I don't know if I can compare my experience to yours but my relationship was under tremendous stress because of my drinking at one point. My wife didn't understand it either and kept hammering on the message "you have to stop".... Anyone here can tell you that there is a world of difference between *knowing* you should stop and stopping.... unfortunately partners who don't drink sometimes don't make the link.newhorizons wrote: If anyone has any experiences or help to offer, I'd be grateful. I feel very alone.
Your man doesn't appear to understand it and neither did my wife at first.
For me, the big change in my relationship started when I told her (during an emotional confrontation) "I can't".....(which was closely followed by "I need help"). Only then did the coin fall with her. In my case she was quick on the uptake because she's a counselor who spent years working with homeless hard-drugs addicts (which you would think would have helped but actually only made her more spastic about my growing addiction... counselors are people too, evidently). As long as I kept denying it, I guess she could too.... but when I threw the towel in the ring and admitted that I couldn't control it then the changes started to happen.... and they happened fast.
Fast forward a bit and I'm not the uber-cool Indiana Jones I was in my youth but I don't feel like such a loser anymore..... a few days ago my wife, children and a close family friend took a moment during the evening meal and literally cheered and applauded that I had reached a new milestone in recovery. My daughter started to cry and so did I.
That moment was significant to me because where a year ago I wouldn't even admit it... let alone talk about it.... A year later... because I opened my arms and said, "I need help", I have a group of people around me who are as determined to drag me out of my early grave as I am.... and I have to say... moving mountains is easier if you have help.