The To Do List

[DannyD]

Morning

Last night I made a To Do list. Today I'm relieved to say I can't find it.

Have a good day y'all

[Action]

Classic Danny
Have a lovely day...enjoy. The sun is out here - whoop whoop!

[Luna_]

Dear all
I've been occasionally lurking, but made a pact to myself I would take a PC-break over easter, because whenever I open it I end up reading/responding to work mails and it often ruins my day...

A lot to catch up on, so apologies, I won't be able to respond to all your goings-on, but I have loved reading about all the escapades of 4-leggeds, hoping Basil is getting better, sending love to Pickles - how is it going?. Serend and councilpop PS lovely easter fairy (or is it a benign easter witch?)
Action - I'm sorry to read about partner issues - but I do think you are following a rational and logical course of action (no pun intended). It would seem very difficult, if not impossible, for someone in active recovery to co-exist happily with someone who is actively using/abusing. When we cut out alcohol, we see things a lot clearer. I sympathise because I have this neighbor who has latched on to me. He keeps coming with home-brew wine - so he can legitimately keep filling his glass. I watched him last time, before Easter, increasingly slurring his words, getting alternately ridiculously sentimental (about me) and derogatory (about others). It was absolutely abhorrent to me. I only say this because you have mentioned illogical behaviour in your partner, Action - but now you are sober (massive well done) - you see behaviours for what they are. I really feel for you - and support your decision. Like you say - he's not far away, and you can maintain the good stuff/friendship but shake off the worry of having to look after him (is he able to look after himself or will this have repercussions re drug dosages etc???)

We are back to home office until next update 12th April. Max 2 persons allowed to visit (that's OK, sad git that I am I don't get many visitors...).
I'm asked to teach on a boat expedition, but it would involve 10 days in a quarantine guest house (unpaid) on top of a very badly paid assignment (but its something I love doing). Need to take decision soon - if they allow home quarantine it may be do-able (I live in the sticks so I'd only have to get the shop to deliver groceries). Hmmm - would I be allowed to have my kids home?? If not I'd have to send them to their dads for well over 3 weeks (10 day assignment plus 4 days travel (taking the survey boat not plane due to the airport risks) and 10 day quarantine)!!
He won't reply or take a decision (he hates committments until the last minute - grrr). So I can't answer them, but they need an answer - if I can't they need another teacher. So once more - father of my kids causes stress, indecision and makes me look like a dithering fool. i don't want to leave the kids that long, but my daughter encourages me to go. It really is a seldom chance to go see/work in some very otherwise inaccessible areas!

To do
1. work
2. more work
3. follow up above issues
4. deliver a report to quality assurance
5. local (online) steering committee meeting
6. Feed son
7. allow myself 30 mins knitting (starting the sleeve of my jumper)
8. Go to bed early (maybe change bedding first - ahhh lovely).

[DannyD]

Luna. Don't ask their father, tell him they're coming. He's a parent, not a child minder.

[Luna_]

Ha ha, Danny. Such remarks are exactly why I need you
You are right - I get anxious each holiday - a month or even two, I ask can we discuss who goes where, when. no answer, no answer. He lets me send 4-5 mails/sms's and still no answer - but then pops up the day before with his (and new partner's) plans. All conviviality. And oooh , I forgot to answer etc etc. all bullshit, he is passive aggressive (taught by his mother - make a "pigs ear" of things and others flock around to do it for him. He got a job in my company and he (ab)uses his charms in precisely the same way (he is ALWAYS late with things - leaves everything to the last minute - apparently unaware that others are starting to worry - so when he delivers it at last minute - others have to drop everything to do their parts. Like "oohh - you said absolute latest deadline was tuesday - well I did deliver it - see - it's marked 23:47 - what's the problem??)

You are right. I will start deciding what I want - and tell him. However, he puts choices over to the kids (which I disagree with - he has treated daughter like his partner since we split - what do you think XXX? Shall we have XXX? for dinner?? Do you want to go to mums next week? Do you want XXX? She grew up unfortunately ruling the roost there, which is not good for someone with Tourettes - because when she comes to me asnd I have more of a regulated attitude, eg to restricting screen-time, helping around the house - then I am the BIG BADDIE.

