The To Do List

[swordgirl.]

Morning Everyone
I’m so sorry to hear about Lily's illness Rachel. That is really upsetting especially coming at this time. I’m hoping for the best for her Snails and slugs…I know they serve a purpose but I’m not a fan. It’s good to hear you had a bit of a distraction by going into work and nice you have a friend there.

Jake, the NA sounds interesting. I am glad to hear that it has been useful. I don’t have discord but I will look into it. I haven’t been together enough to do any online support but perhaps I need to make the effort as I haven’t been to my CGL group for weeks, I’m just so busy that I feel I can’t really spare time in the day for a group that is not that helpful at the end of the day. It makes me feel impatient. Everyone is at different stages varying from still using to abstinent, why it’s a good idea to put them all together I don’t know. I am happy to provide support but I don’t think it really works.

Hey Luna

I am drowning in work and I don’t know how I am going to get everything done because it is all equally urgent. I have a video counselling session again today, not sure if this will be the last one or second to last unless she decides I need more sessions. I feel as if I haven’t really dug down deep. Perhaps I’m just going to have to that work by myself/with friends. I’ve also got a call with this woman who is some kind of health support person as an interim before I start going to this group. I said I would eat more fruit and veg and walk more. I haven’t really. Think I will try and squeeze in a walk now! Then I can truthfully say I’ve done about 3 in the last couple of weeks

Sending greetings to all - Pickles, Action, Serend, Danny and all

[Rachel]

Morning.

Sounds like you are throwing yourself into things, Jake. I think that like many 'institutions' AA type things are often rendered less palatable by the people who attend them more than what they 'teach'. I could ignore the God thing (I have some faith but was not happy dragging God into it) but there are people who treat AA itself as a religion and that bothered me a lot. I resisted going to meetings at first, but my counsellor said just go and take what you can from it. You don't need to do the steps or have a sponsor if you don't want to. So that's what I did. For a while (nearly two years) it really did help. I suppose it also helps to think that one is actively doing something.

Swordie sorry you are so overwhelmed by work. Difficult when there is no obvious order of priority.

I am going to see Lily this afternoon and have an in-depth talk with the vet about where to go from here. Lily did eat in the night, at least. Appetite stimulants finally kicking in.
I am feeling very very anxious. Reading the news has pretty much tipped me over. I will perhaps go and plant my peas. It might help. I need to stop myself looking at the news, probably. I am rationing myself to avoid obsessively looking at it multiple times a day as I am inclined to do.
Husband will be back very late today or the early hours of tomorrow.

[Rachel]

I've done stuff (primarily as a distraction).
Put lots of plants out to harden off... and brought back in again.
planted out peas (not that many plants. About a dozen. Need more.) To do: put some slug deterrent down. Put some netting up (can't find so have ordered more
cleared one of my shady raised beds. (V easy. It was full but really only 6 overgrown and flowering brassicas so easy to pull up. Shallow roots.)
watered bottom garden
hacked some bluebells back. They need digging up but in the meantime hacking them back reduces places for snails and slugs to lurk and gives light and air to the plants they were choking.
A (very) little more weeding.
One washing load done and put out.
rearranged plants in the lean to, and took down grow lights.
and I know this sounds crazy/bad but put some tap water in the small water buts by the greenhouse. Saves taking the hosepipe (100ft) down there all the time.

I should have done some work, but I have a deadline. Just meet that as best I can? It's the end of the month, but of course I will be out of action for some of next week.

ok so off to the vet's in a bit. After that... I just don't know. I am probably not going to feel great.

[swordgirl.]

Hi Everyone
Rachel

Nothing much getting done here. Work is hard. Got a very sensitive and time sensitive situation that I need to ideally find a solution to today. I have all the responsibility but the control over what will happen lies elsewhere. I might try and pop into the peer support group.

Hi to all, hope you are all ok

[Jake.]

Good morning Swordie! I'm sure you'll find a solution to the problem and work things through. One more day until you can relax. The peer support meeting sounds good. My last 4 weeks worth have been cancelled at cgl and i don't blame you for missing some. Like you say, they can be hit and miss.

Rachel, you've certainly been keeping yourself busy. I think you are right about AA. I have not got anything to lose and should give it a chance. For once in my life conceptualising Alcoholism as disease and addiction makes sense. Well, more sense than it did to a liberal sociology student full of debate and challenging perspectives. I am thinking of Lily and wishing for the best. If you feel quiet it's understandable

Have a lovely friday all. I'll try and post over the weekend

J

[Rachel]

Oh you did sociology, Jake! I am going to be working on a sociology book for children/teenagers.

