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The relationship I have with myself.......

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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Lush4life
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Lush4life » 27 Oct 2018 10:53

Spats wrote:
22 Oct 2018 09:24
I’m currently finding that I’m asking myself not why I drink and why I’ve been drinking this way for so long, but rather why I want to put myself through this trial of reaching sobriety. What/who is the reason for me to get to the end of this road and regain an alcohol free life?
I can only assume drinking effects you during & after in a negative way ?
I know for sure (drunkenness aside) the way I felt was deeply anxious, depressed, hopeless out of control the list is endless really, not many positive points I can think of , yep it's relaxing, inviting and alluring to " check out" of our lives for a few hours, and at times I'd still like to do that, but I know with absolute certainty I cannot get away with it anymore;
The price too high, for a few hours of " perceived" pleasure .
Being sober I can "check in" to my life ,... for the good, bad and downright crappy days too, facing most stuff with clarity and calm.
There has for me been many benefits to remaining sober and not least the freedom from crippling anxiety this would be high on my list . I now have moments of calm in a way I don't believe I would have ever noticed before, like a deep happy sigh within, hard to explain am sorry.
So who/what am I doing this for you ask???
Me... I'm doing this for me ; cos no one but me could truly know how bad I felt inside, my spirit was broke and my life a mess , my family devastated. 😐
It's not easy Spats, but not as hard as living a life where drink is left, right and centre of your mind (talking about my past self)
You can do this if you want it enough. 😉
Will it be hard ? Yep;
Will it be worth it ?
A big fat YES 😃
Sobriety is never owned ; it's rented
And rent is due Every day.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Spats » 27 Oct 2018 14:43

Thanks Lushie, looking back I wrote that post the morning after being under the influence and not being sure of myself. A few things have happened since which have helped to reinforce my commitment to myself on my path to sobriety, or more importantly to abstinence. I know that if I start to buy one bottle of wine it will move on to a second and eventually towards a third because I’ll lose so much more of myself. To become teetotal will lead to a better future with improved relationships, friendships and ability to enjoy and deal with more experiences.

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Sandy
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Sandy » 27 Oct 2018 17:44

Lush4life wrote:
27 Oct 2018 10:53
Spats wrote:
22 Oct 2018 09:24
I’m currently finding that I’m asking myself not why I drink and why I’ve been drinking this way for so long, but rather why I want to put myself through this trial of reaching sobriety. What/who is the reason for me to get to the end of this road and regain an alcohol free life?
I can only assume drinking effects you during & after in a negative way ?
I know for sure (drunkenness aside) the way I felt was deeply anxious, depressed, hopeless out of control the list is endless really, not many positive points I can think of , yep it's relaxing, inviting and alluring to " check out" of our lives for a few hours, and at times I'd still like to do that, but I know with absolute certainty I cannot get away with it anymore;
The price too high, for a few hours of " perceived" pleasure .
Being sober I can "check in" to my life ,... for the good, bad and downright crappy days too, facing most stuff with clarity and calm.
There has for me been many benefits to remaining sober and not least the freedom from crippling anxiety this would be high on my list . I now have moments of calm in a way I don't believe I would have ever noticed before, like a deep happy sigh within, hard to explain am sorry.
So who/what am I doing this for you ask???
Me... I'm doing this for me ; cos no one but me could truly know how bad I felt inside, my spirit was broke and my life a mess , my family devastated. 😐
It's not easy Spats, but not as hard as living a life where drink is left, right and centre of your mind (talking about my past self)
You can do this if you want it enough. 😉
Will it be hard ? Yep;
Will it be worth it ?
A big fat YES 😃
exactly me too Lushie <:)> <:)>

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Cowboy
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Cowboy » 03 Nov 2018 20:21

Being sober helps me with my critic. The longer I am sober the more confidence I gain. From there it's not a great stretch to beginning seeing the critic for what he is. An inner voice that feeds fear of what is come, guilt for what is past and ignorance of the present. I fight that voice now. I tell that voice where to go in no uncertain terms. I don't drink to drown that voice out any more. It is so liberating to fight for yourself and win. You're getting smaller critic. Go bug someone else. I'm not listening to your shit anymore. I'm enjoying my life. I'm enjoying my time on the planet this day. This hour. This minute. Watch while I quit drinking and fix my relationship with myself mr critic.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Tai
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Tai » 04 Nov 2018 07:23