I'm glad the kids are older now - one has her own bedsit and the other is nearly 14 and a general happy chappie whatever (except when I limit gaming time, then he turns into a raving monster because his dad has no limits - so when he comes to me the next week he is seriously sleep-deprived and sour...).

Scuse the rant...

To Do.
Start being more assertive and stop letting other people dictate my life and decisions/opportunities
Thanks Danny. I hope you are well. Sorry for not mentioning you above

[Mark.]

Luna, please for forgive me for jumping in but when I was in my late teens and my parents went on holiday and left me alone, I'd initially think: "Yaass! I can do what I want, go where I like, and stay up till I choose. Brilliant!"

But always after about a week I'd start to really miss them and all the things they provided for me on a daily basis without me realising, especially a sense of structure to my life.

Anyway, I was just thinking that a lengthier-than-normal stay at their father's might make your children realise that his laissez-faire attitude isn't all it's cracked up to be. They might begin to appreciate a little more all that you do for them?

Anyway, I hope you go on the trip - it sounds fun!

and to all to-doers!

[Luna_]

Thanks so much, Danny and Mark
It wasn't that I didn't want to leave kids - but I have to get father's consent that it's "convenient" for him to take them outwith his "regular schedule". I mean - it's corona-times - what the f* has he got planned now??

Thanks to your encouragement - I have taken initiative today and made some decisions and "dun" some actions. Father didn't answer phone or sms so i just went ahead. I will tell him I'll set my pals Danny and Mark on him if he kicks up a fuss!

So - I got a chat with our county doctor in charge of infection prevention. She will testify to me doing home quarantine where I live (I live in the sticks and we have 0 infections in our county municipality - which is just a bunch of islands, really). So dog and i can live happily for those 10 days quarantine.

Son is allowed to live with me - because there is 0 infection at their school and they don't interact outside school. Not daughter though because she lives in town 5 days a week. But she surprisingly became my biggest supporter - and said - Mom - you have to do this. I'm so proud of having a mom that gets jobs like these!!

We don't have home grocery delivery services - but I have 2 freezers and dried milk for when we run out of fresh stuff. No biggie at all for 10 days.

So after 10 days home quarantine, I can get a test and then go straight on to the ship - 3 days transit - yey - good food and a nice cabin with a desk etc. Can do lots of work - and no housework!! Then the students come aboard (they all do their 10 days in bedsits at the base). And then 12 days at sea - crossing 80 degrees North if possible, depends on ice. BTW I hope this doesn't sound like bragging - but, ahem, I live quite north as it is, and many live at 78 degrees, so what's "normal" and what is exotic is a matter of perception. I find it exotic to see photos of daffodils in April!!

But oh my - I may just have to invest in a new camera (been putting that off for about a decade..).

THANK YOU; THANK YOU - folks for putting some wind under my wings regarding kids and their father - and now I got a great opportunity

To do:
Get advice on cameras

[Mark.]

I will tell him I'll set my pals Danny and Mark on him if he kicks up a fuss!

You do that!

But she surprisingly became my biggest supporter - and said - Mom - you have to do this. I'm so proud of having a mom that gets jobs like these!!

That's really lovely, Luna

I'm glad you got so much done! Our Rachel might know a bit about cameras...

[Rachel]

That sounds amazing, Luna!

Last day of hols for me (I took two extras) and I have been labouring quite hard in the garden (did just over 3 hours, digging things up, weeding, potting things on pricking out, watering etc.) One raised bed is ready for soil from the old beds to go in it. We went to fetch wood for the other one but as they are cutting it for us, it won't be ready 'til Friday?! Concrete man comes on Saturday...
Have also done various adminy things (vet's, eurotunnel) two loads of washing, cleaned the upstairs loo and sink, picked and chopped rhubarb off plant I have transplanted and something else... my brain is mush. I am shattered.
I am a bit worried about the rest of the week. I have a lot of work work to do (plus more garden prep.) I did clear my email inbox earlier so I can hit the ground running tomorrow. My head has been half at work, alas.
I have eaten chocolate. Need to get back on the diet which isn't really working. Hoping today's exertions counteract the chocolate (and a small piece of brack but no other food.)

