Anxiety / Alcohol

[Nikki182]

Firstly, I'm sorry if I've put this in the wrong place, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest.

My partner of 2 years has just finished with me because of my drinking. I don't drink every day, but when I do I drink a LOT. It's like I don't know when to stop and I normally end up making a fool of myself in the process.

I've recently gone back to work after 6 weeks off with anxiety/depression. I'm seeing my doctor every few weeks and am currently on Citalopram (20mgs) daily. I've been for an assessment with a counsellor who has said that I'm capable of dealing with this on my own. I just can't see how!

I suppose I drink to calm me down, if I've had a stressful day or am feeling uptight, then a glass of wine or three will usually make me feel better. It also makes me less self concious about my body. I used to self harm a lot a while ago and the thought that my partner has to look at my scars disgusts me.

How can I convince my partner that I'm trying to sort myself out? How do I even start sorting this whole mess out? He hates me right now, and I hate myself for letting things get this bad. I told my counsellor and my doctor that my drinking is under control, but I really don't think it is.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble x x

[Cheryl]

Hi NIKKI,
Firstly Welcome,
You have a very similar story to another member who I am sure will be in touch,
I think that as it has become a problem between you and your bf,then it is a problem! Its easy for anyone to say go away and deal with this on your own...thats a big help!
There are a lot on here who would just like to cut down,some want or have found they need to stop,what are your true feelings on this?
Do you have a plan? and importantly could you stop if you wanted too?
I will wait for your reply,please keep posting,we really do understand and do try to help...

[Nikki182]

Thanks for the reply

In an ideal world I'd like to be able to go out and have a few drinks, and know when to stop. I can't seem to be able to do this though, so I guess giving up completely is my only option. I promised myself today I'd stop (after everything kicked off last night) but as I type this I've got a glass of cider next to me. I don't even know why cos I don't even like the stuff! Probably because I'm feeling anxious at the moment, but that just sounds like an excuse to me.

I'm so confused!!

[Tessa]

Hi Nikki
I cant really understand how anyone could say that you can deal with this on your own, but anyway, apparently they do, but that is not correct, you need support and i think you will find that here. So that said, please read the past couple of days daily threads, and also the SOS thread, they are the 2 that i know have posts from other recent newcomers and you will see that they felt right at home and made some amazing changes in just a couple of days this week. I really would stress that you read them, so that you can see this forum does help, its not a cure, and makes not promises, other than lots of advice, understanding, hugs and plenty of laughter as well. Those are our promises.

I also want to be able to just get the drinking under control, and so that is my personal goal, but there are a variety of goals here. My only suggestion for if you want to cut down and get back to being a social drinker, is to firstly reduce going out, not easy, but detrimental to the initial stage of this cutting down business. Secondly, do the hour by hour thing i am doing. Check the clock, say ok, i can deal with another hour, and then push it as far as you can, i find the later i start drinking, the less i drink in the end. Have a plan for the evening, if having a couple of glasses of wine is part of it, ok, but then you need a plan for after that. Mine is: tidy up the flat/house a bit, get the bed all nice and cosy, then watch the box in bed, if poss. oh and not to forget the pjs, very important, as its just not ok to drink booze in lovely ol pjs! So they are very important. Get all cosy and put the bottle away when you feel its enough. Then make a nice cup of herbal tea or whatever kind of tea, or hot milk with honey....whatever does the job, and relax....part of our problem is relaxing, we think we can only relax with wine/alcohol, but once we try without, we really see, god its easy to relax with a nice mag or book as well.
Hope this helps, dont be confused, now you are in a place where everyone feels the same more-or-less.
Tessa xx

[Anna]

hi Nikki,

Ditto everthing Tessa said. It really helps to just be kind to yourself: keep yourself safe and cosy, don't beat yourself up over things and just try and get better.