Cowboy wrote:
03 Nov 2018 20:21
Being sober helps me with my critic. The longer I am sober the more confidence I gain. From there it's not a great stretch to beginning seeing the critic for what he is. An inner voice that feeds fear of what is come, guilt for what is past and ignorance of the present. I fight that voice now. I tell that voice where to go in no uncertain terms. I don't drink to drown that voice out any more. It is so liberating to fight for yourself and win. You're getting smaller critic. Go bug someone else. I'm not listening to your shit anymore. I'm enjoying my life. I'm enjoying my time on the planet this day. This hour. This minute. Watch while I quit drinking and fix my relationship with myself mr critic.
I LOVE this. It is indeed very liberating to fight yourself and win. Nothing diminishes our inner critic more effectively than staying sober and enjoying the process of reclaiming our lives. So good to read your post Cowboy. You keep on with the winning buddy <:)>
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
Khalil Gibran

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Cowboy » 05 Nov 2018 11:32

Thanks for that Jos. It's a long road and I'm getting there. Totally enjoying the scenery through my anti-alcohol glasses along the way. Life is just so much easier and my relationship with myself alcohol free? No comparison. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Cowboy » 07 Nov 2018 23:36

Not sure if it is because I am sober or not but I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. I was all stressed about work and deliverables and co-workers and … well … just work-related bullshit. Normally when I would get in this state of mind I would reach for a drink to apparently calm myself down (which never happened btw). This time I was stressing and a rather loud thought popped into my head.

It's just not THAT important.

This was immediately followed by a bunch of other very comforting thoughts. Isn't it amazing how much better your brain works when it's not soaked in alcohol?

My relationship with myself is getting better and better without alcohol.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by faith2be » 08 Nov 2018 20:58

Me too Cowboy. Well said.
I feel better aboit myself when iff the booze and so it follows that every other aspect of life also is better ;)?
Definition of recovery:
1) "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength"
2) "the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost"

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 15 Nov 2018 20:16

Cowboy wrote:
07 Nov 2018 23:36
My relationship with myself is getting better and better without alcohol.
That is so good to read Cowboy <:)>
faith2be wrote:
08 Nov 2018 20:58
I feel better aboit myself when iff the booze and so it follows that every other aspect of life also is better
Yes i relate to this too Faith. Even when other aspects of life are not as planned or pretty rubbish, i still feel proud about being sober. Every other aspect of life has a chance of getting better quicker too without alcohol in the mix. <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Cowboy » 18 Nov 2018 11:14

My big voice overruled my drinking voice yesterday. It was a big hurdle for me. I have fought poorly and lost THAT particular fight before. Forgive me. I was feeling sorry for myself. I even got on the Wobble Thread and whined about how difficult this is but I took that post down. There are people out there with sickness they can't resolve with any amount of medication. There are people out there who have lost people close to them or are in a relationship that is crumbling right before their eyes. I'm fortunate in that I have none of those problems. My problem is self inflicted and beside I have the key to the castle in my hands. I just have to use it. I'm ever so slowly beginning to figure this out. Stubborn cowboy that I am. It's safe in the loft if I want it to be.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 18 Nov 2018 16:58

What an honest and insightful post Cowboy. :)
Cowboy wrote:
18 Nov 2018 11:14
I have the key to the castle in my hands. I just have to use it. I'm ever so slowly beginning to figure this out.
Yes this is just what happens, we really don't see until we see. It excites me reading this particular post of yours and i really do wish you well. It's pretty normal for those annoying thoughts to come in for a while but the more we listen to our rational voice, the quieter the other thoughts become. One foot in front of the other, you really do have the key as you say and nobody can take that away from you friend :D <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Cowboy » 06 Feb 2019 14:02

I'm bumping this thread because it is one of my favourites in these parts. AND ... I am hoping to see our wonderful spotty pants lady may sign on. If you are out there Jo I hope that all is well.

Geez is my relationship with myself ever better without booze. Still a long, long way to go and I will always have those battles with myself but there is an acceptance to the fact that I am addicted to alcohol and ... well ... I have a mental illness. My brain at times seems to think that drinking is a good idea. My brain conveniently unremembers all of those times that I have royally screwed up because of alcohol. All of those times that I have been sick to my stomach because of alcohol. I have, with self approval, chosen drinking over other more important and real life events - like watching my kids grow up.

It's OK though. That's all in the past. It's taken me almost 10 years back and forth with this addiction and I really feel I have turned a corner. I can deal with stress - without alcohol. I can deal with unhappiness - without alcohol. I can deal with happiness without alcohol. I can feel really, really good and when those thoughts about feeling even better with a drink I shut down those thoughts immediately. I don't give them even a chance to grow. I know from experience where that kind of thinking will ultimately lead.

