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Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 23 Jan 2012 13:32
by Boris Bike
I certainly don't think it's unethical, Agnes. It's not like you're causing anyone any harm by using those memories to get you past some tricky moments. In fact you'll find a lot of heavy drinkers will say, when they are ill, "don't end up like me, will you?" So if they knew it's quite possible they would see it as a good thing that someone is learning from their experiences.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 23 Jan 2012 14:51
by frozensprouts
I agree...I think about my Uncle. He died about 5 years ago. He was a slight man, and started drinking heavily after his divorce. My Dad has always been a heavy drinker but he's always managed to keep it together.

My Uncle however, went rapidly downhill in the space of 5 or 6 years. He was drinking whisky and vodka every day and died of a heart attack in the end. I remember at his funeral all my cousins being beside themselves with grief and the vicar saying in the service that he had 'feet of clay' which I think means he had weaknesses.

I wouldn't want my kids to have to go through that so I do use him as a reminder. I don't think he would have minded, as long as it's done with respect. I don't like people that look down on others, but for me it's more a reminder that in my family we seem to have a self destruct gene and it doesn't hurt to remind myself that I need to watch out for it.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 23 Jan 2012 19:37
by 40percentproof
Honestly no but then I haven't got any memories to fall back on as I only have a small family and it's not something I have experienced. If I did however then I would use any means possible to maintain my sobriety.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 23 Jan 2012 21:10
by CJ
Hi agnes,
I have a few people I think about but the one that comes to mind, and in a way has haunted me for years is a lady I knew when I was in my twenties. I say "knew" but in fact I never really knew her, just the shell that she had become.
I was working in a hospital and she was a patient with advanced liver cirrhosis. She was admitted very ill and I remember being very shocked that her condition was in effect self-inflicted. I used to like a drink most nights then, but I never believed it could be possible to become like her. She was so jaundiced the whole of her skin was orange, and the whites of her eyes were long gone - they were now constantly a dark yellow. Her stomach was so swollen she could have been 9 months pregnant, and her ankles were swollen so much she couldn't walk. But the rest of her was skeletal. She was very withdrawn and appeared not to care about herself at all. I recognised that she had given up on herself, but I also remember thinking she was ashamed.
She was hard to look after because she just wanted to be left alone. I used to think how could someone end up like that? why hadn't she simply stopped drinking?
But you know what? at the end of every shift I would rush of to the pub to get a few in before last orders! I thought I would never end up like her when I was that age.
She was 40 years old.
She died.
When I got to 40 I remembered her and I would start looking for yellow tinges in my eyes, start worrying about the ache in my side, start looking to see if my feet were swelling....
I never stopped drinking mind, but I think it gave me an awareness that perhaps I was overdoing it with the booze. Perhaps in a way she helped me to face up to things, I think that is when I became aware that I was not a normal drinker and my struggle for accepting my problem began. I should have seen it a long time before ( I am 50 now), But then so should she, shouldn't she??!
Whether that memory really helped me, or if it is just a horrendous memory, I really don't know, but I thought of her when I saw your thread today and hope you don't mind me sharing that. I know ( hope anyway!) that I will not die with the same shame in my eyes that I saw in hers, and that at least makes me pleased and makes me want to continue my sobriety.
From all those years ago I even remember her name.

Cj
xx

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 28 Jan 2012 19:40
by Artlesschaos
.I have enough of my own hideous drunken encounters to remember.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 28 Jan 2012 21:28
by scotty
Hi

Im new to trying to get help from fellow sufferers online. My memories to prevent relapse should be fresh but couldn't stop me trying to drown them out two days ago. Dont feel any better for it but i'm going to give it abash again. I've managed to mess up my girls life through the anger, depression etc etc. Now shes finally given up on me and the house. The shock is starting to really kick in, as if she actually had a choice. I'd appreciate any advice at the mo for a brighter future.

Scott

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 29 Jan 2012 00:55
by Boris Bike
Hi Scotty.

My advice in the early days is to read and read and read the forums. I spent all my free time on here in the early days of sobriety and it helped. Now that I'm 5 months down the line I only really feel the need to pop in once a day mostly (although I have been doing a lot more this week, for reasons I won't bore you with).

