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The relationship I have with myself.......

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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Jjjj of Old
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Jjjj of Old » 09 Jun 2019 14:45

You too, Nicky! \:)/ <:)>
Each day was a day I’d worked hard to progress. If I had a bad day [and] I was feeling slightly depressed, I'd say to myself, “Well, I’ve no right to let the ‘me’ down who’s got me this far. So, snap out of it! Go and read a book."
Robin Knox-Johnston

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Pork
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pork » 09 Jun 2019 14:59

Just for you jjjj <:)>
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Jjjj of Old » 09 Jun 2019 15:12

:lol: :lol: (w) (::)

I had a horrible feeling you were going to do that, Pork :lol: <:)>
Each day was a day I’d worked hard to progress. If I had a bad day [and] I was feeling slightly depressed, I'd say to myself, “Well, I’ve no right to let the ‘me’ down who’s got me this far. So, snap out of it! Go and read a book."
Robin Knox-Johnston

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free flow
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 09 Jun 2019 17:39

Hi Pork, I'll see your meme and raise you a pair ()o

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The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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free flow
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 09 Jun 2019 17:46

I had an old FB account that I deleted mainly because I had been a minor soccer coach in my earlier life, and everyone of my kids would friend me and then I became friended by all their friends and suddenly I had a few thousand friends that I never knew. I'm sure it is somewhere in FB but now I've added a rather innocuous one that I use only for my neighbourhood posting. I rarely post to it though do have a giggle now and then when I read it.

I use youtube for funny animal videos and such.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Pork
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pork » 09 Jun 2019 18:02

I’ll see your pigs & raise you another reading cat 🐈
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Pork
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pork » 09 Jun 2019 18:15

Topcats reading now :roll:
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Pink Panther
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pink Panther » 09 Jun 2019 21:33

Shadow :\: thanks again for your responses, funny how I have read this post after the episode today. My OH got rid of all social media after a comment on a sporting forum he was on, decided the negativity just wasn't worth it. Best thing he has done and doesn't miss it one bit. I don't blame you for feeling that way, FB should not be used for cryptic comments and seeking attention in my view, as I am sure it wasn't set up for that. However, the stuff I see on there, the language, the crying out for someone to say something, just drives me mad and I'm not a big user of social media.

Following my posts on here, I decided enough was enough and to try and resolve or at least sort out a situation to be amicable in particular when it comes to family events, as opposed to having an awful atmosphere which is what causes me anxiety. The other person agreed and we talked, shared views, didn't agree with views, a few tears by myself as I'd got so worked up and due to dynamics. Before I went to the meeting, I decided this was the very last time I would ever put myself in this position, ie. not getting involved in any way shape or form with issues that are either beyond my business or control, it will always backfire even if your intentions were good. I was 100% fixed firm with this.

One of the issues that came up was social media and how it is used to hurt each other, be it deleting someone, ignore someone etc etc and the negativity this can create along with paranoia etc. I came home full of all kinds of emotions, not necessarily resolving much but at least agreeing to disagree which is a start. I also decided I don't want to live my life behind a screen and have removed social media, along with other chat methods due to feeling like we are living our lives in each others pockets although that is far from the truth, people knowing every move you make, knowing if a message has been read or not, its like having no privacy at all, can see when people have been active etc...Its just not real life and I reckon it will do me good, certainly for a good while to get rid. Will move on from today and build strength.

Anyway, this is going to be the very last day and time I ever let one member of my wider family cause me upset, anxiety or any other kinds of concerns whereby we have agreed we (all of us) don't get involved with anything we shouldn't and try and be kinder to each other...…...you cannot undo the past, you don't all have to be best friends but I still felt amicable is the best solution all round. I am now going to concentrate on myself and my family and put all of my efforts into what is important to me, what I can control and have the courage to accept the things I cannot change.

Could I have drank today?...……….probably could have got wasted any other time as all kinds of emotions were dredged up but I'm glad I suggested it if nothing else but to clear the air...………………...As I have chosen the sober path, I chose not to react to these emotions which I am truly proud of and believe this is a cracking achievement...there is only family who can do this to me emotionally.

However, I have had enough caffeine to sink a ship so goodness knows if I will sleep tonight. :lol:

Hi Pork, Jjjj, FF and all <:)>
I would rather be a non drinker with the occasional desire to drink than a drinker with the constant desire to quit...……..Much sober time over the years but one ultimate goal - an AF life !!!!

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 10 Jun 2019 15:57

Wow Pink i always identify with what you write and how you feel. Thank you so much for taking the time to come on BE and write from the heart. <:)>
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
One of the issues that came up was social media and how it is used to hurt each other, be it deleting someone, ignore someone etc etc and the negativity this can create along with paranoia etc. I came home full of all kinds of emotions, not necessarily resolving much but at least agreeing to disagree which is a start. I also decided I don't want to live my life behind a screen and have removed social media, along with other chat methods due to feeling like we are living our lives in each others pockets although that is far from the truth, people knowing every move you make, knowing if a message has been read or not, its like having no privacy at all, can see when people have been active etc...Its just not real life and I reckon it will do me good, certainly for a good while to get rid. Will move on from today and build strength.
I feel the same, there is really no need for me to keep social media. I can keep contact with 'positive influences' in other ways, and check out animal videos on you tube (occasionally) as freeflow says. I feel so much better when not living my life behind a screen, it affects physical and mental health having too much time on the internet. I do appreciate BE though, but again it is just trying to use it in moderation.
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
Following my posts on here, I decided enough was enough and to try and resolve or at least sort out a situation to be amicable in particular when it comes to family events, as opposed to having an awful atmosphere which is what causes me anxiety. The other person agreed and we talked, shared views, didn't agree with views, a few tears by myself as I'd got so worked up and due to dynamics. Before I went to the meeting, I decided this was the very last time I would ever put myself in this position, ie. not getting involved in any way shape or form with issues that are either beyond my business or control, it will always backfire even if your intentions were good. I was 100% fixed firm with this.
Good for you, deciding that this is the last time, and for initiating an amicable platform. Also for deciding to not get involved in with other's issues. 'Not my monkey not my circus', my fave sentence atm. My mother and her partner argue nearly every week, and i have vowed not get involved or take sides. Taking this stance feels right, and ensures no pressure is placed on my shoulders. Her partner, her choice. Not my business at all.
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
I am now going to concentrate on myself and my family and put all of my efforts into what is important to me, what I can control and have the courage to accept the things I cannot change.

