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Our kids

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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faith2be
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Re: Our kids

Post by faith2be » 08 Jun 2018 21:44

Hi Pickles, Nicky, Catriona and all..

I know ypu all have issues and challenges and are tackling them head on. Thanks also for very many supportive comments. Especially you, Pickles, on the subject of autism.

I have long suspected something not quite "right" or rather "logical" about my daughter and it has escalated over the past years to the point where she has so violent rages I can't prevent or intervene in any more because she is stronger than me now. I have a neck injury and she put me in hospital once. It was ok but I got sent for an emergency MR scan and they dont do that for nothing.

I have long suspected something on the high functioning autism scale (ha ha daughter of a functioning alcoholic...). All the permanent fidgeting, stealing stuff, hiding, destroying stuff and lying about it... The irrational rages. Misperceptions. Alternate precocious obnoxious better-than-everyone else correcting behaviour (think Hermione Granger from Harry Potter in the first film) and the next instant she is lying on the floor kicking and screaming because I want her to put her woolies on because it is -15 degrees out and we are going (ice) fishing.

I have been accused of child abuse by authorities due to her rages. For her she is defending herself against attack. (I now know just being told to hurry up in the bathroom so not to miss the bus is perceived as a threatening situation that needs to be defended. For me being punched for trying to get her to school just wasnt right). Daughter was forcibly taken off me for 3 months without prior notice. Ostracised by our school and thus also parents (except some who rose to my support - interetingly those who also have "special needs kids - autism, adhd and the like). Daughter displayed acute panic attacks and wierd twitching and tics, all of which were attributed to stress caused by me. Right.

To cut a very long story short - all this was like a volcano that finally exploded. We finally finally got into the child psychiatric unit for a 4 day assessment. Plus a day for me and her dad.

Guess what. Daughter has been diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome with co-occurring Asbergers syndrome. All the above (and much more) really fits in with what I have now learned.

I am happy for this (not that she has this but now both she and I know where we stand and I can start to understand her behaviour better and to tackle it in a way appropriate for her (but this is the opposite from "normal" parenting advice etc etc).

I have applied 2 times previously to the psychiatric unit and 2 times they rejected us because the symptoms were not "bad" enough. So we had to wait for half her childhood to be lost in a mist of chaos. Well now we are in and they are great. We will get Skype counselling for her so she doesnt have to take a whole day off school every week. We live 1 hour drive from the unit...

Its all good and going forward but it has been one of the darkest periods of my life. Being accused of abusing the very child I have most tried to help. Father lets her rool the roost at his, to avoid conflict. I have seen him and daughter walking around eg at footie tournaments, either hand in hand or with arms round each other - while his new girlfriend trots behind. She is of a more subservient culture, you might say... But all the same, guess what happens when she comes back to me and I expect her to behave as a teenager not my superior...

I write a lot now but usually I try to be anonymous. Ish
But in all my years on BE I have only seldom encountered someone from the country that is now my home. The way most of them formulate english is very characterisic. So I will leave this detailed post up. In this I have nothing to hide and if anyone is looking then they have the same problem as I do. The only person who may be "snooping" is my ex, who knows about this site. He abused daughter terribly -, but I now understand even more how that arose. He has a "condition" (NPD) that prevents him from being emotionally mature, although being brilliant in other fields. So the two of them were like 2 kids fighting in a playground. Only he had an arsenal of passive aggressive techniques that left her floored. And scarred. Oh what a bloody mess. I wish for a magic wand to undo the last approx 8 years. But I dont have one - so this diagnosos is a turning point for me. I dont need alcohol any more and for this I am eternally grateful.

I am careful not to have BE pop up on browsers and have never used a work email so no pop up alerts in the.middle of a presentation...

But many BEers over the years have listened to me and given advice and shared their stories, all of which have helped me immensely.

So there it is. My gut feeling (and extensive hobby-research) confirmed... Tourettes AND co-morbid Aspergers.

Phew....

Thanks for letting me "speak"
:-)
Definition of recovery:
1) "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength"
2) "the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost"

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SueDenim
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Re: Our kids

Post by SueDenim » 09 Jun 2018 01:05

I hear you, Faith.

I don't know what to say (not that anything I could say would help anyway); but i didn't want you to think you were posting into a void.

I'm pleased you have a diagnosis at last, and that you can get some help.
<:)>

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pickles
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Re: Our kids

Post by pickles » 09 Jun 2018 08:08

Hi Faith, I too am glad there has finally been a diagnosis after such a long time and frustration ( it sounds ) .

