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KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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warriorwoman
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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by warriorwoman » 15 Mar 2011 12:34

Summerholiday

Thank you for posting,it helps so much to read others experiences and thoughts.
A whole year? wow thats amazing!! Can i ask about the difference its made for you? How do you feel now you are a non drinker? Did the thought of no alcohol before you stopped terrify you? Has your self esteem improved since you cut it out?

I can totally relate to what you are saying about the affects on the kids,as im sure most of us here can. Its all too easy these days to leave kids to their own devices,tele,games consoles etc and i am guilty without doubt of leaving my youngest to entertain himself then getting cross with him when clearly hes just bored.

A family member of mine got stopped on the morning school run by the police and subsequently lost her license,even that didnt stop me,i just stopped taking my youngest to playschool when i was really bad the next morning. What a joke.

I would love to hear about the difference a year has made for you,i think it would really inspire me and i hope you feel so very very proud of yourself i truly do <:)>

Hey Enfin :)

Thanks,literally a few weeks back i couldnt have wine in the house without it being drunk (and then driving to get more) not entirely sure whats happened these last few weeks but i feel like im heading in the right direction. Yes have finished the application...its a huge deal,its a 5 year commitment and i cant afford to commit to it while drinking the way i have been.
No,man was not amicable about it at all,but quite frankly thats his problem not mine,im not here to get drunk and entertain him anymore,im here for myself and my boys. He has just proved to me what i suspected,he was only interested in the drunk me,i am starting to suspect i am worth a little more than that.
Enfin wrote:So know matter how hard I'm struggling, I won't give in, I need to survive for their sakes.
love this,you sure you aint a fellow warriorwoman yourself? never give up,thats the key. We will get there.

Loves to all of you x x

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Aaron.A
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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Aaron.A » 15 Mar 2011 13:26

I hope all goes well with your course warriorwoman. I myself am currently at college and I can say if it is so much easier sober. When I started the course back in September was still drinking and it was an absolute nightmare , I would come to class still half cut and reeking off booze and all I wanted to do was sleep not learn. Many times I did not even turn up as I just could not bare coming to class pissed as a fart. I would sit in class listening to the lecturer all day and learn NOTHING :oops: I would just sit there in a haze thinking how bad I felt and how a nice vodka would help me through the day.

I can also relate to everyones feelings of guilt with regards to alcohol and children as well. when it comes to bad parenting and alcohol it sometimes feels like I wrote the book on it.
I always tried to do the best by my son when I was drinking and would always try and take him out on activities etc during the weekend. But all the time I would have one eye on the clock, calculating when we would get home so I could begin the descent into alcohol fuelled chaos. When we went on trips in my other halfs car things would be just as bad if not worse as I did not have to drive I could have a few sneaky drinks to "warm up" so to speak. I would leave my son with my girlfriend to pop to the toilet or shop only to sneak off to find a pub for a sneaky shot, or into a shop for a travel sized bottle of wine.
And of course lets not forget the morning after where my son would be up bright and early wanting to play where I would just want to lie in bed, so on would go c beebies for an hour or two until I reoverd :oops:
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Summerholiday » 15 Mar 2011 13:54

Hi ww. Well, you know, I wanted to stop in the end. Needed to. I couldn't do it anymore, I felt and looked so ill. I was in a cycle that kept me spinning. I wasn't eating much and had tummy troubles too. Anyhoo, I was scared to stop you know? Scared because I FELT I NEEDED TO DRINK. I was even scared of going to sleep at night instead of passing out. My life at that point to me was mapped out. I'd carry on drinking, and most probably die. That sounds terrible to me now. But that's how I felt. No way out. Even with all my family around me. So after yet another night of hubby sleepin on the sofa, at his wits end with me, I just knew in my heart that I'd have to stop. I didn't know then how I would, or if it would last, I jus knew I had to. My mum had stopped smoking using Allen Carr easy way book to stop smoking and he also had an alcohol book. So I went to waterstones, they didn't have it. I ordered it and remember thinking: oh no, what am I going to do till it arrives? I had a bit of a tantrum if I recall! Once I realised I'd have to wait, wait, what's that? I'd never waited before, just got drunk and forgot all about what I'd been waiting for......it was a new feeling. All the other times I'd try to stop I'd be doing it for other people and constantly resented it. I'd be always saying that we needed eggs or some such from the shop so I could buy vodka, which is what I'd switched to from wine as time wore on. This time I wanted, truly wanted to stop. The book obviously I am a huge advocate of, it really does open your eyes. I was at a time in my life that something had to change, nothing changes if nothing changes right? This book I believe came to me when I was most receptive and well, it worked. The most important thing I would say is that there is another way. Another path. I didn't believe there was for me.

