far I’ve not had any depression from it. But I do know I ain’t fixed.
I have a plan. I like having plans.
I’ve had a lovely weekend so far.
Hope you find your way lucky.
It ain’t easy that’s for sure.
Peace ☮️
Pig 🐷

martha
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by martha » 21 Apr 2019 14:16

Hi Lucky <:)>
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
I haven't felt like I deserve any support. It feels very selfish to post here asking for help when I've been so whole-heartedly indulging in booze -
You definitely deserve support. Look at all the support you've offered others since you've been here! The chit chat and light-hearted laughs as well as the more serious stuff. And even if you hadn't, you still deserve support. You are worth it. If anyone were to judge you, then f*ck them, frankly, and let's hope they f*ck off off this site :P
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
this is my second relapse since joining BE and both times I honestly thought I would get back on it the very next day, and both times it's turned into days and days of drinking. Half(!) a bottle of wine on the 10th rapidly became a bottle a night, then afternoon drinking, then morning drinking, then middle of the night drinking and of course secret drinking.
That all sounds very familiar. Sadly, you're in very good company with a lot of us on BE. I do think it becomes easier and easier to drink the more you drink, if that makes sense? The kind of F-it moment of 'I drank yesterday so may as well continue, I can try again tomorrow' and so on ….
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
I don't know how to stop again. I mean, I do, of course I do, just don't buy and drink alcohol!!!! But I feel trapped. There's a lot going on in my life that I can't deal with and the therapy group I was told would be starting in February (18 months after referral) I still have no news of. Excuses, excuses I know. What do you do when you WANT to want to stop, but you don't feel it?! Should I accept that it's just not the right time for me, motivation wise, or should I give myself a massive slap/kick up the arse and stop being such an effing failure?
Personally speaking, no I don't think you should just accept this is not the right time. When is ever the right time? The right time for me was probably 15 or 20 years ago. In another 5 years I might have liver damage or failure and look back to today and wish it had been the right time. The right time is never some time in the future when you have the benefit of hindsight. The future is too late. Just my opinion. Accepting now is not the right time is giving yourself permission to do more damage. I don't mean just physical damage - I can see how much mental turmoil you're in.

That said, I don't think either you should be giving yourself slaps and kicks and calling yourself an effing failure :P I do think there can be a tendency when giving people support to say 'never mind, it doesn't matter' - it really DOES matter if you drink - but at the same time it's not about failure. It's about addiction - whether actual physical addiction to alcohol or addiction to the behaviours or addiction to wanting to 'zone out' of life for a while.
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
The place I'm in is horrible, dark enough that I'm scared of not drinking. I know it only makes my mental health worse but I literally can't get through each day without it. Sorry for such a self-indulgent ramble, I just feel very lost and would really appreciate any input from you lovely people xx
You literally CAN get through a day without it, Lucky. You literally HAVE done as evidenced on BE! What are you scared of? For me, I get scared of the thought of long stretches of time on my own (days off, weekends, evenings) and the unomfortable feelings of loneliness or anxiety or boredom - those often lead me to drink. But I won't die of boredom or loneliness or even anxiety. A day is just a day is just 24 hours. I know you can do it.

I'm having another go at an AF stretch, only a few days in. It would be good to have a buddy to tag along with :mrgreen:

How are you feeling now you've posted?
Waiting for bunnies to appear in the fields.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by SoberBoots » 21 Apr 2019 20:02

It feels very selfish to post here asking for help when I've been so whole-heartedly indulging in booze - this is my second relapse since joining BE
Don't be a great daftie! That's what we're here for. I've been exactly where you are, many times over. Sometimes I believed I would never get free of drink. I know now, that isloating myself, concealing the problem, blaming myself for my weakness (which is much like a budgie blaming itself for the cage it's in) were all factors that kept me trapped drinking and miserable. I'm sorry it's dark right now. But right now isn't forever. You've had some stretches of sobriety now, and you have gained knowledge - knowledge that there is a life without alcohol, and that it's better and happier. So you keep posting - quite apart from anything else, we miss you when you don't! <:)>
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Luckychap » 21 Apr 2019 20:23

I am really pleased you kept on here and let us know how you are. It's so tempting to drink. Especially when it's so nice weather and a bank holiday. I have really struggled to not have one especially with my current low mood. . I just had to keep a full tummy. Chuklet, I must have eaten my own body weight. Don't stop posting , we need you in our gang, don't be upset with yourself, you know you can give up when you feel the time is right .xx

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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Sleepyb » 21 Apr 2019 22:12

Lucky I’d been thinking about you <:)> <:)>
Please keep posting whether you’re drinking or not, I’ve missed you as I’m sure others have to.
I had a horrible patch just over a week ago, drinking at a meal out quickly escalated into the dreaded morning drinking, actually any time drinking really when I wasn’t asleep.
I’ve managed to claw it back over the kastceeek and I know you have managed to do this before and can do it again. As mentioned above, there is never a right time, you just got to grab the old bull by the horns and try lucky xxxx

