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I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 04 Jul 2011 13:26
by divine intervention
I've gone for weeks without a glass of wine and I even keep a diary to monitor how long I can go without a drink for.... a few months ago it was 2 months and that's gotta' be good going. But what happens is something sparks me off again, it might be a hurtful remark from my 13 year old or a a comment "look at the state of that!" from a passer by (I weigh 17 stone), or a reminder that I owe money (loads of it) or that I can't afford much for my children (who are unsupported by their father) and I'm pretty much the last on the list (I really don't mind that so long as I can get teh children what they need). There are so many things that just trigger me back onto wine.

What is happening now is that when I do start drinking again, I drink tons more than last time - I mean I currently can knock back 3 bottles of wine in a day :o :oops: no hangovers, just groggy in the morning - I do know that this can't go on but there's no one I can turn to - I wouldn't dream of going to my doctor - she'd be calling in social services and everything, she's that type. Can anyone possibly show me a way to get out of this rotten cycle - its really depressing.

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 04 Jul 2011 14:39
by Maria
<:)> <:)>

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 04 Jul 2011 14:48
by lils
Hi divine Intervention.

Fantastic advice from Ragnar.

I too am a single Mother with no financial help from their Dad. It really is tough hey? I also completely understand your desire to black it all out with drink. i know you are embarrassed about the 3 bottles of wine, but you don't have to be on here. Yes, no doubt, like all of us you need help, that's why we're all here . You are in good company, lots of understanding people.

Concentrate on yourself for now, forget about those small-minded people who choose to pass comment. They really aren't worth your upset.

Keep posting, maybe consider the 7 day challenge if you're ready? Or just your own personal 1 day challenge if 7 days is too tough. If you feel you can't stop right now, still post and hopefully we'll get you to a place that feels more comfortable for you. If you post on the road to abstinence thread, there's lots of great advise on there. <:)>

As for your doctor, my simple advice would be to get another one. You deserve respect and support.

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 05 Jul 2011 11:41
by divine intervention
Thanks for your kind comments - I do get a little sensitive at times - that bloke in the street wouldn't normally bother me but it was just one too many negatives for one day.
its not just the rubbish doctor I have (which I am going to change asap) but having such things as alcohol on your medical records can make the difference of having life insurance or not and if I can't afford life insurance then my children will have nothing - they could be orphaned and have nothing if anything ever happened to me.

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 15 Nov 2011 05:04
by Blackjack
Wow, I hit the right place! I haven't been on BE for a long time. I finally got moved to Denver, and have been on and off the wine sinceI wrote last. I guess the surprising thing to me, is that I never did go back to total, every day drinking. My longest was 2 months. After I moved I lasted 3 weeks. But, this last weekend, I caved, and drank more that I used to in three days. Weekend warrior!

My problems are lonliness and anxiety, which combine to made depression almost unbearable, like a huge rock on my heart! Why do we always feel depression on the shoulders and heart, instead of the brain where the tormenter and angel both live?

Well, I am glad I am back, BE helped me so much before my move from small town to big city.

Deanna

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 15 Nov 2011 07:21
by zelda
Hi BJ,
me too, wine has been my crutch, providing me with companionship and relieving stress in a place that I can't call 'home'.
Come and join us on the seven day thread. It can be done and life can only be more positive without being full of a poisonous substance, that makes us tired, strips us of any motivation or will we might have, and adds to depression and general lowness.
It can be done so let's do it;
Zelda x

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 16 Nov 2011 11:49
by Jules99
Hi Divine intervention,
Great comments as usual from BE members. I too find myself doing sober stretches then going back to the wine and drinking more. 2-3 bottles is something I can do as well.
I found that when I was sober each day i felt healthier, lighter moods, full of energy. So why did I want to ruin that? That's the million dollar question.
I'm starting the seven day challenge if you want to join us there? There's great support here and best of all, no one has to be embarrassed, no one's shocked, we've all been there/ are there and understand.
I'm feeling hungover and wretched today but I know that, from rock bottom, the only way is up.... <:)>

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 01 Dec 2012 17:30
by Arcturus
Hello Friends,

I know this is an old thread, but it's one of several here that spoke directly to me, and I just had the urge to say something before I moved to another thread. Several times, I have gone for a long time with no alcohol, but a barrage of stresses has made me end up back on the wine. I binge - two or three days of lots of wine and then I quit for a while. But as I've read in several places, each withdrawal gets worse. Yesterday was the very worst ever...I just wanted to say that I'm moving back to the 7-day thread and starting over.

