Re: When loved ones drink and you don't
Posted: 09 Feb 2019 14:33
Sandy wrote: ↑04 Jan 2018 13:19This year will be my fifth on BE. I have been reading my posts over the years and feel quite emotional, its like a flash diary of over 4 years of controlling, abstaining, moderating, blaming others, success, failures and miseries and joy! Just re-reading and appreciating some of the wonderful advice and support I have received over the years. This particular message above struck a cord today. I still am where I am, nothing has changed, however, I have finally accepted things won't change and have found some contentment/peace. I have created a life of my own by taking steps back from my relationship, and being more assertive, which is fine and was great advice, but it is lonely. I try to keep myself closed off, refuse to let my guard down nor react to any provocation, whether drunken or sober. Plan to continue this way, doing the best I can, until kids finish school. Thats my decision and I'm happy with it for now. Thanks BE. Such a great resource!DoneandDone wrote:Hello Serend,
Just to second Shadowlad’s always helpful counsel. It is hard when our relationships are difficult, giving us added motivation to drink. Disengaging mentally from this tension helped me a lot. I cannot control the OH’s drinking, only my own. Since I have stopped, I notice there is a decrease on that front, without my making any demands or that there be no alcohol in the home. I have also stopped trying to change anything at all. Complete acceptance of the way things are has increased my inner contentment and created more peace all the way around. Is there still a lot I would like to be differnt? Sure, but I would have to try to think of what they are at the moment. I am letting a lot just slide and am much happier for it.
Serend not sure if any of this helps you in any way? You can stay where you are and build a very satisfactory life around him, but you need to take tiny little steps back from your relationship every day and in every way. You need to build your strength and confidence to do this. You could end up happy with this, tolerate this or take it for what it is, but it can be damned lonely. Or you can walk away and create a new life for you. Your other option is to stay and be miserable.