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S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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Tink
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S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Tink » 06 Sep 2011 16:55

HOW MANY CHANGES WE GO THROUGH! Life in general is full of them but in recovery, we go through a lot. This is just a place to record some of them if ya want...

Today my 3 little pixies start school. Where did that time go? Happy for them and a bit melancholy too. When I see them as I did my own son's taking their book bag and lunch, getting all spiffed up and walking down that side walk into the school it is like I am watching them start to walk away from me and truthfully they are. Nature and how it is meant to be.

I am so grateful for getting to share so much with them. Some don't get that with their grand kids as they live far away. I am blessed for sure getting to be such a part of their lives. I have learned so much and will learn more from them. Brave, smart, sweet, funny and wonderful girls they are. I forgot talented as well. :D I can brag cause I am a granny and have a granny license.

I owe my sobriety to their love, their inspiration and my desire to be there for them. Bless them and keep them. What will the future bring? Only time will tell and we shall take it one day at a time.

I can't wait to hear all about it this week when I pick them up and get to see all the new things they will have learned. How cool is that?

I am good and getting ready myself to start back to classes. Closer and closer to my two years of sobriety, living a better life and becoming the person I am meant to be. We never stop learning and if we do it is like being dead I think?

I will be posting here now as I want to record my journey here and when I have more time I hope to go back to the start of it all for me and see just how far it has come. A long long road but a good one.

Love,
Tink <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Boris Bike
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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Boris Bike » 06 Sep 2011 19:24

I'm a bit too early in the sobriety journey to start looking out for stages (unless feeling like crap turning into feeling quite good counts) but I look forward to your updates, Tink.

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by chrissy 101 » 10 Sep 2011 23:41

Hi Tink, good idea for a thread. I am obviously in the early days (ten weeks) but I have seen some changes. I have my memory back, money is more organised. I tried to find activities to fill the void left by alcohol and have found cycling again. I would have never made this change whilst drinking. I would have been too busy wanting to get back to open a bottle of wine!!!!!

These are all positives and I am grateful for them.
Chrissy 101 - In many cases people forget our "episodes" quicker than we do...but maybe this is the kind of "final straw" thing for you, a kind of push for you to decide whether you cut down or abstain completely. (Sandy) 1st July 2011

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Tink » 19 Sep 2011 13:03

First day back to class. Loads of changes and love the posts here. I will be in later for a talk with my other family tonight. :) love to all and now off to school I go. X
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by chick 2 » 19 Sep 2011 18:26

Tink wrote:First day back to class. Loads of changes and love the posts here. I will be in later for a talk with my other family tonight. :) love to all and now off to school I go. X

Sorry i wasnt around ...thanks for the message <:)> <:)> .....hope the day went well ...Go Pixie Go (::)
If life throws you lemons....make lemonade x

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Boris Bike
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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Boris Bike » 19 Sep 2011 18:27

naomi7 wrote:I am finding posting on BE is getting harder
Just curious, in what way? Finding time? Emotionally?

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Boris Bike » 07 Oct 2011 18:30

Whoops! Sorry for not replying sooner Naomi. I'm not so keyed in to BE as I was in my first week or two and I have neglected this thread.

Yes, I'm finding 7 weeks pretty good, I guess. I'm finding myself somewhat agitated and/or frustrated today. Nothing I can't handle but bloomin' irritating.

If sharing your experience is all you feel comfortable doing at the moment, then I say go for it. There seems to be quite a few regulars about that are giving solid advice so you needn't feel as if you're being selfish or anything like that. And I think sharing is helpful to others in itself anyway.

Although BE is a great help and very valuable as a resource I'd say that making your family and work the priority is only natural, so just pop in when you feel it will help you I'd say.

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Tink » 16 Oct 2011 07:48

Well, since I started this thread I figure I should show up now and again. LOL, I am going through some real changes at the moment. I have looked seriously into getting a divorce as I went to a lawyer the other day. Found out just what I have to do to get out of this cage. I have a lot to do it seems. Gotta get about 5oo.oo plus about 5000.00 put aside so I can have a good exit plan. Between that and school, the kids and family as well as OH and his horrible attitude I am very worn down. However, sobriety is the key to it all. If I just hang on, stay focused and try not to let my anxiety kill me I will survive and prevail. Well, that is my plan anyhow. I feel tired, dizzy and weak but I at least do not have a hangover and can think straight.

Seems my lawyer thinks OH is a bit dangerous and maybe he is? He is strangely quiet, he is a pharmacist and has access to things. So, I am keeping my eye open when I sleep too! LOL. Good thing is I am faster, smarter and have my teddy phone with me at all times. Lawyer says to call 911 first then her on speed dial. Truth is I just wanna go now but no access to the funds as he has them all tied up neatly so as it is very hard for me to get to them. He gives me a card so he can track everything I do and gives me about 1oo.00 a week to live on. Fair enough but not much I can do with it cause I have 80.00 in gas a week plus food ect. The card is for only emergencies he says and if I suddenly take money on it then he has a heads up. I wanted to sit him down and just talk it over like adults however to the input from my lawyer, my family and his actions of late don't think that is gonna pan.

