The To Do List

Specific emotional or mental health problems, like anxiety, depression, insomnia, confidence etc. Along with bodily health, exercise, nutrition.
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Action
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Action »

Hi Everyone.

I need some advice. Things have got really hard between my partner and I. I know that something has got to give but I just can’t get my mind straight about any of it. I’m so confused and I guess afraid of change, or the future (as I’m quite vulnerable). How on earth am I going to think all this through sensibly? How do you guys approach something that needs addressing? I’m slowly going out of my mind! :cry:

I’ve got no one in RL I can talk to about this really and tell it as it is and also get an objective opinion :roll:
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Re: The To Do List

Post by serend »

Action
I am sorry things are hard but not surprised as we have spoken about this before.

I really wish I could help but just wanted to say I understand and acknowledge it’s not an easy one! I skirted around the relationship issue for years – possibly also resistant to change as well as a bit fearful of being alone. The thing is though, you wouldn’t be alone, you have dear friends and a strong family and a rich life outside your relationship.

I did just want to say that you sound even stronger and wiser as more alcohol free time passes. You are going through changes and may reach a point where you will just know what to do, but I always think it’s better to make a decision - stay (commit to improving things) or leave (and start afresh). It’s that limbo land in the middle (which is an awful place to be) where you do not want to be.

Make some lists, read some books (I will try to find one that was good about deal breakers and how to decide whether to stay or go ), listen to your gut feeling and be brave and calm and confident in whatever you decide to do, and do what’s best for you and your future. What does the relationship bring to you and how does it make you feel. Wishing you well ! <:)>
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Re: The To Do List

Post by serend »

And hello to everyone else!
It feels like lots of change is happening as we possibly return to normality. Good news but some of the things I thought I missed I really didn’t !
Good your daughter is moving back Danny.
Well I have been on video calls all week and hardly had a chance to be on here but as much as I would like to write lots will just make this a short one. The long weekend will be a to do list of looking after myself (selfish – no just what’s needed right now!)
Lots of relaxing, reading, baths, walks, and quiet !
Have a good one all
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Action »

Thank you Serend. <:)>
You make a lot of sense ... I needed to offload, apologies to everyone. :shock:
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Re: The To Do List

Post by pickles »

Don’t apologise, Action . You are always here for us to doers with friendly thoughts and advice and you seem to read everyone’s posts with thought . You are keeping busy with your lists and your love for Missy shines on here . She sounds adorable .

Can your partner maybe agree to some online counselling? ( here if possible) . Is he agreeing to take his medication properly now . Does he say why he doesn’t want to take them , i.e he feels they don’t work , can’t be bothered, weight gain , side effects?

You need to look after yourself and spend time ( if possible) with your mum . Can you just have a bit of you , Missy, mum time for the Easter weekend? Unfortunately the weather looks a bit cooler but still there will be moments you can get out for short walks or a bit of fresh air . TV , books like serend suggested. As I say again , you are important <:)>

It was lovely weather the last couple of days . Daughter had her appointment whilst I went to do some food shopping and walked in the park . After she had finished we went for an ice cream before things started getting busy . It’s going well with her and lately she’s becoming a bit social with us , meaning she isn’t hiding in her room all day and if we need to ask her to take the dog for a walk , we don’t need to quickly put our armour on or shields out :lol: . Well taking it slowly anyway.

@#%**! , it’s gone 8.30 on Good Friday and someone has to start blinking rrrrrrrrrrrrr with the chain saw !!! That and what with dog waking up at 5 ...

Hope everyone enjoys their Hot cross buns this morning ;)?

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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

Morning. Many <:)> Action. As Pickles says, please don't apologize. Talk about it as much as you want. Sometimes this can help to clarify one's thoughts and feelings?

I suppose on the counselling theme, you could have some joint counselling?

I had quite a nice day out yesterday. First time out of London since November. It was only marred by the blo**y traffic. Getting there (about 30 miles away) was fine but it took over two hours to get home. So in all more time was spend in the car than walking. (Not that I seem to be able to walk that far, these days.) Naturally we argued in the car... I really miss being able to go anywhere on my own.