Lovely to have you here,

Anna.x

[Mike]

Hi Nikki

You have it all worked out. You don't really need any advice. First the anxitety, then the alcohol.

We are anxious fearful types, we over-drinkers. We find that alcohol is very effective in taking the edge off our anxiety, so we take more and more of our medicine until we are pissed. Then we wake the next morning and if we are able, we use our work to suppress the anxiety, but at the end of the day the worries force their way back to the surface and we need our alcoholic medicine again. And so it goes on. The years pass and we are still pissed, most nights, most weekends. Somehow we manage to function, God knows how.

Eventually something happens to make us think "Why am I doing this to myself ?" So what can we do about it ? Should we cut down or stop ?

The question is "Shall I pace myself hour by hour, timing my next drink ?" Hanging on for dear life ? White knuckles ? Not for me. Couldn't do it.

How about not drinking one day at a time? Day by day, one day at a time, abstaining from booze with no thought of re-starting. That's more my style. I can cope with that. Difficult at first . The anxiety gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better, to the extent that you no longer need to treat it with alcohol because it isn't there any more. Please try and prove me wrong.

Good luck, Mike.

[Tessa]

Mike
I would like to comment on your description of the "hour by hour" method i am using. it is NOT my way of hanging on for dear life, and it does NOT result in White Knuckles. I am rather offended at that description of it. I have been struggling for a few months now with opening wine during the day, and i wont go into the reasons again of why or how this began. What I WOULD like to say is that I have managed with the hour by hour method to stop this mid-day drinking habit, so I therefore only suggest it to people as another route. I do NOT sit there timing my next drink, again, i am offended that you see it this way as it is completely incorrect. I am extremely proud of myself for getting this far, and dont want to have to read non-encouraging comments like that, or disrespect for any method that works for people. As i dont write non-encouraging things of the method you chose, the AA, please dont do this to any other methods either. I also dont tell others "oh no, that method would not be for me!" Thats negative and not the point of this forum. Share the experiences you had because they are useful and important, but please dont judge others methods or put them down whilst doing this.
Thanks.
Tessa

[Nikki182]

Thanks for all your replies. I'm scouting this website for lots of ideas and coping methods, so hopefully I'll be able to find one that's right for me.

I think it's definitely over with the fella, we've argued about my drinking before, but it's never been this bad. I suppose I've been in denial all this time and never realised how much damage it could cause. I've lost the most important person in my life, and that sucks

[farrel]

HI Tessa
I have not tried your hour by hour method yet because as you know i am planning this out (,a suggestion i picked up from one of your own posts)however when i do join in the bunny/buck fest on Sunday this will be my next plan of action which will cover the seven days, i was thinking this morning that if this 7 day plan finishes on the following Sunday and i am trying to cut down or even out on midweek drinking then i need a new plan to start for the monday , this will then i have decided be your hour by hour plan , so all going well i am all planned out and with the help of all you guys i know i will manage.
take care Farrel

[sue]

Tessa, I really don't think Mike was putting down your method of reducing alcohol. I think he was just saying how he felt he couldn't do it. I too don't think I could cut down, well initially I could and have but eventually its crept back up again. Does anyone know of anyone who has gone from an alcoholic/problem drinker to a "social" drinker by cutting down. I have to say, I don't. But maybe we all work in different ways.

[Tessa]

Hi Farrel
Thats perfect that you are all planned out its very important to have a plan of action, so I will cheer you on for the bunny challenge and then after that if you feel the hour by hour would be the next step, go for it, its worth a try. I can share tips on that one with you!
I hope you like carrots cos although i am not participating in the bunny/buck challenge, i said i would provide the carrots....if not.....any other preferences?
Stay strong...

Hi Sue, long time no hear, hope you are well. I did feel that his comments were a tad negative on my hour by hour thing, sorry, but am gonna have to stick to that. I didnt note any positive comments on it anyway.

"Shall I pace myself hour by hour, timing my next drink ?" Hanging on for dear life ? White knuckles ?

