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Friends, old and new

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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1sunworshipper
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by 1sunworshipper » 10 Sep 2013 00:24

Hamsa - lovely post. Telling the kids made me laugh. My 16 year old makes me chuckle when she sees me behind my laptop she'll say "you on alcopops site". That's what she refers to BE as and also because in the beginning I spent sooooo much time on here it was my second home. <:)>
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

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jane73
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by jane73 » 10 Sep 2013 23:34

Sometimes I want to tell my friends/family/colleagues something one of you here on BE said in a post and then I think "oh, I can't - how will I explain who said it?" so I don't. I think that's a shame because there's a lot of brilliant wit and wisdom on here.

But I am too embarrassed to tell anyone that I come on here. I am still pretending that I gave up drink because I got the the age when it no longer agreed with me. Oh the lies I am still telling related to the dreaded wine :oops:

I wonder whether I am fooling anyone. No, probably not :shock:

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hamsa
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by hamsa » 12 Sep 2013 19:46

<:)> <:)> to Jane.

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hamsa
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by hamsa » 09 Nov 2013 18:07

Thinking of our friend, Linda, today and wishing her my deepest felt condolences. As many of you know, I lost both my father and mother within 5 months of each other this past year. I was estranged from my father, but I miss my mother so very much. Losing one's parent, no matter what age, is so very difficult. Linda, may you have a smooth journey through this difficult time and remember we are here whenever you may need us. <:)> <:)>

cowboy

Re: Friends, old and new

Post by cowboy » 19 Jul 2015 14:57

Punt. I shifted back in time and read some posts on this thread.

Sapphire, CGirl, Andy, GFA, Paul. What a group of folks. I often see GFA posting on the food thread and glad to see that she is doing so well. Sapphire I know made it to 6 months for sure and told me that a switch went off in her head and that she know longer wanted to drink again. I saw CGirl a while ago and she was doing well. It was a great group we had but you really can't go back. Gotta surge forward and make new AF friends in these parts and hold on with all you've got.

I'm not the same person I was so many years ago. I've been beaten down with all of the stops and goes on this frikkin merry go round. I don't know why I keep leaving and coming back when I enjoy my sobriety so much. So sick and tired of being pulled back down into that pit by the real world I live in. Sometimes just wish I could transport myself to a neighborhood of butterflies, turtles, newts, shadows, vikings, parrots (I know Kaz, I know), kitty's and oatmeal cookies. A place where I could really see and feel the people who are genuinely on these threads to support and offer non-judgmental advice. Be with those people personally so that I had support in a real world. Just struggling today with the knowledge that, although I am sober and feeling really good atm, I will drink again. It's a certainty and it's a part of my life. My real world friends just don't get it. They get me - but they don't get this evil hold that alcohol has on me. They really don't know that I am one night of drinking away from falling into that pit of self destruction.

It's Sunday and I'm not drinking. I don't expect to be drinking. I looked in the mirror and two bright and shiny eyes looked back at me. Not blood shot, not tired and old. Young and sparkling with life. And I want to change that? What a maroon.

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Sandy
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Sandy » 19 Jul 2015 17:11

hi Cowboy
its a funny old world innit?
Somewhere, sometime your switch will go "ding" too, this road is preparing you for that time.
Do not be so hard on yourself, your sober times should be cherished and polished and put in your collection. Every time, you are gaining traction and reigning this beast in.
You never give up and that is what counts.
Do not be weary my friend and think you are doing fabulous!
<:)>

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64Turtles
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by 64Turtles » 19 Jul 2015 17:58

It is a funny life innit Sandy!

I am here to visit a bit but Hamsa said it well. We have friends here. I like to say, "my people". There are those who get it and those who don't. Here I have friends who get it and that is such a blessing as opposed to having no-one who does. I am in the know long enough now to see where before I was blind. Thanks to you all I have a goals and some success. The place I mark is being well. The success I gain is because my people have helped me. Thanks to Tobin for being just right when it mattered <:)>

Glad to be here and best wishes to you all.
“Just remember - when you think all is lost, the future remains”

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pickles
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by pickles » 14 Sep 2015 10:45

Bump
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

shimmer
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by shimmer » 14 Sep 2015 13:14

Thanks for bumping Pickles :-) much appreciated.

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pickles
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by pickles » 14 Sep 2015 19:15

You are welcome shimmer ;)?
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

Pandora's Box
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Pandora's Box » 11 Feb 2016 18:11

I am hoping someone on this site can give me some advise.

My best friend is an alcoholic and has been for a long time. Going back 35 years ago I can recall carrying her home on many a Friday night so this is a life long problem from her teenage years. She doesn't know anyone know's and tries to hide it, but those close to her are aware. Over the last few years, her teenage children have been constantly in touch with me asking me to help her. She drinks herself unconscious and her marriage and job are both at risk because of it. She even has the typical swollen blue nose. It is obvious. I am not a professional and so I listen and give the best advise to her kids as I can. I try to be there for them when they need me. She has no idea that her children are in touch with me and would be mortified to find out, so it is all very hush hush for the sake of confidentiality....as much for their sake as anything else. I am like the aunt they can run to, but she doesnt have a clue.

What her kids don't realize however, is that I have issues of my own. I do not have an alcohol addiction as such, but lets just say it is a daily habit and could easily cross over into addiction. Over the years I have made reasonably successful efforts to cut down on my drinking, until I was slightly above the allowed units for a woman. However - I recently found out my liver enzymes were 3 times what they should be and have since given up altogether. It hasn't been easy, but I feel better for it.