Anyway saw lots of wild flowers - including Mayflowers - one of my mother's favourites - she is a May child - and a big bird of prey (not sure which sort. It had a very distinctive call.) and had a trashy Greggs/Costa picnic :)

today:
vet's: Basil check up
DIY shop for bits to make raised beds. Will have to get the wood tomorrow as wood place shuts at noon.
Supermarket(s) for cat litter and other bits and bobs
put kitchen waste in Hotbin and see if there is any 'juice' in the bottom of it :mrgreen:

I think I will leave it at that. We only walked 5 or 6km yesterday, but very tired. (OH is still in bed. I should get him up soon for the vet's.)
Last edited by Rachel on 02 Apr 2021 21:23, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The To Do List

Post by DannyD »

Rachel - you're taking the OH to the vet? Don't you have access to a GP? :o

Action I very much enjoy your posts. They're thoughtful, inclusive and energetic. The only dark side would appear that you have to 'mother' your partner. Which you shouldn't have to. Do you want to talk things through with him, or would you rather have a decision in mind before you start any sort of conversation? My ex, with whom I had an on-again/off-again relationship, died last November. I miss him for all sorts of reasons, but it wasn't working between us. However, I really wish I'd had an in-depth conversation with him about why it wasn't working for me. Years ago, one of my WI friends told me "my dear. I'm 100 years older and wiser than you. Men don't change."

Pickles the sun brings out the best in people. My children, as soon as they became teenagers, lived in their bedrooms.

Done
I've planted a lungwort (love their cheerful blue) which was beginning to dry out in its pot.
To do
More digging
Shop - forgot to get potatoes yesterday, and I am planning to ....
Make a fish pie.

Waving everyone. \:)/ \:)/

Edit
Rachel I was in The Range yesterday. They had 'sleepers' for about £22.00. Not the real oil-seeping-out things, but a modern variant. I had a serious think about them for a raised bed. Let me know how much they are from your timber merchant?
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

Poor Basil is not happy post vet. They took some stitches out and he seems to be in a bit of pain. Pissed off with the vet's but won't bother to go into it. Let's just say they are not very good at telling you everything you need to know (and never admit it when they are wrong/remiss.)

Re wood I am a bit worried that this is not going to work out cheaply. I think the thing to do is get old scaffolding planks. If you look on gum tree they are very cheap.
I want to make a deep one so I am going to need (I think) 3 planks for each side. Was thinking of doing 120x150. Plus 4 posts to stick it altogether with.
I bought a raised bed kit which will be 33cm when constructed. It cost £70. Husband was outraged. I wonder if this will be much cheaper. I have to buy screws too, but I imagine they are cheap. Will let you know. How long was the sleeper? Could you make the whole thing from one?
Picked up some weed supressing matting to put under it today. DIY shops are a bit low on stock. Had to go to two shops to find it. I probably should have gone to the tiny hardware shop up the road.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the garden (and the house.) I am rather low at the moment – waking up feeling full of fear and don’t really want to do anything at all, but I just need to make myself.
My husband is being a bit unbearable at the moment too which is contributing to this. I am trying not to rise to things but I find it difficult not to :? Hopefully this will pass. He needs to get out and meet up with other people I think. Or maybe he just doesn't like me. I certainly don't much...
I probably shouldn't post in the evenings...
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Re: The To Do List

Post by councilpop »

Good Easter Saturday Morning,

Hi Rachel, Action, Serend, Pickles, Danny and Acorn..............I do love and look forward to reading all your posts... Thank You!

Rachel.... I do hope Basil is feeling better this morning, my cat Toby Bear is in the dog house as decided to use behind the tv as a toilet!!!!!
Action..... never apologise for getting things off your chest, its the best way. In the past i have kept things bottled up and it never bodes well as i end up exploding and its not a pretty sight. As far as relationships i have really struggled and again its something i need to unpick and understand why. My present partner and I have been together 9years and i have called it off a few times and i believe justified. He is a lovely guy but very tunnelled visioned and i think lived a privileged life, i`m glad i haven`t as it has given me a non-judgemental view, he is very judgemental. We last split up May 2019 for 9 months and i really thought it was over for good until he turned up out of the blue one day to tell me he was seeing someone else and it was someone i had previously worked with!!!! I was gutted and went through a really bad couple of months. Just before Christmas 2019 i decided to change jobs as i was unhappy at work, in fact i was unhappy full stop!!! I got a job as a care worker in a residential home and my confidence began to come back. At the end of January 2020 my ex again turned up on my doorstep and wanted us to try again....... part of me was happy but honestly i had started to get over him and did have second thoughts but we got back together and at the end of March and because of lockdown he moved in with me. Now i hadn`t lived with anyone for 19 years so it has been incredibly challenging but a year down the line we are still together!!! What i have decided in my head is that by the time i am 60 years old (i have just turned 58) that i will have my life sorted. 1. I will be AF and 2. If i`m not happy in my relationship then i will move on confidently. I`m going to keep a diary for the next two years called Getting to Know Me!!!

