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The relationship I have with myself.......

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 29 Mar 2019 18:24

Morning notes

Found this nugget sharing in case it is of help anyone. We don’t have to wait for love to come along. We can can give it to ourselves. You yourself are all you need. Then you can give to others. Unlock the gate in your heart where love flows. Get rid of unforgivenss. Remind yourself they didn’t understand. Then it makes it easier to forgive. The more I practice this, the lighter I feel. I was storing a lot of hurt.

Healing messages to give yourself.

• I’m glad that you’re here. • I see you. • You are special to me. • I respect you. • I love you. • Your needs are important to me. You can turn to me for help. • I am here for you. I’ll make time for you. • I’ll keep you safe.

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Remember who you are.
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It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

TrueState
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by TrueState » 29 Mar 2019 18:57

DoneandDone wrote:
29 Mar 2019 18:24
Get rid of unforgivenss. Remind yourself they didn’t understand. Then it makes it easier to forgive. The more I practice this, the lighter I feel. I was storing a lot of hurt.
This is quite pertinent to me D&D (why I love your posts). I find it very hard to forgive....I think because I spent so long feeling that I had no control over how I was treated by others, feeling like I just had to along with things. Forgiveness is within my control I can have lines in the sand and if you cross them I do not have to forgive. But you are right I am just storing hurt routing myself in not nice places.
Cheers D&D

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 31 Mar 2019 14:40

Hey TS , I responded to this over on the Lent thread. It doesn’t matter how many times you may wobble or fall or how anxious. Keep yourself going towards your goal. That you set for yourself. You know yourself best. It will be hard but you have to make yourself your priority. Then anything harmful will fall away naturally. When we overgive and take in others pain we turn to alcohol. It soothes definitely. But it does not last. And our problems get worse. Think how proud your boys will be to see your clear eyes and happiness return. Lots of love. D&D
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 01 Apr 2019 14:01

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I may have to rewatch that matrix movie.
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

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free flow
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 01 Apr 2019 16:28

Hey D&D, I have often wondered if that movie is perhaps more real than the reality we perceive as our conscious world.

Think I'll ponder this whilst the blood rushes to my head ()o
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The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 03 Apr 2019 10:57

Hi Freeflow,
Love that cat. They know how to stretch.
The movie is brought up often I find. I hear ‘You know like in the movie The Matrix’.
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Surprising what you can do when you put your mind to it
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Neo dedicated himself to being a student, trying to be aware at all times. The waking up part we resist, we want to keep dreaming. Alcohol keeps us in the dream state or I should say nightmare.

Here is some of Neo type mind training below. HALT techniques work this kind of mindfulness I think. Putting you in the now moment. Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired ? Asking these questions when trouble starts helps us be conscious. Most of the time my right hand doesnt know what my left hand is doing. But that is changing and I am way happier. Not hiding from myself. In denial.

Three things to keep in mind at all times for waking up from our dream state. We need to know the subject, that is ourselves, the object, what are we looking at and the location, our purpose.

* Subject: To not fall into the forgetting of oneself before any representation.
* Object: To observe everything, every representation, every fact, every event, no matter how insignificant the latter may seem, in detail, without forgetting oneself.
* Location: The rigorous observation of the place where we may be; ask ourselves, “What place is this?  Why am I here?”

This is useful for many situations. We don’t have to judge or react. Just observe. Very difficult to do three sheets to the wind with an enflamed ego. We don’t have to ever have the feeling in the morning of ‘what the hell did I do last night?’ We don’t remember because we weren’t really there. We were sleepwalking.

Recovery is 24/7 no doubt about it. Sometimes I wonder if I would have started this journey to waking up if I hadn’t descended into the disaster of my drinking days. Hmmmmm.
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 05 Apr 2019 13:45

Trying to program my self talk with positive inputs. Today I had this in my notes. I also look at beautiful art everyday.
Still not painting everyday like I planned. Painted once in March. Let’s see if I can do better in April.
This belongs over on the To Do thread. Too embarrassed. Lol The list I made a month ago almost complete. Not quite.

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‘A Courtyard in Moscow’ 1878 Vasily Polenov
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Developing my personal list of commandments. This is for a start.

1. Remember you are of Divine source
2. Know the Universe is pure infinite wisdom and love
3. Know that separation is an illusion.
4. Question everything
5. Commit to seeking the truth
6. Open your heart. Keep it open.
7. You must give to receive
8. Universe is always in motion. Let things go.
9. Surround yourself with people committed to the path
10.Use your talents. Be a co creator everyday
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

Luckychap
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Luckychap » 05 Apr 2019 19:51

Love that d&d , do you follow Esther hicks ? I find that kind of thing really useful when I tube in to it x

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 07 Apr 2019 09:58

Hey Luckychap.
I read Esther Hicks a while ago. At the time she was too far out for me. Ha ha. I’ve come along way. Hope you are doing just fine and dandy. Helps to post on BE doesn’t it? Something about it. I’ll give Esther Hicks a new listen.
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 07 Apr 2019 10:41

Hello D&D and everyone here <:)>

My relationship with self is up and down even after years sober, but all is good at present. Its a hard balance to continue with self improvement, without being too hard on oneself. My experience is that the kinder i can be to myself, the kinder and more compassionate i can be to other people. Forgiving myself for mistakes, for human imperfections and all that, and trying not to 'take on' family member's mistakes and imperfections. Its so freeing to be sober and accountable to self only x
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 07 Apr 2019 11:04

Hi dear Nicky
Always good to hear wise words from you <:)>
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

Luckychap
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Luckychap » 07 Apr 2019 18:30

Hi D&D yeah I find it hard going but once you tune in it seems on a spiritual level with his you seem x I am listening toanxiety help on you tube at the moment x

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 11 Apr 2019 03:47

Luckychap wrote:
07 Apr 2019 18:30
Hi D&D yeah I find it hard going but once you tune in it seems on a spiritual level with his you seem x I am listening toanxiety help on you tube at the moment x
Hey Luckychap,
I see you wrote this a bit ago. Thanks for Hicks recommend. I will look into. There’s a good book just came to mind to recommend to you. ‘When Things Fall Apart’ by Pema Chodron. Buddhist nun shares how to face our pain and problems. Hugs.
It will always and forever be One Day At A Time

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 11 Apr 2019 04:26

Having a good relationship with myself means being open to the truth, not being in denial and making beneficial choices.

