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Slipping

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
KateFitz83
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Slipping

Post by KateFitz83 » 27 Jan 2012 09:40

Not only do i have an issue with alcohol but i have and even bigger issue with it while i am using anti depressants. Just an fyi to anyone reading this alcohol for some reason has a better appeal to my senses when im on anti depressants and i am not really sure y.

Anyway.....I am 6 weeks away from giving birth to my daughter and i honestly dont know how much more i can take with being stressed out with the drama between her father and i and being tired and swollen like a balloon from my job. Her father and I do not speak and he has no intentions of us being together as a couple after she gets here. He ignores me all the time now. This is very hurtful considering that up until 2 months ago things were normal, after that i dont know what i did.

I recently started smoking cigarettes again, not on a normal basis or everyday just here and there when I cant take it, still no good for my child. On my days off it seems like time just slips through my hands and when i realize it its already 11 at night and I havent done anything all day. Today I did clean and do laundry, but i have yet to make a meeting since last thursday. All of a sudden since last friday it has been tourture just to get out of bed for me. I keep forgetting about appointments, its crazy. Im glad I dont work the morning shift at work and instead work 3pm-11pm. Right now it is 4:36 am and I have an ultrasound appointment at 9:30. At night when I lay in bed my mind just races and i feel uneasy.

After i have my daughter i plan on going back on celexa, the anti depressant i first started with 4 years ago, yet i am still afraid with my sobriety. Anti depressants make a world of difference when i am not drinking on them too, and i feel really good.

I am afraid right now for my daughters sake that her father will not be around for her like he says and that i will return to my addiction. If anyone can please offer some words of advice i would really appreciate it.

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Sandy
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Re: Slipping

Post by Sandy » 27 Jan 2012 09:48

Hi Kate
Could you please phone your midwife now and make an appointment to see her?
You desperately need to discuss all this with her or your health visitor,preferably today.
can you do this honey?
Sandy

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frozensprouts
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Re: Slipping

Post by frozensprouts » 27 Jan 2012 14:30

I agree, My kids have had their Dad around for the last 14 years on and off because I've tried so hard to make it work.

I won't go into the stuff he's put me through but all I can say is....I think they are better off with me and that I've done a better job as a parent without him permanently in my life. It's taken me a while to be able to credit myself with that though (in fact until I stopped drinking).

It must be very hard for you right now but I agree, try and talk to your mid wife or health visitor. You will feel different when the baby arrives. It's a bit all consuming in good and bad ways (mostly good though) but you can do it. No one is born to a perfect mother and perfect life. All we can do as parents is try our best for our kids and you deserve someone who feels the same way.
Do you think that you aren’t free? You are free, but you do not know that you are free—and it is your not knowing that you are free that is your limitation and your imprisonment. Realize your freedom, and you are free.

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faith2be
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Re: Slipping

Post by faith2be » 12 Feb 2012 18:26

Hi Kate, and you too Poker

I totally empathise with your post, Kate - and agree with sandy. Go talk to your midwife. I was in a similar place with my last child (he's nearly 5 now) - my partner left me, but then came slouching back, and did nothing to support me until the birth (where he sat in the corner with folded arms, simply observing mhile I was in labour and desperately wished I had a hand to hold...ugh, this still hurts so much). He took me out of the hospital the day after (because it's too long for him to drive an hour for visits...) - and because he is a charming person on the surface, and to everyone except me, he got the nurses to agree to me going home straight after the delivery (I was internally screaming no no no, but in that state, we go along with anything, we are not in a position to make decisions).

I'm almost crying and shaking when I read your post, Kate, it takes me back. If I could turn the clock back, I'd have a) not accepted ex to come back and above all I'd have asked my girlfriend to be in the room with me, not him. 5 years on and I'm still processing all the hurts (I didn't get a shotgun, but he had other ways of making me scared and small).

Please, Kate. I know this is hard, but follow your inner feelings, and trust them, If you'r man is not going to be supportive - you and your child are better off without him at all. Giving birth is an incredible experience, but it needs to be shared bith someone you trust. If you have noone you want to be with you - you can ask for an extra midwife/nurse. I was lucky, I knew my midwife outside her work, and honestly, I'd have been happy with only the staff. Much happier than with a man who was incapable of supporting me.

Whatever you decide - please just find someone to talk this through with. Birth is important, and it needs to be done right - save yourself years of hurt!

I came on this thread because of a massive slip last night (got into baaad company), and have a huge dose of the shakes and all the rest. Feeling sorry for myself and totally miserable - as well as trying to finish a work document. Not doing it well either. But now I see the bigger picture, thanks to you. My kids are with their dad, I get them back tomorrow - and honestly, they are much better without parents who do not belong together. Both he and I love the kids - but we don't love each other. The kids understand actually. And they say they prefer it like this - because mummy smiles a lot now (she used to cry mostly - or bang bits of herself off walls...).