I am always happy to talk cameras and lenses and indeed all things photography

I hope everyone else's day has gone ok.

[Luna_]

I am really sorry for dominating the thread yesterday But thanks again Mark and Danny. Had I not said YES yesterday, they would have asked someone else.

Rachel, I hope you feel better today - some days are just bleurgh. I also am struggling with work work
Action, dear - how are things?

Councilpop, serend, Pickles and all other do-ers

to do: catch up with work


Have a great day, do-ers.

[DannyD]

Hey, some days I'm last in, then first the next morning. It's not hogging.

Getting off to a late start, as I was waiting for a phone call (before lunch). Seems unlikely to happen now, so

To do
Walk dog
Bank cheque
Shop
Cook dinner. Cauliflower cheese? Maybe.

Waving

[serend]

Luna, well done! sounds like a great trip and you needed a wee push to go for it, look at the support from your daughter as well, good news!

Danny I liked that you wrote a to do list and lost it haha think I will do same today.

Rachel you sound hugely busy!!

Hello to CP Pickles Action Mark and anyone else who is around.

Recovered from the vaccine this morning, thankfully just a day of discomfort. Feeling very happy NOT to be feeling bad.

To do
Some exercise and lots of steps as well as taking vitamins and drinking more water. Helps the mind feel stronger
Maybe some yoga and meditation if time

[pickles]

Hi Luna , that does sound a good trip, and you should go ,and not have to ‘Can I ,Can’t I ?’ about it . The father must do his duty and look after his children ,you’ve done so much for him . Your children sound more at ease when they are with you,you are a credit to them . I wonder if you have ever seen ‘our Yorkshire farm’ about a couple with 9 children who take care of the animals,etc . I have on,y seen snippets but that’s how I imagine you to be ,get the kids outside and not hunkered down in their rooms, which is what it sounds like when they go to their dad’s .

Well done on your gardening Rachel .. I’m just excited to see pepper seedlings coming up and thinking I must do something with them . Unfortunately junior chewed on the carrot seedlings ,I had already got them going .. tomatoe plant is decinding what to do, I revived a primula,but the easiest of all are the geraniums which I’ve taken cuttings . The garden was looking nice and then it snowed and it’s cold again . What odd weather .

Daughter went to her lessons today.. I went to jaw hospital where they see it’s not quite going as they hoped ,so now I have to put in elastic on my left side each night to pull jaw in . Four weeks this should take .I had the pin out from the back today, that’s already some relief .

Anyway, Danny ,Action,Mark , serend council pop ,little acorn ,hope all ok too .

[Luna_]

Hey Danny -how did your day go yesterday?
Serend - glad you are recovering from the vaccine - one more tiny step towards global immunity - we hope!!
Pickles and Serend - thanks both for your kind comments. Yes, I did need some support and now I'm feeling good about it.
Pickles - I'm sorry you are still having troubles with your jaw. But you are being amazingly pragmatic about it all.. Thanks for kind words re kids and farm - actually I think the same of you - you are so understanding and patient and supportive of your daughter
Re gardening .... hmmm - we were just beginning to think that we soon will see the first bare patches on low-lying ground, but then it also suddenly snowed quite a lot again - seems to be the case for half of Europe... Poor you guys who already started gardening and sprouting..
I am laughing here because people actually start using snow-blowers on their gardens to speed up the process - otherwise, we don't see lawns etc until June haha!
Rachel - have you managed to reduce or get control of all the issues that were giving you stress? Sometimes making a list and "de-prioritising" some of the items and reducing it to manageable, time-boxed units is quite helpful (I find).
Action, Mark, councilpop, acorn

Dun
Sent son off to school (and then to dads for rest of week) with a great lunchbox - a slice of quiche (hope it is ok after being in the freezer - I made a huge one and froze sections of it for lunches etc) and a sliced-up (also homemade) bread roll with guacamole on it (I had 2 avocados in fridge that I was "saving" for a "special occasion" with kids over easter, but then forgot them - so had to turn them into guac and now I'm left with a pot of it and am on my own... wonder if it would freeze???. Naaah - come on Luna. Just eat it. It's delicious!!

