Maypole I think as long as you keep considering you failed you are going to make this journey tough for yourself and we know it is tough enough already without us beating ourselves with a stick. You do have the strength to do this, you do have the strength to continue. We all have, its just finding it and keeping it in our grip. There are times where it deserts us but we have to be sure in ourselves we can get it back. I was told on here to change my mindset, to think a bit more positive ( bloody hard when in the depths of the black blur) to aim to turn everything around, in my mind where I can. This certainly wasn't easy at first but I clung to it and try still to do it to this day. Keep holding on to the fact that you have achieved sobriety before so there is absolutely no reason that you cannot so it again- no reason - but the will and the want needs to come from within you and you need to work your socks off to make that override any other drink related wants/thoughts that keep coming into your head.
When drinking my anxiety was hideous. Mostly it leaves me alone these days. I have no doubt whatsoever that alcohol increased my anxious states 100 fold and of course I drank more to quell it, leading to higher anxiety and depressive states.
Like Sally eating healthy and getting exercise reduces my anxiety levels and makes me feel so much better. Poor diet and lack of exercise certainly impacts on my mood and my sense of well being, which in turn makes me anxious, worry and lowers my mood. Its a vicious cycle and often hard work to keep on top of it. I didn't take meds -my addictive personality worries me. but I do always have valium to hand if I feel particularly threatened.
You cna do this maypole -you just never give up trying