Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
Mackintosh
Posts: 28
Joined: 13 Jul 2018 09:58
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by Mackintosh » 11 Sep 2019 07:10

faith2be wrote:
24 Sep 2018 17:48
Rose13 wrote:
24 Sep 2018 09:54
Not sure why i punish myself for his bad behaviour!! i wish i had someone to talk to :cry:
Oh Rose <:)> Topcat put it well too.
I used to do that too. It makes us feel awful - and then they get to be all righteous and point the finger at alkie us.
It really doesn't do any good, but it somehow became the default.

I hope you have a better day today. It's true what they say, we can't change others but we can change how we react to them.
I lived under terrible psychological stress with my ex. It got worse and worse. And I became a drinker.
I didn't have a drink problem before his abuse. But it's our reputation that gets the brunt of it - and they come out looking like the poor guy having to put up with a drunk.

Rose, I know this is terribly hard and I have struggled for years - but could you turn it around somehow. No matter how unkind your partner is being - to spite him, stay sober. A partner should be a supportive and loving element in your life - not someone who puts you down. If I'd stopped drinking years ago I'd have seen it and ended the relationship once I realised what it was. But I didn't. I drank and then I was the black sheep. If I hadn't turned to drink I may have had more self-confidence to tell the person that he can't treat me like this.

Why does your partner feel the need to put you down? Sorry if I'm being blunt but I wasted 7 years of my life and my sanity on a man who drove me literally into the gutter. Drinking is about the worst thing to do - but going to bed with a book (or BE) instead of the vino might be a better option??
<:)> <:)>
Hi I am finding all these posts helpful. I have been drinking heavily for years.My relationship hasn't been great but is getting progessively worse.My OH has always had lots if snipes and put downs and maybe my thoughts too when drinking was I'll show you. The past couple of times I've been drinking he has become increasingly aggressive. The other night I think he gave me a kicking and I have lots if bruises on my thighs and abdomen. I thought I could remember that's what had happened but when I confronted him he told be I was absolutely crazy...He had no idea where the bruises came from, I probably fell over in my drunken state. Maybe I remembered things wrongly but the bruises look very uniform and not like something I got from a fall. Anyway I'm doing my best to get sober...for me I think this time. I'm in day 2 now....have arranged to have some cbt and ordered some kudzu

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 4557
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by SoberBoots » 11 Sep 2019 09:12

Hi I am finding all these posts helpful. I have been drinking heavily for years.My relationship hasn't been great but is getting progessively worse.My OH has always had lots if snipes and put downs and maybe my thoughts too when drinking was I'll show you. The past couple of times I've been drinking he has become increasingly aggressive. The other night I think he gave me a kicking and I have lots if bruises on my thighs and abdomen. I thought I could remember that's what had happened but when I confronted him he told be I was absolutely crazy...He had no idea where the bruises came from, I probably fell over in my drunken state. Maybe I remembered things wrongly but the bruises look very uniform and not like something I got from a fall. Anyway I'm doing my best to get sober...for me I think this time. I'm in day 2 now....have arranged to have some cbt and ordered some kudzu
Mackintosh, this sent shivers down my spine! Could you go and stay somewhere else?
Quite right to get sober, you have big decisions to make and need a clear head. Why not join one of the challenges and get some support?
Please put your safety first...
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

User avatar
Ruby&Tilly
Posts: 2481
Joined: 26 Apr 2018 22:24
Last Drink Date: 13 Apr 2018
Location: scotland
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 11 Sep 2019 21:02

Macintosh, nobody deserves to be treated like that, you deserve so much better. <:)> <:)> As SB's has said can you go to a safe place or chuck him out? Congratulations on your Day 2, it must be so hard. (::)

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

martha
Posts: 1794
Joined: 13 Mar 2010 11:28
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by martha » 11 Sep 2019 22:48

Ruby&Tilly wrote:
11 Sep 2019 21:02
Macintosh, nobody deserves to be treated like that, you deserve so much better
Yes, exactly this. I hope you're ok <:)>
Nothing changes if nothing changes.

User avatar
SueDenim
Posts: 924
Joined: 01 Apr 2017 16:33
Last Drink Date: 28 Aug 2017
First Sober Date: 29 Aug 2017
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by SueDenim » 11 Sep 2019 23:55

Macintosh, that sounds suspiciously like gaslighting to me.

It's never easy to be sure when you only hear one side of the story; but please, if you think anything in the article applies to you, get out? Anyone can be a victim of gaslighting, and start to doubt themselves; but I think drinkers are at greater risk than others. If your memory is dodgy after a night of drinking, it will be even more difficult to sort truth from fiction, particularly if your self-esteem is low.

If you think you are being gaslighted, try to get help? To be honest, I wouldn't tell him you are seeking it, but I am not a psychologist. If you can find a therapist who specialises in this, see what s/he has to say about including him in the therapy, but remember that once you have told him, you can't take it back - you can always tell him later if the advice goes that way.

Anyway, I wish you well, and really hope you can get away from this man - if he is gaslighting you, He Will Not Change, however lovely he was at the beginning.
<:)>

Mackintosh
Posts: 28
Joined: 13 Jul 2018 09:58
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by Mackintosh » 13 Sep 2019 08:20

SueDenim wrote:
11 Sep 2019 23:55
Macintosh, that sounds suspiciously like gaslighting to me.

It's never easy to be sure when you only hear one side of the story; but please, if you think anything in the article applies to you, get out? Anyone can be a victim of gaslighting, and start to doubt themselves; but I think drinkers are at greater risk than others. If your memory is dodgy after a night of drinking, it will be even more difficult to sort truth from fiction, particularly if your self-esteem is low.

If you think you are being gaslighted, try to get help? To be honest, I wouldn't tell him you are seeking it, but I am not a psychologist. If you can find a therapist who specialises in this, see what s/he has to say about including him in the therapy, but remember that once you have told him, you can't take it back - you can always tell him later if the advice goes that way.

Anyway, I wish you well, and really hope you can get away from this man - if he is gaslighting you, He Will Not Change, however lovely he was at the beginning.
<:)>
Thanks have only just read these comments ....I've been concentrating on the first 7 days. I have contacted a wellbeing clinic and spoken to someone on the phone about my depression and drinking. I have an appointment on 8th October. Have also emailed women's aid. Trying to move forwards and have been the past few days....feeling pretty low today.

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 4557
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by SoberBoots » 13 Sep 2019 09:26

Thanks have only just read these comments ....I've been concentrating on the first 7 days. I have contacted a wellbeing clinic and spoken to someone on the phone about my depression and drinking. I have an appointment on 8th October. Have also emailed women's aid. Trying to move forwards and have been the past few days....feeling pretty low today.
Good for you. It's a rocky road, especially at first, but only through carrying on can you get where you need to be <:)>
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

User avatar
SueDenim
Posts: 924
Joined: 01 Apr 2017 16:33
Last Drink Date: 28 Aug 2017
First Sober Date: 29 Aug 2017
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: is drinking wrecking your relationship with your partner?

Post by SueDenim » 13 Sep 2019 22:11

That's good, Macintosh. I hope you're not offended by my comments.

Post Reply