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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by TrueState » 21 Apr 2019 22:26

Hey Lucky Cat <:)>
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
but I haven't felt like I deserve any support.
I think the deserve word is a huge one for many of us on here...we don't deserve happiness, we don't deserve to be liked, we don't deserve support. All tied in to our low self esteem and other very deep rooted issues/beliefs about ourselves none of which are particularly rational.
For example Lucky Cat If I said to you I do not deserve anyone on this site to be talking to me or to support me because of something I had done or the way I had behaved or if I had been drinking etc you would probably say come on True State of course we are here for you!

The only people who deserve our support are those who need it and even more so those who ask for it....keep posting LuckyCat

Bluebottle
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Bluebottle » 21 Apr 2019 23:28

Hi Luckycat, of course you deserve support, don't really have anything more to add that hasn't already been said, just wanted to give you a <:)>

There's a comfy couch all ready on the 7 day thread and are you still partial to the black forest gateaux, there's a huge slice with your name on it. ;)?

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)
307/59 days - 2019/2020

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Maypole
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by Maypole » 23 Apr 2019 08:52

martha wrote:
21 Apr 2019 14:16
Hi Lucky <:)>
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
I haven't felt like I deserve any support. It feels very selfish to post here asking for help when I've been so whole-heartedly indulging in booze -
You definitely deserve support. Look at all the support you've offered others since you've been here! The chit chat and light-hearted laughs as well as the more serious stuff. And even if you hadn't, you still deserve support. You are worth it. If anyone were to judge you, then f*ck them, frankly, and let's hope they f*ck off off this site :P
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
this is my second relapse since joining BE and both times I honestly thought I would get back on it the very next day, and both times it's turned into days and days of drinking. Half(!) a bottle of wine on the 10th rapidly became a bottle a night, then afternoon drinking, then morning drinking, then middle of the night drinking and of course secret drinking.
That all sounds very familiar. Sadly, you're in very good company with a lot of us on BE. I do think it becomes easier and easier to drink the more you drink, if that makes sense? The kind of F-it moment of 'I drank yesterday so may as well continue, I can try again tomorrow' and so on ….
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
I don't know how to stop again. I mean, I do, of course I do, just don't buy and drink alcohol!!!! But I feel trapped. There's a lot going on in my life that I can't deal with and the therapy group I was told would be starting in February (18 months after referral) I still have no news of. Excuses, excuses I know. What do you do when you WANT to want to stop, but you don't feel it?! Should I accept that it's just not the right time for me, motivation wise, or should I give myself a massive slap/kick up the arse and stop being such an effing failure?
Personally speaking, no I don't think you should just accept this is not the right time. When is ever the right time? The right time for me was probably 15 or 20 years ago. In another 5 years I might have liver damage or failure and look back to today and wish it had been the right time. The right time is never some time in the future when you have the benefit of hindsight. The future is too late. Just my opinion. Accepting now is not the right time is giving yourself permission to do more damage. I don't mean just physical damage - I can see how much mental turmoil you're in.

That said, I don't think either you should be giving yourself slaps and kicks and calling yourself an effing failure :P I do think there can be a tendency when giving people support to say 'never mind, it doesn't matter' - it really DOES matter if you drink - but at the same time it's not about failure. It's about addiction - whether actual physical addiction to alcohol or addiction to the behaviours or addiction to wanting to 'zone out' of life for a while.
LuckyCat wrote:
21 Apr 2019 12:44
The place I'm in is horrible, dark enough that I'm scared of not drinking. I know it only makes my mental health worse but I literally can't get through each day without it. Sorry for such a self-indulgent ramble, I just feel very lost and would really appreciate any input from you lovely people xx
You literally CAN get through a day without it, Lucky. You literally HAVE done as evidenced on BE! What are you scared of? For me, I get scared of the thought of long stretches of time on my own (days off, weekends, evenings) and the unomfortable feelings of loneliness or anxiety or boredom - those often lead me to drink. But I won't die of boredom or loneliness or even anxiety. A day is just a day is just 24 hours. I know you can do it.

I'm having another go at an AF stretch, only a few days in. It would be good to have a buddy to tag along with :mrgreen:

How are you feeling now you've posted?
Wow... what an amazing post Martha...really moving and from the heart.... just what I needed to read today too ... hope you feel better luckycat <:)>

martha
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Re: Are you drinking now ?

Post by martha » 23 Apr 2019 18:46

Nice to see you, May! <:)>

Lucky, I hope you're doing better and come back to post again soon <:)>
Waiting for bunnies to appear in the fields.

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