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interacting with people who drink

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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christine1
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Re: relationships after drink

Post by christine1 » 15 Feb 2009 03:57

Julie,

I just want to say what a wonderful post this was and to apologise for not replying sooner. I have read your post every day since you made it, sometimes on more than one occasion. I am doing a lot of study on managing change in the workplace at the moment and so your references to this really hit home to me. I am very afraid but you are so right in saying that adjust, in time, we all do to the changes that come our way. I want to say thank you. I have printed off your post and hung it up on my wall as a constant reminder. Thank you. <:)>
Free yourself from the 'Elephant Thinking'.
How can I think about this differently?

rusty1983
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by rusty1983 » 15 Feb 2009 20:25

I've been looking for inspiration from famous people who quit drinking eg Ian Brown http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2007/se ... k.ianbrown

Interesting take on it!!!

"The Taliban are demented right? But they did have TWO good ideas. No booze. No gambling.

I thought the news footage of them running over bottles of whisky and brandy with tanks was brilliant. In our society liquor companies run the world - they ruin lives and make high streets no-go areas on a Saturday night.

Also casinos. I've got a friend who went on the internet gambling and he lost his house. His kids went to bed - and by morning he'd lost the house on online poker. It's evil. They're building a super-casino in Salford which has got enough problems already. Gambling is all based on 666 which is the number of the beast."



My dog died yesterday and this is one week after I had to go to the hospital because I was passed out on the street.
I was sitting there yesterday watching everybody in tears and all i could think was 'that couldve been me lying there like that.' Absolutely terrifying. Time to get this sorted out for good.

I decided that this website helps a lot, like nothing else Ive really found, so Im going to try this week to look at something on it everyday, and even maybe keep a diary.

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Momma Kitty
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Momma Kitty » 15 Feb 2009 21:38

Hello Rusty1983...It is a pleasure to meet you! I give you great "CREDIT" for now seeing that becoming SOBER is something that is WELL WORTH striving for!!! It truly IS!!!!! :) In every way I might add. You are YOUNG still Rusty and have a whole lifetime ahead of you...Why 'allow' yourself to destroy just to say u followed suit. Drinking, Drugs and Gambling are all a "Sudden Road to Death"!! Minimally DESTRUCTION! And eventually and Certainly - "DEATH!!! The Diary is a wise choice and BE is BEYOND WISDOM - IT IS REAL!!! It is WONDERFUL and LIFE SAVING ENCOURAGEMENT and SUPPORT!

All the very best to you Rusty! Love, Momma Kitty =^..^= <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass. "Dale" Wimbrow Sr.

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Bela
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Bela » 15 Feb 2009 22:19

Sorry to hear about your dog, Rusty.
<:)>
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Aaron.A
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Aaron.A » 17 Feb 2009 19:46

Drinking to excess is, unfortunately all to socially acceptable in the UK. Although other Countries also have their share of alcohol problems. My uncle upped roots to Australia a few years ago with the grass is greener mentality. However they too have drink problems, gang problems and high energy bills (due to air con, not central heating).
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again

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groundhog
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by groundhog » 17 Feb 2009 22:29

Ah Rusty, sad to hear about your dog....

this is an interesting thread.

i have just this last week moved back to england after living in france for the last two years. have been out on one occasion which was last night to some neighbours of my parents (who I am staying with). they offered champagne and wine. i said did they have soft drinks. they did but they made some comments throughout the evening about what lovely wines they had etc etc and the guy who has just had an operation for cancer was saying how wine is all part of life. I just said "is it?". i couldn't think what to say. He said that he had given up drinking for a few weeks b4 and after the operation but now drank a bit every night, last night seemed to be a LOT.

anyway what i wanted to say was that there does seem to be this obsession with alcohol in the UK. in france you could just as easily sit there and drink coffee or tea or water or coke as drink wine and nobody woudl bat an eyelid. it just wouldn't be an issue. whereas last night i had to say i had an intolerance to histimine (which i do) but it didn't really wash, they just said they had a friend who said they were allergic to alcohol but they thought it was an excuse for being an alcoholic. It was an awkward evening. so from now on i am just going to say "I don't like it" rather than getting into long discussions about histimine, actually i don't like it anymore. I just hate that i have to justify not drinking. it should be people that drink all the poison that shoud have to justify why they DO drink. ah i see the road ahead in england might be a tough one. last night has already put me off going out in teh evening and rather stickiign to coffee dates. i really do'nt want to drink, have no desire to drink and really find the whole thing revolting (since reading Allen Carr - yes its still working!!!).

so thought i would share that with you all. all the very best to everybody

<:)> <:)> <:)>
Reputation is everything.....

