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Posted: 26 Jan 2013 23:02
Tink , thinkin of yooo xx
Posted: 26 Jan 2013 23:14
Thanks Jo and yep I do think I felt it coming Sheila just didn't understand ya know? Didn't think it would get me. Wasn't listening to myself. Xo
Posted: 27 Jan 2013 07:47
Posted: 27 Jan 2013 09:41
Tink thank you for posting that. As others have said, that must have been a hard post to make. Well done on getting yourself up on the wagon so quickly. If that had happened to me , I am sure I would find it hard to put it behind me and stop so quickly. I live in fear of drinking again, and yet I also still, even now, have that fear of never drinking again and I really look up to people who have achieved long term sobriety. Although we have seldom directly communicated with each other I have always looked up to you. I still do .
Take care today and keep vigilant.
Posted: 27 Jan 2013 10:52
Hope you is ok Tink n dustin off your wings n gettin up in the air again.
Tiz a funny ol thing life.. we can never quite sort it, all we can do is keep on learning. You is an awesome fairy n dont forget that.. I know I leant on you in the past.. n you have helped many many peeps here so lean on us when you need.xxxx
Posted: 27 Jan 2013 23:47
Cj, topcat, DAB x thanks
Thanks to you all who replied. It's helping. Still a bit shaken but doing homework and resting helped. Went for a walk on the beach. Freezing but beautiful. Peaceful and I centered myself. Class tomorrow and work. No drinking and now on day 3. When I feel a bit stronger I will post what happened but really it all comes down to one word.. Stress. Building for sometime and I just lost it a bit. Lost my shield but I am ok. I have some very good friends you know? YOU x
Thanks mates x
Posted: 27 Jan 2013 23:59
Tink I have no words but just sending you some of these
You were so here for my first year of BE and I always felt like I'd let you down. You really have excelled, i know all the rubbish you went through and I feel so proud (Not sure why other than I feel you are a BE friend) how you pulled yourself round, went off to college and have done so well. You have had a tough few years and well one slip, hmmmm you will be stronger and better for it.
Love ya Tink
Posted: 28 Jan 2013 02:56
Thank you BE. No worries about letting me down. No one let me down. It's the nature of the beast. It get me when I'm at my weakest so I have to take note and care for me ya know? All I had to do was ask and everyone would have helped. Instead I didn't and it was me who did it. No one or nothing but me can make me drink or to he honest not drink. Support is important but when push comes to shove....I decided to drink not ask for help. Bad choice. I call it a thinking error and it all starts with my co dependency and trying to do too much then it all goes to hell in a hand basket .
Thanks for support because I DO NEED it. It makes a difference but I have to be accountable for it ya see what I mean?
Love to all x
Posted: 28 Jan 2013 10:03
Yes! That is just how it does for me. Crazy really? I made it through divorce,leaving my home of 19 years, death of two of my three best friends. Loss of some close relationships in my support and so many other trials. What was the straw? Who knows?
The thing is sometimes I suppose we are just human and sometimes we make bad choices? Don't take care of self needs? Complicated beings we are.
This last few months has come at me fast. College Changed to semesters from quarters. Our councillor and advisor moved on. My favorite professor whom has been a source of support and a mento came down with stage 3 colon cancer. My uncle died. Bills are a struggle. And....my son has a addiction to drugs. He is 30 and lost his kids . My granddaughters and I don't get to see them because it is such a mess. He hates me because I won't buy into his excuses and won't now enable him. Sooo hard but I won't love him to death. Want him to get into rehab. He won't -even at the price of his girls. Blames everyone but himself. Addiction is addiction.
Says I don't understand and hates me for divorcing his stepfather.
My oldest son is away from this and has managed to have a clean sober life . I have a good relationship with him and see my oldest granddaughter often. My dil and I get along now and have settled many differences since I have worked at my co dependent behavior.
As for school...17 hours and 16 a week of practicum. A lot! I want to graduate in May. I am just burnt out.
So there you have it. Maybe ought to be in confession parlor? Well I put it here cause this is where I confess.
I'm just plain worn out. Won't drink again at least not for today and have no intention to start that path again. So...one day at a time and for today...NO booze! If I need help I am going to come and ask. I will cut the bs and lay it out and ask.
Thanks mates. X I'm off to work then class then home and a nice meal and then a good night sleep.
I will check in later. I will be very self aware the next few weeks.
Posted: 28 Jan 2013 12:50
I have observed in my many years on this planet how it's always good people that put the weight of the world on their shoulders, never assign blame or responsibility and keep keeping on dragging the less "inspired" folk along. It's obvious to me that you are good people Tink. Make sure to take care of a very important person - you. Big hugs. Cowboy.