Could I have drank today?...……….probably could have got wasted any other time as all kinds of emotions were dredged up but I'm glad I suggested it if nothing else but to clear the air...………………...As I have chosen the sober path, I chose not to react to these emotions which I am truly proud of and believe this is a cracking achievement...there is only family who can do this to me emotionally.
And you should be very proud of yourself pink too, well done ! (::)

It's funny how only family can ignite that intense emotional rollercoaster isn't it ? On reflection, i think it is because we do love them, and the wounds are far greater when they let us down. There has been betrayal from some of the family who i love and trusted the most. Its fair to say that i can love them, but don't have to like some aspects of their personality. Life is too short for bitterness though, and like you say it is much better to be amicable. Its better for us, and better for them. One of the things that is now clear to me is that we are not all wired the same, and that's ok too.

Hope you have a good evening, :) <:)> <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Pink Panther
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pink Panther » 11 Jun 2019 06:40

Hi Shadow,

Thanks for that <:)>

Thanks for taking the time to acknowledge my thoughts, I was hesitant to put things down , like I say I don't want to come across as needy or having major issues, I've been around here a long time and feel so much further forward with things. Sometimes though, for whatever reason we have family issues and underlying atmospheres looming.....thankfully my boundaries are now set and I took so much from this thread and the previous posters which helped with that. If we know what our deep triggers are, we can come here a safe haven BE, and put things down...it truly helps.

I totally agree with what you have said about social media, its ok thinking its just a few pictures, its how we keep in touch but in the end, there is also a lot of shared negativity, a lot of feeling 'why can't I have those umpteen holidays a year' 'why does everyone else seem to be going out having fun' when perhaps you don't see another picture of theirs for months etc etc etc. Things stick, they are in your face....I mentioned my OH coming off social media because of a comment, he just thought one day 'why do i need this from someone I have never even met', he can still get his sporting info from elsewhere, perhaps the TV, a newspaper....its all got out of hand really this living behind a screen. I don't mind BE, its a self help forum and these days I can pick and choose and don't try and read everything, I don't have time or the need to do so and feel I have given my time over the years on many threads. Time for me now.

And of course having kids, that's another story, they have grown up with this and most parents experience issues I guess with social media, I share my views and have restrictions and hope they can understand, they definitely seem to. My OH actually sat back and looked at the people he was friends with on social media, most of them he doesn't see anymore, many of them he just felt were showing off and looking for self gratification but if you take it all away, the person is still sat in their home or wherever, taking a photo, sharing it, looking for likes and comments (as we are all no doubt guilty for at some point) getting a buzz from the attention. I can liken this slightly to other forms of pick me ups, even addictions....in the end the only thing that will get us through life is 'us' and those who we choose to have in our physical lives. If a relationship is only active based on whether or not we can all share the experience on social media, there is an element of sadness and no doubt perhaps I will miss out on this, doesn't mean a person should stay on it for that reason only. Pick up the phone, a text, a meeting...I've already messaged a mate for a meet up, don't care if the smiles and drinks or whatever are shared....who gives a toss really, its probably gone from some people's memories sooner than we realise. Its the negativity that can often stick with us.

I'm definitely not saying its a negative thing for all, I am just reflecting how it can end up if you experience a negative experience with social media. I also prefer real life and the hours people spend scrolling through other peoples lives, often neglecting their own lives or well being, well that is up to them.

One of my closest mates has never had social media, is a successful person work related and has always thought it is a bit of a joke. She has a social life and a nice life and is pretty happy with the way things are. Her husband doesn't bother with it either, they are not old or of a different generation, they just don't get it and don't want their lives shared all around for complete strangers which in reality that is what much of it is about. I see her as much as I see other friends.

I can understand you not getting involved with your Mum's situation, how often have we done that only for the person you are trying to protect still staying in the same position and you end up the bad guy......not going to happen anymore. Doesn't need to happen.

I think amicable is definitely good compared to awkwardness and blind ignorance and I guess things can go from there but learning so much about distance and how I react myself to things is something I wanted to take away from all of this. There are many things I cannot influence about my family situation so why do I put myself through pressures of trying to make things perfect. It is what it is in the end and what is important is my own world first and foremost.

So...the relationship I have with myself....I think I have learned a lot from this experience and can take forward a better approach to life and family in general and concentrate on myself a bit more. ;)? <:)>
I would rather be a non drinker with the occasional desire to drink than a drinker with the constant desire to quit...……..Much sober time over the years but one ultimate goal - an AF life !!!!

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 11 Jun 2019 20:46

Another interesting and insightful post PP <:)>

I could chat with you all night long, lol.

For now, lots of love and best wishes in your journey forward, and thanks once again for your sharing xxx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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