Swordie I hope you managed to sort your conundrum out. Sounds very tricky.

Took Basil to the vet's this morning and brought both him and Lily home. He is on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories and has to go back in a week.

Lily is getting worse rather than stabilizing so I am afraid she has come home to die. It's (I am) desperately sad. I don't know, I don't feel how I should - how perhaps if I would if my mother hadn't just died. It's almost as if the Lily thing is taking up some of my grief for my mother, and I feel almost numb but not quite. At times it's really unbearable. No doubt lots of things are going on in my subconscious and it will all come out at some point, but hopefully not in some big collapse as it did with my father.
While it's hard to contemplate going back to 'normal' activity after the funeral even without the Lily situation, part of me wants to. I think it's going to be difficult in the coming weeks.

I have to say that after going to see Lily yesterday, I had my first 'I could do wtih a drink' thoughts. Nothing to worry about. All it really means is 'I wish the way I am feeling could be taken away'. Surprised it took this long, really. I will reiterate, I am so glad I don't drink.

Anyway I have several types of medication for Lily. She does not have them in great quantities - I suspect because the vet thinks she will not be around for much longer. Could be days, but could be longer. We will take her back to the vet's when we are away for the funeral as there is no way a cat sitter could medicate her. Not sure we will be able to... I don't want to distress her further but they are things to make her comfortable and pain free so we may have to.

Sorry for radiating sadness. I could say very facetiously, that my one and only perhaps bright spot this week is discovering the perfect knickers it's been a decade-long quest....

Oh and another, albeit still death-related, but nevertheless positive thing is that my mother's neighbour has nearly finished the bench he has made out of the the bookshelves (that my father made in the '60s) we had to cut in half to get equipment in for my mother. It's lovely. Need to think of words for a small plaque - now a memorial to both my parents. It will go on a communal patch of grass that is in the cul de sac where her house is.

[Trojan]

Rachel, that's hard news to get about Lily. It's nice that your parents will be remembered by their close neighbours

[Mark.]

from me too, Rachel. I'm very sorry to hear about Lily. As Trojan says, though, that is lovely about the memorial bench.

[Rachel]

Thanks, both.

[Rachel]

Morning. It's really lovely out. Sunny, and quiet apart from the sound of birdsong*. I can hear twittering goldfinches (I never see them out the back but there are loads out the front) amonsgt other things - promises to be quite hot. I have already:
put about 10 trays of seedlings outside to harden off. Goodness knows when I am going to have the time to plant them out, which I really need to do... or pot on. Might as well plant out Any budding garden designers on here? I am rubbish at this but I do have an exel spread sheet with their height and spread info.
medicated Basil (2 big tablets of antibiotics divided into 4 and put inside treats and a squirt of liquid anti-inflammatory.) He is such a good boy. I realize he is going to have to miss a dose when we go away. Maybe two. Will consult the vet on that.

to do: Lily. I think we might have to do this the unpleasant way. She is not going for treats.
repeat all of this with both of them At least it's only for a week with B. Lily has 1 thing twice a day, 1 thing once a day and another thing as required.

Finish off my mum's tribute. I really need to ring one of her friends to check a fact. Waiting for husband's input. I have asked him repeatedly not to be mean as he usually is when I foolishly ask him to look at my writing. I hope he doesn't go the other way. I really need constructive criticism.
* put bird food out! As soon as I have finished my already tepid coffee.
Bring all the above plants in.
Water garden.
Put pet-friendly slug stuff down among the broad beans. I am wary even of pet friendly but there is no way a cat can among the broad beans. They really are being savaged by gastopods. A pity as they were big healthy plants. I have had a few beans already and they were really nice - not at all bitter as they can be.
maybe plant some things out that I have bought.
Don't buy more plants apart from maybe sweet peas and only then not unless I am willing to plant up today or tomorrow.
get out of the house. And/or do some gardening for a bit of escape.

I hope everyone has a good day.

[Jake.]

Sorry to hear about Lily. Bless her. I bet your garden will look wonderful in this weather.

I am doing a shift as OT tonight. I’ve been sleeping awfully lately, went a whole night without sleep and it ruined me at work last night. Off for lunch at parents tomorrow then off to a local ‘festival’ type event.

Have a lovely day all x

[Rachel]

Sorry about the sleep, Jake. That's rotten. I do hope you manage to sleep better after work tonight.

