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The Confession Parlour...

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Neal
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Neal » 16 Oct 2018 10:50

Hi all.

After a whisky breakfast two days ago I make (yet) another return to BE. I was alcohol free for a few years a few years ago. And I know things got in the way - New Year 2015 my mother died after a long fight against cancer - I lost my two oldest and best friends - one to throat cancer in the summer of 2017 and the other to tongue cancer earlier this year. For the latter, I had become main carer because he lived alone: a lifestyle of high-functioning drink/drug habit will do that. So I have been through a lot. Self-medicating with alcohol to deal with these things and eating crap have impacted on my health and relationships. And then at some point, particularly if you have a predilection for booze like we do here, all of that becomes an excuse and the alcohol (the EAF) takes over.

I had a frank conversation with my BH in the afternoon following my ridiculous breakfast and she was st the end of her tether last month. She showed me a letter she had written me but hadn't passed on. She is, and always has been, very forgiving. I phoned my daughter too - and I apologised for returning to where I had been years and years ago. She jumped on a train yesterday to come and see me and open up about the hurt I have caused.

I reintroduced, years ago, one glass of wine a week - buying only a miniature to ensure restraint. And here am I - bathtubs of booze down the line again. And the long long road to a place I thought I'd left behind long ago is complete. What a terrible thing alcohol is to drinkers like us and why I believe (like I always did but eventually ignored again) that abstinence is the only way for people like me.

Anyway - I like to think I'm bouncing back now. My second day of sobriety. In fact, I know I am. I've done it before. I have the tools. The will to do this for myself. And, most importantly, I have Bright Eye. Thank you all for being here and sharing your journeys and support.

Neal

;)?
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

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Cowboy
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cowboy » 16 Oct 2018 11:13

Hi Neal. I want you to know that way back when I started out on this journey you where a huge inspiration to me. That was close to 10 years ago and I got my first taste of sobriety. I loved it but I guess I love drinking more which doesn't make sense whatsoever. I get everything you are talking about dealing with this insidious addiction that ruins your life and your relationships. But here I am again at the beginning of a long journey to, what I hope is, complete sobriety. I'm pushing 8 weeks and just beginning to see the last remnants of booze leaving my body but to be truthful I miss the drinking. Why? Because it masks all of those feelings. I admit it. I use alcohol to self medicate. Well it's time to take off the training wheels (FFS I'm 60 now) and live a life of sobriety. You have been there and done that. Great to see you posting and to have you around. I wish you well on your journey. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Neal
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Neal » 16 Oct 2018 11:45

.
Cowboy wrote:
16 Oct 2018 11:13
Well it's time to take off the training wheels... I wish you well on your journey. Cowboy.
:lol:

Hey Cowboy - great to be back. I have a fresh drive, like I did all those years ago. I've a lot at stake... again. WHat is wrong with us? (Of course, we know - and that means we know what to do.

I'll be seeing you around, and you'll be seeing me around - and I know I've said those things before... But I'll be true to course. BE is part of the old roadmap on this journey.

Have a grand day, night, afternoon - whatever the time zone's throwing at you in your wilderness there.

Neal

;)?
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

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Topcat
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Topcat » 16 Oct 2018 12:13

Neal wrote:
16 Oct 2018 10:50
After a whisky breakfast two days ago I make (yet) another return to BE.
You're most welcome Neal. Sorry about the circumstances, but well done on making the decision to return. See you around and good luck <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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Neal
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Neal » 16 Oct 2018 12:55

Topcat wrote:
16 Oct 2018 12:13

You're most welcome Neal. Sorry about the circumstances... See you around and good luck <:)>
Thanks TC - and I should perhaps have phrased that "after my most recent whisk... blah, blah, blah..."
I've had a good couple of days now to get things sort of levelled off. Had a nice industrious morning in the kitchen making oxtail burgers and slicing the brisket I'd cooked but couldn't face yesterday. Cleaning out the fridge etc.

Keeping it busy is helping today.
And first challenge tonight - a dinner I'd invited my wife's family for but that will be fine with all of this so clear in my memory. And I'll drive everyone home.

And yes, yes you will see me around.

Neal

;)?
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

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Cowboy
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cowboy » 11 Apr 2019 13:00

I had one of my most difficult days yesterday. There was no reason there were no events. The the usual stress that I have been handling quite well without booze. I just hd an overwhelming urge to drink. So I pushed the F-It button ...