I thought that sharing my journey with her, and making it all about ME and not about HER - would open up a dialogue and she would confide in me. The total opposite was true. At first she delivered sympathy and support for my problems - with total complete denial and refusal to admit anything about herself. The door was open- but she didnt walk through it. However when I continued to want to talk about it she got angry and totally shunned me. We are childhood friends - so this is many many years of friendship being pushed into the gutter.

I am shocked. Is this hiding ones head in the sand a normal reaction. I have always been so open about my issues and told many people about my liver results to encourage others to get themselves tested. Remember - I was just a bit above my unit allowance and so there is a lesson to be learned in that somehow. Many of my friends drink the same amount of wine as I did - so we are all at risk. Sharing is good - isnt it?
However this friend in particular has turned really weird on me and the outright denial/hiding/lack of admission of anything to do with booze - quite threw me. I am not sure she will live if she carries on like this - going by what her kids tell me.

Any thought? As it stands, I doubt she will ever talk to me again - or is this the addiction talking?

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Topcat
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Topcat » 11 Feb 2016 18:22

Hi Pandora and sorry to read of your friends' problems and the understandable worries of her kids.
Pandora's Box wrote: I am shocked. Is this hiding ones head in the sand a normal reaction. I have always been so open about my issues and told many people about my liver results to encourage others to get themselves tested. Remember - I was just a bit above my unit allowance and so there is a lesson to be learned in that somehow. Many of my friends drink the same amount of wine as I did - so we are all at risk. Sharing is good - isnt it?
I'm afraid that is a very normal reaction for someone deeply in denial about their alcohol problem. When we don't want to stop/accept/even consider that we might have a problem, then we do an ostrich act I'm afraid. The only way that your friend will start to deal with her drinking is when she wakes up to it and decides to do something for herself. It's tough on her kids and yourself, but that is the nature of this addiction. We will not do anything about it until we are ready to do so.

My advice is to let her know you are there for her if and when she needs it. That is all you can do really <:)>

Well done on dealing with your own alcohol problems - that's great ;)?
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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DannyD
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by DannyD » 13 Feb 2016 08:28

Pandora I've a very good friend who has always been there for me. As I remember, we never talked about my drinking issues, though she tells me now, that we did. And that I would go into a sulk and ignore her for weeks. Looking back, I've no idea what kept her coming back. Somehow our friendship has survived. Try and remember why she is your friend. If she can ever face up to her problems, she will need you. Keep that door open - perhaps text her in a few days and ask how she is. Chances are, she's forgotten her upset, is living with the reality of your absence - and has no idea why.
be selfish in your sobriety.

richg
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by richg » 23 Jan 2017 20:49

Hi all,

After this weekend and feeling awful for days I've decided to stop drinking, which I am determined to do and have wanted to for a while. I should point out that I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink socially but it is those social events which just get out of hand. I could easily stop drinking if it wasn't for my friends, this sounds like I am passing on the blame, I am not, and I entirely understand that it is me and my love of social and drunk. I know this has to end but I'm not sure how to talk to my friends about it. All my friends drink, a catch up is usually a few pints at the pub. I'm really unsure how to broach this subject.

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Shadowlad
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Jan 2017 18:00

Hi richg,

Your predicament with your friends and socialising in the pub is understandable. Honesty does tend to free us of confusion and grey areas, but is difficult sometimes. Its your choice but perhaps just bite the bullet and tell your friends you are not drinking alcohol and the reason why (simplified). Again it is your choice and i wouldn't normally advocate this but most pubs serve AF imitations such as becks blue. You may feel like this is too much of a risk in that it may trigger returning to drinking alcohol. If you are clear that you want to stop drinking then it is easier to maintain it by being clear with those around you rather than be sketchy about it. Others are far more accepting when we are assertive about our non drinking (even if we are secretly wishing we could drink like 'normal' people). It helps to forge a confident persona, and confidence does grow the longer we are dry ;)?

Best wishes x
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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DannyD
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by DannyD » 24 Jan 2017 18:28

Just jumping in: Becks Blue is not totally AF.....
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Shadowlad
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Jan 2017 18:35

Yes you are right Danny, there is a trace in it. Pity they don't sell Bavaria 0 % in pubs because that is clear of alcohol and it tastes better too. Again, some peeps may get triggered with imitation drinks but i have had them a few times, to alleviate that feeling of missing out, or because i like the taste. Not so much now though, and i've been mindful of why i wanted the drink at the time, ie ' am i really wanting alcohol ?' Or 'do i want one because i like the taste and it feels like a nice adult drink ?' x
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

richg
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by richg » 24 Jan 2017 20:33

Thanks, that is good advice. This is the approach I used with my family and the responses were good. I probably won't go to the pub any more.. Seems illogical to do so now.

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Shadowlad
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Jan 2017 21:09

That seems like the best decision, to stop going to the pub. There will be other places to catch up with good friends that suit you better. I only go in pubs either for a meal or on the odd occasion to sneakily use the loo's, lol ;)
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

Daisy221
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Re: Friends, old and new

Post by Daisy221 » 17 May 2017 13:38

Hello there! i am newbie here and my name is Daisy, a freelance writer & blogger in Alabama and working in online dissertation help

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