Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

Well and truly ruined my marriage

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
Post Reply
Josiee
Posts: 68
Joined: 13 Sep 2011 20:00
Last Drink Date: 23 Oct 2011
Location: Usa
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by Josiee » 20 Sep 2011 13:45

The only thing you can do is get sober. Anything less just won't cut it. To be honest your relationship is probably over. By the time it gets to this point women have moved on in their minds months or even years ago. Trust me, I just went through this again. Life is lessons, so until you learn the lesson you have to learn it again.

But if you can get sober for 6 months or a year you might have a chance. Do it for your kids. They need a father. Thought I was doing just fine for a long time and it was the exact opposite.

Booze does so many things to your mind, emotions, nervous system etc. I don't even think the experts have any idea how powerful it is. Long term it's like an alien slowly taking control of you. And it makes you believe your fine the whole time. Like a horror movie.

Do anything, whatever it takes. Because 10 years is going to fly by and they will remember everything and you wont remember anything. If you are drinking more than a unit a day you are better off not even being around the kids.

User avatar
KraftyKat
Posts: 395
Joined: 06 Jul 2011 22:47
Last Drink Date: 28 Jun 2020
Location: England
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by KraftyKat » 21 Sep 2011 13:36

I was reading through the posts and mentally trying to compose a good reply but Joanne did it for me.
Your story could have been mine Joanne and I can agree with everything you said. Thank you for putting in a far more articulate way than I could ever have managed. xx KK
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

User avatar
KraftyKat
Posts: 395
Joined: 06 Jul 2011 22:47
Last Drink Date: 28 Jun 2020
Location: England
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by KraftyKat » 21 Sep 2011 14:41

Winker wrote:It was the 'going ballistic' over Space getting a bedsit specifically that she has no right to do
I wonder what "going ballistic" actually meant. I think if my late husband had done that I'd have felt a dreadful mix of relief, guilt for the relief and extreme worry about what condition he might get into without anyone to watch him.
It may not be very logical but, after dealing with a spouse's drinking for some time, logic sometimes ends up on the back seat.
I really hope Space can get help to help himself but his wife deserves some understanding too.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

Josiee
Posts: 68
Joined: 13 Sep 2011 20:00
Last Drink Date: 23 Oct 2011
Location: Usa
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by Josiee » 21 Sep 2011 23:57

I think what Joanne is trying to get across is that space should realize he may have quite a way to go to gain trust again. And just because he stopped drinking he cannot expect things to mend quickly. Not that he is expecting that, but she is trying to help him see it from the other point of view and keep his expectations realistic.

By the time someone is where he is so much damage has been done that fixing things will take a considerable amount of time.

It is a very long term project. Took years to get in the hole, it may take months or years to climb out if it. Personally, every time I tried it I was already in the hole alone. The other person was already gone.

I am glad you are doing ok. Hang in there.

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23473
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by Mark. » 22 Sep 2011 01:03

Great post, Josiee - and everyone else.

I think the beauty of Bright Eye should always be that we all feel free to offer differing advice on any given issue, based on our own differing experiences. It's then up to us as individuals to take and use what seems relevant from all the advice that has been suggested.

Apologies to all, but I've done a bit of "tidying" here as I felt that some posts had veered somewhat off-topic and were detracting rather a lot from the original purpose of the thread. If I've judged this wrongly, I apologise sincerely.

The main thing I want to say is well done, Space, for beginning to think about all this positively again. Very best of luck with absolutely everything! ;)? <:)>

Best wishes to all,
Mark
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

User avatar
powellct
Posts: 1101
Joined: 21 Feb 2009 11:45
Last Drink Date: 14 May 2010
Location: Aylesbury UK
Contact:

Re: Well and truly ruined my marriage

Post by powellct » 26 Sep 2011 16:57

Thoughts? I don't know what tidying Mark did, so I don't know the full history. If moving out is whats sorting things out, thats brilliant - at the end of the day you have to look after you. Your marriage may be dead and buried, it may not, but I wholeheartedly agree with the comments regarding staying dry (and being on your own is going to be a temptation).
A lot of people on here know I run a SMART Recovery group - have a look and see what you think of it (smartrecovery.org.uk - with Tobins blessing, before it gets deleted!). It may suit you, it may not, but I can assure you of one thing - carry on with the sauce and things will get worse. Just trust me on that one.
Remember YOU have to look after YOU - everything else falls out of that.

Col
Part of the SMART Recovery "Big Team"
www.smartrecovery.org.uk

Post Reply