Posted: 28 Jan 2013 21:48
I'm very late to this one - a good friend alerted me to it. You were a couple of months in front of me if I recall, Tink. Oh well, shit happens, I'm glad to see you're treating it as the learning experience it is and not beating yourself up.
I find this phrase always comes in handy:
â€œYou can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f**k on.â€
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 04:42
Rags,Cowboy,Joop and Col
Hugs accepted and healing has begun. I can't express the gratitude I have except to say people here have always given me more than I could ask for. You have all carried me just as much and more than I ever have anyone. We are a team and although we sometimes have differences and a squabble now and again, we are a family of sorts.
Hope our Jo is ok tonight?
Chick, love to you . Thanks for the pm.
School and work on track and life is back to homeostasis.
As so eloquently expressed...shit happens . Guess I can flush now?
Anyone seen the toilet paper? Gosh I hate running to the closet with my draws down searching for the tp.
Know how Jo feels. Heeeee
(kidding Jo so don't get ur knickers in a wad. Love you lady x
See I haven't lost my sorted humor.
Col your post made me smile and I shall move on with it.
you made me feel special. Not sure I deserve all the credits ya all gave cause I got just as much as I gave. That's the beauty here. The more ya give the more ya get.
Nice to meet ya Joop and thank you as well. Welcome to the family.
Cowboy, you are a strong but gentle hand that squeezes mine when I'm scared. Quietly and firmly holding steady. X
Love to you all.
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 09:19
I absolutely love that!
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 11:07
I have slipped a few times. The longest I have gone sober at any time is 7 months. Got home from a deployment and started drinking again. You cope with it by doing what you have done the other times; just like you are doing now. You jump back on the wagon. Slips, blips, even relapses are expected. It's what you learn from them and how you deal with them. Like in a movie I saw once....."A champion fighter isn't a champion because he can get hit. It's how the champion reacts to being knocked down." You are a champion, gerard....how are you going to react to "being knocked down?" We are here for you.
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 11:40
Yep 3 months was a wall for me. Did it in the start 2 times at 3 months and then again at 6, after that I had the long stint of almost 4 years. A slip is just that unless you feed the beast it becomes weaker and weaker. Put it back in the cage mate and don't let it put you there.
We learn from it and won't go down easily next time it rears its nasty head. Don't mean use it for an excuse to keep it up just means as they say... Shit happens.
My warning is letting myself get tired and then depressed. Feeling sorry for myself is a huge food for that bugger.
So, chin up, chest out , eyes ahead and one foot in front of the other. My hand is on your shoulder, been there mate but I can only promise if you keep at it you will master it.
Love to all and special love to those struggling today. Thank goodness today I'm not and support here has helped me put that EAF back in the cage.
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 11:42
Roledog you are a champion and I loved that
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 11:43
What Tink says Gerard.
If sobriety is your ultimate goal this should be no deterrent. The important issue here is that you do not go back to uncontrolled drinking again. It's a slip - like the the thread says - nothing more.
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 14:08
Oh boy, if I had a pound for every time I heard of someone "slipping" or wanting to, I'd have about, ooooh, twenty quid now. I run groups now for people with "wonky thinking", and almost everyone (me included) hits this wall at 3 - 6 months. I have no idea why, whether its PAWS related I don't know, but it happens.
Couple of important points;
1) Its a slip, its happened, and you can't unhappen it. Treat it like that, dust off and move on. Learn from what caused it, or more importantly your reaction to the event that made you think drinking was a great coping mechanism.
2) No-one is a failure. You cannot BE a failure. You can fail AT something, but you cannot BE. So get that out of your head for a start.....
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 14:58
Gerard - lots of good advice been offered, I had more cravings approaching 3 months.
Some my thoughts - I think also it depends what's going on in our lives at the time too. Work stress, personal stress, illness with loved ones, death of close ones and or relationship stress. Or just plain celebration drinking.
Though I do not confess to know anything and perhaps a longer +6 month or 1 year plus member could chip in. But I think the 1. celebration type drinking ie 'I am on holiday, I can just have a few and stop when I get home' is more easier to manage the craving than 2. The stress and 'shock type' triggers that happen and will happen we are all human and we will have to face a death, a marriage break up, being run down and so low 'what the hell' thoughts. These are the difficult times to manage. Because I see trigger events as not going away in a space of a few hours, they could be there festering for days/weeks.
We only have so much energy and we just need to channel it in the right places at the right time - we perhaps need to be totally focused on our precious sober life as if it were our own human life.
Posted: 29 Jan 2013 15:16
Let me put a spin on drinking because of "stress". In laymans terms, what you are actually saying is "this [event] has upset me so much, I'm going to hurt myself". Doesn't seem so attractive and coping when you put it like that.....