Family Matters

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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Mark.
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Mark. »

Lineinsand wrote:
09 Aug 2020 11:17
I keep thinking that I wasn't all that much of an alcoholic but there is no such thing I guess. I know I am going to regret not having been able to handle it better. However i am where i am so there is no point in whining. I had better just accept things.
How are you doing now, Lineinsand?

It's not for me to say whether or not you had "that much" of a problem, but it is a very natural and very common reaction after a short period of sobriety to think: "I wasn't that bad, really, was I?"

Only you can truly decide the answer to that question. Some (myself included) have fallen into slips by getting the answer wrong: newly sober, we feel fine, we feel invigorated, we feel... ready for a 'sensible' drink. We won't drink too much this time, or too often, or too noticeably. And then within a week or two we are back where we started.

For others it is perhaps different... perhaps.

I suppose it's a question we can only answer by asking ourselves how we (and those around us) came to believe we had a problem in the first place. And also by asking: If I am happy now that I am sober, why am I questioning to what extent I had a problem? Am I actually asking the question because, subconsciously, I really miss alcohol? And, if I miss alcohol, does that not suggest that it still has some kind of hold over me?

But, honestly, I'm not trying to be preachy, I promise! I'm genuinely just interested in how you are getting on, and I hope that things are going really well. Whenever you have time, let us know! ;)?
"I once thought that growing up *meant* smoking and drinking. It looked so good, but I don't want to die from it."
~ Marianne Faithfull

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Luna_
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Luna_ »

Hi Lineinthesand - also a :\: from me!

Zoe - (continuing conversation from SOS) - definitely, setting and achieving goals is a great idea. The times I've been at my worst drink-wise are those when I've felt overwhelmed, or like I'm not achieving any of my goals or plans. Ironically, drinking means even less gets achieved... and so it goes round and round.

The trick I've found most helpful is to break the bigger goals into smaller manageable units - and even sub-units, depending on how I feel. So if you're thinking of decorating - one step might be to look at colours/themes, then the next to make some decisions, then the next to make a budget, then to clear the room, then buy the paint etc...

You are in a position to start taking more control of how you want your life and marriage to go. This is the only life we get, and so it has to count. Health issues really do suck - but these things we cannot control - but we can control how we deal with them.

Wishing you all the best (and I hope I don't come across as preachy either - I've had a serious health set-back, with some permanent repercussions, and I drank - so I just wanted to share some of the ways I got out of it and started putting my life together - bit by bit).
<:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Luna_
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Luna_ »

Avocado <:)>

I hope things are going better for you today <:)>

I'm sorry about your situation, and I can't really give you any advice regarding your partner/husband - but I would suggest you look after yourself as a first priority, then worry about him.

We cannot see anything clearly whilst drinking, so the absolute no.1 priority is to take whatever measures to get off the booze. I used to obliterate all my problems with booze, but they just got worse. It was only after getting off that awful cycle that I started seeing things clearer. And being able to make progress with life.

They say don't make huge decisions whilst either drinking or during the initial recovery phase. If you treat your sobriety as something to be cherished, and treat yourself and your children well, whether he is home or not - you will become that amazing person you were meant to be. And your partner will either be a fool to treat you badly - or you may find the strength to go it alone for a while, at least.

If your having to beg someone to stay home, they probably won't. Or if they do, they won't treat you with respect. For the moment, consider just letting him go out with his mates - and focus on being strong, gorgeous and a great mom.

Oh - and seek all the help you need. It's out there. AA isn't for everyone, but I have found it helpful (we don't have other anonymous options here). Use a crisis line if you feel desperate in the middle of the night. Oh, and please don't mix meds and alcohol - I used to and I realise in hindsight with the units I was downing, I could very well not have woken up. The thought of my children finding me dead in bed shocked me to the core (still took me a lot more time to stop drinking, but I stopped mixing it with potent drugs).

All the best <:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Lineinsand
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Lineinsand »

Hi Mark and Luna and everyone else.
Thanks for your support.
Sorry not to have posted. I have made it to Day 76 without a drop of alcohol touching my lips.
I would still like a drink but I feel my resolve is strong and I would be letting myself down as well as others.
My wife is very happy with me and some people have commented that I look thinner so that's all very encouraging.
Family life is on an even keel and I haven't thought about death or topping myself for ages. I am sleeping better and also not falling asleep watching TV in the evening.
I have saved the money that I would have spent on the bottle of vodka a day (the level I had reached) and it is quite a tidy sum.
There is more to tell but that's all for now.
Take care and stay off the booze if you can.