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Bela
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Bela » 17 Feb 2009 23:28

Congrats on not drinking, groundhog.
What bores to give you such a hard time, but you came out of it knowing to try a different tack the next time.
<:)> Bela
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

rusty1983
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by rusty1983 » 17 Feb 2009 23:59

Thanks for the commiserations here!

Something is awry when I go to the pub on Fridays and there is beer for £1.50 a pint yet a coke costs over £2. Someone mentioned above that one solution is finding a circle of friends who arent pushy or just nutty in the first place. Im thinking maybe if I stay away from the looser canons I associate with for a while I might have stronger willpower should I choose to hang around with them. In my case though I feel like I can just say 'Ive got a problem, Ive stopped' and there wouldnt be much they could say. It's become fairly obvious I have a big problem.

I find that the friends I have from other countries who dont drink are more gregarious, almost in compensation. I wonder how much of our problem comes from social awkwardness? Well, anyway, Ive said it before but Ive had nights out without drinking anything and theyve been pretty entertaining. You can be entertained without drinking.

Well, part of the problem might be I find it difficult to make friends without being a little tipsy, or just to have a banter. After a few drinks I feel all loose and confident. Then I get hit with a sledgehammer of drunkenness.

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groundhog
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by groundhog » 18 Feb 2009 11:38

hi everybody and thank you for your kind comments :D :D

well i have no intention of drinking to make everyone else feel better about themselves! that's for sure. especially as i never seem to know when to stop, its just such a good feeling not making a total fool of myself and not having a hangover, only thing is i find myself getting tired and bored sometimes when people talk rubbish. however its early days and i am going to choose my company well from now on.

am very pleased my parents aren't pushign me to drink because normally they do, they just keep syaing, can't i get you something but now i just say, yes please i will have a glass of water. so i am drinking loads of water because they refill a few times an evening so i am getting nice skin!!!! ha ha. even if i seem to be getting up all night to go to the loo with all that water!

good luck everyone :D
Reputation is everything.....

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spaceChimp
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Re: relationships after drink

Post by spaceChimp » 07 Mar 2009 13:58

Hey Julie.. hopeful message you have given there, I was just about to ask people how they find the situations you are talking about. It is very lonley and hard, but I agree it gives you a strength you haven't experienced before and I suppose its getting yourself to realise it IS A STRENGTH ! and god I hate change of most sorts, it takes me a lifetime to adjust lol !

People are going to be odd around you or question it, especially if they have seen you doing it for many, many years, I questioned people who didnt drink ?...Many people live lifes not doing what is " the social norm" and have a peace of mind and confidence.

I been out in the last few months once to the pub and it was fine (tonic water and coffee) and to a friends for dinner with people drinking (i even bught a bottle of wine for the host, felt good buying but not drinking ;) )

and you have to remember most people are not thinking about drink like you, so when you have your confidence back your be on the sort of the same level in a social situation...
In anything you aim for, you could fail.....but remember there's chance you could win !

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Bela
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Re: relationships after drink

Post by Bela » 07 Mar 2009 14:03

Chimp, I know what you mean about buying wine, but not partaking. It seems sort of right to me now.
I used to buy two just so I had some to take home. Truth told, sometimes I would buy three and leave some in the car so I was sure I had some take home! Efficiency in shopping, and all that. lol ;)
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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spaceChimp
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Re: relationships after drink

Post by spaceChimp » 07 Mar 2009 14:48

All in the planning mate ...lol thats one thing I was good at !...timetable of all the shops and opening times tattooed on my brain.. :D
In anything you aim for, you could fail.....but remember there's chance you could win !

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hamster
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Re: relationships after drink

Post by hamster » 07 Mar 2009 17:00

I used to hate people who didnt drink. Just bloody boring and stupid and looked down their nose at me. Seriously that is what used to go through my head.

My own sister, on hearing that I had stopped drinking said ' well your not coming on holiday with me-non drinkers are boring'.

I thought the way I did because I had a problem. She thinks the way she does because she has a problem.

Understanding how vulnerable a lot of drinkers really feel and that is what motivates their questioning of our abstinence can be empowering. I love being a non drinker. I love not feeling vulnerable.

Julie
x
AF2011 number 10

rusty1983
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by rusty1983 » 30 Mar 2009 22:23

Same old story here with me, got drunk twice on the weekend. First night couldnt get myself home and crashed out on someones sofa, woke up in urine and had to do a cover up of it. Saw everyone from that night today and it wasnt so bad. 'We're all human' was what everyone has been saying.

Saturday was much worse, the same old habit for me, drinking to dull the embarrassment of the night before. Went to a party and woke up on the pavement at about 6 oclock!
It's unbelievable how Ill keep on demeaning myself like this for a few moments of being out of my mind and yet still with it enough to enjoy it. Im even bored of posting the same old story on this forum just to get it off my chest.