[swordgirl.]

Morning Peeps
So sorry about Lily it’s not nice but thank goodness she and Basil have an owner who is caring for them in the best was possible.

Jake - commiserations on the sleep front. I so sympathise, sleep deprivation is the worst. I really need to get a grip on mine, it’s all over the place. Waking multiple times in the night, waking up early feeling tired and unrefreshed is getting me down.

I got to day 180 yesterday. Quite chuffed about that. Officially 6 months tomorrow.

To do today - just try and manage my maelstrom of a house. So tired

[Rachel]

Well done, Swordie. A massive achievement.

Don't try to do too much if you are tired. Maybe one little thing?

I had a very interrupted night mainly because of cats. Basil is hissing at Lily. I don't think he will attack her but it's a bit of a worry. Anyway he was being a pain last night and I was woken up twice by him doing this. I had put Lily on my bed last night when I went up to read (she is struggling to walk) and she stayed for ages, purring, but Basil kept jumping up. He is upset by it all. She came downstairs to eat when I got up to feed them at 7. She can move if she needs to... I am wondering what will happen with toileting as she gets worse. I know many would have her put down now, but while I can still make her purr... I don't think she is in pain (she has painkillers).

I have been feeling very low and panicky since I woke up. The funeral looms, and Lily. I think tomorrow, on my own, will be difficult. We travel up on Tuesday. After will be difficult too. There is a sense that everything should snap back to near normal, but it's not going to.

[Jake.]

Well done Swordie that’s great.

I wonder why Basil is hissing at Lily. At least you know she has a quality of life with the purring. Bless her.

I’m up early (for me). Lunch at parents. Speak soon x

[DannyD]

Hello friends.

Sorry. Been AWOL for a while. Life galloping away.

Rachel I am so sorry to read about your news. The funeral. I expect a lot of your mother's friends would want to attend, but may not because of age restrictions. I am sure you know that they will all miss her. It never rains but it pours. Lily. I expect Basil is pre emptying how much he'll miss her - may even be telling her. I hope your husband can be supportive through all this. If he can't, I think we have to sometimes remember that it's sometimes a person's nature not to do something, and they can't change. One can't expect a dog to behave like a cat and vice versa.

Sleep. SW have you thought about sleep apnea? A CPAP machine might make a difference to the quality of sleep.

I've been having 'resigning' type discussions at work. I think if I retired, I would do nothing, become a recluse (die my hair multiple colours, like unicorn vomit), but at the same time, I am getting very tired at work. I've done this particular job since 2003. My house manager knows me better than any one (not being emotionally involved, he can see straight through me!) I know. Our MD has given me tickets,for a show at the end of October. Totally unexpected present. I told him it was my 70th birthday, and he agreed that he knew. Isn't that amazing?

I'm also trying to get my head into selling up here and moving to the west country, nearer to one of my daughters. Except it's further away from everything I've known for the last 40 years. I don't want my children to have a distance-to-visit problem. Last summer I was taken into hospital with breathing problems (bad asthma), which meant one of the girls dropped everything to rush up (caused it's own problems. On the spare bed was a blanket I'd made for her. I was texting my lovely neighbour to rush round and Move The Blanket. Not really what you want to be concentrating on when you're rushed into hospital).

Working this evening, then I have a day off tomorrow. My garden Jjjjj, is a jungle to compete with the Amazon. I have hayfields, brambles, nettles, itchy grass (and oh boy, does it itch). Well done on a new gardener Rachel. I need to find someone who knows what they're doing, not just a jobbing labourer.

Waving to everyone.

[Mark.]

My garden Jjjjj, is a jungle to compete with the Amazon. I have hayfields, brambles, nettles, itchy grass (and oh boy, does it itch)

Lovely to see you, D! I'm beginning to get somewhere with the garden. It's beginning to look like A Project Underway, rather than an abandoned quarry. I really have OH's filming to thank for kickstarting me, but it's all good because my sister and family are visiting in a couple of weeks.

I think that's lovely of the MD to have remembered your Big Birthday. I hope you enjoy the show when it comes!

and to everyone else too!

[DannyD]

I think that's lovely of the MD to have remembered your Big Birthday. I hope you enjoy the show when it comes!


[/quote]

It's for The Proclaimers and friends.

[Mark.]

It's for The Proclaimers and friends.

Cool! I think that will be a great gig. Enjoy, D

[Mark.]

Congratulations, Swordie!

Six months today!
Very well done!