So, how do I get the cash? Hmmm? Damn dilemmas. I could sell a few of my paintings but really do not want to. The ones I have I want to keep and pass down cause they are my best. Maybe I can go to one of my professors and councilor and get a job? Yep, I think that is what I will have to do. I can work a few days a week and go to class. Still have time for my kids as well I hope but hey, life is not a bowl of cherries or at least not yet.

I will try to keep you all informed and keep at it. I keep you all in my heart and carry you with me down this road and right now it feels like the part of the road in the Wizard of OZ where the monkeys picked them all up and carried them away. LOL. Kinda dark and icky. Lions and tigers and bears oh my. Well, if I can cage that monster the EAF then I suppose I can break out of this cage and escape the wicked prick of the west aye? Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

If we loose our since of humor we have lost it all so laugh with me cause I know ya ain't laughing at me mates. My trusted and loving but a bit dysfunctional family I love you all and gain courage as well as support here. Don't know what I would do without you all and love you all to bits. Sorry I am not around much but now you know why. So, wish me luck and keep me in your prayers if ya pray and if not just keep me in your heart and thoughts. Love to all. Hang in there mates it really does get better and there is a rainbow after the storm. <:)> ;)? ;)

Love you,
Tink <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Tink » 29 Nov 2011 17:30

Hello mates,
Long time no see. Been off in classes making myself a bit smarter I hope? LOL. Thanks JOS and Rag for the replies. <:)>
I am moving fast now through so much. Filed the separation, divorce is in progress and college is going by so fast. I have finished my quarter and now have an entire month off to try and get sorted. I haven't done anything for myself except class. Hair looks like a witch and nails are a mess. Need to find a house but can't do that till the divorce is done and that will be a month or so. I get the date soon and by that I hope it is in a few days. I am chomping at the bit to just get out of this house and on with my own life. I hate looking at all I am leaving behind and it is very hard. I tell myself though that like pulling a thorn out of a festering wound it will hurt till it comes out then I will feel much better. Still it is a loss and in saying that I allow myself to grieve a bit for it. Not so much for this marriage now because it has been over really a very long time. Like a dead body laying in the living room that no one wanted to take out and bury but it is getting buried now. This I suppose is the wake? :roll:
All and all life is alright. In the last few days I have done a bit of self evaluation and am facing my own faults and short comings so as to keep it real and honest with myself. In the last 22 years I have had OH to lean on sorta :roll: . I have had him to blame for many things and now I must learn to be totally accountable for myself and be it good or bad take reckoning for it. If I don't then I could end up drinking again.
See, if I am being honest with myself that knowing me I am a woman who loves a challenge and excels when I am up against it I must realize that no longer can I say well" OH is drinking but I am not. Look how great I am." Sounds messed up don't it? Well it is but maybe that is how I think? Not sure but maybe? Our minds can play tricks on us and that is how the EAF gets a foot in so I plan on covering all my bases and make sure I do listen to myself.
Been a long time since I been completely on my own if ever. Always been someones daughter, mother , wife ya know? Now I am me. Gotta makes sure I don't start to think about reintroduction now that I am free. Maybe I wasn't a full blown alcoholic but I can say if not I was surely on my way to it in a very short time and if I started to drink again I am certain that I would be in a very short time right back at a 12 pak a day. NO NO not for me. I am writing this so I and others who choose to read it know that it is never over. It is vigilance and persistence that wins this war. Although if I went to the drink I would not be at my first day sober ever again , I would have to start recovery again. I am wiser and have more tools so maybe it wouldn't last as long drinking that is but it would be so hard to ever stop again because to be honest I don't know how many recoveries I have in me? My life is finally going to be the way I want it and this is wonderful but is also a time to be very careful because it is the time I would normally sabotage myself. Anyone else ever feel like that? :geek:
So, I will be here for support and mind my P's and Q's till my feet are set into the path I have chosen for me. As long as I continue support and keep it honest and real I should be just fine. No urges right now just hyper vigilant and I think it is a good thing?
I am off now to go get a coffee and have a chat with a mate. Tomorrow I have my mom , take the dog to the vet and start to pack some of my stuff for a move that cannot come fast enough for me. LOL. Things here are peaceful at least and no arguing. Just uncomfortable and awkward. True peace hopefully will come when I am in my own home with my routine in place and my grand kids taring everything up and making a mess. LOL I won't be rich in money but I will be in peace, happiness and the reward of sobriety.

Love to all,
Tink <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by kateS » 30 Nov 2011 10:43

And those are worth so much more than money. A lovely positive post Tink. Well done for getting on with the divorce and moving out - it sounds like the very very best idea. Welcome to your new life! (::) Kate

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Re: S-S-S-STAGES of Recovery and Changes

Post by Tink » 30 Nov 2011 23:52

Thanks Kate X. luckiest thing I ever did was find you guys here at BE.

X
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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