So, my life now? Well, I am a different person. Still moody but not a drunk moody! Can have arguments and stand by them. In the early days I caught myself thinking somethings missing........but then I always always said to myself, oh that's the drink calling you, thank god I don't have to do that anymore! And I would feel excited. I know that sound hard to believe but it's true. After years of believing I didn't have a choice and then to find out I actually did after all was amazing.

I have lost friends though, and you know what that doesn't matter. Im not bitter or anything because there's no point, and anyway this kind of thing really does sort the men from the boys. I still occasionally go to pubs now, but in all honesty its not what I want anymore. I am a hundred percent more committed to my family now too, and that feels brilliant. They can see the change and it's all positive. Gosh I didn't realise I'd rambled so much! I'm going to press submit now before I change my mind. Sorry I'm not good with words on paper.

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Aaron.A » 15 Mar 2011 14:29

Nice post summerholiday

I still argue with my partner, at least now I can stand my ground because I can remember what we were arguing about. Before she would bring up the argument we had the night before and I would have to stick on my sherlock holmes hat and try to gather some clues as to what we were arguing about. Either that or just say "yes dear" and concede.
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by warriorwoman » 15 Mar 2011 14:38

Summerholiday
You ramble away lady!!! It really helps to read what you are saying,i hope its been a positive thing for you to talk about it,ik know you say it sounds terrible to you now but that must make you see how far you've come,it wasnt an overnight thing and i think sometimes you look back and go 'wooooooaaaah look at where im at now!!!'

I think its amazing and i find it truly inspiring to read,and if i do, then you can bet your bottom dollar that others do too. <:)> So thank-you for being so open and please ramble some more!! I will hunt for that book and see if i can gain half of what you did from it then i will be happy
Take care
Marie x

Aaron.A
Thank-you! :) What wise words,ive just completed the (non wine splattered) application form with a personal statement and am off to post it now,my hand aches from writing,this is it now,the start of my 5 year plan...gulp!! (see i prob wont even get in now lol) What are you doing at college if you dont mind me asking? I'm going for the Access over one year :|
Yes i know what you are saying about the tele,when i know that my son is watching the same episode of peppa pig for the 8th time i kinda think enough is enough. I wonder whether all of the other kids at playschool talk about going on outings and mine just know the ins and outs of nick jr and how to play mariokart. Oh and lets not forget the bedtime stories that have been read exceedingly quick or even with a few pages skipped as i knew wine was calling. :oops:

Wow its all coming out now

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Aaron.A » 15 Mar 2011 14:51

I am currently studying for my IT networking certificates, I have just paid the exam fees...with the money I saved from not drinking booze!
I would not look at the 5 year plan as a scary thing, more as a new opportunity. It's not just the opportunity to get out there and learn it's also a chance to get out there and socialise. The past few years I have become a social hermit if the truth be told. My social life has revolved around talking to my son, my girlfriend oh and peppa pig and iggle piggle the teddy bears :oops: going to college has given me the opportunity to get out there speak to people and make new friends.
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by warriorwoman » 15 Mar 2011 15:03

Thats great,that is exactly what i want!! I have totally been a hermit too and as im now in a new area it has become more easy for me to just stay in,but no more i tell you!! I wont make new friends by just staying in being hungover now will i?!!
I am apprehensive but excited so its all good :)

Well done you!! I cant imagine how much drinking affected your learning at college but the fact you have sorted it and are still there (rather than my fear of the drink winning and college being dropped) is definitely to be commended. ;)?

