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Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 24 Nov 2019 21:39
by Ruby&Tilly
Just a little blip spats, well done on the SF. <:)>

I'm smoking like a chimney. What an idiot. :cry:

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 26 Nov 2019 21:28
by Spats
Had another drinking session recently only this time it was two bottles of wine (w) and I did question the cigarettes but kicked the thought out of my head ;)? May have a drink tomorrow after the funeral

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 26 Nov 2019 21:31
by Ruby&Tilly
Spats wrote:
26 Nov 2019 21:28
Had another drinking session recently only this time it was two bottles of wine (w) and I did question the cigarettes but kicked the thought out of my head ;)? May have a drink tomorrow after the funeral
Sorry to hear that Spats, least you didn't smoke. <:)> Fresh start after the funeral, I need to pack in the fags soon, we're in this together. ;)?

Ruby xx

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 26 Nov 2019 21:32
by Spats
;)? ;)? ;)?

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 20 Feb 2020 14:50
by Unlucki1
Hi All,

First steps and all that I am 57 and a huge binge drinker, I have a wonderful woman but,every time she goes away to grandkids I hit the bottle...2 bottles vodka....assorted cans Stella, I lost mum and dad in June last year within a month of one another. I lose track of days, i am very creative getting time of work whilst she is away. I have been off alcohol for year’s but always lapse I’m thinking if I become a regular here, excuse pun. It could be a tool for me, oh another thing I lost my first wife of 20 years to cancer and spiralled out of control then ! I got my act together whilst meeting this lady and we have been together for 14 years, I work, I have debts but heyho doesn’t everyone! Sorry for the embarrassing first post.

Just seeing who’s about

Ignore pessimistic user name it’s a gamer tag

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 20 Feb 2020 15:08
by Leslans
Hi unlucki1. Welcome

If you have a quick look on the site you will find a new members thread. Introduce yourself on there and people will come to you aid. I’m just passing through and noticed your post and I’m running into a meeting. The support is here, the people are amazing, helpful and we’ve all got issues in some form with the drink. Sorry I can’t hang about longer but have a look about <:)>

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 21 Feb 2020 15:08
by Cowboy
Well I have to confess I drank last night. So many feelings and all bad. It's not the hangover. It's all those other feelings. I'd like to say that I am proud of myself for not drinking for a couple of months but really - I'm not. But I'm here this morning confessing so I guess that's something to build on so I will.

All the partying last week on the ski trip and I didn't indulge. The powerful permission thoughts that I battled a few days ago and I didn't indulge. Finished up a very stressful day yesterday at work but I completed some difficult tasks and well. Then that insidious voice telling me to reward myself. Some reward - hangover and guilt. I know better I really do. What a chump.

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 21 Feb 2020 16:02
by Jjjj of Old
Cowboy wrote:
21 Feb 2020 15:08
Well I have to confess I drank last night. So many feelings and all bad. It's not the hangover. It's all those other feelings. I'd like to say that I am proud of myself for not drinking for a couple of months but really - I'm not. But I'm here this morning confessing so I guess that's something to build on so I will.

All the partying last week on the ski trip and I didn't indulge. The powerful permission thoughts that I battled a few days ago and I didn't indulge. Finished up a very stressful day yesterday at work but I completed some difficult tasks and well. Then that insidious voice telling me to reward myself. Some reward - hangover and guilt. I know better I really do. What a chump.
You're not a chump, Cowboy, you're a human. Sometimes I think the Addictive Voice rings loudest in our head when we've already ignored it during the recent noisier 'storms' of life - socialising with drinking friends or (alternatively) when life/work is busy/stressful. It's sometimes in the quietest moments that we hear it, unexpectedly, and that's when its voice seems at its sweetest and most tempting.

YOU may not feel proud of yourself for achieving sober times recently, but others of us here - who know your journey well - are.

Endure the hangover and steel yourself for a better day tomorrow, as you always do.

I repeat, you are NOT a chump (well, maybe just a little bit of one today ;) ). What you really are is a cowboy. And, more than that, you're always an inspiration to me for your honesty, and for dusting off your chaps and getting back in the saddle.

Ride on, Cowboy. Feel a chump today? Be a champ again tomorrow. I'll brew you up some coffee over by the dental floss bush ;)? <:)>

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 21 Feb 2020 18:24
by SoberBoots
The thing about relapses is to learn from them, so it's great to see you back in the saddle. Not much to add to Jjjj's excellent post, but I wanted to send a virtual <:)>

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 21 Feb 2020 19:13
by Wilson
Not too keen on the word relapse.
Don’t think that describes having a drink well.
Unless he went mental.

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 21 Feb 2020 23:20
by Cowboy
Thanks JJ and Wilson.

No relapse. A mistake I'm thinking.

