The Confession Parlour...

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Tessa
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What's my goal?

Post by Tessa »

Hi all
I thought about starting this so that we have a place to write down our goals, and/or what we want to achieve. Only if people feel comfortable in doing that of course. This way we can all put our 5 cents in and share experiences with others more specifically as well as general on the other threads? This would be a place to refer back to when we post on the other threads and need to remind ourselves what that persons goal is. For example, I cant offer any sound advice to those wanting to quit completely, as I havent done that and also its not my goal....whereas Cheryl can offer extremely sound advice there. We still have the other threads of course, which are invaluable, but i thought this might be an additional help.

My goal is to not drink during the week, and to not think about it either, and during the weekend indulge in a few quality glasses of wine and enjoy it. AND during the week if there is a social occassion, to be able to have a nice time, share some good wine, and not come home thinking i have to continue. Sometimes I have been out and i actually dont want to drink any alcohol, i do though because everyone else is, would like to get that in control as well, as i think that has to do with confidence. A long way to go, but feel i am on the right track.
Tessa
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Cheryl
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Re: What's my goal?

Post by Cheryl »

Aaaaaaaargggghhhh Jaycee!!!!
Why on earth should you be letting the side down!?
Sorry,Hello Darcy....
You are right we all have different goals...to find and follow yours is the right thing to do for You!
Their are no wrong and rights,No-one has the right to say you should do this or that,but to help you make that choice,iF YOU wanted a pair of shoes that I said were too expensive and you wouldn't like them,would it stop you from buying them? But if I said that pair of shoes is really the wrong colour and they will hurt your feet would that make you think twice? Am I getting my point across?
My goal is too not drink again,not because I dont want too,I would love a drink,socially and NOW...but I have chosen not too,because I know the consequences of that action...those shoes would kill me!
So everyones point of view and ideas will be different,speak your minds and I hope achieve your goals....
Gosh Fiendish forgot to mention how assertive you become! Sorry...

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Cheryl
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Re: Here we go again!

Post by Cheryl »

Darcy,
Guilt is not something we discuss on here! There is no need to feel Guilty,so you slipped up so what! The brave thing to do is try again! (sorry I've got my 'bossy' head on!)
you will read that time and time again folk will 'fall' this is all part of reaching your goal,you have to do this to learn,to learn what and when things are 'difficult' or sometimes too easy to say No,So please dont feel bad about it,you can do five days(here we go again---must be like Fridays) so you can do 6 or 7 or weeks or months or years whatever You feel is right...
But I can only keep repeating myself here,YOU have to want to do it...
Chat again later...I'll try and change to my more compassionate easy going head!

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Cheryl
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Re: What's my goal?

Post by Cheryl »

Sorry Jaycee,
I don't know what's going on with me lately! Must be menopausal! (good excuse to use AGAIN)...
I am finding a personality change,I never ever have sent a meal back before,I would have moaned to myself paid up and left,I am the shrinking violet who sits in the corner and doesn't say a word! Now do you see the change?
That was until I started to drink! and now because the 'real' me has been hidden for so long,and the drink is not there to back me up,I have found a new confidence and self esteem...
I'll TRY and curb my outspoken thoughts,be a good girl tonight! luv ya...

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Tessa
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Re: Here we go again!

Post by Tessa »

Hi Darcy,
you are doing great, dont put so much pressure on yourself, you reached a bump in the road and so what, it happens. Me and Jaycee did that last night, and Jan and Marshmaiden did also last week, its no biggie, your bump is just a part of the process, so dont knock it. All is not lost, you have done so well and the days you didnt drink still remain, so dont think of them as a waste of time, on the contrary.
hang in there, we are all going through some bumps at the moment, so I think its just bumpy february! with all the bad weather and all....but spring will soon be here and we will all be happy bunnies.
take care
Tessa
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Tessa
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Re: What's my goal?