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by S-J » 16 Mar 2011 07:39

Thanks for the kind words everyone, especially SB, Cherry, Warrior woman and Enfin <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>

Little one's ok, she's still off nursery but her burn's healing ok. As horrible as Wednesday night was, it's given me added impetus to tackle this thing once and for all. It's been one of those weeks where I've felt pretty ashamed for being so self-centred - obsessing about alcohol, stopping and starting for so long now. I know I will never drink like a normal person, been trying that one for too long now. Watching the news; the tsunami,the comic relief programmes from africa, chatting to my friend last night whose partner has left her with a 21 month old and a 4 month old. She isn't reaching for the bottle; she's dealing with the inevitable upheaval whilst putting the house on the market and sueing her unemployers for unfair descrimination at the same time. I feel pathetic but strong at the same time, and all too aware of how fragile life is. I'm going to make the most of this one shot at it that I get.
Aaron, good to see you doing so well and summerholiday - thanks for posting, it's so important that people like you share your recovery stories, so thanks :D

S-J x
"The beauty of life is finding the balance between peace and passion."

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Kokoda » 18 Mar 2011 10:33

Hi Aaron
Aaron.A wrote:I am currently studying for my IT networking certificates, I have just paid the exam fees...with the money I saved from not drinking booze!
I would not look at the 5 year plan as a scary thing, more as a new opportunity. It's not just the opportunity to get out there and learn it's also a chance to get out there and socialise. The past few years I have become a social hermit if the truth be told. My social life has revolved around talking to my son, my girlfriend oh and peppa pig and iggle piggle the teddy bears :oops: going to college has given me the opportunity to get out there speak to people and make new friends.
I don't think there's anything wrong with becoming a social hermit in some ways. I've become quite happy with my own company over the past few years, I go out occasionally with friends for coffee or dinner and I'm okay with that. I get a bit irritated with my friend who, from time to time, keeps telling me that she is worried about me because I don't go out. Sure, I used to drink alone at home all the time, but now I don't, I still enjoy my own space and being with my kids - I, er, don't talk to teddy bears :D but have been known to do a Shirley Valentine, lol.

I hope you do really well in your exams.

Vicki
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

http://www.buddhist-temples.com/buddhism-facts/buddhist-quote.html

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Aaron.A » 18 Mar 2011 11:16

The problem I have though is that when I was depressed and drinking I ignored all my friends, the drinkers and non drinkers alike which left me with few friends to contact now I have stopped. Also although I feel a lot better than when I was deeply depressed I still find it an effort to go out and socialise sometimes .
One bonus of being at college though is that the people I have met don't question why I do not have an alcoholic drink if we go out, where as there would be a fe raised eyebrows if I went out with my old drinking buddies.
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Kokoda » 18 Mar 2011 11:38

I understand, Aaron. It is so easy to fall back into yourself sometimes. I have had times like that. When I had the big bender when the kids went away last year, I came home from work with two or three bottles of wine every night, watched dvds into the night and drank. That was all I did for two weeks. I guess maybe I was lonely.

It is nice that you're making new friends, kind of like a fresh beginning, and like you say, nobody will question anything because the person they know is you, as you are right now. I guess sometimes we need to force ourselves to meet new people to shed the old acquaintances who were great at the time but don't change as we do and sometimes don't respect that change for what it is - a new start in life.

<:)>
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

http://www.buddhist-temples.com/buddhism-facts/buddhist-quote.html

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Enfin » 16 Apr 2011 12:40

Hi everyone,

Not sure if you have the same date as us Aussies (8th May) for Mother's Day, and I'm a bit early, I know, but just wondering what you've all got planned ?

For as many years as I can remember I've gone to my local club for breakfast with the kids(there's entertainment and a raffle), but since I have banned myself from the club (EAF) I have no idea what else to do.

The kids have already asked me why we aren't going this year (champagne is served at 9am) and I'm at a loss what else to do. It's not for me, I'd be happy to stay at home, but the kids look forward to the outing. A simple brekkie at a cafe won't cut it.