That is an incorrect description for what I am trying out, and timing my next drink is also a false description of it, and I dont describe AA as i have no experience there, so cant describe or voice an opinion on something i am not familiar with, therefore my comments.

Tessa xx

[Mike]

Hi Tessa.
I didn't mean to be rude about your method of cutting down. I'm sure it works for you. Well done. This is the type of approach BE must be looking for. I hope it works for others. I'm afraid it didn't work for me and there may be other people like me (heaven forbid) who find the same thing. It could save them time to try abstinence.

Your method didn't work for me. I tried it. I tried other methods too. I tried not drinking spirits. Switching to half pints of lager. I never sat down. I was always at the bar queuing for the next half. I drank enormous amounts in half pints. Didn't cut down at all.

The trouble with abstinence is the thought of it sounds so drastic. In fact it's OK. It's a good feeling. Very relaxing. I could say the same as you. Don't knock it until you have tried it.

Anyway you know me. Totally politically incorrect. Totally socially unaware. Under-educated and unskilled in the niceties of civilised society. Chat room manners appalling. Etiquette out to lunch. Unfit to roam the planet, let alone be let loose on a computer. A self righteous prat. I was on the wrong end of a good telling off from MDS1 the other night. Must mend my ways.

Very sorry I upset you.
Mike.

[sue]

Aahh bless you Mike, nothing wrong with your posts at all. You're just so pleased/relieved you're not drinking anymore
Tessa, I found difficulty posting yesterday, it kept asking me to log in time and time again, I couldn't post!!

[Tessa]

Hi Mike
Thanks for the apologies, much appreciated.
Tessa xx

[Mike]

Hi Sue,
Thank you very much. You are very perceptive!
I have found the same difficulties with posting as you. I thought it must be my computer running a simultaneous virus check or something but it has happened on several occasions. Two or three times after completing a fairly long post the whole thing has mysteriously vanished. It happened yesterday when I had just discovered the meaning of life and wanted to share it. Unfortunately I have now forgotten what it was. I shall have to go back to the Hitch-hikers Guide.
There is a facility to save texts. It may be best to check your log-in status bofore you start composing a post, and then to save as you go. Lets see what Tessa has to say.
Mike.

[Cheryl]

Can I put my penny's worth in here!
I am also not drinking now,as you all know,I didn't do it with the help of AA but by my own willpower,I could also if I wanted to, have a couple of drinks as long as its not my usual poison...my own theory there is that I presume I now have the T.H.I.Q thing,but I also think that it needs a certain alcohol level before its activated...
I was a spirit drinker,THAT I know I cant ever drink again (unless I want to go back to day 1) but if I have a low alcohol drink I am fine!
I choose not to drink now,but if the occassion arose,I would not be frightened to have an odd glass or two...
I am not saying that everybody is or can be the same,thats just me,but I do find Mike that you tend to have one train of thought...AA
Im pleased it has worked for you but I also think you should respect others for at least trying other methods....

[Tessa]

Hi sue
the only thing i can recommend is that you type your post, and then when its done, highlight it all, copy and then press submit. then if it doesnt work you still have it copied and can paste it in again.
Tessaxx

[Rocky]

Hello Sue Hope you r okeh
4 long text's use word on your computor finalise it then , control C then control V ( copy & paste), log in & paste it 2 your comments box. R

[sue]

Thanks for the advice about posting Mike, Rocky and Tessa. Its not so much my message disappears but I couldn't write one yesterday because it kept taking me back to the log in page even though each time it told me I was successfully logged in!! Its taken me three times to get in with this reply!! Maybe its just my clapped out old computer!

[Tessa]

not sure what to recommend, other than the copy and paste thing, be it in word or on the post, really not sure why thats happening sue. Are you ok for tonight, is your daughter at home tonight? or not..... i am not sure......if not, then stick around for some moral support.
Tessa xx