Post by Tessa »

Hi Fiendish
know how you feel. am sure we will get those crucial details sussed out. god you are on day what.....9, so you are on the right track. Well done, what an achievement. I wouldnt mind having a glass on my own during the week, not a regular thing, but if i felt like it for the right reasons, are there any reasons haha, then i would. Not having wine in the house really helps, i can relate to that. Taking pleasure from simpler things is not impossible, and does at the moment feel like such an effort, but after all i have read about this, eventually it wont feel like that.
Jaycee you arent letting the side down, its a forum for people with alcohol problems, and it is your right to decide your goal, and nobody here will try to force their opinions on you. Keep up the good work, and stick to YOUR goal and what you want to achieve, and we will all help wherever we can. Your goal being the same as mine, so there you have it, you are stuck with me... :D And while we are all trying to achieve our goals we have the rest of the forum, its such a diverse and colourful place, one can never get bored here!
Tessa
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Tessa
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The Confession Parlour...

Post by Tessa »

Ok so here's my confession for the weekend. Saturday I popped open a bottle of wine and didn’t seem to have much control over myself, in fact none whatsoever. The thought of the project that had to be finished by today wasn’t helping either. I think initially that’s why I said, oh sod it, and cracked open the bottle. Makes no sense and is completely counter-productive of course. I had all good intentions to NOT drink and then the demons started their usual banter in my second head and all went to pot.

I now feel as though I have no willpower whatsoever, and I am comparing myself to the others who are doing so well, and seriously wonder if I have any at all. I shouldn’t compare, I know, but I do. I came to the conclusion after much analyzing, that I am doing it out of boredom, and I don’t mean I don’t have enough to do, as I do keep busy with work. So maybe its out of lack of satisfaction in life and not boredom. Which means I need to find satisfaction in my life, and my goal I have set, will most likely be a little easier. If I know all of this, why am I such a fool and give in to something like this….the alcohol I mean. In my case I don’t think it will take only willpower to achieve what I want, but changing my life as well.

What do the rest of you do when it gets to the “should I or shouldn’t I” stage? I mean its easy to say just don’t do it, but is that really possible? There must be something else involved/required to not reach for the cork screw at a time when you REALLY want that drink? I think I mentioned this in another post somewhere, that when I went to the UK for a break, I didn’t think about drinking wine, not once in the whole time I was there. Now it wasn’t the “holiday” feeling that was doing this, as I was working on and off there as well, and it wasn’t as if I was basking in the hot sun listening to the sea rippling in front of me! I felt a certain sense of security being around my family, over here I don’t have that, and this can lead to a real sense of insecurity which one doesn’t even realize.

Before I went, I had the scenarios already in my mind: what if I want to polish off the bottle as I normally do, and cant do over there every night or they will start to wonder. What if I want a glass of wine at midday and the desire to drink would be too strong? None of that happened. I enjoyed a glass or two at the most in the evening, with my sister and that was it, I usually didn’t even finish the second glass. Alcohol is predominantly on my mind over here, and over there it wasn’t. So basically, I know what I have to do, but that kind of move wont happen over night and sometimes I don’t even know where to begin in the planning of it all. Which is usually when I crack a bottle open and think it will lead me to some answers, which it never does of course. Something that would not have been the case a few years ago, I would have just done it and faced the challenge.

Sorry Jaycee, you did so well and I haven’t been a great non-drinking buddy this weekend. But tomorrow is another day, and I’d like to face the challenge once again and see what I can achieve next week, if you are up for it…and anyone else of course. Jan and Marshmaiden have been a bit quiet…where are you girls???

Tessa xx
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

Rocky
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Re: Here we go again!

Post by Rocky »

Darcy:
5 free nights & less over the other 2 nights, pat yourself on the back 4 that & dont beat yourself up, good on yer :P

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Tessa
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Re: Here we go again!

Post by Tessa »

Hi Darcy
2 free nights is good, and as you say its better than none, thats the best way to look at it. Maybe try it in steps, 2 nights, then 3 etc etc. Those 5 nights will soon be behind you :) I think someone mentioned on another post, that if a couple of hours is an achievement for some people, then thats still good and going in the right direction. I also put too much pressure on myself and am going to try not to do that anymore as i find its counter-productive for me.
Keep going....
Tessa
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Anna
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Anna »

Tessa,
Its interesting what you say about the environment having an impact on how you drink.