To do
1. Work. Lots of it. From home office. As usual...
2. Take inspiration from Serend and try some yoga (I have become so inflexible I think the term yoga would be stretching it a bit (oops no pun intended) - but have to start somewhere eh?
3. Ask Rachel about cameras

[DannyD]

I've been watching programmes on hoarders and de cluttering. And then I look at my house.

To do
Walk dog
Shop for milk on way home
Declutter front room (really means 'move stuff into a different place.")

Hope it's warmer today.

Faith enjoy your boat trip

Pickles you do have an awful lot of patience when you have so many personal medical problems.

Rachel I hope all your seedlings have survived this cold snap. I'm about to sow more sweet peas.

Waving

[Rachel]

Evening. Sorry to hear about your jaw, Pickles.
There is plenty of time to resow carrots.
Danny, my seedlings are either in the lean to or in cold frames. I think they are ok. I put fleece on top of young plants and less hardy perennials too. not sure if my dahlias have survived anyway. They have had bubble wrap jackets on all winter. Sweet peas seem ok. Main problem with them is snails. They are ready to plant out. (Apart from an experimental batch sown outside in a cold frame which have all been eaten.) I will need to get compost... they are going in 30l pots.

I've had a hectic couple of days. Trying to squeeze a week's work into three days, basically. I am feeling stressed and it's not helped by the fact that I can't relax on Saturday as it's Concrete (greenhouse) Foundation Day. I am a bit stressed by that in itself? I still need to dig up and replant rhubarb and I will need to clear anything out of the lean to that can be damaged when he brings the equipment down it - so lots of seedlings, grow lights, plus any crap that's in the way and the litter tray (which usually contains crap... ) before Saturday morning. The latter is not a massive deal, and no point in doing it until tomorrow evening but don't like it hanging over me.

It's husband's birthday on Saturday too, so feel a bit guilty it's happening on that day.

Husband got vaccine no. 2 today and so did my mother (hers was not supposed to happen until the 21st.) Latter means I can start off the POA process sooner. (She needs someone to visit her.)

Serend, council pop, Action

[Rachel]

p.s. Basil now has a clean bill of health! Phew.

[Luna_]

Hurrah for Basil

[Action]

Morning Everyone,

Wow! Sounds like you have some exciting time ahead Luna. Go Girl, I’m so pleased for you. It sounds quite brave to me, but then you have always struck me as someone with belief in yourself, even when the going gets tough. I remember the discussion about your name change to Faith2be...I think I suggested it but ...who’d trust an alcoholics memory? I probably just agreed with someone!

Pickles ... your ability to remain positive about your various health issues is just astounding. Hats off to you! I’m so glad that they were able to remove the pin in your jaw, to provide you with some relief. Are you able to eat more solids now or are you still restricted to soft foods?

Rachel ... crikey you have an exciting day on Saturday to look forward to. Are you planning anything with your husband for his birthday. I suppose you will have to postpone any excursion until Sunday so you can oversee the foundation. Are you doing to cook a wonderful meal? It might be a nice distraction from all the activity in the garden. Good to hear Basil has been given the all clear. That must be such a relief. Good news about your husbands and mums 2nd vaccine - I hope they do not experience any rotten side effects.

I use Slug Gone, which is a wool pellet. It acts as a barrier and also a fertiliser as it has lots of goodies in it. I use it on my hostas and tomatoes (and they remain completely untouched). It’s very easy to use and animal friendly. Here’s a link

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vitax-Ltd-Slug ... 378&sr=8-9


Good to hear from you Serend. Glad you’re over the vaccine I still haven’t started my yoga practice yet!

I love those programmes about hoarders Danny. They have such individual reasons... grief, insecurity, addiction - it’s fascinating.