... and ate a whole frikkin Toblerone bar. One day of calories in a single sitting - but was it ever good

Feeling good that I didn't drink but my poor tummy sure didn't like that toblerone surprise - yikes.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Topcat
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Topcat » 11 Apr 2019 13:20

Cowboy wrote:
11 Apr 2019 13:00
... and ate a whole frikkin Toblerone bar. One day of calories in a single sitting
A lot better than hitting the bottle CB and a lot less destructive <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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Jjjj of Old
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Jjjj of Old » 11 Apr 2019 13:28

Cowboy wrote:
11 Apr 2019 13:00
but was it ever good
Topcat wrote:
11 Apr 2019 13:20
A lot better than hitting the bottle CB and a lot less destructive <:)>
Can't say anything wiser than TC already has - and you've been wise too, Cowboy! I'm sorry that you were feeling stressed yesterday but well done for confronting the pressure with a chocolate bar rather than saddling up and heading for the nearest "bar" of a different kind ;) ;) (::)

I hope today's going much better for you <:)> But just in case you need another sugar rush, this one's for you...
Cowboy bars for Cowboy.jpg
Cowboy bars for Cowboy.jpg (46.22 KiB) Viewed 1588 times
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by SoberBoots » 11 Apr 2019 14:12

Well swerved Cowboy.

Here's something to keep by you just in case.
Toblerone for Cowboy.jpg
Toblerone for Cowboy.jpg (15.35 KiB) Viewed 1584 times
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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DannyD
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by DannyD » 11 Apr 2019 14:16

Cowboy I often find the stress free moments the worst, the moments after, when the guard is down and the Id/ego is relaxed. They're the evenings when I've swerved without thinking, and landed in a bottle. Well done for swerving the other way. Chocolate is an excellent go to. It's my favourite sort of go to. I count that a success. (::)
be selfish in your sobriety.

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fiz
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by fiz » 11 Apr 2019 14:50

Yeah Cowboy, best confession yet. ;)?
Well served (::)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 11 Apr 2019 23:24

Well done cowboy, wish I had some chocolate in the house. ;)?

Ruby XX
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

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Cowboy
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cowboy » 12 Apr 2019 14:44

Thanks everybody. Best Toblerone bar I ever had.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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DannyD
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by DannyD » 13 Apr 2019 07:04

Chocolate (other sweets are available) is coming out of my ears CB. Whatever it takes. (::)
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Sammie
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Sammie » 17 Apr 2019 04:02

Just woken up on day 6 of a one week holiday, I have drank every night but one, I feel awful, I have the shakes, the depression and self loathing, big bags under my eyes and dry skin, right now I pretty much hate myself.
lions are sober. Be like a lion.

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fiz
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by fiz » 17 Apr 2019 05:31

Sammie, <:)> don’t be so hard on yourself, try to learn from it, you did it, you can’t change it, but don’t let it drag you down to the f-ck it, why bother point.
Get straight back up, and think f-ck it, I’m worth more than this, get angry with it, not yourself, what’s happened has happened, it can’t be changed, but it doesn’t need to happen again, there’ll be other holidays, in fact, why not make that your challenge? Every penny you would have spent on drink between now and say, September book yourself a holiday, either that will cover the down payment, or in my case probably the holiday. Stay strong Sammie, stick with BE, too many times over the last 10 year I’ve wandered, never with a good outcome, stay close my lovely, we’ve got you. <:)>
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Apr 2019 07:39

Sammie wrote:
17 Apr 2019 04:02
Just woken up on day 6 of a one week holiday, I have drank every night but one, I feel awful, I have the shakes, the depression and self loathing, big bags under my eyes and dry skin, right now I pretty much hate myself.
<:)> I second what fiz said.

Put your energy into making change, not pointlessly beating yourself up.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Apr 2019 07:39

Cowboy wrote:
12 Apr 2019 14:44
Thanks everybody. Best Toblerone bar I ever had.
How are you doing now CB? You've been a bit quiet lately...
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Sammie
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Sammie » 17 Apr 2019 08:54

Thanks Fiz <:)> thanks SB <:)> it’s just do damn frustrating going round in never ending circles. I know I prefer sobriety, it gives me a peace and calmness that I love, it makes me happy when I’m sober. I am at the point with drinking that even when I am doing it or about to do it I already don’t want to and despise myself.
I now just need to suck it up and get through the early days - the storm before the calm.
Fiz, I’m booked to go on hols in August, but I love the idea of treats in early sobriety, so you are right I’m going to take that money and buy things for me - bath bombs, flowers, candles etc etc, by the time I go on hols I want to be feeling like a million dollars, plus sober holidays are so so much better than hungover ones.
Thank you for your support - It means so much <:)>
lions are sober. Be like a lion.

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Cowboy
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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Post by Cowboy » 17 Apr 2019 13:26

Hi Sammie. I'm with SB and fiz on this one. Don't be so hard on yourself. I see by your posts that you really embraced sobriety. That is a huge step. You are making progress - no doubt. Take care of you Sammie. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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