We lived in France for 5 and a half years and the attitude to alcohol is just so different there. Although its obviously much cheaper than here, there are just certain agreed times and places for each kind of drink. So you have a glass of wine with lunch but thats all it is...a glass of wine with lunch. Never have any aperitif unless it actiually is before your 're about to eat.
Drink little bottles of beer in the Summer. No-one seems to swill back pints and pints of the stuff.
OK , so if if you go for a meal, there are drinks all the way through and the meal can take 4 or 5 hours but its always with food.

When I returned to the UK, I was really shocked at how people drank, seemingly randomly, without any food or any occasion to drink. It all seemed kind of desperate. We had a bar and restaurant at the time ,so I'm afraid I soon got back to the English attitude and before too long, was happily gargling away with everyone else.

Of course there are alcoholics in France and I know a few people, one of whom is a very dear friend , who are just in the process of destroying themselves...and this is where France is really unforgiving as it tends to make pariahs of those who really need help.
The programme seems to be mainly antabuse (I have come accross it Cheryl...just me being silly about the ants!) and blood-testing.
I've heard so many times, on the radio etc, about the different attitude to alcohol in France, and people trot out the thing about children being given wine with water in it....I have never, ever seen that done. Children are given sirop fraise, or grenadine with water...it isn't wine.
Furthermore, the teenagers don't drink the apero...they stick to water...but if they are going to party, and it isn't by any means every week, they go out all night and as far into the next day as they can and get completely caned. But thats it! Its kind of 'ring fenced'. Kind of, ' Ok , party time, do the party thing , get trollied! Done.' It's a party , not a way of life.
I think thats how I want to be really.
Just not to even think of wine day to day but if it is a special occasion...' What the Hell ...and then stop thats it! The question is...can i do that?
At this moment I'm beginning to think that maybe I can!


Tessa, I think its hard to work things out while the alcohol is bouncing from one level to another. The kind of detox, semi-hangover,re-tox, feel depressed, grab the cork-screw think ' sod this for a game of soldiers,' feel like a failure, try again.I think this is where the 'two heads' thing comes from...I've certainly felt it. Cheryl saying its a chemical reaction in the brain kind of helped me to sit it out. Its not reality, its chemistry and if you give it a chance, I think the chemistry can start to change.

Take care old bean,
Anna.x

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Cheryl
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cheryl »

Blimey Anna,you must have had your Weetabix early this morning!
What a lovely and thought provoking story!
Apart from the ethics of todays society,with all the youngsters 'binge' drinking and the oldies refusing to change habits,I often get quite sad at their prospects...A case of if only I knew then WHAT i KNOW NOW!
You are so right with the see-saw effect of drink and not to drink syndrome,your head is all over the place,and it consumes your every minute,how can anyone be expected to think rationally with all that going on!
But as you also say,it does get better,and the sky gets bluer and the clouds disappear.....eventually!
This can take years for some people and we will always have a battle to control this evil thing,but all in good time!!!
Tessa,take heart and realise that we are trying to help in small ways,you just need to give yourself time,do what is right for you,and don't let it beat you!

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Anna
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Anna »

Hi Cheryl,

I have to be up at 6.40 each morning to get Ellie onto the bus .Its getting much easier as the mornings get lighter.
(Also my head's been clearer recently!)

But really Cheryl, it has helped so much to think of the mood swings, ups and downs as a chemical kind of thing and just to try not to react. I try and tell myself, (though it is still a delicate process), that these things aren't necessarily real, that I don't need to react., that if I'm feeling low, it isn't necessarily a permanent thing which I need to kind of 'medicate' with alcohol.( Likewise, if I'm feeling cheerful, I don't need to 'congratulate' myself with it either)...
Thanks so much for that. You're a diamond!

I'm glad you've got Jasker and Mike now. I think the rest of us maybe seem to view you all as invincible and of course you're not: but you are just much wiser, much more aware of yourselves than we are yet and its so good of you all to give so much of the benefit of what you've learned . Thanks.