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Mark.
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Mark. »

That's excellent news, Lineinsand (::) It's good to hear from you ;)?
"I once thought that growing up *meant* smoking and drinking. It looked so good, but I don't want to die from it."
~ Marianne Faithfull

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Luna_
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Luna_ »

Thanks Tobin for moving the recent conversation initiated by myself to the Grief and Loss thread.
Thanks all of you who have given me much appreciated support <:)> <:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Luna_
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Luna_ »

Avocado, dear <:)> <:)> <:)>

I haven't anything constructive to say, but I just wanted to reach out to you. We have communicated many times previously, and I totally identify with your situation.

I have been in an emotionally very abusive relationship, and even now, 5 years after its ending (it began in 2010), both me and my daughter (yeah yeah - daughter and I..) are still suffering the after-effects. She has a diagnosis of PTSD due to his treatment of her, and while it was all going on, she used to get hives all over her body, making her itch and fidget, wheich he of course took out on her. She also developed Tourettes syndrome by the end, I do not know if this was/is related. I do not wish my ex well either - when he got bored of me he ran off to a new wonderful life with a more exciting woman (I was in hospital at the time he told me this, charming man). Well, I just wanted to say I have some experience of emotional and sometimes also physical abuse. It is terrifying!

Daughter is not his, btw. Fortunately. Oh, my family structure is a bit complicated - it's OK here where I live, people are very liberal and accepting. It comes from being a long and narrow country, with one of the worlds longest coastlines - historically, this means lots of passing boats, handsome sailors and very many husband-less mothers... So noone bats an eyelid here at my turbulent history. But in UK still, I suppose I'd be considered not-so-noble :lol:

Rant away, this is what BE is for. It's been my lifeline since I joined in 2011 (I was faith2be).

I am so happy for you that you have got into rehab. This is a major commitment and I wish you all the very best. Many long-term BE'ers have made it to the other side through rehab and - well - again I just wish you all the best <:)>

Regarding your soon-to-be ex. You have children together, so you are going to have to cooperate for the foreseeable future. I hope he will do this in the best way for the kids. think many people find the first transition period hard, but it usually sorts itself out to some kind of leveable solution.

Wishing you well <:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

Rose13
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Rose13 »

Just wanted to jump on this thread to ask for any advice! And for a bit of a rant....
Also wanted to wish you all the best Avacado ! Sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself and family and I wish you all the best . Stay strong, you can do this !!

OH has just made the nastiest of comments about me and in front of our son . He made some rude hand gestures to employ I am mentally unstable behind my sons back so he couldn’t see then laughed at me when I got upset . He has done this before and It makes me feel paranoid. It feels calculating! Am I over reacting ?

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SoberBoots
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Re: Family Matters

Post by SoberBoots »

Am I over reacting
It's nasty and undermining. Have a serious talk with him?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Rose13
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Rose13 »

Thanks SB

squirrel
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Re: Family Matters

Post by squirrel »

He shouldn't be doing anything of the kind in front of your son. Hope you managed to talk it out with him Rose.

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Newt
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Newt »


Ethan1989
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Ethan1989 »

Rose13 wrote:
13 Jun 2021 23:09
Just wanted to jump on this thread to ask for any advice! And for a bit of a rant....
Also wanted to wish you all the best Avacado ! Sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself and family and I wish you all the best . Stay strong, you can do this !!

OH has just made the nastiest of comments about me and in front of our son . He made some rude hand gestures to employ I am mentally unstable behind my sons back so he couldn’t see then laughed at me when I got upset . He has done this before and It makes me feel paranoid. It feels calculating! Am I over reacting ?
Leave it as yesterday is a history Look forward for Tomorrow.

na
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Re: Family Matters

Post by na »

.
Last edited by na on 28 Nov 2021 21:09, edited 1 time in total.
Change is always possible - anytime, at any moment

na
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Re: Family Matters

Post by na »

Husband just came in and said we are doing ok financially. There is nothing we can do about this stressful situation except hope and pray and wish away till me have enough to retire to Spain! Feeling better so grateful I’ve got 3 sons who are a blessing x
Change is always possible - anytime, at any moment

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Mark.
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Re: Family Matters

Post by Mark. »

Sorry to hear all that, Na. That's a horrible situation. I'm glad your husband could reassure you a bit. Would your sons be able to have a word with their sisters about contributing more to the housekeeping? <:)>
"I once thought that growing up *meant* smoking and drinking. It looked so good, but I don't want to die from it."
~ Marianne Faithfull

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na
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Re: Family Matters

Post by na »

.
Change is always possible - anytime, at any moment

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