Well all is okay here. I actually went to a nursery and a grocery store yesterday afternoon. It was fabulous and the best thing was I didn’t feel nervous. The grocery store was slightly harder because it was more enclosed but it was such a joy to get out! Hopefully my partner can start making plans to go home. I am looking forward to having the space. Do you know, for the last three nights he has been in his man cave until the early hours and not eaten his dinner. Just surviving on cider and medication I guess. I have no idea how’s that’s all going as he insisted he was in control of his meds...he takes way over his prescription level. God knows what the doctor would think if he knew he was drinking 6 litres of cider a day as well. I feel like a double failure because I haven’t been able to help him and he doesn’t want to be here. Ouch ouch. At least he’s being pleasant now he’s in charge of his meds. That’s one thing I guess.

Things to do
Walk missy
Ring dad
Bake blackberry and apple pies
Washing
Some future planning

You know when you get that feeling that you should be doing something but you haven’t got a clue ...

Have a lovely day all

[pickles]

Morning to doers.. that’s great , Rachel , about Basil . Many more 9 lives for him !

Danny , hoarding . We have a lot to get rid of , well I want to , but OH doesn’t . I even started to sneak bags of clothes out when lockdown restrictions were easing , first time round . Still have a couple of bags to rid . But I would like to get rid of some things that really aren’t needed anymore. OH wants to go when the tip is free , at the moment you have to pay .. but there are still talks about it on being for free ....
Hope you are doing ok today .

Action , phew that’s a lot of cider . I hope your partner will be ok when he eventually does go back home . It’s a worry for you . I guess it’s good he is taking his meds . But alcohol and meds are a different matter .
My OH ordered more booze . Why ? Because it was on offer ! It was delivered yesterday. I said if he wanted it , he should answer the door ... the box was a picture of bottles. If I had picked it up , I would have felt all eyes on me .... ‘ ah , she’s drinking again ...’ paranoia android.

Luna , I like faithtobe, faith, it was you , keep the faith etc , but I like Luna . Luna is the moon , bright and light , with the stars , strong good feeling . Powerful and in control . But of course it’s your name , just my thoughts . Your avatar shows who’s boss too !

Serend, I’m back on my bike in the evening , looking at snippets of Michael macintire ( can’t spell ) or some comedy , or music . Take my time as still need to be careful after stomach op , but I’m doing a bit of yoga ( if you can call it that ) too . And lifting weights again , well the dogs are weights too , so that counts . Being careful though . I usually do this when OH is still in his man cave/office or he’s watching some war programe .
Hope your day will go ok .

CP , how are you ?

This morning , OH and me had a meeting at daughter’s hospital. We had to write the what we are good at , what we can improve on and what we wish for .. it was quite tricky , what we wish for for our daughter is friends and independence. Family time was one , sitting together was another as she is not sitting with us at meal times at the moment ..

OH put down being a control freak ( as a good thing !) and he was proudly telling the doctor he likes being in control, telling us what to do .. I spoke up and said it gets a bit much .. he said yes well , ‘I have to with you ‘ , kind of made me feel hmmm . But for example daughter and I can play monopoly or a simple card game .. if OH joins in it can turn into an argument and then daughter gets flustered ..

Yesterday for example, I had to go into town , couldn’t find a parking spot close to the place , so walked . I then did a bit of food shopping and wanted to take my time . When I looked at my phone , I had 5 text messages asking where I was , how long I’d be , what I was doing .. this is what I was trying to explain to the doctor, that since OH is home he is checking.. ‘I’m not checking..’ he says .

Other things were filled out , then daughter will see it on her next appointment and the idea is she will add her thoughts . Eek..

Done : successfully cleaning junior’s teeth .. although he was too relaxed, he nearly fell off the washing machine !! Hairy dog was shivering whilst I attempted to clean hers , she has since run outside , come back in and given me a ‘hmmph’ look . She’s ok . Younger dog , it’s useless with her .

To do , hopefully get out in the garden later .

Hope it’s a good day


Edit: RIP Prince Phillip