I broke up on Thursday for a week so have a weeks To Do List:
Lots of knitting.... have an order for 6 witches to complete... so one a day.
Organising drawers, boxes, cupboards and paperwork... BIG Job!!!!
Lots of Walking.....may even get the bike out
Paint my small living room... will need a couple of coats so a couple of days job
Practice my fiddle
Read
Enjoy just being and Relax!

Today i am taking my partner to his first round of golf... unfortunately he has been banned from driving for 6 months for having 12 points speeding.
I am making it work for me though.... its about an hours drive from home so i am going to a country park with a packed lunch, my knitting and a book, just hope it keeps dry. I have my second vaccine this evening at 6.45.... never been so excited to have a jab!!!!

Must share that i have lost 5lb since giving up alcohol. Day 12 AF. Only had a few twinges of fancying a glass of wine but soon untwinged!!!

Have a great day All

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Re: The To Do List

Post by Action »

Evening everyone.

Thanks so much for all your kind words, sorry to offload on you all.

Pickles, I’m so glad that your daughter seems to be coping with an increase in socialisation. It must be such a relief to be able to do more or ask her to. I have a friend with a daughter who can be quite difficult when things don’t go her way or she doesn’t understand the situation. I had my hot cross buns on Friday, today and probably tomorrow too! I’m not going to think about the calories.

Rachel, big hugs my love. It’s awful when everything is overwhelming and you just don’t know where to start. Why is it we’re so pressurised to get things done and then be made to feel guilty is we don’t do anything or achieve what we want to. I think that it’s perfectly okay not to do anything out of duty on the odd occasion - cut yourself some slack and stop and enjoy things. I learnt to do that after I was really ill - I couldn’t do anything so had to learn to let it go. Sounds as though you enjoyed your trip to London...apart from the travelling. Fingers crossed you will be able to use public transport in the not too distant future. I wonder if it was a Red Kite that you saw. They are quite large and distinct with a fanned tail. They’re moving down this way, from further north, I think. We went to a nursery today, finally planned part of the planting for my front garden. I got back home and after cooking dinner I felt really tired. I couldn’t think why and then I thought well you’ve done something today that you haven’t done in over a year! I think we are all a bit institutionalised. :shock: I expect you’re right about your husband, he just needs to get out and integrate a bit. Sorry to hear that poor Basil is suffering after having his stitches out. I do hope that they gave you some pain killers for him. I don’t know what it is about vets and teeth...I had an issue with a vet years ago who removed a tooth and a biopsy from my dog’s mouth. They had told me they suspected it was cancer (at the time) but they didn’t even send the sample lab! :shock:

Danny I hope you enjoyed your fish pie. I love fish pie! I’m going for blues in my boarder, along with some purple and white. I’m sorry to hear about losing your ex partner, it must have been hard. Men, they certainly don’t change, give us a hard time but we still love the buggers! :shock:

Councilpop, I hope that you are feeling okay after your second jab. I’m still waiting to hear about mine. It’s about 8 weeks since my first one. Apparently the dr will contact me about week 11. I do hope so as I heard that they might be a bit short on supply. I love the idea of your diary, that’s such a great idea. It sounds as though you have been extremely forgiving towards your partner. I do hope he appreciates it. It sounds as though maybe you are working things out together, which is a positive thing. You do sound busy! How lovely to be able to play the fiddle!

I did post an update earlier but it was so self absorbed so I deleted it. Sorry to anyone who read it! I was feeling a bit raw at the time and blue this morning. My partner is still here at the moment. He is still planning to go home, which I accept and it always agreed, but we are going to take it slowly so I can can rebuild my confidence with the outside world. I genuinely want us to live our separate lives but be friends, after all we’ve been a part of each other’s lives for over 16 years now. I have expressed my feelings on numerous occasions about many things but he is quite adamant on how he wants to live his life (including the drugs, smoking and alcohol). He’s always preferred his own company. I can say that he has always been honest with me ... note to self MEN DON’T CHANGE!

As you rightly say Councilpop, I am sober and I can work on my future. ;)?

Hope everyone has had a good Saturday and seen a bit of sun. <:)>
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

Just a quick one form me, The sun is out and I am going to make myself do things. I felt so very very low last night and slept for quite a lot of the day. Doing nothing makes it worse.