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Energy is all on the right. Left is empty with not much energy. I get to choose the direction I want to go.
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The end result here is that we suffer. We use our energies to cultivate and strengthen all these unconscious and subconscious desires, fears, anxieties, cravings, aversions, all of that impurity that surges the mind, about which we do not know because we are in darkness.

We are blind; we do not even see ourselves. Instead, our eyes are only opened to our desires. We see everything through our desires and in relation to our desires. We are so enslaved by our inner impurities that we do not even realize it. For us, life is just the pursuit of desires. That is why we suffer.

We do not see the facts of our life, the truth of what is around us, because our perceptions are filtered by our resentments, by our memories, by our desires, by our fears. We only allow ourselves to see according to what we want to see. We do not want to see the truth, and that is why we are blind.


Author unknown. Be well peeps.
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JK
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by JK » 12 Apr 2019 07:16

Hello all.
Again not quite sure where to post. But here might be ok.
I'm just wondering if anyone has heard of, or has experience of, something called sensory processing sensitivity ? . . . That's the medical name. . . . The more common term is highly sensitive person. . But I don't really like that name because it can give a rather negative image.
I've recently found out about this and realised that is something that I have been trying but failing to cope with all my life.
It's really hard to live with at the moment.

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Trojan
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Trojan » 12 Apr 2019 07:39

Susannah Conway has a website that you might find helpful...

www.susannahconway.com

Try a google search for “hsp site:susannahconway.com”
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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JK
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by JK » 12 Apr 2019 08:25

Thank you

DoneandDone
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by DoneandDone » 30 Apr 2019 14:49

Hello JK, Trojan and BE peeps,

I believe it could be safely said folks who become addicted have sensitive natures. I can relate completely JK. Some of it genetic. Some environmentally induced. Whatever the source once we recognize we are like this, self compassion is the solution. I signed up for the Susannah Conway newsletter Trojan. Thank you for the link. Who can't benefit from getting a love letter everyday. It is great to find so many resources for healing. One of the perks of technology.

I am continuing to work on the relationship I have with my sensitive self like my hair is on fire. I understand completely now that if I do not resolve the hurts and get rid of any unforgiveness I will be unable to be centered and content. It is hard going. The following is something I am working with for Inner child work. You may need to do this with the support of a therapist.

Please note peeps. I say this with love and affection for all in the BE community. If I were still drinking I would not go near such self inquiry. Sobriety is required to heal child hood wounds. Absolutely. Attempting to answer such questions while emotionally unbalanced by addiction to alcohol will cause more harm than good. Essentially I didn't have a relationship with myself while drinking. I had one one with a bottle. Grateful now for every second of sobriety. BE big part of it. <:)> <:)> <:)>

Self Inquiry Healing Childhood Wounds

When was the first time I remember feeling deeply wounded by someone I believed I needed to approve of me?

When was the first time I fantasized about being rescued or about rescuing?

How have I attached to things, or people outside of myself to avoid the pain of inner alienation?

As a child, when did love and kindness not come back to me?

As an adult, when has love, compassion, empathy and kindness not come back to me?

When in my adult life have I been aware I violated my own boundaries?

When in my adult life have I known others were violating my boundaries?

When have I ignored when I have felt others were violating my boundaries?

When in my adult life do I act out of fear rather than from a sense of power?

How can I learn to become more comfortable in my own skin, listening to my own heart?

How can I become more comfortable with being uncomfortable when others do not approve of me?

How can I learn to stop seeking others approval?

Message to give yourself

You have not been born to stay small, or to fear what others think.
You have no control over what others think. Others have no control of what you think.
Your own subconscious programs are controlling you. NOT other people.
You are enough! You are a creator. You are here to expand your understanding. To grow.
You are not here to stay small or to fear what others think.


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Give yourself the gift of healing your inner child so you can grow
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Trojan
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Trojan » 30 Apr 2019 19:50

DoneandDone, thanks for sharing this :)

Tara Brach has a good approach to gently exploring emotions and beliefs. I have taken a lot from her RAIN approach...

https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 04 May 2019 13:51

Hi there Trojan, DoneandDone, JK and all here <:)>

I am with you on the self compassion journey. Its great to have so many resources online, thanks for sharing. Over the years, since i became sober, i have done a lot of work on healing old wounds and there seems to have been a shift in thinking/beliefs. Its taken a long time, and i still do still struggle with self compassion, but life seems pretty stable at present. Last year was honestly the worst year for extreme negative events, with trauma impacting on myself and close family members. This year however, has seen a steady upward trend, and it is largely due to a willingness to accept 'what is' rather than dwell for too long on 'what could or should have been'.

For me the Serenity Prayer still holds a special place in my heart, for it has given me courage and belief to change. Divorcing from alcohol was hard at first but i know it can never have a place in my life now. There would be no relationship with self if i brought it back, and im certain it would rob me of precious relationships that have grown and evolved since i became sober.

So onwards it is, and it is with much love and gratitude that i can share this journey with you <:)>

Nicky xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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