Arc

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 01 Dec 2012 19:50
by koalaBear
Arcturus wrote:But as I've read in several places, each withdrawal gets worse
Yes it does, harder every time i'm afraid. Best of luck on the 7 day challenge ;)?

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 08 Dec 2012 11:21
by broken555
Have a good read around the forum Gralle. I'm sure you will read a lot of stuff that chimes with you and learn more about why we drink and what options there are for coping better when the strongest of cravings strike. Good to have you with us and good luck for day one!

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 05 Aug 2013 08:47
by ditzydee
this keeps happening to me but with larger(thats my tipple)and im so annoyed but at the same time id rather have the success im having now (yes its a big success for me) then the success i was having before wich was non

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 03:02
by Maypole
Wine is full of acid but I can't help myself... The dehydration and migraines are getting worse

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 13:50
by Jaxom
You can help yourself Maypole and I really do understand that out of control feeling. It is very hard but take it minute by minute. Once you get the poison out of your system the world is - well not a better place tbh but you can start to deal with it and that is what counts. I could so dive into a bottle right now. It would numb things for a while, but that is all it can do and then I have a hangover as well!

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 06:28
by Topcat
Oo er Missus - we've been invaded. Does French Spam taste the same as English?

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 06:43
by jaxom5
Now, see! That is why one should resist responding to spam. When it gets deleted it looks like you have been hallucinating. It is sometimes impossible to resist, though. :lol:

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 06:55
by Topcat
Oops :oops:

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 07:13
by Sandy
whats wrong?
is TC imagining things again?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 07:15
by Topcat
Rags wrote:Don't worry TC, you're sane. I have the evidence ;)
Thank you Raggers - my hero <:)> <:)>

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 07:38
by jaxom5
Sandy wrote:whats wrong?
is TC imagining things again?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Possibly, but probably due to ice-cream withdrawal and that is easy to sort out. Sorry but I CBA to go get some as I've just sat down with a nice cuppa and toast.

Re: I keep trying but I always end up back on the wine

Posted: 19 Nov 2013 18:20
by Arcturus
Oh dear! I automatically gravitated to the title of this post and immediately understood all of you who have posted back to 2011. The 2-3 bottles of wine (just to "get to relief") and such disturbing tolerance after such a long sobriety, with the anxiety, the depression, the fatigue after a week of it (without true hangovers), the little jabs and hurts that can trigger a sensitized person to binge...I understood and related to it all.

And then these posts started to seem strangely familiar. Damn! There I was!!! I've posted in this thread before!!! And I don't even remember doing so.

I'm so very glad you're still here! Some faces have changed, but I think the support and the warm understanding go on.

I retired from a horrible job that would make many people want to drink, and I TOO went two months (like many of you, uncannily) without any alcohol and was doing fine - even with the maddening troubles that inevitably occur to us in life...but then a barrage of adversity hit me and put me back to zero.

Cold sober for two months, I was hit by an uninsured driver, wrecking my completely paid-for car, which had been in perfect condition (the insurance company called it a "total" after the wreck, though it was still drivable), and before I even received the insurance check (which was far less than what I had paid for the car), I was hit A SECOND TIME broadside!, "T-boned" as they say in this area (again, I was totally sober and it was not my fault in the least), but because my car was already "totalled", I received no more in compensation, not even the $500 in salvage value. Meanwhile, my refrigerator broke down, spoiling hundreds in organic food, my eyeglasses broke ($250), and my peaceful cats began inexplicably fighting every day as if they wanted to kill each other, forcing me to keep them separated at all times, even now...with occasional visits to the veterinarian to have one sewn and medicated.

I know this sounds like I'm making it up (I would not believe this if it hadn't happened to me), but I honestly went through this dreadful streak of horrendous luck, the worst of which wasn't over. My best friend in the world died of leukemia. At some point, I fell off the wagon and started binging again, the pain of all this calamity pushing me to seek even a moment's release. Then I got a DUI, most probably because I was still driving the wrecked car, which had a headlight knocked out and was out of alignment (causing it to weave). I was driving at 3:00 AM in deserted streets, just to get some food. This was the nadir of this evil period, and an endless, very expensive, legal procedure began, making me even more upset and unable to sleep soundly.

So now the worst is past, I'm finding that my old cravings and binging are back. I'm no better than I was before. As if life intended for me to be a heavy drinker. But I want to stop. The only place that has ever given me momentum to stop is here. No empty slogans, no book of rules, no rituals - just understanding and support. I'm going to the 7-day challenge and starting over. Life has knocked me down once again, but I'm getting back on my feet - as Elton says, "I'm still standing."