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becstarr
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by becstarr » 31 Mar 2009 04:39

How about you re write your story, Rusty?
Try and have a dry night this coming weekend and then come back and tell us how good it was. You don't have to be drunk to have a good time ;)

Bec x

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Lina
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Lina » 24 Apr 2009 00:48

Rusty,

Just PMd you, as this thread hit me hard.
You write with such eloquence and intelligence and yet it sounds like you're hanging with people who are in a shite situation and want to see you down with them. Are any of them able to eloquently verbalise their issues the way you have? I doubt it!

I can relate - I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet, but I do know the situation: I'm trying to complete my PhD while hanging round with drunken bikers who snort coke and spend their weekdays recovering with hair of the dog. All I can feel is pain inside - I KNOW I should be doing something else/better, yet I feel I can only interact with people who have no expectations of me. Yet I still feel dissappointed in myself, terribly so, when I wake up in my clothes, on the sofa, with 15 empty cans around me and a fag butt still in my hand. Oh yeah, and one foot hanging in kebab remnants!

Rusty, you know you are better than this. You ARE worth more. Who do you need to convince? (I ask myself the same questions!!!)

Good bloody luck - it's so hard to not only battle alcoholism, but worthlessness too! (Crikey! I feel i'm messaging myself!!!! :) )
------- Failure is just the negative space around success -------

rusty1983
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by rusty1983 » 25 Apr 2009 13:32

I just PM'd you back but thought Id update on here.

By the way Im really flattered with how you say I write eloquently :oops:

I lnow what you mean, waking up is the worst part, the smells and such, trying to remember what the f**k you were doing. Then trying to hold off for an hour or too before you start drinking again!

I stayed in last night and that is where the trouble usually starts. Im in no mood to get annihilated today either. I had two weeks off work and spent a lot of it drunk, I went back this week and felt like I hadnt rested at all !!

Ive put a bit of distance between myself and my craziest friends, without going into details one nearly died and another is now facing a short prison sentence, and both entirely because they were under the influence. Time for me to take my many many warnings and calm down I think.

Having said that I still dont know if I can control it but Im gonna bare it all in mind. I need a rest anyway, if I dont get some relaxation this weekend Im gonna be falling asleep when at work.

Anyway I gotta go

Have a good weekend everybody

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AlexT
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by AlexT » 17 May 2009 17:14

Hey all,

I know this thread is a fairly old one now but no less relevant. Rusty this is a very interesting post and one fairly close to my situation.

Im 32, a music producer and dj based in london so I'm all to aware of how much of everything is constantly around in london. So many people binge drink and take cocaine in all the clubs, ive dabbled and still do, which I hate myself for. The drink is the gateway, by drinking i then socially smoke and still take the odd line of coke i then spend the whole next day beating myself up about it.

The comments about changing your circle of friends are true but so hard for me to do because the clubscene is my place of work, its really hard trying to quit the drink and being surrounded by alcohol and people out to party. I love producing music and djing its my raison d'etre' so i'd hate to think the only way to stop it is to simply quit the music. I don't drink at all during the week but every weekend without fail im drunk fridays and saturdays, similarly everyone i know and have formed friendships with in the clubs is in a similar boat. Im only 32 but i don't want to spend the next however many years with this constant cycle of weekend hangovers and feeling crap for a few days after, the binges are big every weekend without fail a good 10-12 pints each time.

This forum is great and I will certainly be popping in alot x

keep strong people! :D
reforming weekend alcoholic and music lover
http://www.artizanmusic.co.uk

Blaise
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by Blaise » 18 May 2009 08:14

Hi Alex. I know you KNOW this, but I'm almost 20 years older than you so I'm allowed to sound like your mother :P

The major problem with drinking too much and then taking drugs is that, one day, you might take something that isn't pure. The result could be death or (which might be worse, depending upon your opinion) permanent disability. Alcohol really mucks up our decision-making capabilities. You sound as though you have considerable talent and a life that (mostly) you love. Don't risk spoiling it.

Blaise xx (mummy-mode off!)

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AlexT
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Re: How do you get out of it?

Post by AlexT » 19 May 2009 10:05

Hey Blaise,

hahah thankyou very much for your mummy talk much appreciated <:)> <:)>

You're absolutely right, drugs are for mugs and i know this very very well. I think the trouble is the alcohol goes down and then the 'i don't give a f£$k im going to be a naughty rebel and rebel against my own morals' switch goes on. Im not 16 anymore im 32 and i know this all too well. I guess you work hard all week and then think your reward is total hedonism at the weekend. Don't get me wrong the drugs aren't half as bad as the boozing which is my worst thing, thats every weekend without fail.

Well its really great to have this forum and to know none of us are alone out there in our desire to kick the bottle!

thanks for reaching out <:)> :D
reforming weekend alcoholic and music lover
http://www.artizanmusic.co.uk

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