Action they did say they had enough for second doses of vaccine, so hopefully you will get yours as you are not far off anyway.

Being able to use public transport is a very double edges sword as it means I have to go back to working in the office.

<:)> re partner. 16 years is a long time. Maybe when he moves out it will give you a different perspective helping you to decide way or another. Well done on your trip out. I think we can get institutionalized quite quickly. (After a couple of weeks in rehab I was afraid to cross roads when I was allowed out for a supervised trip. While rehab is kind of an institute, this was a relatively cushy one in the countryside. Although the regime wasn't cushy!) I always struggle with traffic noise when I get back from a week in France.

It was a buzzard. Bad photo:
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Right. Hard labour in the garden time. Will try not to argue with him (which means demuring a lot, I fear…)

councilpop, serend, Luna, pickles and anyone else looking in \:)/ And sorry - will response to posts properly later.

Happy Easter all.
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

So.... I have cleared the water irises to make way for the raised bed. Water iris roots don't got deep but some of them are as thick as your wrist and a good 18 inches long. They break easily which probably helps, although also means I will have missed bits. The patch I cleared was 5 or 6mx 2 or 3? The roots filled a whole wheelie bin.
I also sowed about 22 pot of seeds. That's a bit nuts really isn't it. That means at least 44 plants. And, of course, not my first batch by a long chalk.
I scraped the cat poo off the lean to floor :evil: swept the lean to floor and changed the litter (should not have needed doing but it was all over the place.)
Washed the 'poo sieves', litter box clips and bird feeders in th dish washer, ran a rinse cycle with them still in. Now running a cleaning cycle.
Changed sheet. Mysterious bodily substance on it. I think from Lily. Near the pillow.

I failed to prick out seedlings. But tomorrow? It will be cold but sunny in the afternoon.

I did all of the above with a slight crick in my neck and a very painful right arm. I now have those plus back ache and actually finding it hard to move. I really need to get some advice about the arm. It's the on the side I sleep on.

If this doesn't make me feel psycholgically better, then nothing will. (other than, sauy, winning a story writing contest or getting a publishing contract, or winnign a photography prize etc etc. Husband being nice? He did construct a raised bed for me though...)

I should really have a shower now.

to do: wrap up plants. It's going to go below zero tomorrow morning. Hard to believe. It's vest top weather right now.

Might have a nap.
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Re: The To Do List

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Happy Easter .GIF
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Re: The To Do List

Post by councilpop »

Morning All,
Well, had my second vaccine... suffered yesterday...felt sick, no energy. I did manage to do some knitting.. a little Spring/Daffodil Fairy, will attempt to load a photo but not sure i remember how to but will give it a go. Managed to make a Fish Pie for lunch.
Feel a little brighter this morning but going to take things easy... more knitting as have an order for 6 witches to complete. Will knit this morning then attempt to do something this afternoon... have some organising to do in the house, trying to declutter. Also, could do with getting some fresh air and going for a walk.
Hope everyone ok, will post again later. Regarding the drink.. i am finding it ok and AF for 2 whole weeks.
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

Very well done on 2 weeks, CP.

Which vaccine did you have, as a matter of interest. They say that the side effects of AZ are bad after the first one but negligible after the second. The reverse is true of Pfizer.

Cute fairy :)

I am a bit achy after yesterday's exertions! We might go out somewhere in the car, but I fear it will be very busy. I think I am after some retail action (curious how little I have wanted to do this in the last year, but I have bought a lot online...) I have tomorrow off too. I feel like I have rather squandered the last few days. I could have enjoyed them more. (But perhaps I couldn't...)
I should, today:
do some washing
vacuum
prick out seedlings
make a nice dinner
But I think I might not do anything, much if we go out. Nothing is urgent.
I should finish off the raised bed (not a lot to do, really) but could do it tomorrow.
I must do some writing in the next 36 hours.
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Re: The To Do List

Post by DannyD »

Morning

You know how you idly lie in bed, planning your day? I did that early (very early - about 5) this morning. Full of energy I leapt up and took the dog out for a walk. Since then, I've sat down with a cup of coffee - and just woken up with cold coffee (and an even colder nose. No, it wasn't dipped in coffee, just very cold extremities). And feeling slightly sick. That'll teach me to dream of doing anything and getting up early.