Maybe I should have posted this in the divorce thread, but anyway, any ideas ?
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by mai » 27 Apr 2011 10:59

Hi Enfin, bless, how lovely, so they have this in honour of the mums, not sure how to advise you on that one girle. In the uk we have mother's day earlier.. My husband never makes any effort in the day telling me I am not his mother (ha ha, if only I didn't think that way). So in the early years I used to make my own day - how sad is that!!.. Your little ones obvioulsy want a day, ( still call mine little ones and they are in their teens, not sure how old yours are?!) is there any parks or wildlife reserves that could make a day special? I love going to the zoo, but now they are in their teens its no longer `cool'.. I have a boy and a girl so that too can be challenging sometimes.. I can take my daughter to a pottery place here, it is where they can chose a peice of pottery to paint and then it will be glazed and popped into a kiln.. It can be picked up a week later, I love it, love recieivng their ideas on pots/vases/ plates etc.. My boy is very sporty, take him to a place where he can let off some steam, and my daughter loves it too, there are climbing walls and cafes (no alcohol) or maybe the cinema.. Over there you must have some amazing beaches, a day out with a picnic, or has that been done to death?! Four little ones must be such a challenge, but then I am sure I will need to ask you some advice :).. I just hope you will have a lovely day, and feel special no matter what.. Because you are a mum, and therefore you are special <:)> xxx
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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Kokoda » 29 Apr 2011 15:25

Hi Everyone,

Welcome Sam.

Enfin, hope you have a great Mother's Day on Sunday. My kids didn't even remember, as usual, just like their damned father. He bought me a sandwich toaster one Mother's Day, when I didn't even eat toasted sandwiches. Needless to say, another of the many reasons why we're no longer together :)

Hey Mai, I thought I'd throw in a pic from the weekend of the sunset over a West coast of Oz beach. Hope you enjoy it.
Sunset at our beach 1.JPG
Sunset at our beach
Sunset at our beach 1.JPG (5.24 KiB) Viewed 3248 times
Vic xx and <:)>
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

http://www.buddhist-temples.com/buddhism-facts/buddhist-quote.html

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Enfin » 30 Apr 2011 09:30

Hi everyone,

Nice to meet you Sam.

Love the idea of pottery Mai, if not for this Sunday, an activity for any w/e.
All my kids are very "arty", even my 13yr old boy would be into it.
(btw, the other kids are 10yr old boy, and 9 yr old boy/girl twins)
They're not a challenge at all - it's me who's the challenge ;).

Kokoda don't you still have one in primary school ? That's how mine know, cause they make cards in class and have a mothers day stall at school.

My ex and I have always swapped pressies (from the kids) for mothers/fathers day, but with all that's gone down with his jealous g/f recently, as you know, I'm not expecting anything this year. I'm not fussed, but the kids will think he's pretty lame.

You've probably read about my meltdown this week with the anniversary of my mothers death (at the age I am now), so I've decided to make this mothers day about her. I'm not one to go to graves so the kids and I have decided to spend the day planting trees and flowers in our garden instead. We'll also plant some in remembrance of my father who was actually born on mothers day !.

I don't feel like going out anywhere, I really only went out before to get the free champagne at the club :o . Watching all these 3 generational families together only heightens my feelings of aloneness, so I'll save myself the agony this year.

Anyway, enough of me, believe it or not, I don't talk much in person, but here on this site I just don't stop hey. !
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by mai » 30 Apr 2011 21:13

Kokoda and enfin, I hope you have a lovely mother's day ladies and may you feel so special <:)> .. Enfin, your day sounds absolutely perfect, and that picture looks amazing kokoda, what a beautiful sunset - thank you for sharing xx
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it..
Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Soulwax » 02 May 2011 15:25

great thread

i have seen myself in a lot of those posts, daddies juice for one.

Im new ill come back later and read some more and maybe open up, there is a lot on my mind on this subject and of divorce.

good nite

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by Enfin » 11 Jun 2011 15:34

So Soulwax,

More than a month since you said hi here - let's have some "daddy juice" and bump up this thread !!!! - don't be scared please, you're safe here to say whatever 1
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by lils » 18 Apr 2012 13:28

I found this video on youtube, it’s a very lovely level headed young man talking about his experiences as a child with an alcoholic parent. Worth a look.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfNfVWxC ... ature=plcp" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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Re: KIDS/FAMILIES - how do they feel about your drinking

Post by pilurini » 04 Jun 2012 19:49

I am surprised this thread isn't bigger. My kids hated me drinking, i was not in control, once my son took himself off to a friends so that he could be looked after! Even now when I drink so much less, almost never i feel that i am letting them down they are being shortchanged because they suffer for me.

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