Sorry long post. I send you lots of strength Kate - and Pokergal - thanks for sharing your story. There are probably many of us. I think in hindsight, my alcohol troubles blossomed again - and escalated into serious dimensions - during the last phases of domestic trouble - and the years after it.

Ok enough from me, thanks y'all
<:)>

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Mark.
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Re: Slipping

Post by Mark. » 03 May 2012 22:39

Hi BE - so sorry to hear you sounding this way. As you can see from Digger and SB's posts, it doesn't matter where you post - we're here to listen <:)> <:)>
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

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CJ
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Re: Slipping

Post by CJ » 04 May 2012 08:16

Oh honey just seen your posts from last night. Bloody kicking myself I wasn't online- I usually am at that time. So sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Hope by the time you read this you've managed to get some rest. Not quite sure what you mean by seeing yourself as a liablity? do you mean to yourself or others ( on here?), because you just post away on here if it helps,it's what the site is for after all, and it doesn't matter what or where you post. You've helped so many people in the past, including me, time for you to have some back.
For now, a full quota of hugs for you lovely lady
<:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>
Cj
xx
Last edited by CJ on 04 May 2012 08:22, edited 2 times in total.
"My urge is never to have just a glass even if the EAF pretends it is, my urge is to get wasted. When I am getting urges like that it is impossible for me to kid myself that I no longer have a problem." Pineapple

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1sunworshipper
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Re: Slipping

Post by 1sunworshipper » 04 May 2012 11:32

BE, sad to read your in the position you are in but as the others say your not alone. Please hold on to "God I can't believe it I've been doing so well lately". You right it has been a long time since you felt like this and it will pass. It is always sad and deflating when you discover who you thought were friends didn't live up to that meaning, just mere aqaintances but you know what, we may all be cyber friends but we are the genuine article and we are here for you just like your geniune friendship that is here for us so sod them and stick with us my dear we will help get you through this. Hope you had a good sleep and looking forward to hearing from you again soon with an update. Lots of love <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>
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mai
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Re: Slipping

Post by mai » 04 May 2012 16:52

Boo! Brighteye - <:)> well you can run but you can't hide <:)> ,hope you are feeling ok now girlie - please do not feel alone as you are not - we are here for each other - there are good days and bad. So hey you've had the bad one now!
I am putting the kettle on - what would you like?
Take care of you girlie <:)> <:)> <:)>
Mai
xxx
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Mark.
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Re: Slipping

Post by Mark. » 04 May 2012 20:53

No worries, BE - I'm just glad to hear you sounding a little bit brighter! Take very good care of yourself and I hope all goes well at the meal this evening <:)> <:)>

Speak to you again very soon! \:)/
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

Blade79
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Re: Slipping

Post by Blade79 » 06 May 2012 10:04

Didn't really know where to put this post so i just opted for this one - slipping. I felt it the most appropriate place as that's what's happend to me as of late. I've slipped well and truly back into my "i couldn't give a s**t" attitude. I have cut back a hell of a lot over the past few weeks, but without realising, i started drinking more and more to the extent i'm again drinking from morning until night. It does coincide with my life being quite difficult at the moment so it does make sense. I always run to the drink when times are hard. Funny thing is, well not so funny i guess, is that i do it without realising. I subconciously do it. It's almost like a drinks company has placed a micro chip in my head that tells me to do it when times get tough. I can't cope with this any more. I've been an alchoholic all my adult life and i'm tired. I'm weak. I haven't got a fight left in me. I've had enough. The drink has won. I will continue to drink until my body packs up that's for sure. I thought that coming on here would help. It did for a time but it's just not good enough for me. I'd probably need rehab but can't afford it. It makes me angry to see sport stars abuse fantastic facilities that there misguided wealth gives them privelage too. I've longed for that opportunity but know i would never ever be able to afford it in a million years. So just like friends that have already passed over, i too, will suffer the same fate. Not so much now, maybe in another 2 or 3 or even 10 years. I guess it just depends on how long my liver and kidneys etc can cope with it. It has robbed me of everything in my life and i'm in danger of losing a hell of a lot more. I've gone from a sporting, fit, healthyish guy, to something so grotesque i can barely look at him in the mirror. He's a total disgrace and i hate him. Anyway, apologies for rambling, but i won't be coming on here any longer as it just won't work for me. I'm too far gone. Well done for saving yourselves though. Enjoy your lives. I'm off now to further enhance my chances of physically packing in. I don't need advice by the way, i've made my decision. Good luck to all you guys that still have a chance and thanks to everyone that tried to be helpful, it was appreciated at the time, and who knows, i might be back in the future if things change. Sadly, i very much doubt it.