Just hanging out in the loft - sober and loving it.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 27 Feb 2019 05:53

Hey Cowboy, I second your request that our lovely spottypants return to enhance our lives

Joanne please come back, your humour .and yourself are missed, greatly (::)
The fact that I use the really, really original spelling of the word HUMOUR should give you at least a hint that we MISS you!
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by AnnaL » 20 Mar 2019 03:24

This morning it occurred to me that I'm not worthless.
I can have goals and dreams or I can drink.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 20 Mar 2019 09:41

Howdy AnnaL,
Nice to read your comment.That is a big step. It fit with some notes I was reading on mirror work. Something which was always uncomfortable for me. Lately I can do more of it. It may be because I have learned to not take myself so seriously. Hard to do when fighting a killer hangover the morning after. Looking in the mirror we can give ourselves what we need.

For Attention we can look and say ‘I see you’
For Appreciation we can look say ‘I think you are great’
For Affection we can look and say ‘I love you’

Or anything else we would like to tell ourselves. For me to do this type of thing feels like achieving some kind of inner alchemy where I am becoming more complete inside and no longer lonely, making me nicer to be around. More playful. Alcohol actually made me a sad sack.

Here’s a movie clip on mirror work.

0EC751EC-DC0F-4CDC-911E-E4A35129A18D.jpeg
The relationship we have with ourselves
0EC751EC-DC0F-4CDC-911E-E4A35129A18D.jpeg (72.77 KiB) Viewed 843 times

Click here to play
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l7WkQmODmxE
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by AnnaL » 20 Mar 2019 14:17

DoneandDone wrote:
20 Mar 2019 09:41
Howdy AnnaL,
Nice to read your comment.That is a big step. It fit with some notes I was reading on mirror work. Something which was always uncomfortable for me. Lately I can do more of it. It may be because I have learned to not take myself so seriously. Hard to do when fighting a killer hangover the morning after. Looking in the mirror we can give ourselves what we need.

For Attention we can look and say ‘I see you’
For Appreciation we can look say ‘I think you are great’
For Affection we can look and say ‘I love you’

Or anything else we would like to tell ourselves. For me to do this type of thing feels like achieving some kind of inner alchemy where I am becoming more complete inside and no longer lonely, making me nicer to be around. More playful. Alcohol actually made me a sad sack.
Thank you so much for this, DoneandDone. It's lovely! I've never been able to do mirror work either. I always tossed it off as hokey, but the truth was I just couldn't, even though I inwardly saw its value. I appreciate your supportive and kind post. This is such a journey and, for me, it's just starting. (Again.)
I can have goals and dreams or I can drink.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Spats » 20 Mar 2019 17:35

Thought provoking DD. Over the years people have told me how they see me as a person and I graciously accepted their opinion. But then thought am I really like that and promptly forgot about it. I can step back now and appreciate their opinions but... there’s always a but.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 21 Mar 2019 00:54

AnnaL, I don't think I have ever read one sentence that said so much in so few words and it is so true.

Feeling worthless or less than others is one of the reasons many people drink. It is basically insecurity that has been instilled in us throughout our lives. It is a great feeling when you can see through the fog and understand that we are not the sum of what others think, we are who we are and we should be very proud of ourselves. (::)

DD I have not heard of this before. The clip is very powerful, thank you.

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by AnnaL » 21 Mar 2019 15:31

Thank you free flow. It's so true.

One thing about this realization is that it's made changing several other things in my life a priority. My job for one. I know now that I can't continue working in one particular environment and have set a plan in motion to be mostly out of it within three months. I never could have seen my way through it drinking.

Even if all the other benefits of drinking didn't exist, finally being able to feel gentle with myself has been so strange, so welcomed, and so valuable. I never knew you could live without hating yourself below the surface.
I can have goals and dreams or I can drink.

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 27 Mar 2019 11:28

Hi all,

Notes I was reading this morning could be tagged ‘self care’ so putting them here in the event they are helpful. Getting and staying alcohol free abstinent sober calm cool and collected is about taking care of myself in a positive way. Still learning how to do that. I had a lot of rationalizations, bad habits and excuses.

Developing communication skills that help you advocate for needs and defend boundaries.

Finding the power to say no

Selecting situations where you can make a difference and minimizing situations where you can’t. Some situations are inherently disempowering. Noticing when you do have an effect on a situation.

You can’t grow your sense of power if you keep overlooking times when you are effective. You must take in experiences of success. Notice and acknowledge.

Learning to change your self-talk to move from a pattern of negative assessment to something positive, compassionate, and objective.

Sensing strength in your body. Doing anything that increases your awareness of your body.

Working through the issues that have blocked your power.

Learning how to locate resources to help with specific needs. Being empowered doesn’t mean you have to do everything all by yourself.


Alcohol did not help me take care of myself or feel empowered. Interfered completely.
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

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