Anna.x

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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Mrs Daniel Craig »

Tessa, I think its hard to work things out while the alcohol is bouncing from one level to another. The kind of detox, semi-hangover,re-tox, feel depressed, grab the cork-screw think ' sod this for a game of soldiers,' feel like a failure, try again.I think this is where the 'two heads' thing comes from...I've certainly felt it. Cheryl saying its a chemical reaction in the brain kind of helped me to sit it out. Its not reality, its chemistry and if you give it a chance, I think the chemistry can start to change.
Anna that nakes a lot of sense. Its really hard not to open the bottle, not to buy and not to think about buying it. Its almost easier to keep drinking than give up if you know what I mean.

Mrs Craig x

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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Alex »

Have just been reading the confession parlour...all the posts ring so many bells. I would admit that life is not interesting for me and that boredom with my life and marriage is really the key. I know many drinkers are single but I have a marriage and 2 beautiful dogs. I cannot seem to get out of this rut...I am frightened that perhaps my relationship is the problem? We do not have sex anymore and I sleep in another room....I blame it on the hot flushes/night sweats....but its a ruse.

xx

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Cheryl
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cheryl »

Fiendish,
Come here!
17 days and you let a thing like a blocked drain beat you!
Ok ITS HAPPENED NOW,put it away,and start again tomorrow,just the one bottle I hope!
Blimey,I thought after your story, that you were coming to terms with all this,not shouting at you,just worried that its going to be another downwards spiral...And you have given soooo much advice to others lately'
Me thinks that the wobbly wheel has just punctured!
Getting me repair patch out as we speak....
Cor has anyone got a remedy for Hiccups?!!! We sure need one!
Never mind theres always tomorrow.....

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star1
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Journal of a new life

Post by star1 »

DAY ONE

Slept most of the day, the children were bored and tearing round the house all day which was irritating me so I guess I yelled quite a bit. I decided about 1pm that I'd had enough of living (??) like this. I watched 28 days which settled my mind a bit and I found it quite reassuring as being an alcoholic can be quite a lonely business. I ordered in dinner as am still feeling rubbish from last night, I don't know how to process my activities last night and am trying not to think about it too much. I haven't struggled much with not drinking today and it hasn't been hard really although as I write this I can feel the urge kicking in.

I don't have a plan for tomorrow other than to get through it without drinking, I don't know if thats enough of a plan? I hope so.

Overall the day has been :cry:

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ika
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Re: Journal of a new life

Post by ika »

Hi

Yes it is a good plan just to get thru without a drink ... in fact making plans ... first few day ( I found) was too much for me it's like ...ok you not drinking so you ought to do stuff... not drinking is already doing ... A LOTS xx
Gliding is an impression ...under the water the little legs have to work very hard

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Tessa
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Re: Journal of a new life

Post by Tessa »

Morning Star....
how you feeling this morning? Sleep was obviously what your body needed, so thats good, and....it passes the hours. I did that when i gave up smoking years ago, i literally slept every day for a week from 4pm to the next day, at least it kept me from smoking though! If you feel that you need to process the activities of Saturday night, maybe keep that until you are feeling a bit stronger? If ever you feel the urge kicking in, get on the forum and there will for sure be someone around for support, i have done that in the past and i DID put the bottle away, so i can recommend that.

Do you enjoy cooking? Maybe today you could think up a nice meal for the kiddies in the evening? And have a look at the Virgin Cocktail bash we had a while back, its on page 2 of the General thread, some great mocktail recipes in there, that would also pass a bit of time later on. All of us here could do with some "being kind" to our bodies from all the alcohol, so sometimes I write down a list of extra healthy things I could eat or drink to flush out the system, I dont always carry through with it, but it does help to at least write it down.
Well, time for me brekkies now. Chat soon.
Tessa xx
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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star1
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Re: Journal of a new life

Post by star1 »

Thanks everyone, I did sleep okay. I woke up at 5am with that familiar panic about what horrors await me today but I actually feel a bit brighter now. I'm still resolute and determined and have turned down an offer to go to my friends today as I know how that will end up. My son is on an inset day today after half term so I'm going to spend the day with him and yes I think that planning a delicious dinner for tonight is a very good idea.

I hope the postman skips my house today, its usually bad news/bills or something and always upsets me.

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Anna
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Re: Journal of a new life

Post by Anna »

Morning Star1,

I know exactly what you mean about the postman!

Anna.x

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