Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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SoberBoots
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by SoberBoots »

soempty wrote:
25 Sep 2019 10:35
Thank you soberboots, sadly I am aware of this fact, and as much as I don't want to turn my back on him, I know I must. My mental, physical and emotional health is suffering because of the years of pain. Sadly he seems to get up and carry on day after day as if nothings happened, where as I feel like I'm carrying a million scars x
How are you doing now?
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soempty
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by soempty »

Hi soberboots, thanks for checking in on me, its been a long hard month. i kicked him out at the start of the month, he was gone 5 days. i had him back on the understanding that he would get some profesional help with his demons. which he did go to drs, did not drink for 2 weeks, and did sign up on here. but sadly that is it, he just did all that to get back, hes not followed any of it up. so friday night was our second anniversay, he took me out for a meal and we was having a lovely time, but then we made the mistake of going on into town after the meal. yes it ended up me saying its time to go because his attitude changed and he was starting to get abnoxious with people. when we got home, he was cold and horrible towards me again, he took himself off to the spare room and spent the night sleeping on the floor in there. then yesterday i find out that he has gambled all our money, and we are going on holiday today, so its left to me to fund everything again. so sadly things are no better, and we are just existing together at the moment.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by SoberBoots »

so sadly things are no better,
I'm so sorry. It must make you feel quite desperate at times <:)>
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Avocado
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by Avocado »

Hi guys,
Just wondered if anyone knows of a good but cheap family lawyer. I want to divorce my husband. I have 2 young children age 6 and 4. My husband and i own 50% equity of our home which I want to stay in with the kids but I'm on a very low wage and would not be able to pay the mortgage and bills by myself. Would I be entitled to help to pay for the bills and mortgage? I've made 1 enquiry so far but they want paying upfront over £500 for an hour zoom call woth a lawyer. I'll keep searching the internet but just thought I'd come on here and see if anyone can offer any advice. No problem if not I just want to get as much information as possible.

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pickles
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by pickles »

Hi Avocado. I don’t ,and I’m not in the uk anyway. But I just wanted to say this is very sad to read ,and I’m very sorry for you that you are thinking of this stage <:)> . Could you maybe stay with a relative for a bit ? You mentioned your mother, I think, not long ago .

Do you think a trial separation is better,for you ? Living together and 4 walls around you is not easy for sure ,but with all this lockdown,people’s minds have been all over the place .

It’s difficult to get counselling at the moment,but is online family counselling any good ?

Sorry it’s not helpful but I just wanted to respond <:)>
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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pickles
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by pickles »

Also there is this link too , for any guidance, useful tips .





https://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/ ... &start=740
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

squirrel
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by squirrel »

Hi Avocado
I cant help but maybe put your post on the more read sites and someone else might know in which direction you need to go. That sounds over pricey for lawyer help. Good luck

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Cowboy
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by Cowboy »

This just makes me feel so sad Avocado. I truly hope that you can find a way to make this work out for you and your loved ones. Stay safe above all. Good luck.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Avocado
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by Avocado »

Thank you everyone. I'm doing lots of research. I will let you know how it goes. Unfortunately there's no saving our marriage mostly for my boys sakes so they don't think it's ok to treat a woman the way my husband treats me. Also for me as I beleive I will be a lot happier without him.

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Luna_
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by Luna_ »

Avocado, dear <:)>
I'm not in the UK either so can't come with any concrete tips on lawyers etc.

However - I am a veteran of splits in relationships involving small children.

Hindsight is a great thing - and I sometimes wonder if I should have stuck it with the father of my children. But I wasn't happy, he contributed about zilch to both the relationship and the children. Or the house, or in fact financial affairs (he milked me). I - me - was better off without him. But it did mean that I tore my kids away from a life where mom and dad were under the same roof.

My daughter (now 16) says she understands my decision and that it couldn't have gone on. She loves me and her Pa - but says herself we are so different it's obvious this couldn't have gone on - and she does remember the shouting matches... :oops: Our life now isn't perfect - but on the whole, it's OK.

What you will have to get your head around is that when you leave your partner (or he moves out) - there are issues of child custody. It isn't always pretty. How will you divide the christmas holidays? Every other year, you end up alone at christmas/new year. The kids want both parents at these times - so I have had to swallow my pride and spend 25th December either at my ex's house or with him at mine, eating a nice dinner, opening presents etc. My daughter has birthday on christmas day and this "day all together" is in fact the only thing that appears on the "wish list" I give them before christmas/birthday. It does tear me apart a bit.

All in all - an unhappy mom isn't able to be a good mom - so in these cases it IS better to forge it alone. But then we all know, a single household is financially tough (** I deleted the last comments as not applicable to UK - all the best <:)> ).

Whatever you decide, I wish you well, Avocado. I am truly sad for your situation - and maybe some of my experiences may help in your choices. I don't know if I did good or not good for my kids. But it is what it is and we need to take decisions based on the here and now. If you are being badly treated - yes. Leave (or kick him out). But there are always 2 sides to any story - and given the financial constraints most of us now have directly or indirectly due to Covid - maybe counselling first might be a good option.

Sending you lots of these, Avocado <:)>
Last edited by Luna_ on 03 Mar 2021 15:23, edited 1 time in total.
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SoberBoots
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Re: Should I let him go now to save the pain ?

Post by SoberBoots »

Avocado wrote:
18 Feb 2021 23:17
Thank you everyone. I'm doing lots of research. I will let you know how it goes. Unfortunately there's no saving our marriage mostly for my boys sakes so they don't think it's ok to treat a woman the way my husband treats me. Also for me as I beleive I will be a lot happier without him.
Hi Avocado,

you should be entitled to child maintenance which would contribute to bills and mortage. It used to be possible to get initial advice form the CAB, but I don't know what the situation is now. This website might be useful https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-inform ... intenance/
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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