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 01:37
by Ruby&Tilly
Sorry to hear of your slip cowboy, but that is in the past, like jjjj says dust off your chaps and get back on the horse, <:)> <:)>

Ruby xx

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 02:46
by SueDenim
The thing is, Cowboy, you know the score, and it’s not like you couldn’t help it. I don’t mean that in a bad way - quite the opposite, really. I think it’s far more worrying when someone wants to stop but is overtaken by cravings, so never gets off the blocks. You chose to drink as a reward, after months on the wagon. Ok, you know it’s more of a punishment really, but hey - we all make bad choices at times.

Don’t let it get to you. Do you keep a journal? It might be a good idea to record how you feel today about drinking, so if temptation strikes again you can remind yourself that the remorse will spoil the experience.

Onwards and upwards, mate. It’s the only way to go.

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 07:00
by fiz
Ah, my lovely Cowboy. <:)>
Let’s put this into perspective, you drank, not a great idea for any of us on this site. But, you know that, you gave into the demon, you could berate yourself and make yourself feel even worse, or, like I know you will and are doing, pick yourself up, get back into the saddle and keep on plodding on. Be kind to yourself, the addiction is bad enough to deal with without us giving ourselves a kicking as well.
Look back over your last two years, you have done amazing, and had more sober days than drinking days, that’s a massive achievement right there. You have probably just added more tools into your survival kit for next time that demon comes a calling, and it will, but you are getting stronger each time you win a battle with it.
Tell your inner demon that you’re going to squash that little fecker into a distant whisper. And live your best life, you are so worth it.
Love and strength right at you. Xx

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 07:56
by Pink Panther
Morning CB :\:

Every day is a new day right? which means every day you can make a new choice.....we all can.

What happened the day before has gone and you can work on what happens today....use those tools of which you have many, you have proved life can be enjoyed and lived without alcohol so don't try and convince yourself otherwise. Have something to hand for when those cravings are intense, simple advice which I never took myself and the number of times, a coke, a bit of fizzy drink would have sufficed in the moment, and instead I caved to those powerful thoughts...……….if we let them pass they pass.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get straight back enjoying the journey ;)?

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 08:13
by Winkler
Hey cowboy, it’s not a moral failing.

Our chimp brain Is stronger than our human reasoning brain - it wants us to survive at all costs and is wired up a bit wrong atm.

It’s not only wired to have alcohol as the antidote to stress, but also as the default mode for pleasure/relaxation/because it’s Friday/because it’s been a while since we last drank/no reason at all much.....

Stupid fker chimp brain :roll: fancy making us survive like that.

I think having a drink probably will make the urge stronger for a while again - maybe not in the way of terrible cravings but just catching you unawares again, or making you think you can’t give it up and there’s no point trying, why make life hard and look you’re ok the morning after and the world didnt come crashing down so why make life so hard kind of way...after all, it worked this time didnt it - that’s how it goes. Anything to get you back drinking.

My best tools, once the cravings bit went and I didn’t have to urge surf them, was to read stuff to put me off (I still do, daily) and also cling to the ‘no alcohol, no matter what’ maxim. Come morning, I never want to drink (until the next time). You know what works best for you.

I can tell you, that given time, the faulty wiring does reset. Over the last few weeks I’ve found myself thinking on a couple of occasions that actually I’d be fine to have a toast or one celebratory glass as people do on special occasions. Ive got friends due to visit, me planning for that is mildly stressful. I suspect it’s last ditch attempts of my stupid fker chimp brain to hook me back. Why would I risk it? It’s just as easy not to, it wouldn’t even get me drunk. I’m also SCARED to. I’m scared of having to put in that enormous effort fighting it all again, I don’t want to keep self harming (cos that’s what drinking is, to us), risking my health and nobody really getting that private battle I’m having as they quaff away. Don’t want it all back. I don’t. Phew, there, I won’t! Still having to put the effort in for passing thoughts. Challenging them. Every time.

You’re still on the road with the rest of us and please keep going!!!

Re: The Confession Parlour...

Posted: 22 Feb 2020 13:34
by Cowboy
So much strength in those posts everybody. Thanks so much for the support and words of encouragement Sue, fiz, PP and Winkler. And don't think that I missed your post of support Ruby. I't's so comforting to know that I am not alone on this journey especially when it doesn't go the way it's supposed to. Or maybe it is going the way it's supposed to.

I have a bit of an ice cream hangover this morning. I overdid it last night. 3 whole bowls. And I've been eating really heathy these days go figure. But this difference between this morning and yesterday morning is night and day. I didn't drink yesterday and it wasn't easy. In the past when I give in and drink I am doing the hair of the dog the next morning and it all begins. Not this time folks.

I have gotten into a morning routine these days. A healthy routine. Stretches, meditation, watching the birds at my feeder. All good healthy stuff for the mind and body. I am beginning to enjoy it all. Yesterday? Not so much. And that is the really scary part about this addiction. What is does inside your head. It's not mentally healthy in any way regardless of what my chimp brain says. And knowingly poisoning your body well that's just downright mean.

Feeling good today and I have been left reassured that I am on the right track with all of the supportive posts. Thanks again friends.