To do
Absolutely nothing, especially as I feel sick.
Dig the garden, cut the grass, tote that bale.

Rachel how is Basil feeling? Have you found someone to draw up a new lean-to? Build a base for the greenhouse? I've arranged a builder to re-design the front of my porch, to replace my front door. The new patio type door has been built, all I'm waiting on now, is a brickie. It's not a huge job, and we've been through a couple of bricklayers who have turned down the work. Fingers crossed, we've found one who can start soon. However, it's a sign of the times that bricklayers opt for bigger jobs.

Action is 'going home' for your partner a major thing? Is distance involved? Can he go home and visit from time to time?

CP. well done on the AF. Don't let the resolve slip because you have a couple of days off. Keep up with the craft work.

Which is what I think I'll do. Forget the energy needed for the garden, and do some knitting instead

Waving. \:)/
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Re: The To Do List

Post by councilpop »

Hi Again,
I have been knitting this morning and nearly managed to finish 1 out of 6 witches and hope to get on with no. 2. Lucky for me i am off from my main job till Friday so hope to get them all done.
Rachel, you sound a bit brighter which is great. I had the AZ vaccine.. the first one i only felt tired but the second made me feel awful yesterday but feel back to normal today thank goodness as really don`t want to waste my days off as non booked till summer.
Danny....hope you feel better very soon and yes i will keep crafting as it is the key to me keeping AF and makes me feel good, i am hoping to get together a few key items and sell them to make a bit extra monthly income so i don`t have to do so many hours in my daily job and with giving up drinking i am saving at least £120 a month which equates to 3 hours work a week. I feel much more positive than i ever have but i need to be consistent and keep strong.

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Re: The To Do List

Post by Rachel »

Sorry you are feeling unwell, Danny. I hope you feel better soon.

We may be having the foundation put down for the greenhouse next weekend. Currently looking at narrow wheelbarrows as I think we are going to need top soil (which can only sensibly be bought in a big bulk bag.)

Basil seems ok. (came in filfthy today presumably after rolling around in dirt!) His 'new place' is the laundry basket I put my (mostly black and navy) woolly tights in... also hard to extract him to give him his medicine. (Which husband is currently doing - straight down the throat.) He goes back to the vet this week.

IMG_6844.JPG
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I didn't do much today. Aching a lot from yesterday's efforts. Went to two garden centres but only bought food ?!?

Your comment made me wonder how much I am paid by the hour CP :o
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Re: The To Do List

Post by Action »

Oh dear, reading all about the vaccines I’m beginning to dread my second one. I had the AZ one at the beginning of Feb and I heard from someone I know, who had the AZ first time round and was then given the Pfizer as the second dose, felt terrible for four days! :o :shock: oh well it is what it is and it’s better than getting the virus!

Excellent job on two weeks CP (::) it must feel great. I’m looking forward to seeing some more pictures of things that you make ... you too Danny! I am doing a cross stitch (needle case) which my dad brought me for Christmas. It’s only tiny and I’m still doing it. My Nan was a marvel, she used to knit such amazing things and didn’t even need to look at it whilst watching tv at the same time!

Sounds like everyone has needed a little down time. I wonder if our tiredness is some sort of emotional/physical reaction to the ending of lockdown? We’ve all been holding on so tight ...

Basil looks like a little pickle in your laundry basket Rachel! Bless him. Do cats like peanut butter? I have to sneak missy’s meds in with a blob of peanut butter...usually works.

My partner only lives a few miles away so it’s not too far. It will be best for both of us. It might take a little bit of getting used to again but it is better that we remain friends, accept the inevitability of our incompatible lifestyles and look forward positively. We just have different priorities in life and to be honest I am still working mine out ...as I’m in early recovery. All good though.

Well, I hope everyone feels a bit brighter tomorrow. <:)>
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Re: The To Do List

Post by serend »

Morning! hope you all had a lovely Easter :)
Well I got my 1st vaccine yesterday -had the AZ one \:)/ Action interesting people are not getting the same on as the second dose.
Sore arm and feel a bit yuck and didn't sleep much. So won't say much other than I agree we have all been holding on so tight its funny to think of letting go a bit. I was supposed to be off work this week but cancelled it, now wish I hadn't as it would be just so nice to just relax. Well hopefully a lot of others will be off and it won't be so busy.
I like CPs quote; 'If I am not happy in my relationship by 'insert time' I will move on confidently'. Good for you...I should take a leaf out your book!
Well I hope you all have a good day!
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