Hey True State,
I really like your moniker. I wish I was from True State, but I’m from New York.
Nice to read confirmation of someone having a similar experience about the suffering piece. I mean I have read or heard or was taught about the suffering and struggles of spiritual heroes all my life, but then for some reason I expected my own journey to be a cake walk? How did that happen that I couldn’t get no satisfaction? Some man coming on the radio telling me how white my shirts should be is how. Ha ha.
Had this stuck on my wall
I am beginning to accept the paradox that in my life script, becoming addicted led me to being happy in the end. Thinking like this is the only way out for me of not being permanently disabled by regret. To take the negative as learning, to see it as a gift that opened my eyes to the truth that what matters is my internal state. Maybe that is also the meaning of the phrase about the road to excess leading to the palace of wisdom. Other’s thoughts on the meaning very welcome.
By happy I really mean being content with whatever is happening. It’s not about winning or losing or getting and spending now. I think I have gotten past that through having hit the bottom of way too many vodka bottles. Now I am able to suspend my judgement a bit and not conclude something is good or bad while I am experiencing it. If I can manage to stay neutral some kind of door in my reality opens. Only if I can remember to observe and not judge. Things are beginning to happen that I was not expecting and they are often quite good or at least tolerable. Instead of me laying on more drama. Even if I do get triggered, at least now there is not the additional alcohol induced tantrum about it.
Getting way too intellectual, some of this has to do what the academics call the Apollo Dionysian complexes. People like Carl Jung etc. The games the gods like to play with human emotion are still active in our subconscious programming according to these scholars and are reinforced by our history, education, myths, movies and music. These programs run in the background compelling us to act against our best interest. Even if we don’t think so. This is hard for me to believe sometimes. I thought they were just distracting or entertaining stories.
This is what Allen Carr was all about helping people learn to identify. The subconscious programming we operate from that makes it so hard to quit. Basically Carr showed me the door to my super powers. By that I mean that I learned that it is up to me whether I am wallowing in misery or moving through life with gratitude for how exciting life really is now that I know I am in the driver’s seat. I run my universe.
Here’s a link on Carr I found. Just glanced so far, but it looked interesting. About the man himself.
Goes into why the medical profession was at odds with Carr. Our personal autonomy is involved with getting over addiction and most doctors I have found see themselves as gods and have rarely had much interest in my ideas or empowerment. Carr put me in control of my drinking and not dependent on him. Showed me the power of my conditioning and that I could change it.
There’s a whole world of things to think about and do now sober. So glad you are getting a taste of just how good it can be.