Signing up to the sobriety challenges thread that suits where you are in the journey is a good idea. The "First 7 Days" one is usually busy and you'll find a lot more interaction on there than you will on this thread.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 24 Apr 2012 21:56
by Jake.
Recently a family friend has died, and his memory acts as a deterrent to me. He was a heavy smoker and drinker but always manged to function socially. A 'high flyer' some might say. I have fond memories of him as a child. He was a quick and witty character, fun to be around. Towards the end he was incapacited due to ill health and just stayed in, smoking and drinking. He died of acute pancreatitis, disolved from years of drinking, at the age of 50. Some life expectancy eh? What a waste....

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 07 May 2012 14:48
by Sheila
I believe my grandfather was an alcoholic and I have memories of him when I was very young. He treated my grandmother and his kids very badly. Put drink first. My Nan once gave him some money to pay their account at the village butchers ... Never happened. One of many such incidents. He was aso quite violent towards his family, both verbally and physically. I remember he just disappeared out of our lives one day but was never told why ... I expect I was too young. A couple of years later when I was 9 years old, my parents both lost a leg in a motorbike accident. Their case made local newspapers at the time as they were so young, both in their early 30's, with 3 young children, and had been awarded (a very meagrely by today's standards) some compensation. Surprise surprise my grandfather appeared asking for money. My Dad never gave it to him and we never saw him again. Nobody ever talked about him again. He'd be dead by now, and probably led a very lonely life. It makes me feel very sad to think of everything he missed out on just for the sake of alcohol.
I will NEVER let that happen to me.

I also have some very bad memories of my own behaviour that I have no wish to repeat :oops:

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 07 May 2012 16:42
by sallyann
Just posted on 7 day thread - as had sad news about a family member, serious alcoholic for years, has clearly lost it completely. Has been arrested in his own home.

Brings it very close to home - I can't imagine how my family would respond if I got to that stage. Or if they had an inkling of my own struggle - just can't go there.

So yes, I am treating as a timely reminder. Today is a fresh start, a new attempt - and I really hope the last time I start from a dark place on this journey. With all the support on here and the positive stories which give us all hope, maybe this time I will move through more threads and come through the other side.

Sallyann

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 19 May 2012 07:54
by Buckyst
Artlesschaos wrote:.I have enough of my own hideous drunken encounters to remember.
Me too. And they motivate me not drink more than anything.

I have memories of others as well, but something that keeps me pretty motivated is that my apartment
looks down on 3 really active bars (2 of which are depressing dives active at all times of day). I am a night
owl and see and hear all the alcohol-related horrors; fights, staggering zombies etc etc and right now I am sitting here at 3 am (in Canada) and a girl just got taken unconscious from the bar by stretcher. It might not have been alcohol and/or drugs, but it most likely was. And man, that could easily have been me on a number of occasions.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 15 Aug 2012 23:37
by Rubyred
Maybe not a memory but a shock

I was visiting my brother, he and his friends are very social drinkers. My brother introduced me to one of his female friends. She was extremely slim and was siping from a bottle of evian water. This was at around 09.15 in the morning after the school run .I was drinking tea. Afbout half an hour later she fell over and wet herself. She was out cold. I wanted to call 999 but my brother stopped me. She was known to emeregenc :P y services as 'the watery pisshead'. She was drinking neat vodka from a water bottle. I later found out that she had kidsaround the same as my son. She did not have any electrical items in her home as they had all been pawned. She was waiting to go to rehab.

I owe my son a lifetime of love without the scars that have cursed his mam.

Good luck to xxxxxxxxx with rehab

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 16 Aug 2012 07:04
by Topcat
I used to pull the vodka in the water/lemonade bottle trick too Ruby. Didn't fool anyone - only myself :( . I hope she gets the treatment she needs and regains her life.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 19 Nov 2012 21:25
by Jake.
I passed out in the cinema from the old gin and tonic in the evian bottle trick. Never did see the ending of toy story :-(

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 24 Nov 2012 22:31
by Artlesschaos
Getting drunk at my daughter's 3 rd birthday, in a kiddie friendly pub. Having to be picked up and put in the car in front of staff and family. My face burns with shame.

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 14 Apr 2015 13:05
by pickles
.. ............. and ........ ?????

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 14 Apr 2015 14:29
by Topcat
Spammer has been removed now Pickles ;)?

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 14 Apr 2015 14:38
by Newt

Re: Memories to prevent a relapse?

Posted: 14 Apr 2015 15:47
by pickles
Topcat wrote:Spammer has been removed now Pickles ;)?

Ah ok, ;)?

I was getting a bit nervous of the last 'spammer' ending their sentence wth 'and........' wonder if it was the same one trying to get in again .

Newt :)