Do things like looking after the animals calm your daughter ?

I'm very glad for you that you will be able to Skype cousell. That does sound a good idea . I agree it's very difficult taking them out of school for an appointment ,especially if tests,exams are coming up !

I do hope the Skype couselling goes well for her ,and you . Look after your health too <:)> .

BizzyBee
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Re: Our kids

Post by BizzyBee » 09 Jun 2018 08:43

Oh my goodness Faith! What a huge and awful ordeal for you to go through. As well as your daughter of course.
I can imagine that getting the diagnosis was like a tremendous weight being lifted. At least now you can start going forward and getting the right help for your daughter. And for yourself too. Is there specific support available for you as a parent where you are? There should be some recognition of how you've been treated by authorities as well as focus being on your daughter to get help.
I can understand the difficulties in situations like this when authorities come to look at what is going on and who needs protection. There have been many cases of child abuse cases not being taken seriously enough by authorities which has then led to them becoming worse or in some case fatal. But unfortunately it works the other way sometimes too, like in your case. I'm not sure this always gets followed up as well as it should be though. There should definitely be some recognition of what has happened in the run up to this. How you've been wrongly accused and treated as someone who abused their own daughter.
I truly hope you and your daughter are both getting the support you need now and your life can start moving forward in a positive direction.
X

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Shadowlad
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Re: Our kids

Post by Shadowlad » 09 Jun 2018 23:29

Hi Faith <:)>

I read your post last night and tried to respond but was too tired and making a pigs ear of it. I see there have been some wonderful replies, and i hope you feel better for writing everything down, and for reading the above thoughtful replies from our friends. What i really hope for you and your children is that the dark times are over, now that your daughter has got her diagnosis and will hopefully get the right support. Its been so hard for you for so long now, and i have some understanding of the angst and frustration, due to the problems i have had with my son. I think they hit out at us mums because we have had problems with drink . They are very clever and know how to use it against us, no matter what we do for them. They are still children, even though they believe they know everything. My son is an adult now but would not accept the counselling we took him to as a young teenager. It was offered to him on numerous occasions, but i think it is hard for teenage boys to talk about their feelings. Hopefully your daughter will really benefit from her supports. Take care yourself Faith, i hope you are ok xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Shadowlad
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Re: Our kids

Post by Shadowlad » 19 Jun 2018 23:04

:cry: :cry: :cry: :( :(
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

BizzyBee
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Re: Our kids

Post by BizzyBee » 19 Jun 2018 23:13

Shadowlad wrote::cry: :cry: :cry: :( :(

What's up shadow? Are you ok?
Or are the faces a reaction to other posts above?
X

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Shadowlad
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Re: Our kids

Post by Shadowlad » 19 Jun 2018 23:16

I'm feeling quite sick at some news about my son today. Can't go into detail but have a lot of anxiety right now. Sorry, the faces were just how i am feeling xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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faith2be
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Re: Our kids

Post by faith2be » 19 Jun 2018 23:59

Oh Nicky <:)> <:)> <:)>

You have written a bit vaguely about him before and I get the gist. I'm sorry.
I hope its not life threatening or something else major.
Thinking of you, my dear <:)>
Definition of recovery:
1) "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength"
2) "the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost"

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Topcat
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Re: Our kids

Post by Topcat » 20 Jun 2018 08:33

Shadowlad wrote:I'm feeling quite sick at some news about my son today.
So sorry to hear that Nicky. I hope things work out well for him and yourself. Thoughts are with you. Take care xx <:)>
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SueDenim
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Re: Our kids

Post by SueDenim » 20 Jun 2018 09:05

Sorry you are worried, Nicky. I hope it all works out for the best. <:)>
x

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Trojan
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Re: Our kids

Post by Trojan » 20 Jun 2018 09:15

Nicky, I’m sorry to hear that worries have returned.

Wishing the best for both of you. Take care <:)>
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Shadowlad
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Re: Our kids

Post by Shadowlad » 24 Jun 2018 13:52

Thank you x
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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faith2be
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Re: Our kids

Post by faith2be » 28 Jun 2018 16:40

Nicky, hope you're doing ok.
We're all still thinking of you <:)>
Definition of recovery:
1) "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength"
2) "the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost"

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Shadowlad
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Re: Our kids

Post by Shadowlad » 28 Jun 2018 18:37

Thanks Faith, im ok and coming to terms with some upsetting circumstances. Anxiety and grief is ongoing but comes in waves. Life still goes on though.

How are you Faith ? <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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