When loved ones drink and you don't

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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Rachel
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Re: When loved ones drink and you don't

Post by Rachel »

Serend, I am sorry I don't have much salient advice to give you but many <:)>
Rachel

serend
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Re: When loved ones drink and you don't

Post by serend »

Thanks for the replies, it means a lot <:)>
I could probably afford to leave and lead a simple life Danny as I went back to work full time during lockdown. And yes the 12 days must have been hard- but it seemed to be easy for him and he seemed almost happy. Thats the longest he's done but just ends in going back to it as soon as something happens.
I sought help from a councillor years ago, when I mentioned the drunken shouting or locking out the house, she said she didn't deal with abuse and referred me to women aid. I didn't really see it as abuse but I spoke to them and they said I could have him removed from the house but it would be all legal and I know would become very nasty. I felt strongly at the time that was not the route to go down, that it was worth staying, he is always saying we must keep the family together, and things became settled in a pattern of parallel lives with him drinking and sleeping a lot. However he's getting worse and last night reminded us all of his mum, who needs full time care, she doesn't even remember she was a drinker. My daughter said she doesn't want that for my future, and neither do I, but I am completely in stalemate, Groundhog Day every day, as soon as he has first drink my heart sinks and brace myself for whatever version of drunkenness the evening will bring. As I write this I realise there is nothing I can do, he has to help himself, Im not his carer or his mother nor do I want to be.
It's not inevitable whether we drink or not...we make the decision

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DannyD
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Re: When loved ones drink and you don't

Post by DannyD »

I might have missed this - are your children still at home? They probably don't want to be his carer either.

Do you want to look back with regret at things that did/did not happen?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Cowboy
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Re: When loved ones drink and you don't

Post by Cowboy »

Good advice DD.

Hope it works out for you serend. I believe strongly that we have to make our own way while we are here on this planet. Your OH is not in any way your responsibility. If you are living separate lives anyways it may make sense to take a break from each other and move on. It's a big step as our lovely and talented DD points out but your situation sounds almost unbearable. Especially when you are trying to look after that most important person in your life - you.

I wish you well whatever your plan.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing.

serend
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Re: When loved ones drink and you don't

Post by serend »

Thanks Danny and Cowboy. Appreciate it, its high time to put a stop to this
It's not inevitable whether we drink or not...we make the decision

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