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Kevza
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Re: Slipping

Post by Kevza » 10 May 2012 17:19

Really sorry to hear this Blade.

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Pineapple
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Re: Slipping

Post by Pineapple » 16 May 2012 16:49

Hey Digger, <:)> <:)>

Sorry to hear you had a tough day yesterday and sorry to hear that you are not doing so good today.

Can you stop drinking now and maybe eat something if you have not.

Things do get easier with time.

Thinking of you.

P x
If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
-- Dolly Parton

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caroline95
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Re: Slipping

Post by caroline95 » 16 May 2012 16:52

Maybe it was just a bit early in your sobriety to be venturing out into the 'outside world'? You will be able to go out and enjoy all the stuff you've always enjoyed and more, I'm absolutely convinced of that.Look at all the people on the 6 months and upwards sobriety threads who gingerly try doing ordinary things without a drink and wobble a few times before they can find their feet.

I'll see you back here tomorrow Digger, I know you can keep it to just the one day.Try and drink lots of water before you go to bed and eat something soon.

Really glad you posted, stay with us <:)>

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Mark.
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Re: Slipping

Post by Mark. » 16 May 2012 17:24

<:)> <:)> <:)>

More from me, Digger, I'm afraid.

I am so sorry to hear you say all this. But you know the score - as you say, if you can give up tonight and stay sober/smoke-free tomorrow that will be a HUGE plus.

I have no other answers than this: a slip back into drinking will make you very unhappy. Which would be such a huge shame when you've seemed so happy recently. We can all do what we can to try and work on the business of staying sober and doing the things that turn you on - so stick around, won't you?

Wishing you the very, very best - and wishing I had better answers.

Got to go right now, but will be back in a while.

Mark
<:)> (Another one there, just for luck)
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

Tink
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Re: Slipping

Post by Tink » 26 Jan 2013 18:07

Well, I drank. Stress of it all overtook me and being human I got snagged in a snare of the eaf. What did it? Feeling sorry for myself. Didn't ask nor did I want help. I suppose we all know the story? So, got back on the wagon the next day(yesterday ) feel shit but hey, it is over and I learned that I'm not invincible. Got a skinned knee and my wing is a little bent.
I own it. Won't keep drinking nor try to excuse it. It sucks. I let myself down but I also will pick myself up. Big hugs to you all. Now I am off to study . Put it behind me and just keep walking forward. I may have slipped but I am not at the start of it I am where I left off but a bit wiser.
Love from your humble human pixie all xo
T
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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grendeldave
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Re: Slipping

Post by grendeldave » 26 Jan 2013 20:04

Tink, I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago, though not with your time in, but with the same attitude. No excuses, straight back on there, humble pie bit oh yes but I don't think anybody else saw it that way. We really cannot take this for granted. I look at achristop with his 28 years AF and still being watchful. Mmm. Maybe we should listen! You have been an inspiration to many of us and still are. No more so than getting straight back up again. Won't make you feel better necessarily .... but it should maybe. Even after so long a slip is just a blip?
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

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grendeldave
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Re: Slipping

Post by grendeldave » 26 Jan 2013 20:11

And with an edit cos I always miss the obvious. That must have been a hard post. Kudos.
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

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Tink
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Re: Slipping

Post by Tink » 26 Jan 2013 21:08

Thanks jos and gren. Xo
Yes it was hard. Yes I will not discount my work in my recovery. No I won't keep beating myself up. Yes I do have the most wonderful support here and truly do value it as pure gold.
EAF caught me with my guard down. Wasn't taking care of myself. Wake up call. Gonna have to pay more attention to my needs and balance better.
Thanks dear pals. Xo
T
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Tink
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Re: Slipping

Post by Tink » 26 Jan 2013 22:12

Thanks dear friend xo
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Sheila
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Re: Slipping

Post by Sheila » 26 Jan 2013 22:59

Tink, There's nothing else I can add, the others have said it all <:)>
I'm going o be 100% honest with you now <:)> For quite some time we haven't seen very much of you around these parts and I know you know what i mean when I say that's a good thing, cos we all knew how well you were doing, and how busy you were in the real world with your studies and stuff. Then this year you've been posting more than usual and that got me a little concerned and wondering why. Did you 'feel' this coming on do you think?
Tink, I know you won't let this turn into anything more than a slip <:)> and as we've said many times to ourselves and to others, learn from it, and keep moving forward <:)>
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